Summary: Feeling down isn't a problem when Aaron's way of lifting your mood is drowning you in kisses
Genre: Fluff, Comfort ! no warnings !
Tags: Aaron x gn!reader × pet names: honey, sweetheart, baby, sweetness × playful end × a bit of sub/dom undertones at the end ×
W/c: 0.7k
×Masterlist×
“Aaron?” You called softly as you walked towards his office.
“Yes, honey?” His firm tone reverberated from behind the door.
You entered, slowly dragging your feet further inside the room. “I… do you have some time?”
The sad pout on your face and your quiet voice almost shattered his heart into pieces. His own expression unwittingly changed into a sympathetic smile.
“Sweetheart, I always have time for you. Come here.” His delicate words invited you to his embrace. He moved away from the desk, opening his arms as you eagerly rushed to sit on his lap. Your hands wrapped themselves around him, his own doing the same, pressing you tightly to his chest. You sighed in relief, burying your head in his neck.
“I love you, honey,” you murmured. Your lips reluctantly morphed into a subtle smile.
“I love you too. I got you. You're safe in my arms. Wanna tell me what's bothering you?” One of his hands started petting your hair, causing another sigh to leave your mouth.
“I'm just feeling a little down…” you said simply. He hummed, acknowledging your words.
“That's okay, baby. It's normal to feel blue from time to time. I'm glad you came to me. Would you like me to put a smile on that pretty face of yours? Or do you want to just rest here, hm?" You thought for a second before answering, “hm… I don't know.”
“That's okay too. You can sit here for as long as you'd like, alright? I'm here for you.” He pressed a kiss on the back of your head.
A sense of warmth started blooming inside your chest, replacing the unpleasant numbness. You could feel the tension in your face muscles letting go, your smile widening.
“Alright.” You took a deeper breath. “I'm already starting to feel better.”
“That's great." His hand rubbed your lower back as the other gently moved you to face him, and cup your cheek. “Let me soothe you, sweetness.”
He kissed your
forehead,
temples,
cheeks,
jaw,
chin,
nose.
Deliberately decorating your whole face in smooches.
Each touch of his soft lips progressively eased the world away. Until your whole face was covered by his love, besides your own lips. Leaving the best for last.
He lingered.
You could feel his breath tickling your skin. His nose nudged yours. Then, his lips teasingly, ghosted the protuberant surface of yours.
You lean in.
He leans back.
Just a little.
Just enough to make you chase him.
You huff, opening your eyes.
He greets you with an amused smirk that just denied you.
“Where's my kiss?” You complain.
“That's not how you ask for things, baby.” His smooth voice caressed your eardrums. Calm and composed as always. His hands retreated to your waist.
It was time to fill his cup.
But not so fast, when you can get a 2 for 1 in this game.
Tease him back,
and get a kiss.
“I thought this one comes free of charge? Kiss the sadness away kind of situation. It's cruel of you not to give me one,” you argued.
“Cruel?” He chuckled. “I thought you said you already felt better?”
“I do… but… I need this one to seal the deal. Otherwise, the sadness might come back.” You smiled cheekily.
“Is that so? I can give you one if you ask nicely.” He squeezed your sides. You could notice the sparkle that appeared in his eyes.
“Ugh, I really want it,” you grumbled playfully, tilting your head.
“Then, it shouldn't be a problem to ask for what you want. Ask and you will get it.”
Clearly, the teasing plan wasn't working. Unless…
“Aaron, you're gonna make me sad again if you don't kiss me. Is that what you want?” You showed off your puppy eyes, hoping to pull at his heartstrings.
“Is manipulation your last resort?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Yes,” you fake sobbed, even wiping away a nonexistent tear.
He laughed at your little drama but it turned out to be effective. He pulled you closer, almost closing the distance between you, and whispered.
“Okay, okay, you win. I guess my sweetheart gets whatever it is you want, huh?”
The one where Aaron hurts you, but he knows just how to heal you.
