'Cause it's so fun to see my face starin' back at me (Wip)
Summary: Joey is on his way home when he stumbles upon the person hed least expected to see out of anyone in the world (his past self)
Warnings: self cest, slight name-calling (whore, slut) but not really, denial, tiniest bit of angst, regret, making out, internalized homophobia?, eventual smut but it's not written yet
Word count: 1,512
Authors note: this is a wip, I wrote all of this a while ago after seeing a post on tumblr about Joey self cest and I just had to write about it (also inspired by a fic by @in-death-we-fall, I love their work) i wrote it all in one sitting and then my brain went blank and I haven't touched it since, I'm sure I'll finish it eventually I just don't know when, maybe if this does well (on here or ao3) then I'll have a reason to finish it
EDIT: this is finished now, the full fic is here
Title from A.D.I.D.A.S by Korn
Joey was strolling home after running to the convenience store by his house to get a case of beer, the night is cool and there isn't another soul in sight, that is until Joey gets to his front door, unlocking it when all of a sudden someone taps his shoulder startling him and causing him to drop his keys, he bends down to pick up his keys and turns around to see who the fuck just damn near gave him a heart attack at this hour. He fumbles with his keys, crouched down, looking at the lower half of the person in front of him. He hasn't yet looked at their face. He's met with a short black skirt, fishnet tights, and black knee high platform boots, Joey chuckles slightly at the memory that he himself used to dress like that, he used to look like a total whore now that he thinks about it. He stands up straight, brushing his long tangly hair out of his face, just as he's about to tell the mystery person who he assumes is some random girl or a hooker or something, that he's way too old for her, he makes eye contact with the person and freezes. Staring right back at him is himself. From 15 or 16 years ago, back when he was in the Murderdolls. His jaw drops in shock and he almost loses his keys again. The other him just stands there, looking smug as ever, twirling his hair. Joey is completely dumbfounded, he's not high so he thinks he must be dreaming. But he doesn't feel like he's dreaming. He hesitantly reaches out and touches the other him’s face, it's warm and smooth, and totally real. He's definitely not dreaming. He flinches back as if he was burned. The other him snorts in amusement.
“You alright there man?” The younger him asks, clearly finding the situation funny.
“How…what the fuck? How are you here? How are you real? This is fucked up” Joey stumbles over his words in disbelief, utterly confused, his brow furrowed. The other him just shrugs his shoulders.
“Beats me man, I just showed up here. Maybe we're like dead or something” the other him responds casually. Joey sighs in frustration.
“Ok…ok, we aren't dead, I mean, I'm not dead. This is just some fucked up dream or something right?” Joey says mostly to himself (not his younger self, his actual self) he runs his hand through his beard, taking a deep breath.
The other him just stands there kind of awkwardly, shivering slightly in the frigid air. Joey looks at him and realizes he's barely wearing anything.
“Shit, sorry, you're probably cold. Come in” Joey says, opening his door to let himself in, following behind him.
Once their inside the other him plops down on the couch, his skirt riding up slightly, Joey tries not to look. He makes his way to the kitchen and places his 12 pack of beer he just bought onto the counter, grabbing two cans out of the box and bringing them to the living room, handing one to the other him. He sits down on the couch next to himself, cracking open his beer and taking a long swig.
They both sit in an awkward silence for a while, just drinking their beer. The only sounds that can be heard are the low hum of the random shitty movie playing on Joey's TV and their shared quiet breathing.
“So” says the other him suddenly, breaking the silence. “are you married or anything? Dating? Screwing?” He asks curiously, noticing the lack of anyone else's presence in Joey's home. Joey sighs before replying.
“I had a girlfriend for a while, but she cheated on me, then dumped me, and then I realized I was gay all along,” he says casually, taking a sip from his beer. The other him scoffs.
“bullshit. You've always known you were gay, you're just too much of a pussy to admit it. You always get girlfriends to try and fix yourself or something but it doesn't work. Don't you remember all the guys you used to fuck in secret?” The other him lectures, upset that he still hasn't changed and accepted himself after all this time. Joey is slightly taken aback hearing the other him snap at him, he chokes on his beer.
“What? That's not true, you can't just say that” Joey snaps back, even though he knows the other him is right.
“Whatever, you can't lie to me. I know how your brain works, I know how you felt all those years ago, because I literally am you from all those years ago, I'm living it right now. I thought by now you would have learned to accept yourself, you know…we'd be a lot happier if you did” the other him fights back, his voice going softer and breaking slightly on the last sentence.
Joey frowns. He remembers being this boy. Always So conflicted with his feelings, always discriminating himself, beating himself up because he wasn't ‘normal’. A sense of clarity washes over him. Seeing himself here, right now in front of him makes him feel pity and sympathy for his younger self. He's older now, more mature, it's childish what he's been doing all these years, hiding away. He decides he won't hide anymore. He'll be better for himself like he should have all along.
Joey pulls the other him closer, gently grabs his jaw making him look up at him, he looks into his eyes, his eyes, much more innocent back then, but overflowing with pain. He gives the other him a small smile and leans in, pressing their lips together, his beard tickling the other him's face causing him to squirm slightly. The other him is surprised at first but kisses back almost eagerly. The kiss is gentle and sweet, not rushed or aggressive like what the both of them are usually used to.
They both melt into each other's touch, hands roaming, finger tips brushing over bare skin, hands gliding through silky black hair. The younger Joey moans into the kiss, laying back on the couch, pulling Joey on top of him. Their bodies are pressed together, Joey trapping the other him beneath himself, like this with the other him pinned under him he realizes just how small he used to be, he's gained some weight himself over the years but the other him doesn't seem to mind. he breaks the kiss, trailing soft kisses down his neck and over his collarbone, the other him squirms beneath him, a big grin on his face. Joey thinks it's adorable.
Joey leans down again and kisses the younger him’s neck, sucking a hickey into the soft flesh, eliciting a quiet moan from the man as Joey sucks on a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. Joey smirks, he knew the other him would like that, of course he knew, it's him for God's sake, he knows where all his buttons are and just how to press them, knows how to make him fall apart in an instant. Joey's hands wander over the other him's torso, sliding under his shirt while still kissing and sucking his neck. His fingers brush the bare delicate skin of his stomach and hips making the younger him shiver.
The other him shifts beneath him, letting his legs fall apart slightly, his skirt riding up, revealing part of his bare thighs from where his fishnets are shredded right in the middle. Joey removes his hands from underneath the younger him's shirt, now trailing them down towards his thighs, he pushes the skirt out of the way, exposing a pair of lacy black panties with a prominent bulge, he groans at the sight.
“Fuck, I forgot what a slut you were” he says teasingly, his hands traveling up the other him's thighs, brushing against the delicate lace of the panties.
The other him laughs, squirming towards his touch, wanting more, and Joey gives him just that. He cups the younger him's cock through his panties, squeezing and fondling him. The other him bucks up into the touch, his breath hitching slightly, looking up at him, lips slightly parted as Joey plays with him over his panties. Joey stares right back at him, it's like they share a thousand words without even having to open their mouths, they know exactly what the other is thinking, exactly what their feeling. They both think it's kind of amazing. Who ever knew having sex with another version of yourself could be so perfect? Or feel so natural? It's serene.
The two men get lost in their thoughts and soon enough their both naked. The younger Joey's fishnets are now torn completely to shreds and discarded on Joey's living room floor along with the rest of their clothes. They kiss tenderly, it's all soft touches and muffled, breathless whispers against each other's lips, Joey's knee is pressed between the younger him's legs, applying just enough pressure for him to squirm and moan into his mouth.
