#a.m.a.

[stimulii]

Love how exaggerated you make Callie's eyelashes!

Thank you! I love exaggeration ^_^

[beannoss]

Hi Bean!

I have a question for you! I have noticed in your writings that Twilight and Yor begin a romantic relationship after their secrets are revealed. Are you opposed to any romance between them before they find out? I assume if so, it’s because it’s morally questionable, though a lot of fans find romance before compelling as it raises the stakes considerably. I’m not suggesting one is right and the other is wrong, I’m just interested in your take on this! I love your writing! Thank you! 😊

Hello you! I'm always chuffed to see your name pop up 🫶😊!

Oh boy! Thank you for this ask — it's a big question but also I do have thoughts XD Sorry it's taken me a few days to get my ducks in a row!

I want to start, though, by emphasising that my thoughts and preferences here are exclusive to Spy x Family as a canon enterprise; they don't pertain to fanworks or other fan theories, I'm not out to yuck anyone's yum ✌️ ditto for even my own writing! You're right that I don't really have an interest in exploring that dynamic but I reserve the right to change my mind ;)!

[Reference herein to manga chapters not yet animated]

Right, so. There's lots of things I love about SxF, but one of the things that interested me early and keeps me engaged is that it operates under an interesting and complex morality. Spy work and contract killing are obviously an ethical minefield, and in the real world, generally to the bad. Within the world of SxF, Endo takes pains to write Twilight and Yor both firmly on the morally right side, even if Twilight’s tactics or Yor’s actions in a vacuum are frequently questionable. With Twilight especially it seems Twilight is currently (resisting) working through the impact and ethical implication of his actions on Anya. When it comes to Yor, I expect that’s where we’ll see him wrestle with similar questions through a romance lens. I think it was quite deliberate and important that Twilight specifically articulated that he’d been wondering if Yor had previous romantic relationships, and that it was now confirmed she hadn’t. As far as I can remember, it’s the only time he’s had that sort of reflection on Yor's life before the Forgers; I mention it because it mirrors times he’s reflected explicitly on Anya’s history and trauma and her needs as a child, with implication that his actions and motivations for adopting her could/probably will hurt her. I hazard that his observation about Yor will be similarly indicative of an arc down the line.

When it comes to canon, if the Yor x Twilight romance were to firm up while Yor still believes Twilight is Loid, I admit there’s a high chance I’d nope out. I want to emphasize firm up though… I tend to think Yor already has feelings for Loid (Twilight?) whether she’s fully aware of them or would necessarily articulate them as romantic (and I think this is being really interestingly conveyed and explored through her current feelings about kissing, though I may differ with some on how I think that may shake out). I also think there’s a… less high but not impossible chance that Twilight is aware he has or is developing feelings for Yor. I’ve argued before that he knows he has formed/is forming an attachment to her and that he knows he trusts her. I don’t think it’s too far from there to romantic feelings for Twilight: after all, attachment and trust (intimacy) are not things he's had in a long, long time. And given his current pseudo-short temper and general malaise comes out most with Anya, with Yor he’s been notably softer and more receptive. In my view, this is partially because so far he hasn't really done much that would really hurt Yor and nor has she done anything that would really hurt Twilight. So far, Twilight and Yor are on a fairly even footing.

This is a very long way of saying that I trend toward thinking we’ve got at least a few toes into the romance already.

The reasons I’d be a squicked by the firming up of the romance, pre-reveal, are related to its being morally questionable as you pointed out (I'll talk a bit more about that in a moment.) But it's also because I think it would undermine character arcs and dominant themes.

Twilight’s arc involves finding and forging a new pack, a new family. Somewhere safe and loving that he’s been denied essentially for his whole life (I don’t dispute that his mother loved him deeply and did her best to protect him: living with an abuser and then with her under war was never going to actually be or feel safe). A big part of this safety and love for Twilight is about being accepted, warts and all. Twilight started lying because he wasn’t accepted by his father as he was. There’s a fair bit to work through by way of accepting Twilight’s warts already — I think Yor will be fairly understanding as things currently stand, and that’s part of why they’re a good match. Their moral compasses, their sacrifices, how they see the world and how they want to try and make it better, align and/or resonate in foundational ways. However, given their current standing, pursuing deeper intimacy of a romantic/sexual relationship with Yor before reveals, I think would take it past the line. And particularly when considering Yor’s character arc.

