#7:27pm

[pukebaggy]

today i walked in circles for about 2 and a half hours. i like to pace too, but walking in circles makes more sense for watching the dogs at work.

[brunchthesurface]

Cake and ice cream is always a good combination.

[sadgh0st-y]

i hate being a mess. i hate spiraling out of control wandering through empty stores dancing and laughing in the kitchen crying in the bathroom i hate feeling hopeless and helpless and just like an overall fuck up a messy fuck up god i hate this

[sadgh0st-y]

weird day. i’m super down? out of nowhere too... i apologized to my mom for being so unreadable and closed up. i told her that i’d always thought my emotions were easy to read and that i thought she always knew what i was feeling without me having to say it. i hadn’t realized that she spent so many years in my silence... it must’ve been so lonely.

[eynibee]

"hirap mong istalk naka private halos lahat. poser ka ba? ayoko kasing mahulog sa poser"

"ako ayokong mahulog sa taong panlabas lang nakikita."

[onisrn]

I beseech Allah ... that He overwhelms me with grief in memory of your sorrows, more than the personal grief that torments any one who is in great agony

Ziarat e Ashura

[likearavenorsomeshit]

i am made of bile and revenge.

i can say that because of the way the words sting on my tongue when I know I will never speak them

I can say that because of the way i clench my fists but they never quite connect enough to harm

I can say that because of the bitter taste of the past that clings to my haunted thoughts, just barely drowned out by my own voice whispering to my heart to grin and bear it

I am made of bile

Raw. Bitter. Thick.

Unnatural on your tongue, unwanted but still in the pit of your stomach just waiting to break you down, to eat through you from the inside out, to end any thoughts that aren't of me.

I don't know when i stopped loving you.

Some time between deciding to change and knowing that wouldn't change anything but my own perception. Somewhere between the desert and the buildings kissing the sky in a city familiar but still half hidden. Somehow as I grew from a child to someone who realized I wasn't the same person that once thought so highly of you.

I am made of revenge.

Patient. Cold. Calm.

Where once there were thoughts of you being kind and gentle, there is only empty space, abandoned and alone. When once I thought of kissing you, now I think of anything but you. What was once arguments on how you didn't mean to hurt me, are now justifications of how you deserve to hurt as much as I did.

I don't know when i started loving you.

I want to go back to that moment, find that exact point in time and beat it to death with that obnoxiously spiked bat in the back of my mind. I want to hack it into pieces, end it, keep it from existence and make everything better. I want to be better.

I am made if bile and revenge.

I can say that because the words I speak are deliberate and bitter.

I can say that because the way i harm has nothing to do with my fists.

I can say that because the past has no bearing on what i do and who I am and thoughts no longer haunt me.