Spooning

We about to get real close. 

[archatlas]

Honest Advice On Relationships And Life In General By This Balloon Artist 

 "I try to make commentary about, or poke fun at, social media. The balloons were a social media trope often used in bridal showers and gender reveals, so they were a natural progression of that idea. I love the contrast of profound, funny, or challenging quotes spelled in silly balloons. And since another common cliche is endless selfies, I tend to put myself in most of the photos. They often make people cringe, but the cringe is the point,“ Michael told Bored Panda.

[spooningafterdark]

Speak that shit

[3tych]

[spooningafterdark]

Praying for my husband.

Yesterday I downloaded this app called 31 days of praying for your husband. I also downloaded it with one for my daughter. Today I couldn’t even open it up. Like I have no desire to pray for him. Which I know is awful. Just a few moments ago , I tried to get him to change our daughters diaper. Didn’t do it. He said he would do it in a second. Mind you, she shat on herself. What a jerk. I feel like I do too much for him or something. I remember one time someone asked him why he knew I was the one and he mentioned that he liked that we both had the same ideas when it came to gender roles in the house. Basically he liked that I cooked and cleaned, etc.

[spooningafterdark]

My husband has the flu and my daughter has been sick also. This weekend we made plans to be completely shut in. Not doing anything so he can get better and so so can she. This idiot schedules to get out carpet cleaned today. Which is fine, but this idiot doesn’t use our regular carpet cleaning guy he goes with someone I’m assuming he found on Yelp. Doesn’t bother to ask this person what their process is. What type of equipment they use, chemicals if any, how long might this take, will we need to leave and how long it will take the dry. Once the person gets here, we are informed it will take about an hour and fifteen minutes or so, which is fine. But that they chemicals he uses leave behind a strong odor and it would be a good idea to leave. When I’m telling his dumb ass he should have gotten this information ahead of time, he has the nerve to throw it back on me and say “You heard me schedule this, if you had all these questions, then why didn’t you ask this morning?” I said “Because I thought you were handling it. That means in all ways, getting all the answers. Not just how much and what time you can come.” He had nothing to say after that.

Swear to God, if it were not for my daughter. I would not be here.

[spooningafterdark]

Literally, at this moment I am only still married because I have a child and there is no way In the world that I would be okay with not waking up and going to sleep with her daily.

If my daughter was not in the picture, I would not be with him.

Am I the only one?

[spooningafterdark]

Yeah so I told that him. That night when he got in from a holiday party with his coworkers, I let him know that it wasn’t cool that he didn’t tell me where he was and that he had plans to go out. He kinda brushed me off and went to see our daughter and picked her up and kissed and was all about her. Mind you she was sleep. I told him he needed to apologize to me because it wasn’t cool because he didn’t tell me and didn’t call me back to say where he was. He tried to brush me off and say sorry with his back to me. I let him know that was not cool and that he needed to look at me and say sorry. That’s all. It was so rude. He said sorry and I let it go. So it was gone.

[spooningafterdark]

Rules are made to be broken. Clearly.

My husband and I kinda have this rule that if you aren’t coming straight home after work, for whatever reason, you need to call and let the other people know. Of course this as a rule I put into place. As I pick the little one up from daycare, my husband FaceTimes me. It’s obvi he’s not at home and out, in fact at some restaurant of sorts. He asked me if I was home, I said no. Then he asked about the baby and I said she was fine. Then the phone goes down and comes back up and it’s a woman on the screen. I think we may have been a coworker but I’m not sure. She said hi, I waved. Fortunately it was dark in the car and she couldn’t really see me well. Then she says “He’s behaving” I simply have a thumbs up. He got back on the phone and said he would call me later. It’s been 2 hours now. I haven’t heard from him. I’m sure he’s on his way home or something . But I’m kinda struggling right now. Like I don’t know if I should mention it when he gets in the house or if I should just vent to you , my blog post , and let it go. Like if the rolls were reversed I wouldn’t have done that to me. It’s my fucking rule for crying out loud. I’m also thinking how unhappy he is with his life but he found enough happiness to go hang out with his coworkers after work. Ugh. I called a therapist today. I think it’s time I go talk to someone again. I’m thinking if I don’t mention it to him then I’m going to be more of that weak push over that my mother was ragging on me about. Makes me think I need to start being more of a bitch to him or something then maybe she wouldn’t say that. Fml.

