Warning Signs

missives from the liminal spaces | polytheist animist witch | liberal critical thinker | wordsmith | sober on MY terms | black heart rebel

[tonyalmeida]

[focksincrocks]

[thehikingastronomer]

This guy alone just filled my "live your life with passion" quota for the year.

[mercurymusing]

Funniest thing is the quick "settle down mate" and the dip into the Australian accent as he gushes over how pretty it is.

[quill-of-thoth]

Knowing herpetologists: literally every one of them under 40 was influenced by Steve Irwin. The Austrailian accent and repetition of Irwinesque phrases (what a beauty, look at the size of this fella) is involuntary but an important part of the snake catching ritual.

[thefirespiral-blog]

The best way to spend a Friday morning. 🖤☕️

[gaytanic-panic]

[glorbo-from-your-evil-show]

Somehow that is one of the best analogies for being trans I’ve ever heard. I can’t think of a better explanation that would make someone stubborn understand more than that.

[what-the-hel-man-deactivated202]

Honestly, this shit with Hogwarts Legacy is just like what happened with Chick-fil-A like ten or fifteen years ago. Some of y'all might be too young to remember it, but it went almost exactly like this shit today, only the target was technically gay people (not like we aren't all lumped together when push comes to shove, but gay was the political scapegoat in US politics at the time, as trans people were still on the fringes of social awareness).

It came out that the people who own Chick-fil-A were donating to organizations in other countries that were actively working to get gay people there killed, and were also very monetarily invested in stripping gay people of any legal rights they'd amassed in the US. So a lot of queer folks were asking for allies to boycott Chick-fil-A to show solidarity.

And it turned into a giant fuckin circus for bigots to rally around. There was even a support Chick-fil-A day, I remember it because I was a server at the time and our restaurant was empty most the day - while the line for Chick-fil-A down the road was like a mile long consistently.

But while that was obviously annoying, that wasn't what hit people the hardest. Cuz we expect clowns to wear the shoes, right, it's not shocking.

What disappointed people, or really demoralized a lot of young queers at the time especially, was the allies who would still go there. Because they like the sandwiches or fries or whatever. The people who'd march with them in the parade or be supportive of marriage equality, who would then turn right around and give their money to people who were trying to actively harm their friends.

Because the chicken was good.

I remember a friend of mine being really just absolutely broken up over that, trying to understand some of her friends reasoning and at the time I couldn't give her an answer. I could now, though.

And it's this:

Talk is cheap.

It costs nothing to say things. A person can say whatever the hell they want, any feel good flowery thing, and it doesn't really cost them.

But when they are asked to actually give something up - or put their money where their mouth is and just....can't do it. Well then there isn't much else for them to say, is there? At least nothing that's worth anything.

Some people had to find out the hard way that the choice between a chicken sandwich and funding people who did not believe in their dignity as a human being was, in the eyes of certain allies, apparently really hard. Too hard, in fact.

These allies would march in the colorful parades and go to the bars for drinks, but in the end, you couldn't actually depend on them to inconvenience themselves. They were fair weather allies, and they were there for the party and that's about it . They wanted entertainment, and it didn't matter if that came from having fun gay friends or a tasty sandwich.

This is the same thing, really, or pretty close to it.

These types of people just wanna have fun. Either you, their friend or whatever, are fun or the game is fun, and if you stop being fun by incidentally making them feel a little guilty about where they spend their money , then they might just choose the thing that doesn't make them currently uncomfortable.

And I'm not saying these people who say trans rights online but who also really, really want to play wizard game and already have are horrible people or anything - they're just not very good. They have no real character. And unfortunately there's not much you can do to change that, other than investing time and energy in people who do.

[anarchistmemedistro]

"First, I must confess that over the last few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can't agree with your methods of direct action;" who paternalistically feels he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by the myth of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a "more convenient season."

Shallow understanding from people of goodwill is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection."

-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

[neon-wonderlands]

Artist: tj.3d

[vash-the-trans-catboy]

How many pillows do you sleep with?

0

1

2

3

4

5+

Voting ended onFeb 15, 2023

If u vote pls reblog :)

[keitrinkomfloukru]

I am told this meme is two years old and Smaug has since slipped down to #19.

