#8monthsmarried

[kleinedonder]

My pride, my happyness. #8monthsmarried #sogladtobeyourwife #coudntbehappier #huwelijkshannonenvictor #weregoingonanadventure (bij Antwerp, Belgium)

[spooningafterdark]

Babies...Babys...Baby's!

I have now been married for 8 months, and we are trying to have a baby! To me this has been quite a journey, but it has been a short journey and I know I need to relax.

I have been on birth control for the last 9-10 years, right when I entered college. I may have only taken 3-4 months off here and there in-between lovers.  But other than that, I have been on those pills. Not only that, as many of you know, I was sexually abused by my uncle at a young age which resulted in 2 pregnancies and 2 abortions. Also, my Husband and I did get pregnant early on in our relationship but it was not the right timing. It was a very hard hard decision to make, but I did get another abortion.  So now I am 28, have had 3 abortions and been on birth control for 9/10 years now and I want to have a baby. And I think the odds are stacked against me. I know they are not. We have been trying now for 2 months. But its almost like those two months don't count. I stopped taking the bill in November 2013 with my period to come December 1 as scheduled. I downloaded an app that would help me keep track of periods and know when I'm ovulating. In January 2014 my period came a few days later than what the app predicted. Then for February 2014 my period came 5 days sooner than what the app predicted. But this period was not an average one. It started off heavy and I clotted the entire time. My friend and I thought I may have had a miscarriage.  I have an appt with a doctor this week to make sure everything is a go down there. I know I should delete the app because my period is still trying to regulate itself, and until that happens the app won't work. I have just decided to have sex every other day to make sure there is a fresh supply of sperm up there for whenever the egg drops.

Not only are my parents on me about having a baby so are his parents; my siblings; his cousins and myself period. I have 4 friends from college that are pregnant and will be delivering this year. I have another friend that I had a pregnancy pact with and she is about 8 weeks along and I am no weeks along. I cried and had a slight breakdown earlier this week when I found out another friend was pregnant. I went to my husband crying trying to figure out when it would be my turn. It's like you spend all these years trying to prevent a pregnancy but then when you want a baby its supposed to happen immediately. Oh well. Writing all this down I feel like a damn fool. I know there are people out there that have been trying for years and have not been able to conceive. And there are other stories. 

I will let you know how the appointment goes. And I am going to work on my positivity.