Hmmm ... hmmm ...

[spooningafterdark]

I realize my post yesterday was terrible and not well written or well thought out. Bottom line though: my husband is unhappy with his life currently. His career, not being able to buy a house, and the fact that I seem so complacent with my weight right now.

My husband mentioned to me yesterday that he wants to explore the idea of moving to his home town, which is 30/45 minutes from our current home. One of the benefits being that his parents would be able to watch our daughter. That’s the biggest joke if I’ve ever heard one. In the almost 10 months that our daughter has been around, his parents haven’t called to ask for a day to spend with her or anything. They haven’t stepped up to the plate at all. I try and tell him this but it’s like he doesnt want to hear it. He wants them to be someone that they are not. They aren’t like how my parents are. Period. Well my parent. Well my aunt.

My husband feels like his life is on hold until he gets a home. That’s a miserable life to life. He feels like he can’t go buy toys, like he can’t get me a new car and he can’t travel the way he wants to because we dont own a home. Our debt to income ratio is great right now and he doesn’t want it be offset with the new acquisition of a monthly bill and we don’t own a home. Which I understand. But to put living on hold is sad.

I was telling my mom all about this last night some and she just like mean about it. Her and my husband have a very hard delivery method sometimes and I wish it could be a lot softer. I am starting to think that I am much more sensitive than I let people on to think. I cried when my husband went on telling me about how unhappy he is with his life and how sad he was. Last night my mom and I were talking via Marco Polo, this amazing video chat app, and she was just like ... not being nice. Like her response to what i was saying wasn’t coming off very supportive or anything. Just like ... not all that nice. And it did hurt my feelings some. So much so that I turned off my notifications for the app and hid it. I didn’t want to know if she messaged me or anything. I just assumed it would be some more negativity and not- niceness. This morning I listened to it. Just what I thought it would be however she did apologize if she was coming off too harsh as she didn’t mean to sound that way. She said I was a push over . She said I let my husband talk over and take me “places” even when I’m not 100% sure or happy with them. she like stressed it. That made me tear up a little this morning. I just feel like I’ve had a real rough go at it these last couple of weeks and that’s been very difficult for me. I don’t always feel like I have someone in my corner really rooting for me and telling me they are for me. I mean , my mom and grandmother have been telling me from time to time how well I’m doing with my daughter and that’s nice to hear , but i feel like I would like a little more. Then I feel stupid for wanting more.

I realized last night that I may have been / am dealing with a little postpartum. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed sometimes and like I’m not really keeping up with somethings and the fact that I don’t feel like I’m really getting all the help and support from my husband doesn’t help. I think it’s time for me to go back to therapy. Hell I really think my husband should look into seeing someone himself. Not with me but someone on his own.

I hate to say it but sometimes when I think about if I knew before I got married that I would have the life I have now, I don’t know if I would be with him. Even knowing my daughter is a result of it, I’m not sure I would have married him. I feel awful for saying that. But it’s just the truth.

[spooningafterdark]

I’m unhappy....that’s the start of the conversation my husband wanted to have with me.

