When the Sun Sets
Request: park junhee lovers to enemies au? thank you
A/N: I would like to clarify that everything written in this story is complete fiction and isn’t to be taken as a true portrayal of reality. This story was extremely difficult to write, it really hurt if I’m being honest, and tbh I’m not too sure of the quality. I just know that I struggled to write it because, while I feel angst is what I do best, I tend to prefer hopeful endings- not the kind that would leave someone distraught.
*****There is no excerpt or summary bc if you want your heart to hurt this is the right fic for you. Also, I’m just gonna add that the person who proofread this for me said “Wow, I understand why you wanted to get it out... just horribly sad. I don’t know what else to say except ouch.” So I hope that is of some help.*****
Word Count: 2,252
Genre: Angst (this f*cking hurts), Lovers-to-Enemies AU
*****This is a continuation of Just As the Sun Rises - if you liked the happy ending DO NOT READ THIS, bc it will severely wreck that*****
Sometimes love just isn’t enough. You can love someone with all you have. Your heart and soul. With every fiber of your being. Yet and still, love alone isn’t enough to keep two drifting souls together. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t tie two people together by love alone. Effort and dedication need to be put into a relationship, so that it won’t fall apart.
Everything had been going so well… Until it wasn’t. Together for three years, you’d had many ups and downs but ultimately you made it through them all. This time it was different. All of those fights that previously seemed like they might tear you two apart were just child’s play. Those fights were nothing compared to the current stalemate. Neither of you had similar thoughts on the matter- and it was driving you up the wall. This wasn’t what you expected when you first started dating Jun three years ago. It wasn’t anywhere close to your mind when you moved in with him. Though looking back, maybe it should have been.
But you were love blind, and so was he. Maybe you both thought you were of the same mind then. Maybe you thought there were no worries- that love was capable of overcoming any obstacle. Except as we all know, love on its own is incapable of defeating any problem. Love is just a mitigating factor, you can let it drive you to pull yourself together, to handle things you never thought possible. On its own, love is worthless.
The problem stemmed from your viewpoints on life- marriage and children. The problem was that he wanted both of those things, and that you only wanted one. Having children had never been in your life plan. Seemingly this issue arose overnight. Nothing ever just pops up unexpectedly though, it was stewing somewhere away from the forefront. Maybe you should’ve noticed all those times his face lit up when he interacted with a friend’s child. Looking back, you should’ve noticed how he would always look at you with this heartwarming smile- the look in his eyes that screamed that what if one day he got to hold your child.
But you didn’t notice. Instead you existed completely blind to the issue, until he proposed to you. What was meant to be one of the happiest moments of your life turned into one of the worst. Jun’s proposal speech was sweet and sentimental, that the two of you were meant to be together, that you were family. And that somewhere along the line, once you made a home for yourselves, that he couldn’t wait to see what your children would look like- whose eyes they’d have, he thought they should have yours.
All the color had drained from your face, and in that moment you had been immensely glad that he hadn’t proposed to you in public. Everything had gone slightly blurry as tears filled your eyes. How were you supposed to tell the man you were madly in love with, the man that wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, that you didn’t want kids? But were you just supposed to sit back and do something so life altering, where you’d actually influence a child’s life, when you never wanted to? You couldn’t help but think how unfair that’d be, not just to you, but to Jun and the child.
Jun had thought your tears were those of happiness, and since the beginning you’d been nodding until he mentioned kids, so naturally he thought you were going to say yes. Thus he had slipped the ring onto your finger and hugged you tight. That was when you completely broke down, you started sobbing uncontrollably. Of course seeing you like this was confusing for him, he thought you were happy, so why were you crying like something terrible had happened? Nothing else was spoken of that night, Jun ushered you to bed and tucked you in after turning on your favorite TV show. Despite not being aware of what was upsetting you, he took care of you. And that made it so much harder.
Sleeping in the same bed as him was difficult. Your heart felt constricted. Ultimately the restlessness won out, and since you knew you wouldn’t be getting any sleep, you crawled out of the covers in the early hours of morning. There was too much going on in your head, all the wires were crossed and fraying. Any decision you made would hurt someone. Jun found you hours later in the kitchen, a cold mug of coffee sitting in front of you, head in your hands.
His hand smoothed down your back, startling you. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
“I… I don’t know how to say this.” You mumbled, looking over at him. “How- how am I supposed to tell you? I don’t want to hurt you.”
Jun laughed nervously. “The way you’re talking is scaring me. You didn’t cheat on me did you?”
You recoiled, shaking your head. “No, I’d never.”
“Well then, whatever it is can’t be that bad.”
Biting the inside of your cheek, you nodded. You just needed to say it. “Jun, I love you, and I want to marry you.” Pausing to take a deep breath you noticed the bright smile on his face at your previous words. His smile made you want to keep the next sentence captive in your head. “But I… I don’t want kids.”
The smile that you loved dropped from his face. “What?”
“Please don’t make me say it again, it was hard enough to get out in the first place.” You whispered, looking away from Jun.
His hands grasped your shoulders, turning you to face him. “I need to hear you say it again.”
“I don’t want kids.”
