Little Luxuries || Gladiolus Amicitia x Ignis Scientia
So @itshaejinju asked me for headcanons. And guess what? It turned into a goddamn fic. I think this is actually one of my longest written fics, with the other being Addicted. Thought o be honest, it was initially going to be just a headcanon ramble. But with how things played out, it turned into a really long fic. But hey, I have no regrets over it, because then I figured out how to finish up/start out Little Luxuries. It was a really weird process on how I actually went about this fic, but I’m okay with the result either way.
Pardon my usual typos, because I’m a scrub who needs a better proofreader other than myself. Hope you enjoy it nevertheless, Jin! C:
Words: 5191
Pairing(s): Gladiolus Amicitia x Ignis Scientia (Gladnis), Bumbling Bit of Promptis Implied Too
Warnings: Fluff to Angst, Awkward Romantics, A Crying Gladio, Hell of Alot of Reading
“Is it weird to like your best friend?”
Perhaps Gladiolus shouldn’t have asked Prompto of all people about this sudden yet profound realization, because the blond-haired chocobro stammered profusely and tried to justify that he and Noctis were just friends. “I mean, good for you, Prompto, but I’m talking about me.” Gladiolus was far too casual with the question as he sort of stared off and listened to Prompto continue to ramble more about Noctis. Despite his curiosity, he supposed Prompto had more he wanted to talk about.
Besides, all Gladiolus really wanted to talk about was Ignis.
He hated to admit it, the first time Gladiolus met Ignis, he thought Ignis was nothing more than a stuck-up nerd. Ignis just gave off that kind of air that just really pissed off Gladiolus. That, and when Ignis had the nerve to tell Gladiolus not to block the door to the dining hall with his brutish body... Well, that really didn’t rub Gladiolus the right way. He could only frown at Ignis because it’s not like he couldn’t really move aside when he was trying to guard the dining room. Ignis just rolled his eyes and pushed past Gladiolus anyways.
Well, that was rude. Gladiolus just frowned and returned to his place to keep guard.
The next day only grew more tedious as Gladiolus found out that he was to help Ignis train to become an official member of the Crownsguard too. This four-eyed nerd thought he could actually be a member of the Crownsguard? Just a servant? Well, they guard usually recruited people who were really devoted to the king and the royal family, so he guessed that was something important. Maybe Specs over there actually had something to bring to the table.
Cor eventually decided to test Ignis’s skills by letting him and Gladiolus spar. After all, if someone could challenge the King’s Shield and actually be able to keep on their toes, they’d be well on their way to becoming a good addition to the Crownsguard. Gladiolus could only scoff as he stepped up onto the sparring floor against the spectacle wearing individual. The guy didn’t really look like he had much muscle on him, but seeing Ignis take up the sword and spin it around his wrist with ease got Gladiolus to arch an eyebrow with curiosity. Huh… So he knew how to actually handle a sword.
Probably was good at handling a few other things too… This… nerd.
Gladiolus scoffed and got his own wooden sword as he circled the floor with the advisor. “I ain’t goin’ easy on you, Iggy. You better be ready.”
Ignis adjusted his glasses and nodded. “May the best fighter win.”
And you know what? Guess who won? Not Gladio. The King’s Shield (in-training) ended up smack on his ass with a wooden sword at his neck. And Ignis didn’t even break a sweat. Dammit. He let his guard down when fighting against Specs. But he wouldn’t let that happen again!
It did. Five times before Gladiolus laid there on the ground and just mouthed a ‘What the fuck?’ to himself as he looked up at Ignis. The green-eyed man stared for a long moment before he let out a small breath and held out his hand to Gladiolus to help him up. The big brute remembered that moment the most, because that was the first time he saw Ignis’s lips curl slightly into a smile. And yes, that was the first time Gladiolus found himself in Ignis hell.
As it turned out, there was a legitimate reason for why Ignis was allowed the chance to train to become a Crownsguard member – he was the advisor to Prince Noctis. That in itself was enough for Ignis to earn quite a bit of Gladiolus’s respect. The first time he had met Noctis, he wanted to punch the little asshole. Yet Ignis seemed to deal with him so easily. Time passed even more, and Gladiolus and Ignis became closer friends as well. They trained together, Gladiolus attended the induction ceremony for Ignis becoming an official member of the guard, they celebrated even with Noctis ‘conveniently’ having to spend the day… How was it that Noctis phrased it? ‘Not being there?’ Ignis was suspicious, but he was alright with just having dinner with Gladiolus and taking note of the dishes that they ate to maybe perhaps replicate it somehow. It ended up turning into a game as Gladiolus realized that Ignis knew almost every ingredient that was in their meal, so he ended up buying Ignis plates of food just to see how good he was at it.
