A few Alvinnn!!! headcanons
There's a longstanding struggle between Alvin and Simon to not teach Theodore any curse words. And by that I mean Alvin is really bad at forgetting not to, and it drives Simon crazy.
Simon taught himself copperplate so Derek could no longer copy his writing, as Derek is mildly dyslexic. Oh yeah, Derek is mildly dyslexic. Two headcanons in one, yay! Theodore likes My Little Pony. I say this as a brony by the way, it's genuinely a very good show and I both remember it fondly and enjoy watching it now.
Because I love to project and Baby Garbage got scared by so many MLP episodes as a kid (I had a wild imagination, okay? And who among us didn't have nightmares about the headless horse after that one episode?), so does Theodore. He doesn't like to wake Dave up in the middle of the night, Alvin is really hard to wake up, and Simon gets enough of that from Alvin and from pulling all-nighters, but through trial and error, they've figured out that Theodore doesn't have such bad nightmares if he's sung to sleep, so Simon will perch on his younger brother's bed with his acoustic guitar (because he has both. I've decided he has both), and sing and play him to sleep. Harvest Moon by Neil Young is a favourite (I often sing it to my baby cousin, actually, he really likes it), as are Everybody's Weird by Saint Chaos and 500 Miles (the Joan Baez version).
Brittany struggles with dandruff. You couldn't waterboard that out of her, by the way.
Alvin introduced his brothers to the art of sock-skating around the house while Dave was out (so they didn't get in trouble for it), which was fun until Simon broke his ankle, and now Theodore is scared to wear socks in the house because of it.
Jeanette has a really scary spice tolerance. Eleanor complains about spending all day cooking something only for Jeanette to dump an entire bottle of hot sauce over it and ruin it. She'll also drink hot sauce straight out of the bottle. (My dad does the same thing, I have no idea how he still has tastebuds lmao)
Alvin thinks the funniest thing in the world is making someone laugh until milk comes out of their nose or doing it himself. Simon or Dave has to keep him from doing it to Theodore or any houseguests.
Alright, we're projecting again. I have full-body chronic joint pain and some other health issues, and therefore Simon does too. He meditates and does yoga ( which is canon, actually) because the meditating helps distract him from the pain and the yoga works as physical therapy. Often after a concert, he'll be bed-bound for the next day, and not even Dave or Alvin and Theodore know the extent of the pain, in part because they'd likely halt their entire careers for him. Simon is really good at convincing himself to hide his pain for the sake of others.
Eleanor is really well-versed in poison, though mostly the ingestible kind. Working with food as much as she does, of course she has to know what mushrooms will kill you and the difference between hemlock and fennel seed. It has the added bonus of people never messing with her because they know she knows her poison.
We didn't see it happen, but after the events of Bathroom Bully, Simon finally gave Derek a piece of his mind. There was a *lot* of Shakespearean cursing, and the phrase "insufferable dickweed with a stagnant cesspit for a soul" was used. It was beautiful.
Simon's favourite snacks are freeze-dried cherries, cracked-pepper Triscuits, and what Alvin calls "psychopath snack mix", a combination of salted peanuts and candy corn. Oh yeah, and he has fall-scented candles everywhere (mostly flameless) and sometimes makes collages of autumn leaves. Somehow this is both a snack headcanon and me fully leaning into Simon's love of fall. He also jumps in leaf piles whenever given the chance (and will then apologize profusely to whoever created said pile and help rake it back into shape). As soon as fall rolls around, Dave stocks up on candy corn and tries to ignore the leaves in Simon's hair.
Theodore went through a period of being a biter when he was younger. It was bad. Dave had to wear thick gloves, no matter the weather, to protect himself.
Because of Simon's chronic pain and varying other medical fuckery, Dave has a lot to keep track of-new doctors, prescriptions, physical therapy recommendations, foods to try avoiding, and so many appointments. Simon is a holy terror when there's a schedule for something he's supposed to do and it's not being done on time, and while he makes sure Dave never messes up getting his meds or taking him to appointments, it does kind of drive Dave crazy just how punctual he is.
Theodore is developing a taste for heavy metal. It scares him, but he kind of likes it, in part because his brothers both enjoy aspects of the genre. All three siblings use metal music in different ways: Alvin to get his energy out (and because screaming is fun sometimes), Simon to self-soothe and give his mind something to focus on other than the pain (although outside of that he really enjoys old Linkin Park demos), and Theodore to get over his fears, starting with disturbing music.
Dave has a few old Peanuts treasuries in his office from his childhood that the boys like leafing through with him on rainy days.
And there it is, a string of bullshit and self-insert headcanons! Enjoy, and brace yourselves for further chaos to come.