When Hotch comes home one day and takes out his frustrations on you, you’re sent spiraling into a depressive state that you were all too familiarized with. But as your boss and closest friend, he’s the only one who knows how to take care of you during a relapse. His efforts to fix the situation end up awakening a different side of him, a side that might just be precisely what you’ve been missing in a time like that.
for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist
Y/N’s P.O.V.
I was already working by the time he arrived in the office, despite the fact that he was usually one of the first ones to arrive. I reminded myself to keep staring at my screen and not give him the satisfaction of knowing he still had some space in my mind, and as he slowly made his way to the office, I was able to forget about his entire existence as I threw myself in the work.
I was gone before he made his way out of his room.
The next day followed pretty much the same pattern, he would pass through me and I would force myself not to look at him until suddenly, I didn’t need to. I was so inside my own head I completely forgot about anything else, trapped inside the walls of my own terrible thoughts.
By the time I realized something was wrong, I was already back home and since I had the next day off, no one would be around to help get me out of here.
The next morning arrived and I found myself wondering if I had slept through the whole night or had simply spent it looking at the ceiling, watching the shadows move. I had lost complete control over time by then.
Suddenly, my phone echoed from somewhere in the living room and I found myself getting up from the bed and blindly going through the motions of looking for it, answering the call without even looking at the caller.
“Hello?” I asked, my brain still not catching up to me.
“Y/N? Oh, good, you answered!” It was Reid, I faintly recognized. “We need you to come in! There’s an unsub who’s been terrorizing a town close to here and we might need your abilities to catch him.”
I didn’t remember agreeing or getting out of the house, but I could see how I was too tired to even explain I wouldn’t be of much help to anyone at the moment. When I got inside the plane, I dropped into the first seat I found, staring out of the window without really realizing that everyone was already there and they were all staring at me as if I had grown two heads.
Time meant nothing to me as we suddenly found ourselves already in the local police precinct. I barely remembered hearing an argument between Aaron and Reid that had resulted in both of them agreeing it was best to leave me there with the genius, and I stared at the wall of evidence without really seeing it.
If Reid tried to talk to me - or anyone else for that matter - I had absolutely no idea. I couldn’t hear anyone with how far into the hole I had allowed myself to crawl. But suddenly, the smaller part of my brain that seemed to still be worried about other people connected something I must have seen or heard, and I found myself abruptly grabbing Spencer’s forearm while explaining to him who the killer was. In less than thirty minutes, everyone was back on the precinct and we were back on the plane again.
I sat in the same seat as before, still looking out at the window without really seeing when I felt someone sit down next to me, but I was too far away to care.
Hotch’s P.O.V.
We all watched as Spencer carefully wrapped his hands around one of Y/N’s arms and pulled her to him. The speed with which she turned her head to look at him should have given her whiplash, but she simply looked up at him like she couldn’t really see him. Like she wasn’t really there.
Then suddenly, her eyes focused, seeing his concerned ones, and she abruptly curled into herself, crying so hard she was shaking.
If there was anything left of my heart after how I had beaten myself over how I treated her, how I felt as I saw her ignore my existence for two whole days and how it felt to see her in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt for the first time in my life, it broke at the sight before me. The plane had taken flight and yet no one seemed to have realized, everyone simply staring at her with the same concern Reid showed.
She cried for the entire duration of the flight home, and only as we approached Washington did Reid try to interrupt her. “Y/N,” he shook her gently, his arms still strongly holding her against him. I tried not to focus too much on how hard I wished I could be the one consoling her. “Do you want to come home with me? I don’t think you should be alone right now.”
That silenced her. Her sobs slowly came to an end until only a few single tears were rolling down her face. She shook her head. “No, Spencer, thank you.” Her voice cracked as she spoke in front of me for the first time in three days and I felt like I couldn’t breathe at the sadness that she transpired.
“Okay, I understand that, but can you promise me that you’ll call me if you have the urge to do anything stupid? Please?” No one in the plane was breathing by then. Everyone knew under which conditions Y/N had come to work for us and it was the first time we were experiencing how she was like when depression overcame her.
