#a.

[sweetestdaydreamr]

Am I going to conquer my exams, or are my exams going to conquer me?

[thekidsfromthegoldencity]

yes babe your characters are exquisitely tormented and beautifully multi-faceted. can we fuck now

[unpodiverita]

"Ti piacerebbe averlo, un arcobaleno trovato?"

Avrei voluto farti i miei auguri in modo speciale, ancora – come cercavo di fare per i tuoi compleanni, per esempio, magari con una poesia o comunque cercando di dare valore a quel momento, come tu cercavi di fare anche con me, fino a un certo momento almeno. Avrei voluto farti i miei auguri anche per il periodo di Pasqua, non per la festività religiosa ovviamente – ma per quella subdola, penetrante indicibile sofferenza che si insinua nell’emotività delle persone più sole e più vulnerabili, come me, nei giorni festivi, e che almeno un tempo era facile che tu comprendessi e condividessi con me – non come hai fatto, invece, in occasione delle ultime festività natalizie, quando certi tuoi auguri banali, scontati, rozzi mi sono giunti come accompagnati dal rumore di unghie sulla lavagna – come il suono violento e odioso emesso da un segnare che non lascia evidenze, eppure c’è e si fa sentire.

(3-continua)

[devilselbowhq]

THE WILD & WONDERFUL APPALACHIA WELCOMES… isaac attano as written by ghost ( it / he ).

✱ affiliated with EAST ATLANTIC ARMY ✱ working as SPECIALIST ✱ has taken up residence in AFTERGLOW COMPOUND ✱ born on AUGUST 31ST ( 21 ) ✱ identifying as CIS MAN ( HE / HIM ) ✱ known to be ANALYTICAL, INDEPENDENT, STRATEGIC, ADAPTABLE, DISCIPLINED ✱ also know to be PRIVATE, CRITICAL, SCEPTICAL, MISTRUSTING, CYNICAL ✱ portrayed by RYAN POTTER

DIGGING DEEPER.

TW: needles tw; torture tw; indoctrination tw

chapter 1 ( just another product ) : he's not the only parentless child raised by the military. if he didn't know better, isaac would assume that the east atlantic army doubles as an orphanage for the multitude of children it manages to nurture and train. he can't say he remembers his childhood all that well, whether it's because there's nothing to properly remember, or because there's too much to remember, he can't say. his life wasn't unlike those of his classmates, most of whom were his age, but some older, some younger. he vaguely remembers a hall of bunkbeds, a large cafeteria, scrubbing bathrooms, physical training and classrooms with projectors. the only aspect of his childhood before his teens that's any sort of hold over is, of course, vera ward.

chapter 2 ( the best i know ) : what it is about vera that initially attracted him, isaac doesn't know. all he knows is that, anywhere she was, he found himself gravitating towards. they'd eat together in the cafeteria, they'd train together in their free time, did homework and studied for tests together; perhaps it's the part where she's always just accepted him for who he is. not loud, not outgoing, hardly a playful bone in his body—though whether that's because of his environment or his personality, isaac has no idea, and frankly, doesn't care to do any sort of deep dive into. vera is softer than he is, far more compassionate, and it helps him ease the tension permanently etched into the muscles of his shoulders.

chapter 3 ( a beating heart of stone ) : the way their paths—and his path from the other kids in their year—diverge is when he's sixteen, handpicked for a different program after graduation, instead of the few years of prep for fieldwork. the adults would continuously explain to him that this is a good thing, an honour, a result of all the hard work he's put in; isaac believed them, initially. it's how he met felix estrada, a man he'd only heard of before that moment. when this new part of his training starts, isaac realises with blinding pain that he's made a mistake, but with the inability to give in—give up—he doesn't let anyone know. they use the neuramble system for rti training as a stepping stone to his specialist training—as a forward unit, he'd be more susceptible for capture than the main squad, something that isn't explained as a likelihood, rather than an inevitability.

chapter 4 ( the price you pay ) : he'd never been born with any mutations, adverse or otherwise, at least, not to his knowledge. perhaps that's what actually makes him the right, blank slate for the work dr. estrada does on him, as part of his further education. isaac has never seen the details about the procedures, just knows the very visceral effects thereafter—a break-through, they'd call him, in the next stage of human evolution. he doesn't know what it means, and doesn't quite cares to know, mostly focused on getting through it all. at this point in his life, it's not so much the injections that hurt anymore, rather than the delayed effect, the feeling like frost in his veins spreading up his arm, seizing muscles, the headaches and the burning eyes, the searing skin and the throbbing eardrums. the ultimate result of it is muscle efficiency, making him faster and stronger than the average soldier, with eyesight and hearing to match—the downside is being shackled to afterglow for system maintenance.

chapter 5 ( heads will roll ) : it's only recently that he's graduated from his specialist training as well, receiving his first assignment under one ryo sasaki. it's a name he's more than familiar with—not only did he find out in his early teens that vera ward, his best friend, is much more than that, and that the story of his life thus far has been… fiction at best, by sixteen, he was more than aware of who his parents truly were. ryo sasaki, his father, has never so much as spoken a word to either of his children, let them feel alone in the world, raised by a machine, and while isaac will follow the orders of a superior officer as he's been trained and conditioned to, this knowledge makes it difficult for him respect the man. as for his other parent, well… he knows he's the second chance, to show those who raised him that treason is not genetic, that failure isn't bred in, and isaac is determined to be all that she was, and better.