[bi-trans-alliance]

via glaad: listen to trans youth, protect trans youth! 🏳️‍⚧️

[wilwheaton]

(via We all feel it, right? : WhitePeopleTwitter)

[coureirsix]

LITERALLY some of you don’t fucking know what “disposable income is” like i cannot stress ENOUGH that someone who was able to get animal crossing on day 1 of launch or a ps5 preorder that is still only working minimum wage job and/or cannot pay their rent on a monthly basis is NOT your enemy bruv they are NOT “the rich” like PLEASE cement that in your head. 

[mckitterick]

had to share @rykhafirehand ’s tags:

thank you for boiling off capitalist propaganda to get down to the essence of economics

[roach-works]

i’d like to add: you are SUPPOSED TO HAVE DISPOSABLE INCOME.

you are supposed to have enough money for toys and games and vacations. that is what the citizens of a normal and healthy society should be buying without stressing out about if they’re gonna be able to afford to live the next day. you’re not just supposed to have ‘a little bit’ or ‘if you save up’ or ‘sometimes you can treat yourself’, you are supposed to have disposable income, and plenty of it.

[friend-crow]

Not to be commenting on a two year old thread or anything, but the people who will complain if poor people ever have anything nice or not 100% geared towards basic survival are the same people who will complain that your generation destroyed American malls or casual dining by *checks notes* not having disposable income.

[thefirespiral-blog]

Alternatives to AA

For some people the 12 step model works, but there are many for whom it does not. Unfortunately, these folx often are not offered alternatives. This can be a huge barrier to sobriety and the amazing personal growth that tends to go hand-in-hand – the kind of growth that can help a person learn to love themselves. I would like to offer some alternative resources I have found in my own sobriety journey.

Tempest – this was my personal path. The program is not free, but there are scholarships available. The program is based on the work offered by Holly Whitaker in her book, “Quit Like A Woman.” They offer message boards, Zoom meetings, a library of online courses and individualized accountability coaching. The recovery coaches are highly trained and very authentic about their own stories. The program is open to all genders. Very empowering and trauma-informed – highly recommend.  www.jointempest.org 

Alternative: Quit Like A Woman Sober Women Book Discussion – this is a Facebook group and it is restricted to people who identify as a woman. The community is warm and supportive, and they do offer twice-weekly regular meetings on Facebook. I have found them to be VERY faithful to Holly Whitaker’s book, both in the sense that they use is as a frame for their meetings and in terms of how they support each other. The group is peer-led. No cost. www.facebook.com/groups/quitlikeawomanbookdiscussion 

The Luckiest Club – This program also has a monthly charge, but when I was finding my own program, it was between this one and Tempest. Tempest won out because it was what I started with and I was comfortable there, but this program offers all the same things.  One of my favorite things about TLC was its big picture approach to building a life without substances – and the associated book is also pretty amazing (see my book list below). www.theluckiestclub.com 

SMART Recovery – This program is free/donation-based, with both local in-person meetings and a robust offering of online meetings and literature. SMART Recovery is a secular program, based in cognitive behavioral theory. I use SMART Recovery tools daily and I’m super excited to see CBH bringing in-person meetings to our community. www.smartrecovery.org 

Recovery Dharma – This is one of two online Buddhist-based programs I explored in the past year. The program is free/donation-based and is rooted in Buddhist principles such as the Four Noble Truths. The online meetings are SUPER well-facilitated and friendly, and the material is widely available.  I love the way this program connects with me spiritually – the teachings of the Buddha are for everyone, really. www.recoverydharma.org 

NOTE: This program is NOT the same as Refuge Recovery, which is also Buddhist – but that program is great also. 

Women for Sobriety – WFS has been around for quite some time and was one of the first widespread alternatives to the 12-step model. The program IS step-based, but they differ quite a bit from the AA model. My understanding is that they recently underwent an extensive revamping of their program and the website.  I haven’t heard of any local groups, but they have a great presence on Facebook and offer online meetings. I get daily emails from them and find them very useful to my sobriety, though I have not actually attended a meeting. Their meetings are free/donation-based.  www.womenforsobriety.org 

There are many, many other groups out there. Many of them are there to support people regardless of which path they are taking to sobriety. There are also many wonderful podcasts and books. I’ve listed a few here. I’m trying to keep this down to two pages, so I will say just one reason I found it necessary to my journey. Feel free to chat me up if you want to know more! 

