Desi households and having females in their fucking chokeholds
I have been out of my parents house since 4 years between which I have lived in a flat, did freelncing, started my career, and other adulty stuff. The point is I am an independent woman. I can travel by myself, stay completely alone and provide for myself. But nobody sees that.
When I was leaving home to pursue my studies, I lived in this naive little world that once I get out, get on my own two feet, I will not be just a girl anymore. People will not just look at me and think she's a burden, or she has to be married or whatever. I used to think I would be looked at as someone with value, as someone who has something to offer, who's not some responsibility to let go off. Boy, was I wrong.
When I was in high school, there came a time where a lot of my cousins were getting married, like there used to be like 4-5 marriages a year type of shit. And I would refuse to attend those weddings because I knew how the extended family was. We would meet after years and the first thing on the tip of their tongue would be something about my looks. And at that time in high school, I had put on some weight. Whenever life gets a bit too stresfull, I tend to let myself go a little bit and I gain weight. And at that point of my life, I had the first fight about my career with my parents. They used to think I am dumb, unserious kid because i had the audacity to want to pursue a creative career amongst the family of doctors and engineers. And I had made my whole life around my studies to prove it to them that I am smart i just dont want to be a doctor or an engineer.
Anyways, I knew the extended family will all talk about my weight or my looks and warn my parents about my health and I just didnt want to deal with that type of scrutiny while dealing with the stress of proving myself. So, I stopped attending weddings.
Then my own sister got married. I met a lot of my cousins literally after half a decade or more and I felt like I made a mistake not going when I was younger. So, I started attending weddings again.
Now, I had been having the same career debates with my parents these days. I just graduated and I didn't immediately want to start a full time job after completing my internships and graduating as well. So, I decided I will come back home stay a while get a job and move on.
Living in a desi household as an unemployed kid is the most horrible thing you can ever do. I immediately got sucked into the family duty and responsibility emotional wormhole. I didn't even want to attend these three weddings that we had back to back. I was in the middle of giving interviews and I had to manage during the said weddings. My parents couldn't care less about my career, they just wanted me to do MBA. My mom wants to start her 'bahu training' for me whatever that means. Apparently she has learnt some lessons with my older sister and now she wants to train me for marriage. She cares even less about me getting a job. She says she wants me to be independent but she doesn't really. She just wants me to be competent enough for the future husband thats it.
I was forced to attend the weddings i could care less about and all I got were comments on my body that's literally it. One of my mausi who I have zero relationship with, hell even mumma doesn't have any relationship with her, she was talking to my mother about my weight and my looks and who would marry me if i remain the same way and asking about my habits and if I eat out or if I exercise. My mother, in turn, instead of shutting her up and telling her its not any of her business, agreed with her.
I talked to this dhur ke dadu of mine. The last memory that I had of him was when he used to come to our home when I was like 7-8 years old and he used to love icecreams and i, the kid, used to always love ice creams too so we would go out and buy tubs of ice creams daily. But thats the last memory I had of him. We havent talked or met in years. But what he had to say to me? Reduce the weight or else you will not be able to get married.
My point is so simple. Why do we feel the need to tell women what to do always? I see no one ever saying anything to any male members of the family. I met my cousins this year and between the unmarried ones, its either they are 2-3 years older than me or 2-3 years younger than me and all of them smoke and drink and do what not. IN THE OPEN. they are encouraged. Some are not even 20 bro. And I have seen no comments ever made on the looks of the guys in oru family ever. Its always the women- whether its about what they were wearing, or their makeup, or their weight. We are always talking about women and their looks. Always critizing and commenting unnecesarily.
No matter what you do or what you achieve, it all comes back to how much of a serviceable wife you would be. And its so heartbreaking that I cannot even describe it.
Kitni pagal thi mai yaar jo mai sochti thi ki mai in sabko badlungi. I will be the change. Talking and communicating is the key.
They are genuinely never going to change. and all these people are highly educated by the way. some have worked government jobs, some have flashy degrees, some are doctors, engineers. all are educated highly. iitians or bits or iim ke log hai yeh. lekin aaj bhi soch nahi badli hai. kisi ki bhi nahi.
gummygunk
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
kianamaiart
areudirty