That, and there was something about watching Ignis eat that caused Gladiolus to cross his legs rather quickly before he had to go to the bathroom and wash his face to calm himself down. Dammit. Why did this nerd have to be so attractive?
It was the little moments like those – their undeclared ‘dates’ – that Gladiolus really cherished, but he dared not ever say that he thought of them as dating to the strategist. He was okay with the idea of them just being friends, so Gladiolus really didn’t want to push it further with how married Ignis was to his job, and essentially Noctis. Ignis always had to take care of the prince, and that was fine, but Gladiolus really did wish he could get Ignis’s attention.
It wasn’t until four years after Ignis finished his training with the Crownsguard and almost seven years since meeting that Gladiolus had to push his feelings aside because, as fate would tell, it was time to take Noctis out into the open world to meet with Lunafreya for their wedding. That would mean that Ignis, once getting to Altissia, would be completely devoted to Noctis as his advisor. There would be no time for Gladiolus in the mix of things. And with what happened to Insomnia and hell breaking loose throughout Lucis, that would mean even less time for Gladiolus to squander on such little luxuries like love. So, with a heavy sigh, he had to try getting past his thoughts for Ignis. And it really did work. Worrying more about protecting the prince, the dumbass, and Ignis was more mentally draining than he thought. He had to make sure that they were all safe, and letting other thoughts distract him would only prove fatal to the group.
That is, until he caught Ignis staring at him. He hadn’t really noticed Ignis watching him much before, thinking of it more as Ignis maintaining eye contact when they spoke or him zoning out as he gripped his morning coffee and sat with Gladiolus after the shield’s training regime. But each day, he noticed Ignis staring for longer and longer. And it wasn’t until he heard a soft sigh from Ignis that he looked over and noticed Ignis smiling as he leaned back in his seat, as if taking in the moment. Gladiolus’s gaze softened as he lowered his fork.
“What? Whatcha lookin’ at, Iggy?”
“Oh, nothing at all.” Ignis took a sip of his ebony. “Just you, that’s all.”
Damn… Trying to move on from Ignis would prove to be harder than Gladiolus thought. Even after trying to talk to Prompto about it didn’t help, because we all know how that conversation turned out. Just aimless babbling about things other than what Gladiolus wanted to talk about. The king’s shield sighed and went back to reading his damn book.
It wasn’t until their first arrival to Lestallum that they were able to catch their break a little bit. Ignis had asked Gladiolus if he would want to go with him into the market to collect some things for cooking that evening. A celebration of sorts for reuniting with Iris and for their safe arrival to Lestallum, considering that it was quite a huge milestone after the pandemonium they had gone through just to get there. It was nice being able to actually have a moment to breathe, to take in the new city air and be able to relax again. Being out like this reminded Gladiolus of their ‘dates’ because in Insomnia too. Dates, friendly outings, whatever it was. Gladiolus was just happy to be able to spend time with Ignis.
They had just meant to collect their supplies for dinner that night, but once they arrived back, it appears that Noctis had left a note saying that he and Prompto were taking Iris and Talcott to go to Lestallum’s night market and arcade for ‘candy hunting.’ Children they all were, but that only resulted in Ignis claiming he wasn’t going to cook that night then, asking Gladiolus if he wanted to go out to eat instead. Gladiolus agreed, mostly because he could feel his stomach trying to devour itself after spending the day walking past stall foods and declining them because of what Ignis would have been making that night.
It was almost like the night that they had celebrated Ignis’s success in joining the royal guard, the two ordering food with the special stash of gil that they had both been hiding from Noctis (who was the atrocious spender). They’d order plates of food, getting Ignis to guess what the ingredients are before the would share the over-abundance of dishes together. By the time the night was over, they were both about ready to enter a food comatose state. It was rewarding to be able to indulge a little like this every once in a while, just the two of them.
“Anything else you wanted to try, Iggy? Pretty sure we have enough for dessert at least.” Gladiolus peered into his wallet while resisting the urge to frown. He spent all of his special stash of gil, so now he’d be tapping into the two-thousand gil he had out of his own pocket funds. Ah well, anything for Ignis, he thought.