Podcasts 

Recovery Rocks – This is my current sobriety pod – it’s fun to listen to and the hosts keep it VERY real. The music connection helps too! www.podomatic.com/podcasts/recoveryrocks 

The Sobriety Diaries – This pod is a collection of people telling their stories – super inspiring and the host is just a sweetheart. www.thesobrietydiaries.com 

This Naked Mind – If, like me, you are down for the science of it all, this is the pod for you. www.thisnakedmind.com/podcasts 

Bee Sober – Well, I’m a sucker for chick with accents, but also, this is just a really fun and informative listen. www.beesoberofficial.com/more/podcasts 

In Recovery with Dr Nzinga Harrison – This pod is from an expert in treatment – excellent, easy listen. www.lemonadamedia.com/show/inrecovery 

Books 

Quit Like a Woman, Holly Whitaker: This book changed my life and I literally would not be sober without it. I am forever grateful to Holly Whitaker for her courage and for being so REAL about her struggle. To say this book resonated is an understatement – more like it earthquaked. 

Many Roads, One Journey, Charlotte Kasl: I found this book when I first tried AA and it wasn’t working for me. I couldn’t understand why, but I definitely knew it wasn’t because I was defective. This book helped me understand it AND gave me the road map that I used to get sober while in treatment. 

This Naked Mind, Annie Grace: She blinded me with science! Ok, I’m a geek and all, but also I tend to be more successful when I understand how something works. Annie Grace will educate you. 

We Are the Luckiest, Laura McKowen: This book was more of a memoir, but it was a really good one. And the nine things are a revelation, especially the first one. 

Chasing the Scream, by Johann Hari: This book is a history of drug and alcohol use and how it came to be so stigmatized (hint: it’s racism!). I learned a lot, I got really pissed. The film “The United States vs. Billie Holiday” was based on this book. 

[thefirespiral-blog]

I haven’t had a drink since Tuesday, May 18, 2021. I didn’t even have a good last hurrah - it was cheap saké that I warmed in an oversized bottle in a small pan of water - y’know, like syrup - and local hard cider. I know I drank all the cider (a tall can, maybe more than one) and I think I drank most of the saké. Some people plan that last drink with some ritual, but I, well, I didn’t. I passed out fell asleep just like any other night. I’m sure I told myself I was done drinking, or something like it before I drifted off. No ritual at all. Just the same ol’ same ol’. I had no idea what was coming in the morning.

For some people, my decision to stop drinking and using cannabis seemed to come out of nowhere. I’d actually been working on it - mostly without awareness - for decades. Every spiritual thing I’d ever done, every therapy session I attended, every moment of insight, every book about trauma, body love, self-love, growth, every political awakening, every experience, every lifequake, every deep conversation I’d had to that point - these things and more all led me to sobriety. 

In 2021, I woke up on Wednesday, May 18th at 8 AM. After snoozing as much as I could, pushing through feeling like absolute shite (as usual), and winning the debate about whether I felt up to going to work (mostly usual), I followed the rest of my morning routine. That consisted of reviewing how much I’d drank the night before, how terribly I’d slept, and how awful my stomach felt.  I checked my phone and social media to make sure I hadn’t said or posted something I regretted. Somehow, on this particular day, when I swore to stop drinking, it was like an oath to the godds. I knew I was done. I was never going to drink alcohol again. 

Prior Attempts

I was newly 40 when my dad died unexpectedly in 2011. He was only 61, and there is absolutely no doubt that a lifetime of hard drinking, many drugs, and a two-pack-a-day cigarette habit had a lot to do with that. For the first time, I felt my own mortality, the sense that I really don’t have forever to do the things I want to do or to live the life I wanted to live. I entertained the idea that I had a drinking problem, though not for the first time. 

The first time I realized my drinking was not normal happened years earlier, in the wake of losing Jasmine. Jasmine was my 10-year-old daughter, lost to complications from a lung transplant in 2004. By late 2005 I was drinking up to 2 bottles of wine per day, and somehow still managing to hang onto a full-time job - just barely. I had no PTO and my attendance was a regular talking point in reviews. I was not, however, doing a great job of hanging on to my marriage, parenting, being a friend, or much of anything else. My life was an absolute train wreck, the proverbial hot mess. My playlists often included hits such as “Where is My Mind,” and “Something Is Not Right With Me,” and “I Need Some Sleep” and endless replays of the entirety of The Fragile. (Pixies, Cold War Kids, The Eels & Nine Inch Nails, respectively)  When I look back now, I often feel like I need to apologize endlessly to the people who loved me in my 30’s and early 40’s. I was seriously out of my fucking head with grief and figuring out who I was. Thank the godds for you all, you know who you are. From the heart, I wouldn’t be here without you. Especially Jeff.

