Jul 15, 2014
niazkilam: Louis lookin sick
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Argentina
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Yemen
seen from United States
seen from Romania
seen from Morocco
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Argentina
seen from Singapore
seen from Singapore
seen from Mongolia
seen from Romania
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Jamaica
niazkilam: Louis lookin sick
Awwwwwwww cuties :)
When your in a relationship there will be bumps in the road.And those bumps will not only make you mad or upset.But they will bring you closer. I Love You So Much No Matter What.I Don't Know What I Would Do With Out You. You Are My Everything. ~Sam Love Always, Nakeya
Today is one month <3
I remember when we first met more than a year ago. 1st hour algebra. The first day, I noticed I didn't know him. I took note of that. He hadn't been in our class the year before. At the end of the day, he came up to me and said hi. Pointed out that we had first hour together. I said hi. God, I was so shy. We started talking. He would always look off my paper. I didn't mind. He was cool. We liked the same music. I remember later that year after I had just broke off my first real relationship, he asked what was wrong and I just broke down. Then he pointed out that this one kid's birthday was the same day that the Rev died. The kid didn't know who the Rev was, but I did. He smiled at that. His smile. Ohmygod. And in one week we will be slow dancing. Its been a month, but it feels like shorter. Yet at the same time longer because I have loved him from the very first day<3 Sorry if this clogs your dash. I just fell so Asdfghjkl;<3 He knows all about my problems and flaws and loves all of them. I really love everything about him. His eyes are the most beautiful shade of chocolate brown. He's just beautiful. Every part. Because I love him. I have for a long while now.
No Ordinary Fight
“Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms”
Ephesians 6:11-12
Brothers and sisters, we have an enemy. His primary goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. That's right, he is out to destroy us. The Bible describes our enemy, the Devil, as a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. He is wicked and cunning in every way; sometimes he may even appear to us as an "angel of light" (2 Corinth. 11:14). We are dealing with the deceiver of all deceivers: the prince of darkness himself.
The question we are faced with now is, how can we stand against such a great adversary? We cannot do it in our own power. We are far too weak. We won't even come close if we tried.
We must realize that this is no ordinary fight--this is SPIRITUAL warfare. That is why we desperately need the armor of God. Once we are fully equipped with salvation, truth, righteousness, the gospel of peace, and the sword of the Spirit, which is His Holy Word, we can withstand any blow from the enemy. It is up to us... will we cower in fear as feeble victims, or stand upright with pure audacity as good soldiers of Christ? (2 Tim 2:3)
Lord, awaken the warrior within me. Give me your armor. Train me to wield my spiritual sword. Send me off into combat to fight for your glory and I will be victorious. The enemy has no power over my life because I am yours forever. Remind me daily that I am on a mission sent by you, my one and only commander. Thank you, Father.
Amen.
Taking control
9.6.12
Depression is shitty. Anxiety is shitty. Stress is shitty. Feeling all of them at the same time? Feels real shitty.
Anxiety was the real killer. Heart beating fast meant I couldn't fall asleep. The pain of anxiety+stress meant a lack of focus (and just before my first BSC exam). Stomach feeling like it was in knots would cause nausea which in turn forced me to stop eating. And I'm already underweight. This had to stop.
I need to focus on my classes. Failure is not an option. It's not like it ever was but if I failed...it could be dealt with, you know? This time I simply cannot fail. If I do, I lose everything. Nothing lower than a C. People have made it clear I cannot mess up. No pressure though.
Lack of sleep used to never be a problem. I've never been one for sleep. Getting 5-6 hours of sleep per day was normal for me. It didn't become a real issue until I started getting dizzy. If my health drops, my grades drop. Fuck.
Eating is a problem. It's not like I think I'm fat or feel like I need to get on a diet. Nutrition has just never been a big deal for me. I eat what I feel like eating when I feel like eating. But skipping breakfast every morning and barely eating lunch has made my body used to having little to no food in my stomach. I've been aware of this problem for a while and have thought of raising the point to my mother. But...never bothered. Now, however, eating is becoming a BIG problem. I can't keep skipping meals. Anxiety or not, I have to force myself to eat something. I need nutrition. I'm borderline 3 digits. If I lose any more weight, I could get really sick. Not to mention I want to donate blood. Can't do that if I'm unhealthy or underweight.
So today, I decided to look for help. For someone as prideful as me, asking/looking for help is probably the most embarrassing thing one could do. I'm too proud. If I have emotional problems, I will take the mind over matter road and try to keep it under control. I will tell myself there's nothing to be angry/sad/stressed about because there are people out there with REAL problems. I will make my problems seem like nothing. That's how I used to deal with things.
But after looking at myself in the mirror today, I knew I was slowly killing myself. Perhaps a bit of a strong word, "kill", but losing color in your face, having big dark bags under your eyes and feeling like you could throw up at any second...this wasn't me. It isn't me.