Yup. He told me he’s unhappy. He’s unhappy with a few different aspects of his life. The first being work. He doesn’t like his job. Doesn’t hate it but doesn’t like it. It’s not his dream job. He’s waiting to hear back from his dream job. He’s been in the process forever. You know those government jobs take forever. So that. He also is looking for a house for us. We were about to put an offer on a house a few weeks ago but withdrew because the neighborhood wasn’t gentrified enough for us. Hate to say it, but that’s what it is. So we haven’t been able to find anything we really liked like how we liked that first house. He feels like there are so many things we cannot do because we don’t have a house. Like I can’t get a new car because we don’t need our debt to income ratio changing and a bank not approving us. He can’t go out and buy jet skis because we don’t want to show the payments. Then today he mentioned something to me about moving to his hometown so that his parents can take part in watching the baby. Mind your his parents have been a fail as parents to him and a fail as grandparents in the first 10 months of our baby’s life. Ugh. He’s also not happy with the way I seem complacent regarding my weight. Mind you, I’m 183 the same weight I was before I had the baby. But in his defense, that was 20 pounds heavier than what I need it to be.

Overall he thought that he would have been further along in his life and career than where he is now.

I just started crying.

It’s very sad to hear anyone that you care for mention ho unhappy they are with their life and that you are contributing to it.

[spooningafterdark]

And I feel fine.

The little comment i threw in last night about women emotionally cheating had the exact desired reaction I wanted. This morning my husband asked me if I was mad at him, I simply responded no. He asked me if with my comment I was trying to tell him something. I said no. Just what I said. What he doesn’t get is that when he talks to me about my weight, it never makes me want to lose weight. It makes me want to eat more. So for this breakfast as a big fuck you to him I had the #29 at Jack in the Box. Now I’m drinking a sugary coffee. And loving every moment of it. But starting next week, I’m about to get in such good shape. I’m going to want him to think I’m cheating. I’m going to want the doubt to drive him crazy, and I can’t wait.

[spooningafterdark]

No surprises.

I’ve often times told my husband that he doesn’t know how to talk to me. I feel like somewhere in life we all learn that when you want to critique someone, you have sandwich it. You know, start with a compliment, then the critique , then end with a compliment. This way the receipent of the critique will know that even though you aren’t doing EVERYTHING right, you’re atleast doing SOMETHINGS right. My husband hasn’t learned this at all.

A few moment ago I was preparing his dinner. Mind you , he currently has a terrible cough and went to the doctor yesterday. He found out he has a virus. No real medicine he can take, just has to let it work it’s way through his system. He’s not been feeling well. Been at a 4/5. On the way home, I called him and asked him what he wanted for dinner. He’s healthy, I stopped by the store and got him some salmon and Brussels sprouts.

While preparing it, I decided to have a beer. I don’t drink they nightly. Not even weekly. Not even monthly. I usually only like to drink them in the summer. But tonight, I just decided I wanted one, just to have one. No real reason. He looks at it and I can already tell he’s going to have problem with it. He kinda whinnyingly asks me if that’s mine. I say it is, ask him what’s wrong with it. He hesitates for a moment , but I make him say whatever it is he is thinking. He then goes on to say that it’s like I’ve given up on losing weight and getting in shape and having a beer does nothing good for me. I’m able to drag a little more out of him and I learn that my husband is currently not attracted to me. He’s not attracted to me physically. He’s not attracted to my lack of motivation. He says being attracted to your partner is very important in a marriage. Especially for me, not so much for women. I told him well looks matter to a woman, but we are also big on emotional support. We like when men pay us attention, notice things, compliment us, listen to us. I said that’s what when have emotional affairs because their needs are met elsewhere. He looked at me for a moment and asked me what I was getting at. I made it seem causal in my response to him, I just said oh I’m giving the woman’s perspective. That’s all. He said oh okay. But I can’t even lie , I wanted him to be hurt some by my comment . I wanted him to remember the times I was talking to guys online. I want him to remember the time when I left his fucking ass because I wasn’t getting what I needed from him emotionally.

I hope it comes back to him.

I wish he would have ended it with telling me I still have a beautiful smile or a pretty face or a nice personality. You know, something like that. Like I’m a great mother and he appreciates what I do for him and our daughter. Anything other than just he’s not attracted to him physically and that that’s important in a marriage.

That’s my might folks.

[spooningafterdark]

Some days ...