I did a month without alcohol at the behest of my counselor in 2006 or so. I was successful, but it was challenging when I visited my family and tried to explain why I wasn’t drinking. Generally speaking, it was a dynamic in my family that drinking and smoking weed was a group activity.  To not do so was not only a betrayal of how we interacted but also an indictment of the decision to drink. If I said I wasn’t drinking, that was like saying I didn’t want to be part of the family and that I was judging and insulting their drinking and drug habits. I managed to do the time my therapist and I agreed upon… and not much more than that. Between my mental and emotional health and my social situation, it was too hard not to drink. 

Fast forwarding to my dad’s death in 2011, it became harder to ignore my drinking. I “experimented” with AA in early 2012 - trying it for six months for a class project. I again left myself an “option” of starting to drink again at the end of that time if I “felt like” I could do it without having a problem. Naturally, that means I was drinking again as soon as my class project ended. I totally hung in for that entire six months, didn’t drink, attended 2-3 meetings a week, hated most (all) of the program literature. I learned that AA was (and is) not a good fit for me, but also to be completely honest? I wasn’t ready to quit yet. I especially wasn’t ready to quit if AA was the way I had to do it - all I wanted to do after I left those meetings was have a glass (or let’s be real, a bottle)  of wine.  I looked into SMART Recovery at the same time, but I couldn’t find any meetings that I could attend. Remember this was pre-Zoom era, so in-person was really the only way to go for support meetings. I also really worried about my relationships and what would happen if I dropped out of social drinking. I was afraid no one would really think sober me was much fun and I would end up isolated and alone.

In December 2020 I received some bad health news - I was starting to show signs of liver damage, signs that made it so I could no longer ignore or deny the impact my drinking was having on my health. Not just my physical health, mind you, but emotional, mental, and spiritual health as well. So I tried to stop drinking on my own. 

I tried moderation first, making rules and agreements that didn’t even last a week. I always had a reason why any given day was exceptional and I should “bend” the rule and drink. While I didn’t always get drunk when I was drinking during this time, it had been many, many years since I’d gone more than a few days without a drink. Even when I was really sick, I would rationalize reasons why I should drink anyway. “The alcohol will kill the bad germs in my gut.” “Whiskey toddies are just the thing for a cold!” “I have a sore in my mouth - definitely need to clean it out with some whiskey.” The lies I told myself - that I knew were lies - were ridiculous. When I think about it now, those lies make me cringe, but mostly I recognize them as a symptom of struggling to come to terms with alcohol use disorder.

2021

Back to that particular day in 2021 -  I knew I was done but that I couldn’t deal with it on my own, especially not while working full time and managing a house full of people. I looked for a local treatment center and found Awakenings By the Sea, a women-only in-patient facility that was less than 20 miles from home. I called and spoke to the intake coordinator before I went to work that Wednesday morning. She assured me I could participate without having to use the 12-step model. I got the logistics in order, took some books and other tools to work my own recovery program, and told my family and coworkers that I needed to be gone for a while. My boss moved heaven and earth to make it so I could enter for a 30-day visit within 4 days. I will forever be grateful to him for helping get my Self back. I checked into treatment on Sunday, May 23, 2021. I was terrified. I needed to be there. And I was, in the end, awakened.

Reflections on The Work

I have spent the past 12 months doing so much work - hard work - on myself. Work that honestly? I think anyone could benefit from regardless of their alcohol/substance use status. Plenty of other behaviors arise from the same roots as addiction - workaholism, orthorexia, codependency, etc. They’re called process addictions, and they’re just another way of coping that becomes harmful. I think these are ubiquitous and especially lethal because they are often rewarded. They destroy relationships, lives, health, finances… all the same things that substances destroy.

