Met with the PSU Grad Counselor
The meeting went well though I learned that four of the classes I really wanted to take are no longer offered. That's not a deal breaker though - financial aid and housing issues aside, I had an excellent grad school experience with Portland State when I completed the PACE program, and I think it will be the right home (if I get in) for this degree as well.
I made a decision about my approach to my graduate essays and ran it by the counselor and she was very supportive. Basically, I'm going to talk about my experience in treatment for alcohol use disorder and how strongly it led to me wanting to pursue a career as a substance/alcohol addiction counselor. The writing will flow because I'm very passionate about it. I imagine it'll be about getting the focus and message laser accurate, rather than worrying about whether I have something to say.
It feels good to fully step into that - to allow myself to engage again with the work I do in this world full of dedication, joy, and intention. I'm not starry-eyed about this. I have lived experience of my own substance use as well as that of family and friends. I am 100% here to break generational curses. But because of that - because I know the goodness (the Buddha self) that can lie under the substance abuse - I am fiercely devoted to being part of the solution. In particular I am fiercely devoted to finding ways to help people outside of the twelve step model, which is so off-putting to so many people.
I've been in the doldrums a bit these past few weeks. This meeting (and the info session I attended last week) have helped the little seed of hope I have for the future begin to germinate. And that is a good feeling indeed.