“There… Is one thing that I’ve always wished to try, actually...”
“Yeah? What’s that?”
Gladiolus was stunned into silence when he turned back to Ignis, feeling the strategist place his lips against his own. He could taste the coffee on Ignis’s lips and breath from his meal, but Gladiolus didn’t mind it at all. He enjoyed the taste, more than he hoped to admit. Because once their lips connected, Gladiolus had refused to let Ignis go for some time, the two ending up locking lips and surprising each other with how long they allowed the action to continue. If it weren’t for the waiter clearing his throat and delivering their check, Gladiolus wouldn’t have been able to contain himself any longer and would have scared the entire restaurant with seven years’ worth of pent-up romantic tension.
The two ended up walking about together in silence, too awkward to really mention what exactly happened in that restaurant. But not awkward enough for Gladiolus to feel gloved fingers brush over his knuckles, Gladiolus to look at the slightly blushing Ignis, and the king’s shield to accept the gesture and lacing fingers with the strategist. They had to keep their eyes away from each other as they aimlessly wandered the city until someone said something. Anything at all to break the uncomfortable silence.
“So… I just wanted to say that-“
“I love you, Iggy.” True to his impulsive nature, Gladiolus spouted the first thing that came to mind when he wanted to break the silence. Still unable to look at Ignis, he just continued to let his words escape from him after he grumbled under his breath. “It’s just… Dammit. I really like you. Since you kicked my ass in the Crownsguard, I always think about you, and you’re my best friend. I didn’t want to mess that up, but it really sucks not telling you. Sorry for makin’ it awkward, but I really just-“
“I love you too, Gladio.” Gladiolus stopped his words as he looked up to the strategist. He felt his cheeks flare up as he took more notice in just how close Ignis was to him, expression soft and lips still swollen from their spontaneous make-out session at the restaurant. “I had known that you had feeling for me for a long time, but I never spoke of it in fears that perhaps I was just misreading signs. But I enjoyed all the dates that we went out on, back then and even tonight. And I think that as the future progresses, we will continue to appreciate the dates and time we spend with one another.”
Dates? Gladiolus had to resist the urge to clutch onto his tank top where his heart was. Damn. It was really cute hearing Ignis call them dates. But he merely tilted his head, trying to act as if he was genuinely surprised (because he tooted his own horn when he said that his dates were amazing. Anyone would say that). “Really? You think so?”
“I think we both know so. Each time I was able to spend time with you, the happier I became. But with how hectic everything has become, it’s been rather difficult to find the chance to spend time with you again… I’ve missed this quite a bit.” Green eyes met Gladiolus’s amber gaze as fingers held on tighter. “I’ve missed you.”
Gladiolus’s cheeks flared up hotter than fire before he had to awkwardly look down, his hand reaching up and instinctively ruffling Ignis’s hair as if to brush away the embarrassment he felt form Ignis’s words. “Damn that was really cute… I’ve missed you too, Iggy. I mean it.”
“That’s good to know then…” Ignis adjusted his glasses and nervously as he let out a breath. “And I, um… Apologize for making the situation tense by what I did back at the restaurant earlier. It was rude and impulsive of me.”
Gladiolus chuckled a bit as he rubbed the back of his neck. “You should be rude and impulsive more often then.” Ignis looked up at Gladiolus as the taller man stepped closer and took Ignis’s other hand into his own. “Kissing you was something I’ve always wanted to try too.”
“Was it now…?” Ignis’s shoulders relaxed as he returned a small smile to the other man, hands gripping a bit tighter onto Gladiolus’s as he hushed his voice as two bodies got closer. “You’ve yet to do it, so I think now would be the perfect chance to do so.”
The laughter from Gladiolus only encouraged Ignis to smile wider as his arms reached up to wrap around Gladiolus’s neck, the shield’s arm securing themselves around Ignis’s waist as their foreheads rested together. They took in each other’s gaze once more, as if taking in a high for the first time before lips met each other once again. It was something in that moment that made the seven years of doting after each other great. Because over the years, they were both able to realize just how much they really liked each other. And something in that moment really just clicked. It was never the right time or the right words, but now… It felt like everything was perfect. If Gladiolus believed in the stars aligning type thing, he’d think that it happened with Ignis. Those sorts of things were only in fiction, and yet it was hard to believe it was a reality. A reality based on a fantasy? A fantasy based on reality? Whatever it was, Gladiolus didn’t mind the feeling. He didn’t mind it at all.