I stopped using cannabis and psychedelics at about the same time as alcohol - my last day of using was May 20, 2021. I wasn’t sure if I would continue to use cannabis after I stopped drinking. I hadn’t made up my mind completely even when I left treatment. While I had some spiritual experiences with cannabis and some mushroom/LSD microdosing, I realized that mostly, I was using these things to cope (badly) with trauma. I know that for the foreseeable future, I cannot guarantee that I wouldn’t start to use them to do that if I were to try them again. I have not ruled out future use for spiritual journeying, but I have to say I can’t currently see my way to doing so safely.

Between 2021 and 2022 I have surprised myself over and over. I have felt feelings that I’d rather not feel, but NEEDED to feel. I have taken an unflinching look at myself and that shite ain’t easy. I have touched my shadow, shined a light on it, healed what I could, and honored the rest. Getting sober isn’t easy. But I can’t believe how much better my life is for doing it. I would never have believed it before going through this past year myself. I remember scoffing, again and again, at people’s stories of how sobriety changed their lives in miraculous, magickal ways. What I know now is that it’s not a miracle and it’s not magick. It’s not an act of God or godds. It’s me giving a fuck about myself. Loving myself. Working hard. Seeing that I am, in fact, pretty awesome. Healing. Wanting to be clear for myself and only myself. It’s me knowing why I don’t drink and never questioning that decision.

One year later there has been so much change. Even as the external world feels like it’s falling apart (and it is, in many ways) my life has become different in all the RIGHT ways. I learned that being 100% present, living my life the way I always dreamed was actually possible. I learned (and am learning) so many things.

5 Incredible Things About Being Sober

I love and experience wonder about the person I am. In the past 12 months, I have learned more about myself and how to build the life I want to live than I learned in the last 12 years. I built a platform for sobriety and for truly loving myself in my work with Reclaiming Tradition Witchcraft and Diana’s Grove. My sobriety rests solidly on that work, and I continue to experience and learn in that spiral pattern, coming back to old lessons and learning new things over and over. I’m remembering and discovering what brings me joy. I’m figuring out what actually matters instead of what “should.”

I discovered that there are mental health diagnoses that were hiding under alcohol use disorder - things like bipolar II and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I learned that what has long been a diagnosis of major depressive disorder is actually a component of bipolar II disorder. I’ve been having hypomanic cycles for years, masked by alcohol. My bank account can definitely testify to this, and so can my life partner. Though C-PTSD was diagnosed well before I stopped drinking, I have a fuller sense of how the trauma has impacted and continues to impact me. Learning about trauma, how it lives in the body, and how it was part of my alcohol use disorder helped lay the background for healing my disordered eating and alcohol use. I’m still learning about trauma and will be for the rest of my life. I think being trauma-informed is as necessary as critical thinking in both my personal world and the world at large.

Thanks to DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), I’ve gathered many tools for emotional regulation, mindfulness, and generally processing my emotional reaction to things. I’ve successfully learned new ways (and gotten better at old ways) of feeling my feelings, honoring them, and giving them space before I engage with anyone or anything. I used to believe I was hopeless - never going to be able to be good at dealing with my emotions. I drank to drown them. These are the most important tools I’ve honed (and continue to hone) for sobriety. I’m learning how to advocate for myself, and how to know something is true for me without needing it to be validated by someone else. The concept of standing in my truth used to be nebulous to me, but it’s become more and more clear and defined since I decided to live without alcohol.

I take better care of my body. I take my prescribed medications and supplements on a regular schedule. I practice intuitive eating and enjoy delicious, nourishing food. I move my body more: fitting in little walks, being more physically active at work, taking the long way to get to things. My sleep - which is critical to, like, everything about my health, improved considerably. I’ve known for a long time that alcohol really fucks with your sleep, both from reading about it and experiencing it. Even still, I had no idea how much it would improve over time when I stopped drinking. I have sleep issues related to trauma anyway, but my sleep is 100% better than it was when I was drinking, even if it’s not 100% as good as most people’s.

I still have an aging body with some diagnoses that will likely never go away. Gravity is real, aging is a bitch, things fall apart, you know the drill. That said, all of those diagnoses are much improved. My liver, after sounding the alarm with pain and swelling, is now healed. I have more energy. I don’t forget as many things, and when I do, I know for damned sure it’s not because I was under the influence of alcohol or anything else. My brain healed tremendously after decades of drowning in wine. And it’s still healing, as is the rest of my body. It takes a long time to recover from alcohol use disorder. 

