Content Warning: All the horrible stuff. Genocide. White Supremacy. everything. This is the USA's history
It is a big holiday in the USA. And I have mix feelings and options on this holiday, but mostly on the country that is the United States of America. I think by reading Chapter 4 of Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States will hopefully illuminate that. I find it hard to be an "Proud America" with this history. I will game after the reading. And I am trying to raise money to reduce my credit card debt. Come and join me.
(!13+) !learnwithme as I am !reading A People's History of the United States, Chapter 4 | !creditcarddebt | !freepalestine | !retweet |
You'd been caught in a dream, floating somewhere you didn't recognize. It took you a moment to realize that perhaps you weren't dreaming at all, especially when you were walking through a house you didn't recognize.
It was full of jars and books, and it almost looked how your trailer looked. Except bigger. Somehow fuller. You had a feeling that knocking over one book would cause a whole stack of them to fall. You didn't know where you were going, only that the house was lit by the light falling in through the windows. The only other light was the one coming from behind a closed door.
You passed through the door, before you turned at the sound of footsteps. No one was behind you, and they hadn't been your own. Your feet hadn't been making any. It sounded outside yourself. Like the sounds were trapped in a fog. Still, you kept yourself calm as your eyes adjusted to the dark room. The only light was the flickering candlelight.
You saw someone, an old woman. She had her own altar, her own herbs and spells. You saw her sigils and candles, and thought you recognized the sigils carved into them. Protection candles, you thought. There were two, with a poppet in front of each of them. They had clothing fashioned around them, with a picture leaning against the candle of who they were supposed to represent. One had a picture of an older boy, with dark curls and clear blue eyes. The other hand sandy blonde hair, with eyes just the same. The brothers, you thought.
You watched as the old woman picked up the blonde haired boys poppet. She wrapped a string around it, muttering to herself. You didn't get to catch what she was whispering, because she suddenly stopped. You had walked up besides her, gotten close. Too close. She looked over her shoulder, and it almost looked as if she was staring right at you. You froze. She lifted a hand, and she reached for you. But her hand went through you, wrapped around nothing. You looked down where her hand had gone through you. You were still there. Still whole. But she couldn't touch you. Faintly, you realized that you must've been astral projecting. You'd never done it before, or you'd never done it purposely. You almost wanted to speak to her, to ask what she was doing, but you heard it again. The sound of voices.
They were still back in the fog, but they were getting louder. To your surprise, the woman looked with you. As if she could hear them too. You looked down at the poppet in her hand, and then you realized. The poppet she was holding, the boy it was connected to, he must've been close. She must've been watching him. Protecting him. The moment that you did, she lifted her hand and whispered,
"Begone."
***
Really, you didn't know how the boys were sleeping through it. The others, the hunters, weren't even attempting to be quiet. You could hear the sound of their footsteps all the way back in the boys' little sub-cave. All the way into your projection. Each word seemed to bounce off the walls right into their hideout. But it wasn't until someone yelled,
"Don't you touch her! You stay away from her!" That you jolted awake and out of your subconscious. They're here. You sat up, looking for the source of the voice. Your mind was foggy, clouded. Even more tired than it had been before. Like you hadn't slept at all. You tried to think back to your dream, but you barely got flashes.
In your haze, you thought that voice had been talking about you. But, no one was here. Then, you looked up at the boys above you. Except them. They were fast asleep and as still as death, right where you'd left them when you nodded off. So, if they weren't here then that meant- They found Star. You thought. You knew she wouldn't be hurt, or you had failed to see her death. When you instead heard a gruff voice say,
"C'mon, vampires have such rotten tempers." You knew you were right. And that the voice that had yelled at them to get away must've been the harbinger of death that you'd seen in your card. You clasped your hands together, anxiety wracking through you.
You knew, despite everything you'd done, that sometimes fate was a set course. That not even spells or magic could protect unfortunate souls. Especially damned ones. You looked up at the boys. You knew the three would be set to find them, and, while part of you didn't want them to hurt the younger teens, you couldn't imagine that they'd want to sleep through this. Or, perhaps, you just didn't want to be alone.
But how could you get to them? More importantly, how would they react if they saw you crack under the pressure? It occurred to you then that that's what you were doing. You were cracking. Your breath had sped up, and you wrapped a hand around your throat to try to calm your breathing. You placed a hand on your own chest, feeling your heartbeat. It was fast, too fast. You were letting the pressure get to you. You weren't holding up your end of the deal. You willed yourself to calm down, to take steady easy breaths.
You told yourself that everything was going to be fine. That they weren't going to find you. You'd laid out spells, protection, and, hell, you'd even hid the entrance to the cave. They would have to have an absurd amount of luck to find where you were hiding, and, more so, to get out unscathed. They'd have to have more than luck, you thought.
But, despite all that, you found yourself praying. You didn't have a particular god or deity in mind. Truth be told, you were praying to anyone who would listen. You were whispering a prayer your mother had taught you over and over, hoping it would help. Even as they drew closer and closer.