He hadn’t smiled that much in over ten years now. Now, it seemed more like he all he ever did was frown.
Like now.
The frown spread over his face as he peered down into the bottom of the tin. Really? It was already almost gone? He could have sworn that he went out only a few weeks ago and had gotten a fresh supply of it, but it seemed like it wasn’t enough. The coffee grounds were depleted with only enough for just barely a coffee pot’s worth. He’d have to make a trip back out to see if the outposts had any more of the Ebony grounds, but the chances would be slim, he imagined. Coffee was starting to become a luxury now.
But a luxury worth spending on as he put the remaining grounds into the coffee filter and started up the machine before venturing towards the bathroom.
He let out a sigh, as he rubbed the back of his neck. Fingers tangled through his messy brown hair. He hadn’t realized just how long his hair had gotten now that he mentioned it. But time passed by fast when there wasn’t a sun to dictate time cycles. Faster than he anticipated, and one that showed on his face whenever he looked at himself in the mirror every morning. Bags under his eyes, scars on his face and torso, small deformities from the broken bones that didn’t quite heal properly… He looked worn and beaten. Ten years ago, he was a lively guy, eager to go out and take on the world as the King’s trusted shield, ready to fight anyone who dare tried to pick a fight with him or his friends. He was young and naïve back then, unhardened by the conflict of daemons and fate. Times were simpler back then, that was for certain, and he wasn’t the young and abrasive man he used to be. It was kind of a shame really…
But others had it worse, he supposed. Like one face that had stumbled into the bathroom as well, a foot stomping down to secure himself as he staggered forward with a hand gripping at the doorway as he grunted in frustration. Even if this was his own place, he still had trouble navigating properly without his cane. The rugged man stood upright and quickly turned towards the staggered figure, helping him get his footing by taking his empty hand into his own. A hand slipped behind the other man, allowing the slim and shaky man to get his footing.
“You okay, Iggy…?”
“Yes, Gladio. I’m quite alright…”
A soft smile turned upwards to him once Ignis had gotten his footing. But the expression on his face only caused his muscles to tense and bring a numbing pain into his shoulders. It had been ten years of being able to finally love Ignis, and it felt so uneasy to be around him. Because every time he was able to look at Ignis’s face, he was reminded about the time he wasn’t able to protect his friends from the horrors of the world. To protect Noctis from the fate he had to succumb to as part of the prophecy. To protect Prompto from reliving the trauma and anxiety of knowing he was an magitek monster. And most importantly, to protect Ignis from being scarred and blinded for the rest of his life by a madman like Ardyn. The burned and carved scar over Ignis’s left eye, the deep wounds over the bridge of the strategist’s nose and lip… All of those scars were ones that Gladiolus could have helped prevent. He could have saved Ignis from what had happened if he just went with him. If he found a way to get back to Ignis and protect him. Save him. Ten years Ignis had to suffer with his blindness. To live in a world even darker than what Eos had become.
But even so, after being branded with such an awful memory, Ignis still was able to smile at Gladiolus. It was a wonder how anyone could smile after such an awful thing to happen. Why did he never get angry over his own injury? To show sadness over his own suffering? Why did he never cry over this loss and tragedy? The thought of it all was a dagger that twisted into Gladiolus’s heart until is fell into the pit of his stomach.
“Gladio?”
He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Ignis’s voice break through the noise in his mind. Though he knew Ignis’s vision was void, it felt as if the other man’s eyes pierced into him with worry. Perhaps concerned about the lack of sound that came from him beyond a grunt in response to being disturbed from his wandering thoughts. Ignis let out a breath as he hung his head. Fingers squeezed Gladiolus’s hand a bit tighter as he released the doorway and stood properly before the other man.
“If you are thinking about what I think you are, please don’t dwell too long on it… I’m fine, Gladio. Truly, I am.” Gladiolus’s eyes widened before they relaxed again, his head bowing away from Ignis. Even when he couldn’t see him anymore, Ignis always was able to read Gladiolus like an open book. How he managed to do it was beyond Gladiolus’s knowledge, but Ignis took pride in his ability to tell how a person was. He was quite skilled at doing it with Noctis, but he was even better at telling what was on Gladiolus’s mind. Hesitant fingers gingerly reached up, brushing over the other man’s collarbone as they searched carefully over the features of Gladiolus’s face. Slowly, tenderly, all to memorize the details of a face that remained burned into his mind. And when they reached the other man’s cheek, Ignis could gently cup his hand around it as his thumb brushed over the thin scar over Gladiolus’s cheek. “Does my appearance truly bother you though…?”