Yor’s arc is also around finding love and security, but centred less around acceptance (although that obviously also explicitly features!) and more around self-worth and understanding her value. If the romance were to firm up pre-reveal, the false pretences are… I mean, to me, they lob a Molotov cocktail into that theme of self-worth and being valued, as she really would just be being used: the intimacy could never be real because Twilight is not Loid Forger. To expand a bit on an earlier point, perhaps ironically, Yor’s relationship with Loid is mostly on the up-and-up: they both know any marital connection they demonstrate is fake. They may be (are) friends, and also they’re under no illusions that it’s something of a tenuous friendship (at least for now). They co-parent Anya but are clear that this co-parenting comes with clear lines around and between their relationship otherwise. I want to tread mindfully here, because I also really like and appreciate aroace interpretations of Yor and Twilight and their relationship: I think this discussion around firming up their romance actually also holds true in the case of attempting to substantially deepen their platonic bond, pre-reveal. In the same ways, Twilight needing acceptance and Yor learning self-worth would be severely undermined by a pre-reveal apparent and false deepening of their commitment to one another.

On the point of it being morally questionable generally, yeah it is. I mean, look, it's fiction and they aren't real people who can be hurt by those actions. So in principle, Endo can write what story he wants, I wouldn't think it reflected poorly on him or anything like that. I just don't really want to read a story that goes to that place; it’s a squick. I'm sure this has been discussed before in fandom, but my read on the moral dubiety centres around the idea that it isn’t possible to actively choose or meaningfully consent to emotional or physical intimacy when one person is lying about who they are (and in this case, they're both lying about who they are... Although Twilight to a greater extent). This does tie back into SxF themes as well, as choice and consent are also… maybe not big themes of SxF exactly, but active choice and informed consent are things which have come up more than once (I have my thoughts as to why: for a character whose choices drive so much of the narrative, Twilight is actually also a character who’s shown to have little actual choice or control over much of his own life. Considering his motivations for a world where children don’t cry, imo valuing active choice and meaningful consent are important factors required for that world. And I also actually suspect the theme of choice will become more important the more we learn about Donovan, and his role as foil for Twilight.)

Also, honestly for me, it would be too close to a common trope in a lot of popular western fiction/media that I don’t like: a woman being taken advantage of by a man in some way, shape or form, and then through the magic of her non-specific womanness, forgiving him his gross transgressions under the thinnest of pretences. Particularly as Endo has already taken pains to sidestep that as a foundation of their arrangement. To be fair, I wouldn't be surprised that were Endo to take the pre-reveal romance path, it would be a deeper interpretation of that trope, but as with other sexist tropes utilised in pop fiction/media, I have to ask why the choice couldn’t have been for a more interesting path, rather than retreading that one. And particularly given everything he's established for Twilight and Yor: it goes against much of what Twilight stands for — and indeed goes against much of what he meaningfully brings in his current relationship with Yor, that of encouraging her, supporting her, and shoring up her thoughts, opinions and self-image, particularly when she voices upset or doubt about them. It also goes against much of what Yor stands for: while the power imbalance would lie firmly with Twilight, it remains true that Yor’s lies in an apparently deepening intimacy would also undermine the safety and security she ostensibly creates for Twilight. She also so obviously hates lying, the prospect of her keeping her secret into what she believed was a real relationship would wreck her. Doubly so, given the weight Yor puts on Loid's acknowledgement of who she is and what she believes: something she hangs her self-worth on, a recognition of her value. And I'd argue here that it would actually, conversely, be impossible for Loid Forger to acknowledge or accept Yor's truth: that's only something Twilight can do.

And so I guess there’s also just the bare fact following from the above that I think a pre-reveal firming up of their relationship is the less interesting choice for what is a major franchise that has otherwise done innovative things. Another reason I love SxF is that it subverts tropes and complicates cliches. One of which includes communication: for a pair who have crossed lines as a foundation of their relationship, Yor and Twilight actually do a lot of communicating. That’s a subversion of many heterosexual romantic tropes and norms, at least in a Western context, and, to put it sort of flippantly, it would bum me out if it failed at the final hurdle.

I just want to emphasise one more time, my opinions and preferences here are strictly related to Spy x Family in an official canon capacity, and nothing to do with fanworks or fan theories or what fans want to explore in whatever fashion. Part of my feelings here are also honestly because of the tone and pacing of SxF. I think it entirely possible to do interesting things with those tropes and actually think Endo is the type of writer I would trust to do so. But the way SxF is written by way of tone, pacing, narrative priorities and audience demand, I don't think even Endo would be able to do them within SxF in ways that wouldn't squick me out and make me lose love for Twilight, specifically, pretty entirely. I'd rather he just didn't 😂

Tl;dr: in canon exclusively I’m not into a firming up of their romantic relationship pre-reveal! Their situation is complicated enough as it is; give these goobers the love they want and can share with one another, kindly and gently, when the world has been neither kind nor gentle with them. In my view, it’s already primed in their character and thematic arcs 🫶

[whatwememeintheshadows]

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fics? 

Oh babe you gotta know your audience on this one. and you gotta know what to reveal when.

Like my real life BFF @smol-lydia can take any weirdness because she knows me and also writes her own. She knows all the ins and outs and can take any rough details.