The cave made it so you could hear them all the way into the main part of the cave. Now, the sound of their footsteps was deafening. You had no idea of knowing how close they were, just that they were getting closer. Louder.
"Do you guys hear that?" And you froze. You'd forgotten that sound traveled both ways. You stopped your whispering and pressed a hand over your mouth to silence the sound of your breathing.
"Creepy." One of them said, and you almost thought they'd be able to hear the sound of your heartbeat from how loudly it was hammering in your chest. You thought about this over and over. The three of them sounded young. Like young teenagers trying to scramble to seem like they knew what they were doing. The boys looked young in the vision. It occurred to you then what was going to happen if they did stumble upon the cave. How were you going to hurt them? They were just a couple of kids. Sure, vampire hunters, but they were still children. It made you think about the witch hunters that had hunted your own clan, how they would hunt even young coven members if they showed any inclination of being a witch. You couldn't be like them. You couldn't. So, you pulled your hands from your mouth and opened your eyes.
You reached into your bag, quickly grabbing your mixing bowl and any of the materials you brought. You whispered your own enchantment over and over, deciding that there was no time to make new spells like the present. You grinded the herbs until they were a fine powder. You could hear the boys right outside the cave, the sound of their shoes scuffing against the rock. You stood up, clinging to one side of the entrance as you listened.
"It's a dead-end." One of the voices said. They were close, only a few steps away from the cave. You had to climb up in order to cling to the side wall. If they weren't careful, they'd fall into it.
"It can't be!" The gruff voice said. It almost sounded like he was putting it on. Trying to make his voice deeper. You clutched the bowl, digging your hand into the mixture of herbs as you silently began mouthing the enchantment. One word, one clear intention stuck in your mind. Begone.
"Well, do you see a way to go?" You heard a higher-pitched voice say, and then you heard it. A scuffle. You, in your minds eye, could already guess what was going to happen. While there might be a bed at the bottom, you didn't want the three boys to tumble into the nest. As much as you hated the fact that they were hunters, you wouldn't be able to stand the sight of them being torn apart. So, you stepped forward. Breaking through your smoke screen. You heard them start to yell, one of them even started to say,
"Holy-" But it was too late. You blew the powder in all of their faces, and they sputtered. They spit, trying to get the powder out of their open mouths. But it was no use. All of them had inhaled it out of instinct and surprise. You stared at them for a moment, looked them over. They couldn't be older than sixteen. You were right, they were still children. Any regret that you might've had quickly slipped away. You quickly raised your hand, and gave them a small mental push. A small one, just to push them back towards where they came.
"Save yourselves and leave this place." You told them. You watched as they coughed, but they were already moving. Already leaving. They were yelling and screaming, declaring how a girl had appeared right out of the wall. One of them was calling for a boy named Michael. But they were leaving, and you didn't even care that they'd seen your face. You sunk back behind the curtain, and waited until you heard the sound of the young hunters leaving before you went to wake the vampires.
***
You'd climbed up the latter, tilting your head as you stared into the sleeping face of the curly-haired vampire. He was still and asleep, not even drawing in a breath. But he was alive. In his own way. You reached out a hand, barely grazing it against the skin of his chest. The second you did, you gasped. A hand shot out, snatching your wrist. His eyes flicked open, a snarl left his mouth. His face had turned monstrous, with yellow eyes leering at you. The boys behind him shook awake, but Markos snarl died in his throat. Just before any of the others could open their eyes. At the silence, the rest seemed to settle. His grip loosened. He realized that it was just you.
"Afternoon." You told him, and Marko tilted his head. He opened his mouth to speak, but you could guess what he was going to ask. "They came. They're gone. I just wanted to tell you." You whispered, reaching out to touch his cheek. The two of you were face to face from where you'd stood on the latter, his body only a few inches from yours. He reached out to hold your hand to his face, his skin cold against yours.
"They left?" He asked, sleep thick in his voice. His eyes had almost fallen closed. You knew the sun was compelling him, trying to force him back into his dormant state. You nodded, and he nodded back. He smacked his lips together, as if he was thirsty, before his eyes slipped closed. You figured all of them would want something to drink when they woke up, and you could guess what. He made a noise, as if he was going to start to say something, but sleep was pulling at him quickly.
"Go back to sleep." You said, and, without thinking, you leaned forward to press a kiss to his forehead. It was difficult, given the angle, but Marko hummed again. He pulled his hand away from your hand, resettling it on his chest. You pulled your hand away from his face, and decided that you were going to do the same.