I’m more honest and thoughtful in my relationships and interactions. I have a buffer between my emotions that comes from a deep peace and wisdom I never had. My reaction is more balanced and in alignment with my values - I am more grounded than ever before. While I still have moments of wishing I’d dealt with a situation differently, most of the time I feel good about how I handle the hard conversations. I stand firmly in my truth these days, even as I can be receptive and compassionate to other truths. I take my time before I respond to situations, especially when they’re emotionally charged. I speak now with conviction rather than self-doubt and a lack of clarity. I am more accountable and less flaky. I’m a better friend, a better partner, a better parent, a better aunt - better at all these things because I don’t feel so fucking unhinged and reactive.

My marriage, well. Jeff is either crazy or a saint for sticking with me through this: ::flails wildly at the past three decades:: Maybe both. Aren’t most saints crazy? Anyway, the guy stuck around despite my best attempts to drive him away. I wasn’t coping with trauma well, or at all, actually. I was just trying to drown it. Glad I’ve learned better. I’m hoping to spend the rest of my life showing Jeff it was worth it to stick around. Not drinking has made our relationship better in about a million ways. For me, that means we’re closer and our conversations are more balanced. I have been relinquishing the need for power and control for many years, but when I stopped drinking, I cut the last bits away. Part of this story is Jeff’s, and he can tell it - or not - as he wishes. I love you so much, Jeff. Definitely don’t deserve you, am glad I regained my sanity for the rest of our lives. We both know that a relationship that lasts long is rarely, if ever, easy. They take work. We’re pretty muddy from it, aren’t we? But look what we have created, this kintsugi of a relationship.

I have made new, wonderful friends in my journey and/or have renewed or deepened existing friendships. The power of community always prevails, even for us introverts. As is often the case, a few relationships changed and some kinda fizzled out. Some relationships have been ended because they were toxic. I don’t love that, but also, I am not willing to sacrifice myself to change it. And…this is a tiny number of relationships. Mostly I’ve made some authentic connections with people that I just wouldn’t have been able to make when I was drinking. My life is just so much clearer now. And of course, I had also damaged - sometimes irreparably - many relationships while under the influence. At least now I know if I’m the asshole it ain’t ‘cause I was drinking.

There are SO many more ways to get sober besides the 12-step model. Thank the godds I have always remained an active, avid reader - it was a book that showed me the way to the program that ultimately worked for me. I started with a book/program that was a feminist, empowered modification of the 12-step model (“Many Roads, One Journey'' by Charlotte Kasl). I found something even better while I was in treatment - the Tempest program (it’s online). This program was created by Holly Whitaker, who wrote “Quit Like A Woman,” and it is a very trauma-informed, science/evidence-based and progressive program.** 

There’s never been a time of more choices to reach sobriety than now. It’s pretty fucking fantastic. At one point, I was participating in meetings from The Luckiest Club (based on Laura McKeown’s work), Soberful (based on Veronica Valli’s work), Recovery Dharma and SMART Recovery. All of these have robust online presences - no local group is required to participate and benefit. And there are SO MANY great podcasts out there! If the 12-step model works for you, that’s great! But it is so very important that people know that isn’t the only way, nor should it be the default setting for how to get sober.

I am creating the life I’ve always wanted. Since I quit drinking, I have rediscovered the facts that I live in the place I always wanted to live in (the Pacific Northwest), that my house is the home I always dreamed of (an older two-story with lots of trees and green growing things all around), and that I now am doing the work I always wanted to do! Way back in 1996 I responded to an interview question about where I saw myself in 20 years. I said that I would be finished with my college degree and working in a women’s shelter where I could help women rebuild their lives following violence and substance abuse. And here I am! My 20-year timeline was off - mostly due to my drinking - but I made it. I fucking made it and the naysayers… well they don’t deserve the energy of me calling them out. 

Some details have been modernized - the DV/IPV center where I work helps people of all gender identities and orientations. We are rooted in being anti-oppression and trauma-informed, empowering survivors to find the best solution for themselves. I share deep values with my co-workers. And now with the new position, I live openly as a polytheist, animist Witch. I don’t censor myself or worry about whether it’s safe to talk about what matters most to me. I can claim my sexuality. My work environment is trauma-informed, caring, and incredibly supportive.  I get to do meaningful work every day, work that supports the change I’d like to see in the world. Fuck yes! I did it! Here I am! And most of the time, I have the presence to remember and revel in it.

