#8.6.15

[violettewednesday]

8.6.15

[thedeviljudges]

x

[tulipdoodles]

I have cried over you three times. The first time was to your face. It was October and I think the wind that day was a warning. The heat threatened a brushfire. I knew I had to stay out of the tall dry grass that day. You kept lighting matches; you provoked the sun. I remember standing there, surrounded by hazards, and yet I stayed where I was. I let you light my meadows on fire. I thought my tears could put out the flames. You knew they couldn’t. The second time, I was surrounded by water. The beach always makes me think of you, with your eyes like the ocean. It’s not a cliché; whenever you dipped below a wave your eyes became even more blue, almost as if they were glass reflecting the sea. And as I swam alone months later, knowing that you would never see me in the waves again, I sobbed; salt water mixing with salt water. Maybe my eyes were trying to be the ocean too, just not in the same way as yours. The third time was under moonlight beams. I always told you that you had the most beautiful moonbeam eyes. Maybe you stopped believing me, and maybe I stopped believing any of it was real. I thought I could turn you into a scrapbook photo; taped into a page of a journal I’d keep in an attic box, see you in ten years, out of sight, out of mind. But you’ve never been photogenic and the best pictures I have of you are of you looking away. For once I’d like to have been the one to look away, and as I wept into my pillow that night I looked away from the moon, avoiding eye contact with your moonbeam eyes in the sky. The difference between you and the moon is that you can’t see when people look up to you and say they need you.

i.a.s. // he’s was the sun, the sea, and the moon; gone too soon

[topupdatez-blog]

‘ocdustino’ on snapchat

[violettewednesday]

8.6.15

[forgetyoursingalongsandlullabies]

5 positive things

I haven’t done a positive journal this week. It’s been an awful week. But I need to do this so I don’t lose the positives.

Watched Back to the Future with my sister this morning. This was her first time watching

My grandma treated me to lunch and tea while I drove her to various errands and appointments today

I replaced the battery on the laser pointer for my cats. (yes its been that bad of a week that this is cool)

Saw some relatives for the 1st time in years and while I don’t particularly like interacting with them I love the “Look at what a beautiful woman you’ve become” talk.

I have very strong coffee in my hands right now

[chaoticw0rm]

It takes one small word to make me upset but i try really hard to ignore and get over it then you get put down right again. I can't seem to do anything right.

What's wrong with me

[chaoticw0rm]

Why am i so sensitive?

I may not show it but im sensitive as fuck