#8 6

[perseid-haunt]

Shout out to me for finally coming up with a name for the story after 500 years and then immediately forgetting it when I go to write it down.

[juantonudels]

Bakit nabubuhay pa ang isang katulad kong hangal?

Isang kahamakan ba ang paghangad man lang ng isang tiyak na bukas?

Kung naririnig ang tanging hinaing ko sa langit sana'y pagbigyan .

Paano na nga ba hahanapin ang wakas na walang patutunguhan?

[offtheheezay]

8 6 - Dasu

theres some flashin n blood

[perseid-haunt]

His bad traits aren't horrible though, they can be hurtful now and then but not to a great degree.

This may sound fucked up but I think his most shining moment as a caregiver is when he helps his disabled friend, the person he loves more than anyone, do something that they both know is likely to kill her. It's his ultimate show of respect and his ultimate sacrifice.

The reason is this. If she was abled, she'd do it herself. However, she's not abled, and she needs his help. He respects her autonomy so much that, after attempting to persuade her otherwise, he accepts her wishes. To force her to do what he wants because he has the power to refuse to help is...... honestly horrifying and any disabled person or even anyone who remembers their childhood can tell you that. And he understands that. She has the right to do whatever she wants and he doesn't have the right to stop her, even though he could.

I think it means so much to me because it relates to one of the ultimate fears of a disabled person: people being able to control you through your weaknesses in ways abled people cannot be controlled, thus stripping you of autonomy.

And because it's not that he doesn't value her life. He helps her to go because he does value her.

[perseid-haunt]

To be fair he's the best caregiver because he's not normal. And the things that are wrong with him are also the driving factor behind his not-so-good traits, like when he emphasizes a weakness (such as in prev post).

[perseid-haunt]

Oh OC I accidentally designed to be the perfect caregiver for disabled loved ones, we're really in it now.

[perseid-haunt]

.

Everyone else has to make up for my illnesses. I can't do this I can't do that. Please do this for me please don't do that for me I need your help I need this and that and this and I can't do that I can't do this. I need someone to wait on me and I can't do whatever it is you want me to do.

And I'm extremely extremely sensitive about it so if you're honest with me for even a moment that my needs frustrate you then I will instantly become suicidal.

Yeah I want to kms it's fine. I am incapable of everything and I shouldn't have been born. I want to die yesterday today tomorrow. My very body and mind are prisons that keep me from accomplishing anything. I am tired of the pain of not being able to do things and the pain of making others do things for me.