…

**Right after I wrote this essay, I received an email that Tempest is being acquired by Monument, which feels a lot like it’s going to lose what is really special about it. Monument – well, the name kind of says it. Bigger with more medical services, but less in the way of individual support and less in the way of all the things that made Tempest my lifeline this past year. That makes me sad, but in learning that, I also learned that Holly Whitaker was basically forced out of being part of Tempest last year, and now I’m having all kinds of feels about that too. All of that said, there is a wonderful FB group that revolves around “Quit Like a Woman” - complete with regular meetings and insightful community providing support no matter where you are in the process of quitting. I highly recommend it.

Also, it says a lot to me that while I am having feels about the end of this particular resource, I am not having concerns about finding other communities and ways to support my sobriety. I am not having worries about keeping my sobriety because it is based on a very individualized program that I created for myself using their framework. Meetings were essential at the beginning, and are nice now, but they are not the core of me keeping my sobriety. And if I want to find a meeting, there are plenty of options out there.

[wilwheaton]

“Amy Spitalnick: Many Americans were perplexed by this idea of “Jews will not replace us” or the “great replacement” that we heard in Charlottesville. It felt like a fringe conspiracy theory. What has become clear is that “Unite the Right” really was a harbinger of the extremism that’s followed, and that’s become wholly mainstreamed in our politics and society in many ways. Sargent: There’s a tendency in the culture and in the media to see these mass shootings as isolated events. But in many of these cases — and particularly Jan. 6 — organizers and shooters see them as part of a much larger struggle. They fully intend for them to be galvanizing of more such events later. Spitalnick: That’s exactly right. They’re not lone wolves. They’re part of a broader extremist network in which each attack is used to inspire the next one.”

—

Amy Spitalnick battles neo-Nazis, sees ominous signs in ‘great replacement theory’ and Buffalo shooting

The Republican embrace of white supremacy and violence needs to be exposed and spotlighted, and Democrats need to stop calling them “my friend” and treat them as the neoconfederate domestic terrorists they are.

[bi-trans-alliance]

Rally supporting trans kids outside the Texas capitol, March 2022 (source)

[vanishingsydney]

May Day 2020. Campsie.

[darthmelyanna]

Happy May Day, y’all.

[thefirespiral-blog]

The Sober Story of the Minotaur & the Labyrinth

The minotaur was one of the most famous and gruesome monsters in Ancient Greek mythology, usually portrayed with the body of a man and the head of a bull. Born from the unnatural union of Pasiphae and the Cretan Bull, the minotaur resided at the center of the Labyrinth, designed specifically to hide him from view at the request of Pasiphae’s husband, Minos. With the help of their daughter, Ariadne, Theseus, the greatest Athenian hero, eventually managed to kill the minotaur.

If you are unfamiliar with the story of the Minotaur, please click here. 

7 Circuit Cretan Labyrinth

You are one of the fourteen Athenian youths called to face the minotaur. You are Theseus. The labyrinth of sobriety leads you to your true self.

The Call to the Sobriety Labyrinth

You may try to walk alone - don’t do this. Find your fellow Athenians, join them in this arduous journey to the center where you will face the minotaur. Some will already have made this journey once. You will need this fellowship to hold you. Your Call may be from your body, from your life, from your loved ones, from your gods  - any of these. 

Your Call is to you and it is for you. 

Do not answer another person’s Call. Do not attempt this journey for anyone else.You must only undertake this journey only for yourself, otherwise you will lose your way. Your walk through the sobriety labyrinth will change you in ways you cannot even imagine when you are called to it. 

You will rise to the challenge.

Find the Right Thread

Ariadne loves you. She has learned the secret of the labyrinth. She wants you to find your way back out after you have faced the minotaur.. She has spun a thread for you to help you find your way. 

Once upon a time she only made one thread. Many people could not hold that thread - for some it was hard to see, for others it seemed to disappear from their hands, and some were actually harmed by holding the thread. 

But Ariadne is moved to help us through the labyrinth. 

These days she offers book-threads, online-community-threads, mindful-threads, spiritual-threads, empowerment-threads, therapy-threads - so many threads! Find Ariadne. Receive your thread - you may hold more than one. Your thread(s) will help you find your way into the center - and back out again.