Your dreams were empty this time. Nothing but a never-ending view of black. It wasn't until you felt something fall besides you that you awoke, but an arm around your waist and weight pressed against your back kept you from lifting yourself up. Still, you turned your head to find that you were staring into the smiling face of Paul, who reached out to cup your cheek as he said,
"Evening, gorgeous." And was ducking his head to steal a kiss. It was sleepy and sweet compared to his usual kisses, and he reached to tickle you just after you pulled away. You reached for his hands with laugh, trying to get him to stop. You heard another noise, the sound of a jacket rustling, and you looked up to find Dwayne standing above you. He'd landed on his feet, just to the side of the corner of your bed. He kneeled on it, sighing as he moved to lay besides the two of you. He was rubbing his face and his eyes, laying on his side and seemingly not happy to be awoken so soon.
"The sun just set." He said, and you knew that it was directed at Paul. Paul rolled his eyes, leaning close until your noses almost brushed.
"How am I supposed to stay asleep when we have such a babe in our cave?" He asked, and he silenced whatever giggle you were going to let out with his lips. Paul only pulled away when Dwaynes hand pushed at his head, dislodging him from your lips. But Dwayne didn't sweep you into a kiss or pull you away. He simply moved to take up the side opposite of Paul, muttering something about how you were warm. When you looked at him, it looked as if he was half-way back to falling asleep. But it didn't last long. Marko was falling at the end of your bed, standing and stretching. He kicked Dwaynes foot, telling him,
"C'mon, man, I'm starving." You smiled. It seemed as if they had this argument every night. Paul and Marko were the early wakers, while they waited on David and Dwayne. It seemed like Dwayne liked to sleep in, but none of them even tried to disturb David. You didn't really have to guess why. You sighed. Even with Markos prompting, Paul was using you as a distraction. And, if the boys weren't going to let you up, you at least tried to recall what had happened earlier in the day.
Without meaning to, you told them everything. And the boys around you stilled. You heard another rustle, and you saw that David had finally woken up. He landed outside the bed, his icy blue eyes trained on you.
"They came?" David asked. His voice was like a knife, cutting through the warm wake-up you'd received. Marko had paled, and David was quick to turn his glare onto the blonde. "You knew?" And, for the first time, you saw Marko stutter.
"I- I thought it was a dream." He said, and David shook his head with a scoff. His gaze turned back on you, and the weights on either side of you lifted. You sat up with them, trying not to shrink under David's stare. His voice was sharp, reminding you exactly why you were here. That you weren't their friend, or their girlfriend. That you were their ally at best.
"Well?" And, for some reason, you knew David wasn't going to be happy with what you had to report.
It occured to me that while tarot may show me where each thing is at, it’s the oracle cards that will give me the wisdom I need to deal with each thing.
Decks used: Numinous Tarot and Inner Star Magic Oracle.
Mind - Four of Vials. I have lots of stuff that I’m taking for granted. What a call out! I can’t deny it though.
Inner Star tells me I need to focus on Sacred Knowledge and Kindred Support. Sacred Knowledge is appreciating all forms of knowledge in many things. Kindred Support is recognizing there is a community around me.
Body - The Tower. So a few days ago, I got the Devil, now I get the Tower. What am I not acknowledging about my body? But this says transformation will happen. Well, I got the Tower a few times last year, and it wasn’t scary, but I guess I do need to give my body more respect. (I do have a cold. Maybe it’s about that.)
Inner Star reminds me I am Stardust. Which is a wonderful counter to the Tower, and is a reminder of so much more. Even at my mundane and sick, I am still connected to magic and transformation that isn’t scary, but amazing.
Spirit - Two of Vials. Once again, my Mind and Body might not be the best, but another draw where my Spirit seems to be in a good place. This is a reminder that everything is in balance as long as I am kind and have the ability to put myself in another’s shoes.
And Inner Star gave me Matching Vibration, which is self-explanatory, and is very much an echo of Two of Vials.
The Hierophant. “traditions, rituals, and ceremonies create methods to bring the inner world into the physical.”
The last time I pulled this card I was stressing about anxieties, fandom, and relationships. But now? This is what sticks out to me. I do have a tendency to think “well, I’ll light candles later on tonight,” and then never do. Or “I’ll look at my art books tonight,” and then never do. I think, but don’t act. When I see this line in the guidebook, it strikes me that it’s not just about creating a spiritual, sacred learning space, but also about reconnecting with that everything that has come before. It’s not enough just to think “well, there is a glorious wider cosmos out there, and Voyager and Pathfinder will be records of our existence after all the species on this planet are gone.” No, one also has to remember the lives, cultures, and histories that came before -- here on earth. I’ve been thinking about this the past few days. It’s been a small shift in my thinking, but I think it is significant and useful, and will help me.
Six of Cups. “Challenge yourself to integrate the old into the new. Feel those echoes of the past and let them help you feel a deeper gratitude for the ever unfolding now.”
I really don’t need to say anything. It seems like lately my Shadow card is THE advice card for how to achieve the daily draw. I can say it is a struggle to figure out how to create a sacred space. But on the spiritual, learning level, I CAN do more to remind myself to connect with the past, and bring it into my now. I have so many art and history books. I have so many novels. I can do something.
