today i really, really want to talk about parenthood. my sister recently became a new parent and i am so ahppy and excited and everything good. i care for that kid so damn much i genuinely believe no language has enough words to describe how much i love that baby. he cries like a new born baby does and it sears through my heart. i want to burn the whole wide world to make him happy. i physically cannot listen to his cries. it compeltely vexes me
but that being said, i don't ever want to have kids of my own. and i know i am too young to think about such things as my parents always say in that inconsiderate tone suggesting they have shrugged off everything i have said about this topic in belief that its my boorish, rebelious naive youth that makes me say things like these. and maybe, just maybe, eben though i am so sure about this like i have never been before, but maybe yeah i'll change my mind when the time comes but that doesn't mean you invalidate me in this very moment.
my mother still kids around(pun intended) that this is exactly how i'll play with your kid or do this or that. and yes thats cute on paper but i don't want kids.
i feel like the world is going absolutely crazy. every single day, it gets a bit harder to be good. everything is so expensive. i am not even sure if i'll be able to float my own boat yet alone a future husband or a kid or two. and fuck expansivity. it's much more than that, if i have a daughter it would be completely against what i stand for, to stop her to do whatever she wants, to let her make her own decision for me but yet i feel like i would be scaredy cat of a mother. i'd be so scared for letting her be out alone in night remembering all the times i was harassed. cause i might be a liberal but that doesnt mean men are disgusting creatures. and if i have a son, it would break my heart to accidentally raise an entitled bastard who thinks everybody's beneath him. and fuck gender of the baby. i would never want to even let my kid sacrifice whatever they dream of because i have no money. it would crush me but in this economy? i am afraid even making them go to kindergarten is going to be so expensive,
and chalo lets leave the expense thing aside as a reason too. but what about familial trauma? everybody who has kids they hope to raise their kids better than their parents raised them and on paper thats such a beautiful thought. but you know what it does? it neglects what the child needs. say i felt neglected growing up and i swore to make my kid feel seen or heard but that's what i am assuming my kid needs cause thats where my childhood lacked but what if i fail in some different region and i would never even know? i dont want to pass on the family trauma.
leaving the fear of this, what about the fact that i believe its completely selfish to want to have kids. give me one non-selfish reason to have kids. its very much in our desi mentality that bacche buddhe gharwalo ko sambhalenge and its seeped into us very early in life. and yes i agree with that. very logical thinking. but it shouldn't be a responsibility, like a baggage on the kid, like thats just expected from them. like we kids are some sort of guaranteed investment to them, they feed us, raise us and give us shit in exchange of us doing the same to them in their old age but we get the short end of the stick since there is no guarantee they would be good parents or they would do their job right but its a compulsion from our ends that we have to do the same. but like we didn't even ask to be born? how did we become your guaranteed caretakers then? and the absolute joke is that kids inherently want to take care of their parents. the parents who don't treat them as their own personal slaves. the parents who don't make you feel shitty. we already love you enough to want to take care of you. parent- kid child is inherently a very beautiful bond without the compulsions.
and chalo leaving all of my reasons behind what world am i bringing them into? jaha rapes pe rapes hote hai but no one takes a stand. does nothing about it. the rapist gets freed cause oh my god we can't ruin this innocent man's live = cmon you asked for it. jaha per har cheez per tax hai? jaha per bhut jaldi paani per bhi tax lagne wla hai? basic commodities are sold to us undr capitalism. jaha itna corruption hai pucho mat jaha ek country dusri country per war krti hai and hum memes bana kar aage badh jate hai apni life mai cause its not effecting us? jaha rich and influential get away with everything but for middle class life gets hard every second day? what hope will they have for their life? we gen zs already live knowing deep down the world is going to come to an end and we have gathered is idgaf attitude as a coping mechanism. toh apne aage wali peedhi ko kya hi hope de?
nobody talks enough about this. shaadi krlo bacche paida krlo end of story. but no.
not the end of the story.
more people should stand up and say they dont want kids if they dont want kids. toh ek aur trauma induced peedhi na apida krde hum.