Challenges to the Call

After you hear the Call, you will experiment with ways to stop the meandering and endless path of substance use. You may try to make a map: moderation or creating rules. You may “try sobriety out” for a week, a month, feeling sober-curious. You may be given a thread that leads you in the wrong direction. You may try again and again, and think you will never find the right thread. 

You will find the right thread. 

When Ariadne gives you the right thread, you will face challenges from your environment, delivered by trauma, stress and social pressures. Some may plead with you not to go, to stay with them. 

You must go. 

You might think you are not worthy of the thread or the journey into the sobriety labyrinth. You are. You may not understand why you were Called to make this journey. If you are to make it through, you must trust in one thing: you are worthy of a full, sober life. You are strong and clever. Resourceful.  You are Theseus, the underdog, and ultimately, the champion who faces the minotaur and lives to explore other labyrinths.

Step Into the Labyrinth 

Start where you are, move slowly and gather all the tools you already have for this journey. You will wend your way through seven circuits. Just when you think you’re getting close to the center you will be flung back to the outermost ring. This will happen over and over. You will be challenged in each circuit - your job is to learn from those challenges, to gather more tools for your meeting with the minotaur. Your job is to keep moving towards the center.

Go Deep 

While you are in the labyrinth you will think you have lost your way. You will think this more than once. Hold tight to your thread. Remember that it guides you, imbued with Ariade’s love. Remember that you have to keep it in your hand so you don’t get lost. Prepare to bare yourself to the labyrinth of sobriety even as you continue to gather tools and support.

Hear the voices of your community speaking truths to you. Listen to them. On your way to the center, you will pass many old versions of yourself. You will battle guilt and shame constantly, they will dart out like tiny needles at every turn. You will see shades of yourself doing things you wish you could undo. Remember that these are things you did, they are not who you are. 

When you think the way stretches far before you and your bone-weary self has already been walking for so long, you will discover that you are walking right into the center to meet the minotaur, the beast that stands between you and your new sober life. You will not feel ready, but you are. Step into the center and be transformed.

Battling the Minotaur

When you reach the center you will have shed nearly all that remains of who you were when you entered the labyrinth. You are ready to face the minotaur. 

You may fear that you did not gather the right tools along the way. You did. 

You may feel fear because you are naked and vulnerable. You are stronger than you have ever been.

You may feel alone. You are not. 

You have gathered your people and they are there even if you cannot see them. Your sober community, your accountability people, your loved ones, those who have gone before  - their hands lie atop yours lending strength, steadfast, compassionate. 

They whisper that the minotaur is a catalyst, an initiation. The minotaur is everything that stands between you and sobriety. The minotaur must be faced; you cannot leave the labyrinth without this.

When you finally reach the center, you will see a mirror. You will look into it. You will see that the minotaur is you. When you realize this, you may feel fear, rage, despair, discouragement. You may feel joy, recognition, strength. You may feel nothing. However you feel, you now know the secret of the minotaur.

Draw from your deepest well, take all of your tools out of their box. Look close to find the places in that reflection that require your attention. 

Dig deep. 

Excavate.

Heal.

Heal.

Heal.

Transform into your beautiful, resourceful sober self.

Take the Treasure Home

Some Athenians may not recognize you when you return from the sobriety labyrinth. Some may not see you at all. Some may see you but choose to turn away.  Do not concern yourself with this.

You have transformed. You may need to gently remind those around you of the new you. You may need to let some fade from your new life. You may still need to answer for the things you did or said before your transformation. That is just and you are strong.

You may be Called to help others in their journey through the sobriety labyrinth. You will always have that rich fellowship you created. They will continue to hold you.

Know that you may be Called to face the minotaur again and again in the sobriety labyrinth. You may need to explore other labyrinths - perhaps the labyrinth of healthy boundaries or the labyrinth of strong relationships. Each time you will have more tools, more experience, more community to support you. Each time you will integrate the sum total of your knowledge and experience. Each time you will emerge victorious because you know the way and because you know the secret of the minotaur.

There is no “new day one”. You cannot go back to the person you were before, so how could there be? There is only forward, there is only transformation. 

Take it home. 

Create the life you want to live. 

Your deeds will inspire many people, including yourself.

Believe.

This reworking of the myth of the minotaur and the Cretan labyrinth was inspired by my own sobriety journey, Joseph Campbell and the spiritual leadership training I received at Diana’s Grove. I wrote this - please do not share without credit.