#7.18.25

[avi--arts]

7.18.25

attack on @vynlix33!!!

[brianajungwirthinstagram]

Briana via her IG story 🖤

July 18, 2025

[starspun]

I keep repeating patterns—it’s been that way my whole life. Eventually, I became excruciatingly self-aware of them, and I thought for a long time that that’s how you stopped the pattern, by being aware of it. Turns out, that’s only the first step.

Anyway, the velocity of repetition has increased significantly lately. It used to be that I would have some kind of epiphany once every 3-6 months, but I couldn’t seem to do much with it—like tires in mud, the traction just wasn’t there.

Lately, it’s weekly or biweekly. Even when I get in funks (which is still happening more often than I’d prefer), I pull myself out more quickly than I used to. I feel myself blossoming into the woman I’ve always dreamt of being—self-possessed above all else, disciplined, warm, personable, powerful.

It’s strange, having your feel planted in two places at one. I’m not who I used to be but I’m also not who I’m becoming just yet. I feel her, though—so close I can almost taste it. It’s hard not to get impatient, even though I know it’s an inevitability. I’m trying to enjoy where I am now while I’m here, though.

Every time my self-doubt gets loud and I think I’ve hit a wall, another epiphany comes, and it’s like I’m slowly chipping away at my identity. Shaping and molding it into something new.

Last week, it was that manifesting is about who you ARE, not what you want, which I’ve known in theory for a long time, but struggled to internalize. I started trying to frame my whole life through it—what has happened to me, good or “bad”, that my identity likely brought on? Turns out, there was a lot. I had spent so long thinking if I wasn’t manifesting what I wanted on purpose then I must not be manifesting at all, but that isn’t how it works, and framing it with my own experiences as proof changed everything.

Yesterday, it was this: after years of conflating emotions and thoughts with identity, I realized that they are actually very separate, and that even when I’m in a “funk”, even when I feel downtrodden or disheartened, that doesn’t necessarily indicate anything about my identity. I’ve always thought it must mean I wasn’t in the state, that my beliefs weren’t changing or I wouldn’t be sad or upset, because if I had this perfect, unshakable self-concept where I was capable and lovely and in control, what would there be to feel bad about? But I think actually, like would probably be pretty boring if we didn’t have complexity of emotion.

I digress—I realized that I don’t have to worry about my thoughts or feelings at all. I can just treat them like clouds passing by. My identity is the sky—always present even if it feels obscured by thought and emotion. THAT’S where the energy needs to be honed.

And so I am now. And not for the first time recently, I’m locking further in. But every time I do this, every time I fall and drag myself back up, every time I have an epiphany, every time I trust myself a little more in this, I am persisting. I am building the belief and the knowing that I know will change my life within the year.

I can’t quite account for it, couldn’t tell you in minute detail how it will pan out, but I feel the way that it’s all unfolding. The way that I’m about to get everything I’ve spent years wanting because I have finally been able to internalize these things in a way I was unable to before. Because I finally feel READY and alive in a way I haven’t before. I hear her in my head sometimes, telling me I’m ready, telling me to “sit with” the feelings, telling me to write it all down and date it.

I am magic and I am becoming something resplendent.

[kontadodju]

YAY HE GOT HIS ASS BEAT AND HIS INTRO ARC IS DONE 😁🤗

[kontadodju]

We got Chase today 🙌🏽

[kontadodju]

He sucks even more cuz as an artist Rohan is actually quite relatable

[kontadodju]

This panel is fun cuz it’s just “look at my new art style everyone”

[kontadodju]

Nasty beast nasty nasty nasty set him on fireeeee