Still, the silence continued. She didn’t give him an answer, staring at her own fingers who played with the edge of her shirt.
“Y/N? Please, promise me.” He shook her, trying to get through to her, who suddenly sobbed again.
“I can’t Spence, okay? I just can’t! I can’t promise you I’ll think of you before doing something stupid, I can’t promise you I will want you to intervene if things go bad.” By then, we had landed. However, no one had made a single move towards the exit. I could see Spencer was opening his mouth to argue with her and what he was going to offer we will never know, ‘cause by then, I had seen enough. Laying a hand on top of his shoulder, I silenced him before he spoke.
“That won’t be necessary, Spencer. She will be coming home with me.” My words were said with such authority that not even her had any strength to argue with me. Raising her eyes to look me in the eyes for the first time in forever, I counted a full minute before she softly nodded, quickly climbing out of Spencer’s lap and following me out of the plane.
Y/N’s P.O.V.
I didn’t argue when he offered me his hand to hold as we walked towards his car in the parking lot. I didn’t argue when he pulled up in front of my house and asked me for my keys, so he could pack me some things to bring to his place. I noticed he didn’t leave his own keys inside the car with me, however. Smart boy.
He didn’t try to break the silence as we approached his own place. I could only imagine how beaten I must have looked, my eyes sunken from the lack of sleep and the amount of crying I had done. It felt good, however. It had helped to bring me back to the surface, if only for a little bit.
As he opened the door to the house I thought I would never see again, I was greeted with the scream of my own name and a running child who quickly jumped in my arms. Jack.
I hugged the little guy as strongly as I could without actually hurting him. I could barely understand his excitement as he explained how he wasn’t expecting to see me since his father had said I wouldn’t be coming around for a while.
If I was more like myself, I would have snorted, but as it were, I could simply smile softly at him.
“Well, Y/N’s going to be staying with us for a while now, Jack. So you don’t have to worry about her leaving any time soon.” I felt Aaron’s hand in my shoulder as he gently pushed me further inside the house, before suggesting his son took me to play with his Marvel action figures. “I’ll unpack your things in the guest bedroom,” he said, looking me in the eyes, and I understood that was his way of warning me he would do a full sweep of everything that I could possibly use to hurt myself.
I let Jack guide me into his room and by the time Aaron came to tell us the pizza had arrived, I had a genuine smile on my face for the first time in a while. Only this little guy could make me start to crawl back up from the well I had hidden so quickly.
I started to realize how smart Aaron was. I mean, I knew he was intelligent and an amazing agent, I worked with him, but it was only when Jack asked if I wasn’t going to eat my pizza that I caught a glimpse of how brilliant his mind truly was.
Of course I couldn’t not eat. Not when Jack was looking up at me with expectant eyes, and not when I knew he wouldn’t want to eat himself if I didn’t eat at least one slice. So I smiled and took a bite off of my pizza. “I’m eating, kiddo. I was just spacing out for a bit, sorry.” He gave me such a bright smile that I felt myself feeling a bit better again, better enough to give Aaron an angry look when Jack wasn’t looking, to which he simply responded with a tight-lipped smile and a look so soft in his eyes that I couldn’t quite understand, but took my breath away nonetheless.
“Why does she get to eat with her hands, dad?” Jack interrupted whatever the hell was going on, and I had to blink twice before understanding what he meant.
“I don’t know, buddy, ask her why she eats it like that!”
Aaron’s P.O.V.
Seeing her even briefly looking like she usually was warmed my heart in a way I never expected it to. I always loved seeing her interact with Jack, but knowing that her connection to him was so strong that it pulled her from wherever the hell she had hidden inside herself made me feel like I was stupid to think I could ignore our own bond.
She wiped her hands on the napkin that was on her lap before answering. “Actually, it is bad table manners to eat pizza with a fork and knife,” she explained, and instantly I knew what was coming.