“N-No. It’s not that.” He was quick to stop Ignis’s line of questioning, reaching up and placing his hand over Ignis’s as he leaned down to the rest his forehead against the other man’s. Physical contact was one of the only things that allowed Ignis to know that Gladiolus was nearby. And allowed Gladiolus to remember that there was someone still worth fighting for in a darkening world. He grew quiet as his mind continue to wander again, but mostly to recompose the words that seemed to escape him as he looked down at Ignis’s expression. “It’s just…” He hesitated again, but soon a soft chuckle followed.
“Just what? Why are you laughing?”
“Sorry... Just realized how you take my breath away.” Gladiolus was glad that he didn’t have to show the smile that only grew wider on his face when Ignis’s expression was taken aback with embarrassment, cheeks reddening before Ignis grumbled and buries his head underneath Gladiolus’s chin. Gladiolus chuckled again in response and wrapped his arms around the other man’s waist as Ignis’s arms wrapped themselves around the bodyguard’s neck. The soft sensation of Ignis’s breath against his skin, a gentle brush of fingertips against his back – those were things that reminded him of ten years ago. Lestallum. That ever-so fateful night… He hummed to himself before he placed a small kiss on Ignis’s temple and rested his head back on top of Ignis’s messy hair. “I just… You ever think about what it’d be like…? If none of this shit ever happened?”
“What do you mean?” Ignis pulled his head from under Gladiolus’s chin while his hand felt along towards the other man’s skin.
Gladiolus took Ignis’s hand into his own and placed it upon his cheek to help Ignis. “I mean, would things be different if we never went to Altissia? If after everything that happened there, we just didn’t go? Noct would still be there, Prompto wouldn’t be so distant…”
“I wouldn’t be blind?” The shield’s silence only confirmed it for Ignis. The strategist diverted his expression towards the ground as his hand slide from Gladiolus’s scarred and weary face. He let out a heavy breath, a silence befalling over him before he thought of his words again. “Gladio, do you remember when we were in Lestallum for the first time? That night where we walked together and you told me that you loved me?”
“How could I not remember?” The bodyguard has to look away as frowned to himself. He remembered having blurted out his affections to Ignis in the head of the moment, causing such an awkward silence in the air before Gladiolus just kept spouting out whatever he damn-well felt like. He couldn’t forget such a dumb moment in his life. But most importantly, he couldn’t forget looking into Ignis’s green eyes during that moment and falling deeper in love with the strategist when he heard Ignis say those amazing three words. Gladiolus smiled to himself as he gave a small nod. “Yeah… I do remember back then. Better times, those were.”
“Perhaps… But the one thing I remember the most about that conversation was me telling you that I enjoyed spending my time with you, and I hoped that the time we spent together in the future would be just as enjoyable.” Ignis turned his head up again, hesitant hands reaching up before they grazed over the bodyguard’s cheeks and caressed his cheeks while haunting greyish eyes stared into Gladiolus’s soul. “I have never once regretted spending time with you. Not back then, not now, and most certainly not ever.” He tilted his head gently at Gladiolus. “When was the first moment that you knew you loved me?”
Gladiolus answered without hesitation. “When you first smiled at me.”
“Do you know how I knew I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life?”
“No…”
Ignis smiled and guided Gladiolus’s forehead down against his own. “It was the moment you called me ‘Iggy.’ I would see you every day, wanting to spend time with you as much as I possibly could. But the thing I remembered the most wasn’t the longing glances or the adventures we had together. It was the sound of your voice when I heard you say my name. I knew that no matter what happened, just hearing you say my name would be more than enough for me. Because even if actions speak louder than words, your voice – your words – they spoke the loudest to me.” He paused in his words when he noticed a silence that weighed upon the air. And soon, the felt a wetness roll over this hands, a heavy breath that heated the air around them as he felt the flesh under his fingertips tremble. “Gladio…?”
