#a fading dancer

[supposedtobe]

How can I be with her when I'm dreaming if you?

Possibly the cutest thing a guy has ever said to me and we were only 11

[supposedtobe]

"People say that God doesn't give you what you want because you deserve better. Maybe I don't want better."

I Only Ever Wanted You, 02/12/2014

[supposedtobe]

I’ve loved you. I’ve hated you. I’ve laughed with you. I’ve been angry at you, confused by you and cried for you. I suppose all that’s left to do is miss you.

Words of Loss, 04/09/2014

[supposedtobe]

We put our trust in other people before we learn to put our trust in ourselves and that is our fatal downfall.

Words of Stupidity, 03/09/2014

[supposedtobe]

I watched you drown yourself in a whisky bottle and lose yourself in the labyrinth of life.

Words of Loss, 24/08/2014

[supposedtobe]

I wonder if you ever saw me as anything more than a friend.

Words of Hidden Love, 23/08/2014

[supposedtobe]

When I first started getting to know you I wasn't careful. I didn't realise that one day you would be able to get under my skin, one day you would be the tape and glue holding the broken pieces of me together. I didn't realise that your opinion would matter most to me in the world, that you would have the power to build me up and tear me down brick by brick, piece by piece. So I let myself be charmed by your smile and be more open with you than I'd allowed myself to be with anyone else. Maybe it's because of the way we met. Surrounded by music and movement. Dance has always been a way for me to let go. It's always been there for me to lose myself for a while and forget the life around me. I lost myself in you at the same time. Sometimes I can pretend I've moved on. What kind of person willingly continued to torture themselves by falling for the same person over and over again? A person who never fully reciprocrates. A person who never completely gives you their trust. A person you can't even tell yourself doesn't want to. A person you're falling in love with. A person who's walking away.

Words for E, 11/08/2014

[supposedtobe]

I met you on my first day of high school and haven't stopped thinking about you since then. The thing that first entranced me was your eyes. How they shone when you laughed or smiled. How they scrunched up when you were confused. How they would capture my gaze and hold it for just a few seconds longer than necessary before dropping to the floor as a half, shy smile grew on your face. It was that smile that caught me next. The sheepish smile when I caught you watching me. The way you smiled at every small thing I did, every mistake I made. And then you would laugh and that sound enchanted me more than anything. As the years passed we grew closer and closer. I learnt more things I loved about you. The things you were interested in, you're style of drawing, the way you would never let anyone belittle you or bring you down. You supported me through everything. When I lost her I turned to you. You listened when nobody else did, you helped heal the hole losing a loved one left in my heart. You knew what to say to make it feel a little less like a chasm had just torn my world in two, a chasm too big to cross. And even through this you didn't expect anything from me. You simply waited for me with your arms open and when I eventually fell into them, you promised yourself you wouldn't, couldn't, let me go. And then, like I feared it would, it became too much. I stopped trying. I walked away. But you let me. You didn't call after me, you didn't ask for another chance. You accepted it and turned away. You turned away from my offers of friendship, from my hopeful eyes, my strained smiles. You just let me go despite saying the three words that weren't enough, despite the promises you made yourself. And now, 10 months later, you're with her. That hurts but it's not a searing hot knife stabbing into my heart. The thing that kills me is that with her you're willing to try harder, fight harder, than you ever tried or fought for me. I wasn't enough to make you try. I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough.

Words for M, 11/08/2014