And so, after I got rid of all the stress (BSC exam didn't go as bad as I thought it could go. I kinda wanna celebrate with someone special...) I went to the counseling center. As luck would have it, someone was available to see me that same day. And once again, I surprised myself. I don't know if the control is part of my nature or if, when I really look with unbiased, clear eyes things aren't that bad but...I didn't cry. Or at least not the obnoxious crying I thought I'd be doing with how shitty I felt.
I've been avoiding people recently. That's not ok either. If I have a problem, I should stop acting like it's an embarrassing thing and embrace it. So I'm sad. So I can't control how my body reacts to the irrational problems my head makes. I have a loving boyfriend working his ass off trying to make us work. I have a kind best friend who could make me smile if I only ask. I have another kind best friend who, without a second thought, walked out of her class to call me because I confessed to having stopped eating.
Acknowledging my problems is hard. It makes me feel weak, like I'm a big baby crying over simple things. Acknowledging my problems to others is also hard. I enjoy my private life staying like that: private. I don't enjoy when friends know I'm sad or that I'm having problems in school/at home/inside my head. Admitting these things is tough. Real tough. But I owed it to myself. Had it been anyone else, I'd have taken their hand and dragged them to get some help. I would have made their favorite treat and tried to feed it to them. I would have spoken kind, loving words. And made sure they knew they were loved. So if I could do all that to someone I love, why can't I do it to myself? I have self-esteem issues but even I should know that enough is enough. I can only take so much self-abuse before I break.
So now, I have napped for 5 hours. I am wrapped in soft towels and smell of flowers and have filled my stomach with a cheese+ham sandwich and some orange juice.
It's not much. It's actually nothing. Things won't magically get better. But if I can master up enough strength, I might just be able to pull through all of this unharmed. All I can do is hope.
its been a long time lol. senior auction photo/video shoot wooooot. glow in the dark paint. these goddamm djs i hate lit. sigh why must i be soooo awks with jl....
Briley Pierce and Audrey Marie VS Dean Ambrose and Caylee Turner | RAW | 9.6.12
As Raw settled back at the ringside area, the cameras were focused on the top of the entrance ramp where Briley Pierce and Audrey Marie stood. The Intercontinental champion stood with his championship lifted in the air and a bright smile on his face, making sure to point to whatever sign he could see in his favor. Almost caught up in the moment, the Intercontinental champion was snatched by the arm by his beautiful tag team partner, who directed him down towards the ring. Grabbing onto her hand tightly, Briley nothing short of skipped down to end of the ramp before parting from her and walking up the steel steps, then moving out to the center of the apron to separate the ropes for her. As Audrey went to slide into the ring, however, her leg was quickly snatched and she met a faceful of the apron. Innocently shrugging and lifting her hands in the air, Caylee looked at a stunned Briley Pierce before grabbing Audrey all the way off of the apron and twisting them around, tossing her hard into the nearby steel steps. At the same time, Briley’s legs were swept beneath him as well - causing his head to hit the apron hard. Grabbing Briley by the head, Dean then carelessly threw him into a heap with Audrey before grabbing Caylee by the wrist to drag her towards him. The two talked softly to one another, Caylee biting at his bottom lip before she turned around to roll into the ring and pandered to the audience. Leaning over to dramatically bow, Dean grabbed Audrey by the hair to throw her into the ring while going up towards his team’s corner. Briley groggily rose up to his feet to see Caylee rush forward, kicking Audrey hard in the side. Audrey stumbled over to her side and was then met with an onslaught of stomps to her torso. The referee tried to intervene, pushing Caylee back which caused the Florida native to scowl. Backing up into her team’s corner, Caylee looked towards Dean as the referee checked on Audrey, who nodded to accept the start of the match. The referee then motioned for the bell, and it immediately set the tone; like a shark in the water, Caylee rushed forward to bring a hard kick to Audrey’s face and then leaned down to place her shin across Audrey’s throat. Slapping her firmly across the cheek, Caylee then grabbed Audrey by her cheeks and lifted her head up slightly to shout down at her. The referee began to count, reprimanding Caylee who then stepped back with a roll of her eyes. Grabbing Audrey by the hair, Caylee then dragged her over to the team’s corner to tag Dean in. The referee practically demanded that Caylee release her to stop the two-on-one assault, but Dean had no issue with driving his boot hard into Audrey’s gut to then snap her down with an unforgiving DDT. Rolling Audrey to her back, Dean then laid across her to go for a pin, making sure to jerk her shoulder up just before the three. Then grabbing Audrey by the hair, Dean dragged her across the ring inches away from Briley and flipped Audrey to her stomach to lock in a tight Regal Stretch. Audrey reached out desperately to Briley, who stood on the apron with a look of pure concern. Reaching out as far as he could, their fingers were inches away from touching before Dean broke the hold and hopped up, punching Briley hard in the face before he went back to Audrey Marie. Grabbing her by the hair, he jerked her up to her feet before painfully bending her backwards. Then jerking her up to her feet, he caught her by the chin with a sudden uppercut that sent her off into the ropes to then get a face full of a sudden big boot. The audience jeered at his actions, causing Dean to bow with the roll of his eyes before he snatched Audrey up by her hair once more.