EXTRAS.

( CONNECTIONS. )

falina “claymore” roux ( biological parent )

ryo sasaki ( biological father )

felix estrada ( physician )

vera ward ( fraternal twin sister )

( MEDIA. )

pinterest

soundtrack

( QUICK STATS. )

mbti : intj

enneagram : 5w6

moral alignment : lawful neutral

temperament : melancholic-choleric

greek god : ker

zodiac : virgo sun ; capricorn moon ; taurus rising

( CHARACTER INSPIRATION. )

the winter soldier ( marvel )

john wick ( john wick )

agent 47 ( hitman )

eve macarro ( ballerina )

widowmaker ( overwatch )

[devilselbowhq]

THE WILD & WONDERFUL APPALACHIA WELCOMES… vera ward as written by maddie ( she / her ).

✱ affiliated with EAST ATLANTIC ARMY ✱ working as PRIVATE ✱ has taken up residence in AFTERGLOW COMPOUND ✱ born on AUGUST 31 ( 21 ) ✱ identifying as CIS WOMAN ( SHE / HER ) ✱ known to be OBSERVANT, LOYAL, DISCIPLINED, COMPASSIONATE, CURIOUS ✱ also know to be NAIVE, STUBBORN, SELF-SACRIFICING, OVERCRITICAL, RESTLESS ✱ portrayed by MIKA SCHNEIDER

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

➥ First real friend outside the army <3 Vera’s whole life has been in the army, I would love for her to develop a friendship with someone who likes her for herself, rather than her rank/unit. ➥ Squadmate. Someone in the same unit, and when they’re in the field they trust each other completely; but off-duty they fucking hate each other. I’m envisioning a loudmouth attention grabbing type character who thinks Vera is uptight, and she thinks they’re annoying. I just think it would be a fun dynamic!

DIGGING DEEPER.

TW: stillbirth tw

Raised from infancy at the East Atlantic Military Academy as an orphan, Vera Ward has spent her entire life within the army system. A disciplined, capable young soldier, she genuinely believes in the ideals of service, order, and the protection of others. She is not the strongest or the fastest, but her loyalty is endless.

An excellent student with a particular love of learning, Vera developed a reputation for being observant, methodical, and reliable. Though only recently assigned to duty as a private, she is already noted for her strong fieldcraft, attention to detail, and aptitude for reconnaissance work.

Vera never knew her biological family and has always accepted the army as her home. She implicitly trusts the institution that raised her and had little reason to question the official story of her parents’ deaths. Until, that is, she learned that she had a twin brother, and a father, there in the background of her life the whole time.

Vera, as it turns out, is the daughter of former army specialist Falina Roux and Command Sergeant Ryō, two soldiers who were falsely told their children had been stillborn. Her mother later defected after uncovering the truth, while her father remained within the system. She grew up admiring Ryō, modelling herself after him; learning that he was her father, absent yet present, and she wants to know why. Why he stayed, why he never said anything; she’s not angry, like Isaac is. But she desperately needs to understand.

Having learned that the story of her life was nothing but a construction, Vera is now torn between loyalty to the institution that formed her and love for the family she never knew. Isaac is the only one she can trust fully, and the only one that can see the fragility that lies beneath her surface.

EXTRAS.

* full biography

Vera ward never lacked family: she had warrant officers that taught her to read, instructors that taught her to shoot, fellow cadets who shared her dormitory. The East Atlantic Army had clothed her, educated her, and given her purpose. It had never once occurred to her to question where she belonged.

Her earliest memories are of lying in the warm grass between drills, laughing with the other cadets for how out of breath they had become. They are of heavy army rations, strengthening her after long runs. They are of bronzed skin in the sun, glowing with strength and exertion, and of knowing exactly how everything fit together. The world made sense. She learned discipline from the academy; a skill that she will always carry with her. She learned companionship from a fellow cadet: Isaac. They grew up together and had a natural affinity for one another. They understood each other’s limits, could push each other to the brink and figure out how to excel, as a team and as individuals.

Isaac might have been born for the role of soldier, but Vera had to approach it with the same diligence she did everything else. She loved the training and worked hard at it, but her natural curiosity also led her to love learning more broadly. She has always kept notebooks, and observes things keenly. Of particular interest, are maps: she loves old maps, seeing how humanity’s understanding of the world changed, and she makes her own maps too. Usually of the world as it is, but sometimes of the worlds she wishes she could inhabit instead. Shortly before graduation, a crack appeared in the story she had been told her entire life. Or perhaps more accurately, a crack was deliberately revealed. Vera was sent into the archives to do some research, and it was the strangest thing: in among the files she was meant to be looking at, were some unrelated personnel files. And it was then that she learned the truth: that her connection to Isaac ran deeper than friendship, and that her parents were alive. This was not the truth of the world as Vera had learned it, and this new truth was a cataclysm she could never have prepared for.