“Iggy.” The strategist gasped as he felt arms pull him closer, his own arms caught in a tangled position as Gladiolus held him tight against the other man’s muscular form. An iron-tight grip, one refusing to let go as Ignis felt hot breath and small tears fall onto his shoulder. The King’s Shield was an unbreakable wall, one that refused to falter when danger and conflict arose. And yet, all of his defenses fell when he heard Ignis’s words, saw the soft and gentle curl of Ignis’s lips. After all these years, Ignis was still able to smile because he was okay with just the little fact that he could hear Gladiolus’s voice. To hear him say his name. And those words alone caused Gladiolus’s demeanor of strength shatter to pieces as he embraced Ignis tighter. “Fuck…! I’m so sorry, Iggy. I should have tried harder to protect you. I wanted to make sure you were safe, but that didn’t stop that bastard Ardyn for doing what he did to you! I couldn’t do shit to get to you in time. And even after all the shit you’ve gone through, you’re stronger than I am about it all.” He gave a sorrowful chuckle as his breath hiccupped. “Dammit… I can’t win against you. I try so damn hard, and I still lose.”
“I know, Gladio… You try your best. But to me, it’s always enough.” Ignis adjusted his arms, allowing themselves to wrap around Gladiolus in return as eyes closed. “I love you, Gladio. You and all of our little luxuries.”
“I love you too, Iggy.” The strategist allowed Gladiolus to take all the time he needed to recover, his hand gently stroking the other man’s back with light touches that eased the weeping man into a calmer state. Gladiolus never cried, never tried to show people such vulnerability. But perhaps that’s where he and Ignis were the same. They both tried to be strong, but even the strongest of defenses have a weakness. Gladiolus’s was Ignis. Ignis’s was Gladiolus. The King’s Shield let out a shaken breath as he pulled away to wipe his eyes on the back of his arm. He hated crying. He hadn’t done it since he was a little kid, so the feeling was new. But after being so overwhelmed with all of the chaos in the world around them, he needed it. And that was alright, since he had Ignis with him – the one whom he fell in love with the moment Ignis’s smile graced him with its presence. Gladiolus let out a heavy sigh before he looked back at Ignis, reaching for the strategist’s hands again as he looked over the top of Ignis’s head. “Shit… I forgot I made you some Ebony. It’s probably cold now.”
“We can make another pot for the both of us to share then. There’s no worries about that.”
Gladiolus scratched his cheek as he grunted a bit. “Actually, that was the last of it.”
“O-Oh.” Ignis frowned a bit as he cleared his throat. “Well then… That truly is a predicament.”
“Sorry, Iggy.”
“Don’t be.” Ignis gestured with his hand behind him as a faint smirk played over his lips. “I always use the Ebony that you get for me, so we have yet to tap into the Ebony that I’ve collected for myself.”
Gladiolus stared at Ignis for a long moment. “…You telling me that you have your own stash of Ebony?”
“We must never deplete the stock, Gladio. So when Aranea reported to me that an Ebony delivery truck was on the outskirts of Galdin Quay, I simply couldn’t refuse to go with her to collect what remained.”
“You really love your Ebony, don’t you?” Gladiolus scoffed, his hands brushing over Ignis’s hips as he slowly guided him towards the kitchen with a grin over his face. “You love it more than me?”
“Hm… You two are certainly close together on the list of things that I like. Ebony is among one of the little luxuries we have. But you…” Ignis smiled and leaned closer to Gladiolus, the shield meeting Ignis half way and resting his forehead against the other man’s in response. “You are my favorite luxury.”
Gladiolus smiled down at Ignis, fingers lacing with Ignis’s slender digits as his other hand reached up and brushed itself over the strategist’s cheek. “And you’re mine. I love you, Iggy, and each and every moment I get to spend with you.”
“And I love you. Always.”
Their lips met each other once again as Gladiolus guided Ignis towards the kitchen once again. Perhaps things weren’t perfect between the two, with many things left unsaid as time progressed and scars remained. But it was the little luxuries like this that made every minute with the other more blissful than the next.
“Of all the wonders that I yet have heard.
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.”
--- The Tragedy of Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
The last three days have literally just been me excitedly looking forward to the next few months and knowing everything will turn out okay and then IMMEDIATELY going from 0-60 and thinking about how nice the abyss would be because my life is a shambles and my future is dark and I’m hurtling forwards at 100mph with no direction and no steering or brakes and knowing I’m gonna die alone in a pitiless void.
In short I am very quickly losing it and am on the verge of tears 24/7