He then jerked her back up to her full height before carelessly flinging her across the ring to step over her, tagging Caylee back in who automatically went back on the assault. Performing whatever maneuver possible to keep Audrey grounded, Caylee would soon enough lock in a tight body scissors in the center of the ring. After several moments, Audrey managed to slightly part Caylee’s legs to break free, rolling towards Briley on a burst of adrenaline before her leg was caught by Caylee. Twisting to her back, Audrey kicked Caylee firmly in the knee to lock it up and release the hold, before tagging Briley in.
Briley stood silently on the apron, staring blankly. Not moving at all, he blinked slowly before cautiously moving into the ring to point towards Dean, only to then stand toe-to-toe with Caylee, herself. His anxiety made him get caught with a hard kick to the shin that forced him to lean over before he was brought over in a snapmare; Caylee locked in a tight headlock. Releasing one arm slightly, Caylee pulled back to unload with several hard closed fists to Briley’s head before rolling up to her knees and bringing Briley with her. Briley, however, used his strength advantage to lift Caylee up and cause her to hit her hind end hard on his knee, sending her stumbling forward before catching her in the back with a dropkick. Caylee stumbled into the nearby corner, holding onto her rear with a pout before Briley ran forward to go for a clothesline. Caylee, however, quickly removed herself from the predicament by sliding through the ropes and causing Briley to hit the turnbuckle with his chest. Hopping up onto the top rope, Caylee then hopped off to grab Briley by the skull and brought him down with a tornado DDT on the mat before she straddled him and began to throw hard punches to his face, then standing up to kick him firmly in the gut. Annoyed, Caylee stormed to her corner with her hand on her butt to tag Dean in, who immediately went on the offensive. Stomping away harshly at Briley, Dean then jerked him up to his feet to drag him towards the corner. Bouncing his head off of turnbuckle repeatedly several times until the referee forced the WWE champion backwards, Dean would continue on with the unforgiving offense. Jerking Briley in for a tight headlock, Dean then released one hand to punch him hard in the center of the skull before throwing him out towards the center of the ring. As Briley turned around, he was then caught with a hard lariat that sent him inside out. Dean chuckled at the response of the audience, who was absolutely livid with Dean’s edge over his foe. Picking him up to his feet, Dean then wrapped one leg around Briley’s to lock in a tight submission hold to painfully torque Briley’s back. Audrey stood on the apron, starting a slow clap in Briley’s favor who managed to break an arm free only to then get shoved forward, tripping over Dean’s leg before he was caught with another sudden lariat that nearly took his head off - as commentary hyped. Leaning down, Dean brushed his forearm disrespectfully across Briley’s face before going for the pin attempt. One. Two. Th - Audrey Marie interferes! Kicking Dean hard in the back, Audrey broke up the pin attempt, but immediately a look of regret was captured on her face. Backing her up into the corner, Dean had the diva caught up before he was jerked back hard by Briley, who managed to bring him down with a sudden Ace Crusher. Rolling Dean over for the pin, Briley hooked the leg but was immediately assaulted as Caylee rushed the scene as Audrey previously had, choosing not to stomp just once, but repeatedly across his back. Briley curved in pain, rolling towards Caylee to then get a firm kick to the face that Audrey noticed, rushing over to Caylee who then hopped behind Dean. Audrey slowly leaned down to check on Briley, the referee trying to put the two divas out to the apron before Caylee dragged Dean with her, immediately tagging herself in once she stood on the apron. The referee went to push Audrey back to her corner, allowing Caylee the opportunity to straddle over Briley, wrapping her hands around his neck while her knee dug into his crotch. At the sight of the referee, she simply repositioned herself to throw several hard punches and innocently lifted up while Briley cringed on the ground. As Caylee went forward once more, Briley managed to wrap his legs around Caylee’s to bring her down to the mat face first hard. Then pulling her into a crossface chickenwing, Briley used the maneuver to allow himself time to get a breather before he jerked Caylee to her feet and brought her over to his team’s corner, tagging Audrey in. Audrey then went on unrelentingly, every ounce of pain given previously getting returned to then lock Caylee into a tight submission. Almost mockingly to how Dean had done to her and Briley, Audrey locked in a tight boston crab far enough from the ropes to assure Caylee couldn’t reach, but only inches away from his extended fingers. As Caylee began to crawl for the desperate tag, a new set of entrance music bursted out from the personal address system as Caylee swatted at where his hand previously was, then getting jerked back to the center of the ring as Dean’s attention was captured by the music of Alberto Del Rio. As he looked back, Audrey had dug her knee deep into Caylee’s back and curved her back painfully almost in half, causing Caylee to tap out before Dean could interfere. Briley quickly rushed into the ring, picking Audrey up in a tight hug. As Caylee rolled out of the ring and fell down to the ground on her knees, she roughly shoved Dean away as he went to stand by her and stormed towards the stage while Dean glared up at the titantron that had played Alberto’s entrance video, a scowl fixated on his face as he followed her. The cameras then locked on Audrey and Briley in the ring, the happy duo celebrating their victory as Raw faded out with the Intercontinental champion’s team standing strong.