Claymore, the traitor, the defector. That is the story that Vera was told. And Ryō, the loyal soldier. She knew that one well. Both, as it happened, are not entirely true, not as it pertains to Vera. She does not know now whether to think of her mother as a hero or a traitor, and whether her father is a coward or a protector. She does not know whether the army raised her out of kindness or convenience. There is a lot that she doesn’t know any more, and Vera has never been particularly good at leaving questions unanswered.

For now, the only one she trusts fully is Isaac. Her best friend, and apparently her twin. He has been deceived just as she has, though they're processing in very different ways. Vera has never been an explosive person. While her worldview is shattered, and she is realising how naive she has been, it does not erupt from her. Below the surface she is shifting, tectonic plates beneath her skin, trying to understand her new identity in this world that is new to nobody but her.

* headcanons    

Vera is a big map nerd. She collects obsolete old ones, thinks it’s neat to see what changed, what disappeared, what people thought was important. She also enjoys making her own, both of the real world around her and of imaginary worlds.    

Loves watchtowers and high places. Vera is always climbing things. Observation decks, old water towers, ridges etc. She likes seeing how places fit together.    

Repairs paper. If she finds torn maps, damaged books, crumpled reports, whatever, she repairs them. The army taught her to maintain equipment and she extends that philosophy to information.    

Keeps detailed field journals. Absurdly detailed. She’s always jotting things down, margins jam packed with notes and observations

* pinterest boards / playlists    

* No official playlist yet but a couple of songs that have been in my head for this character:    

Family Tree (Intro) - Ethel Cain. [The fates already fucked me sideways, swingin’ by my neck from the family tree. He’ll laugh and say, “You know I raised you better than this”, then leave me hanging so they all can laugh at me.]    

The Culling - Chelsea Wolfe. [I’ll never tell the secrets of my family. Bled out, a cult of anonymity; the kettle is wheeling, my love, riding on the back of a hell they caused]    

Abraham’s Daughter - The Arcade Fire [Then the angel asked her what her name was; she said I have none then he asked how can this be? My father never gave me one. And when he saw her raised for the slaughter, Abraham’s daughter raised her bow. How darest you child defy your father? You better let young Isaac go.]

* character inspo.

Dana Scully, The X-Files (the truth is out there and she will sniff it out! but she is also going to be sensible and rational about it!). David Strorm, The Chrysalids (learning that the truth she was indoctrinated into might not be the whole truth; maybe she can't fully trust the institutions around her). Maybe a bit of Lyra Belacqua from His Dark Materials, even? In that the adults have been hiding something monumental from her her whole life.

[unpodiverita]

"Ti piacerebbe averlo, un arcobaleno trovato?"

Tu sai, insomma, A.: sono io che non so.

Non so, ad esempio, mentre ti scrivo, se hai portato a termine quella laurea che agli inizi del nostro strano rapporto rappresentava un obiettivo pericolosamente difficile, pericolosamente perché si trattava di uno sforzo, uno dei pochi che riuscivi a portare avanti all’epoca, ma sufficiente comunque a destabilizzare il tuo fragile stato psicofisico, inducendo uno stato di stress che dovevi centellinare per non esserne sopraffatta. Io ricordo le foto che mi mandavi quando uscivi per studiare alla biblioteca di M., per esempio, e quei piccoli passi avanti che facevi riuscendo a poco a poco a superare esami più facili e poi magari più difficili, nonostante gli ostacoli posti dalla salute, dalla situazione familiare, da altri impegni che via via sopraggiungevano. Avrei voluto “esserci” come per la prima laurea, almeno, anche se già allora si trattava di un modo di esserci, nel rapporto con te, molto meno intimo e molto meno costante di quanto invece non fosse nei primi tempi – quando perfino da qui riuscivo a bucare le tue mutandine, e certamente, pur essendo nient’altro se non ciò che sono sempre rimasto, riuscivo a rappresentare, nei tuoi pensieri, un impegno atteso e desiderato e non, come poi, un onere da gestire e portare a compimento senza particolare urgenza, come tanti, troppi nella tua routine. (2-continua)

[palmkisses]

Yeah I used to follow leejenowrld and honestly just started to get super uncomfortable on there so I unfollowed her - I used to pop back in every now and then and that feeling never left like it just gave such weird vibes like saying “hey talk to me” and complaining about not getting enough interaction are two very different things

haha i love how everyone is just coming out and saying that she made them uncomfortable / something was off abt her 😭 and exactly !

[sealochs]

me & my bf losing our minds to dirty wedding dress as i drive us over the forth bridge at sunset is a memory i'll take to my grave actually. both of us screaming only my people can see me, only my people come in !!!! as i break the speed limit, knowing we're going to get married someday in some very chic way surrounded in the highlands by only our nearest & dearest