Imagine Thorin using your babies as a way to prevent people from yelling at him
*le first time it happens*
You: *finally fell asleep after thirty six hours of labour*
Thorin: *napping on the couch in the living room with his two newborn daughters also napping on his chest*
Dis: *arrives at the mountain, is super pissed Fili lost his eye, and kicks in the door of Thorin's chambers*
Thorin: *jumps awake and moves to shield his children with his hands*
Dis: *yelling* I have a bone to pick with you.
Babies: *all hell breaks loose and they start to cry and flail*
Thorin: thank you for that sister, I had just gotten them to sleep. *begins to calm them, and coo at them*
Dis:*using a hushed tone* whose are they? *takes one from him and starts to bounce her gently in her arms*
Thorin: they are mine, quite a lot has happened in the last year and a half.
Dis: how old are they, they couldn't be more than a month old?
Thorin: you would be right, they are only a few hours old. Their mother is in the bed room sleeping, she was in labor for a day and a half.
Dis: what happened to Fili's eye?
Thorin: he lost it
Dis: yes, I noticed but how?
Thorin: a sword probably, why don't you ask him?
Dis: *grumbles at him, and gets slapped in the nose by the baby*
Dain: *comes yelling down the hall about Thranduil, but when he get to the doorway he stops yelling and starts whispering* PEBBLES! *goes over to Thorin and tries to steal the baby he is holding*
Thorin: *pulls the baby away from his cousin and growls* No, I just got her!
Dain: *looks at Dis*
Dis: *hiss at him and bares her teeth*
Dain: *pouts* I wanna hold a baby.
Dis: wait your turn then.
*the next morning*
Thorin: I'm taking one of the pebbles with me to work.
You: aw having some separation anxiety, my dear?
Thorin: no, nobody yells at me when I'm holding a baby, and if they try the wee one will out yell them.
You: nice, we'll swap them out ever two or so hours, so that they get feed enough and so there is at least a twenty minute window to get yelled at, not including diaper changes.
*later*
Thorin: *sitting on the throne with his oldest daughter asleep in one arm and a scroll in the other hand* this is the most peaceful day I've had since I killed Smaug.