I don’t know how my husband and I will make it another year in this relationship. What we have isn’t terrible. Like I’m not getting beat or talked down to ... not terribly talked down to anyway. I know being verbally and physically aren’t the only markers in what makes a relationship terrible. Some day ... we’ll really most days , I don’t think ... well I know that I have not married my soul mate. And I’m sure he wouldn’t say I’m his soul mate either. I don’t know if I believe in that for myself. I’ve had a tough last week or so. My mom has a tough talk with me last week about my appearance and how it may not be enough of the right look for my chosen industry. Being a natural black woman in a Kim K. world can be tough. It’s like white people like to look at black people , but only if they fit in a certain box. Like you can’t be too black . Only barely black. Anyway, my feelings were really hurt when talking to my mom about it and consequently she called my husband to tell him. I get why she did it, more of a keep an eye on her ... or maybe you can see if she’s okay kinda thing. But I feel like that lead to him being able to bash me about my look. Today while I was getting dresse for work and doing my hair, he mentioned it may be time for a shape up. I love pled at him like shut up. You don’t know anything about this natural tapered look.

Anyway ... I’m really working on my look. I’ve adopted this veganish lifestyle. Tonight I failed. I had Burger King on the way to the store for my veggies. But it’s okay. We fall down but we get up right?

[traditionellesleben]

Something many men don’t realize: that the higher they elevate their woman, the less available she is for other men.

[spooningafterdark]

I mean like amen.

[satanicblowjobs]

Proving a point to my boyfriend.

PLEASE REBLOG if you (male or female) believe it is perfectly okay and natural for a guy of any age to cry

[alpha-blu]

I’ve never hit reblog faster or harder.

[bunnyboilewd]

I’ve seen more men I know cry than women.

[slutty-peanut]

I’ve pretty much made every man I know cry at some point, so

[spooningafterdark]

Don't be too quick

Just when I'm not feeling my husband and he's really getting on my nerves, he turns around and does something kinda sweet. The other night , we were both in bed. I had the TV on as white noise, but I was actually reading a book. He was watching some show on his phone. Once I got in the bed, he patted his stomach as if that's where he wanted me to lay down. Even though we were both doing our own thing, he made that gesture. I laid on him. He put his arm around me. It was sweet. We stayed like that for a bit until I went to sleep.

It's not a lot. This I know. But for him it was, and I will acknowledge it.

We are a work in progress still.

[spooningafterdark]

Ugh 😑

Man. I swear my husband thinks I'm his maid. Like most moms, my day starts around 445AM - 515AM when my 6 month old wakes up for the first time to nurse. Luckily, she eats and goes right back to sleep. Then I either get up and pack my lunch or take a shower before my husband or I stay in the bed for a few moments more. By 6 I'm up for sure. At 645/7am my daughter wakes up again and I feed her and put her back to sleep. I'm out the door for work around 730/745 and sit in traffic for an hour. I work from 830am to 530pm. I sit in traffic for another hour heading home. I get in and play with my baby sometimes make dinner the same time. I eat a little and feed her some. Around 8pm it's time to put her down for the night. She's sleep by 9pm. At this point I finish laundry , clean up and get ready for the next day. I'm usually in bed around 11pm to midnight.

Do I get a thank you from my husband for this? Hell no. Do I have to pick up his shit, like he's my other child? Hell yes.

Like I just wish I got more appreciation for what I did. I know my baby appreciates me or at least I hope she does. In fact I'm sure she does. I can't wait make sure she gets a bad ass husband. A little like her dad and more like some other great guy.

[spooningafterdark]

Sometimes I think about divorcing my husband. It sucks. Not the divorce but the having to split up time with my daughter. Having a kid now, I totally see why people say they stay together for the kids. Only because they wouldn't want the kids to be split up. Before I had kids I was of the mindset that kids need to see two happy parents, and you can't be a good parent if you aren't in a good relationship and all that jazz. But now I get it.