After you had admitted that you didn’t want to have kids, the conversation had taken a serious turn. Jun didn’t understand how you’d never talked about it before. Just like you, he had assumed you both always wanted the same thing- that was how in tune you were with each other. Clearly though, you weren’t as in tune as you thought. Weeks passed, and each day the conversation was revisited. Each time it felt like your heart was being ripped from your chest. Jagged edges surrounding where your heart used to reside.
Certainly Jun felt the same. Like a bucket of ice water had sloshed over him while he was peacefully asleep. Like a blindfold had been lifted, the world that used to hold countless treasures turned into a wasteland. How could he not? But there was a turning point. A point in which he realized you wouldn’t change your mind. A point in which you realized how much you truly loved him. If you didn’t, how could you do what was necessary?
If you didn’t love him, how could you leave him when he said he was willing to not have children if he was with you? Because that’s just what happened. Initially it seemed like neither of you would change your minds, the argument would just go on forever. No true change occuring, but neither of you being strong enough to leave. But then one day he walked into the living room, looking defeated, and declared that if you didn’t want kids then it was okay.
Maybe earlier when you felt like your heart had been ripped out, it was just the ghost of a pain that was to come. The second Jun uttered those words was the most painful moment since he’d proposed to you. Images of your future flashed before your eyes, the future of your relationship if you married him after his sacrifice. The first few years might be wonderful, filled with happy moments of wedded bliss. But then the reality would sink in, Jun would realize exactly what he’d given up, and that he’d given that up for you. You would then become the source of pain for him.
Maybe he’d regret his decision, or maybe he’d become resentful and bitter towards you. That wasn’t a future you wanted any part in. Facing the pain of leaving him now would be a hundred times better than staying in a relationship that was bound for misery. A part of you wished to avoid the end, to run away without a word, but that wasn’t you. You weren’t a coward. You weren’t a dastardly type that could disappear in the night, leaving loved ones without prior notice of your absence. You’d have to face him, one-on-one, and tell him.
Tell him that you couldn’t marry him. Tell him that you hated leaving him, but you couldn’t stay. It would hurt. It would be torture to find those words. To set them free from your mind and release them to the world. And they were. Each word became a stone settled in the back of your mouth, the weight steadily increasing as you spoke. Stomach unsettled at the look of despair on Jun’s face. Heartbreak and desperation shone clearly in his eyes, his hand clutching at your arm as he begged you to stay. He said he couldn’t survive without you. He said you were his heart, the other part of him. But you knew he could survive. You knew he could make it through, and that one day, eventually, he would thank you.
After breaking his heart in the middle of your living room, you moved out, even going so far as to quit the job where you had met. You could still remember how your relationship started- at first you couldn’t stand each other, and that went on for years. Maybe it would’ve been better if you had never found comfort with each other. That way this pain would never have occurred. That way you wouldn’t know of the love that you couldn’t keep.
You were of a hopeful mind that as time passed, it would get easier, for both of you. And for a time it did, but each time you reached a better place you would run into him somewhere in town. It was never good when you ran into each other. The first few times Jun would plead with you, saying he missed you so much, and that you never left his mind. After that he quickly became bitter and resentful, forgoing a greeting and going straight to slights and insults. And he knew just what to say to wound you.
On one specific occasion, what would later be known to you as the last time you spoke to Jun, you’d had enough. Of all places, you just had to run into him at a work event, the new company you’d joined was having a charity event where a bunch of other advertising firms were invited. You’d spotted him across the room first, chatting lightly, happily, with a group of your coworkers. The smile present on his face was bright, cheerful, as if over the past two years he had known no pain. You knew the second he saw you, the smile slipping from his face with a speed that seemed inhuman.
It made your heart ache, the way his lips set into a thin line. How he set down the glass of champagne he was holding and slowly made his way over to you. A small part of you wanted to run away, to go somewhere else, but you knew that once Jun sets his sights on something he doesn’t back down. And running wouldn’t help at all. So in that moment you decided it was enough. The conversation started innocently enough, as you had been talking to a few people from another firm, but the second they left it mutated.
Words became harsh. Cruel. Filled with resentment and pain. Making it clear he hadn’t moved on, as if he hadn’t even tried. Instead choosing to dwell on his anger and pain that you had caused him. It reached a point that your voices cut through the mindless chatter of the people around you. Eyes flickered over to the two of you as the room suddenly went quiet. Surely it must’ve been a sight to see two people dressed to the 9’s, having a shouting match at a high end charity event.
A vein pulsed in his neck as he yelled. “We could’ve worked it out! We could have saved us!”
“Some things aren’t worth saving!” Your voice finally rose to match his, rage filling you. “For the past two years since we broke up, I’ve been hoping that you could move on and let go. I did what I did, for you! So that you wouldn’t wake up one day, married to me, and realize you made a mistake. Don’t you understand?” You cried out. “There was nothing to save, Junhee!”
You loved him. You loved him so much it made your heart hurt. But love isn’t always meant to last. Sometimes its only purpose is to end in pain, so that you end up with jagged edges that take years to sand down. Love can be wonderful, it can come from strained beginnings and create something beautiful- and after that creation has grown it can be torn down in the same manner. Just as the sun rises it can be beautiful, but when the sun sets it becomes shrouded in darkness and all that was beautiful is hidden. Making you question if it was ever love to begin with.