Sometimes I'll tell people I "used to write fics" and like "used to be known" for my overly long FOB fics because it makes a fun story that people used to google my fics or whatever. Like my roommates and cooler work friends know this stuff exists but don't know how much time I still spend on it haha

I rarely lead people to my actual AO3 account these days

I think anyone who knew my FF.net account back in the day would not be able to link it to my current AO3 account if they didn't know what to look for

also you can bet when Jonny Brugh was following the insta I was NOT so jazzed to be advertising my tumblr or AO3 on there at the time

[mtwws-orvkns]

Visit Original Link

Mapping The World With §ound§ in La Hoguette (Calvados) - Église St Barthélémy - 11/09/2020 Volée 3 cloches Remerciements : @ama-parc​ - Projet “Pierres en Lumières - Patrimoine 2.0”

[the-wanted-man]

▼: What would you find in your muse’s refrigerator right now? ☢: If your muse knew that they were going to die in 24 hours, name three things they would do in the time they had left.

▼: What would you find in your muse’s refrigerator right now?

“Right now? Boy that’s tough, I ain’t visit m’fridge in some days but I’m perdy shore I got essentials. Y’know, milk, eggs, beer. Frozen bacon. Some leftover barbeque I did a few days ago. Most’ve m’left overs are things I’ve done but they don’t really last long. Ain’t totally full but I got what I need.” 

☢: If your muse knew that they were going to die in 24 hours, name three things they would do in the time they had left.

“Morbid question, ain’t it, darlin’? So I git a day t’do whatever I wanted? That’s easy enough. First, big breakfast. If I’m fixin’ t’die, then I’ll do it on a belly full’ve food. Next, I reckon I’d burn them calories wit’ a lover or two. Spend a great deal of that time lettin’ ‘em know I cared, at th’very least. An’ I’d take my time leavin’ them wit’ the memory’ve me before I’m gone. After that, I’m stagin’ a heist. Th’biggest ever seen. Mebbe there, at twenty-four bells I go down in a blaze’ve glory. Or I finish, an’ I do m’last good deed’ve droppin’ off that gil to all them refugees outside Ul’dah proper. Ride off into th’sunset then t’go meet m’maker personally.” 

[beannoss]

you write so incredibly well and so eloquently! like, i always come out of your metas feeling much smarter about sxf lol and they always hit the right spots in my brain. thank you for sharing them <3

Ahh, thank you so much!! This is so nice of you and I'm chuffed! I'm still relatively new to SxF fandom so I'm never sure if I'm just writing about things that are already well-trod or maybe have been elsewise debunked. I'm delighted that you get something from them and it means so much that I'm not just speaking into the void 🫶

[beannoss]

aside from sxf, what other anime/manga are you watching/reading? 😊

Hi nonny!

I am currently making my way through Demon Slayer, and just finished Yuri!!! on Ice!

I adored Yuri, though confess there was more figure skating than I expected given the way fandom speaks about it 😂 that isn't a complaint so much as an adjustment I needed to make! But it was worth its hype, it's such a delight, beautiful animation of the aforementioned figure skating, and I enjoyed how much Victor enjoys getting naked 😂 Also I cackled at their Canadian skater; that representation was very accurate of a certain Canadian archetype 😂🤧🫣 It's a shame there won't be more of the anime!

I have more mixed feelings on Demon Slayer. Tanjiro is, so far, genuinely one of the loveliest, kindest, most generous and compassionate protagonists I have ever seen in any form of media from any culture. And that is really special and honestly something that saves Demon Slayer for me; I'm really so happy to experience a character like him. The animation is spectacular. It has some of the most compassionate, nuanced, considered explorations of trauma and the different ways trauma manifests that I've ever seen. Yor's voice actress voices another unhinged character who I adore!

However, it goes hard in the (traditional? standard? frequent?) shonen mode of so much fighting. And the fights last forever? Like really, for episodes on episodes on episodes on episodes. I find it hard to invest in the stakes. My dear pal who I'm watching with did warn me that one of Demon Slayer's pitfalls is that it doesn't do character development per se and that is 100% accurate. Those aforementioned explorations of trauma are often wrapped up within one 20 minute episode which is such a shame because clearly the material is there for more. If only the fight lasted 5 episodes instead of 7, maybe a bit more time could be spent with the characters and developing them 🫠 also the male gaze fan service is off the charts 💀💀💀

Taking a break from Demon Slayer though, and about to start either Blue Eyed Samurai or Buddy Daddies (or maybe both). I'm looking forward to it!!

As for manga! None at the moment - I've actually subscribed to Shonen Jump, but so far everything I've looked up besides SxF, they don't have 💀💀💀 and the handful of things I've started haven't really grabbed me. So I am open to recs!

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