Has anyone else felt this feeling? This feeling, in which, screams over and over.. if only. If only I was better. If only I was stronger. If only I was prettier, skinnier, more athletic. If only I had been good enough in my last life to appease the God's to grant me a body in which I could serve fully.. in a time I was needed, fully. If only...
Those words are enough to make me damn myself and my body every day. As if some warrior within is itching for a fight, for something greater. Yet, my mind and body as they are now, may possibly be the zenith of my stature without a lot of sacrifice that my lazy mind can not give up. What torture. To know I have exponential potential only to be sealed away by the restraints of my own mental cage.. to know that I can, and would, be the best possible version of myself with only some support. A backbone I do not have, and, may never have. That knowing that I could achieve the best, with the knowledge that I never will, still make me ache and itch all over again. If only.. If only... I was not who or what I am now.