“Oh, no, son, keep using your utensil,” I warned him, but I was already chuckling.
“But you’re always telling me I have to follow the proper manner, especially while eating,” I nodded, conceding to him that.
“But we don’t know for a fact that what Y/N is saying is the right way to do it,” I argued, only to be interrupted by the culprit herself.
“Actually, as the only person at this table who has actually gone to Italy, my argument is much stronger than any of yours, right now,” she reminded us, to which I finally shrugged, after smiling down at her.
“Okay, let’s try this,” I picked up my own slice before jokingly toasting it with Jack’s.
I watched as she softly read Jack’s night time story, my heart clenching at the sight of her leaning down to kiss his forehead after he fell asleep. She quietly left the room, closing the door beside her as she stood in front of me, nervously pushing the curls that were in front of her face out of her vision.
“Okay, I got it. I can go now if you want. I swear I’m better.” I cocked my head to the side, analyzing her. That she was better than she was when she had gotten in this house, that much was obvious, but I couldn’t let her go before I actually knew she was 100% back to normal.
“Let me show you to the guest room,” I took her hand in mine once more, terrified by how cold her fingers felt as I held them, but she didn’t make any movement to separate us or reinforce her desire to go to her own place. I opened the door for her, letting her go in and look around. “If you need anything, I’m right down the hallway, okay? Try to get some sleep.” She nodded, her eyes focused on the edge of her blouse once more. I felt the need to cross the distance between us and kiss her on the forehead, but I refrained. “Good night, Y/N,” I softly whispered before retreating back to my own room.
The morning came quickly and I was excited to spend Saturday with my son and Y/N, hopefully helping her come back to normal quickly, so I could finally have a heart to heart and apologize for what I had said. When I got into the kitchen, she was already there, a full-on feast waiting on the table as she finished flipping pancakes.
“Did you even sleep?” I joked, but worry quickly clouded my mind as she glanced up at me with a guilty look on her face.
Y/N’s P.O.V.
I was saved from further inquiry as Jack quickly made his way in the kitchen and into his father’s arms, undoubtedly having heard him coming down the stairs. He excitedly shouted about pancakes and activities planned for the day and I took up the opportunity to finish the pancakes, motioning them to sit on the table as I followed suit.
We ate leisurely, comforted by the knowledge that we had the whole day ahead of us, and I made the effort to actually be present in the conversation, behaving in the way I would normally do. I could see that the act, paired with the enormous amount of concealer I had used to hide my eye bags, had actually managed to fool Aaron.
A part of me felt guilty, knowing that he was putting so much effort into helping me and I wasn’t being completely honest with him, but I knew this is what I needed to do. I had to get out of there, so he wouldn’t have to feel burdened by his responsibility towards me, as team leader, anymore.
I was just finishing my cup of coffee when Aaron’s phone resonated through the room, abruptly interrupting the conversation as he sent Jack a guilty smile before standing up to answer it. I tried to distract the kid, but he was already too smart for his own age. Having grown up in the Hotchner household, he knew by now what it meant when his dad’s phone rang on a Saturday.
I didn’t listen to his conversation but when he came back down, he was already dressed to work. Before I could say anything, he explained that there weren’t any cases that needed the team’s attention, but he had been called into a meeting with other team leaders. “I’m sorry, son, I know you were looking forward to spending the day with me.” He leaned down to deposit a kiss on Jack’s forehead before turning to me. “I might be gone through most of the day, these things tend to run far into the evening… Are you sure you can handle everything around here?” I knew what he meant. He wanted to know if he could trust me to be alone. I nodded before assuring him that I would spend the day with Jack and we could do something together later in the evening when he came back, or tomorrow. That seemed to reanimate the little guy while also tranquilizing his father, who nodded at me once, a thankful smile on his face, before turning around and leaving.
I spent most of the day busy trying to be busy. I wanted to occupy Jack so he wouldn’t notice something was off, but I also needed to distract myself, not only from my own dark thoughts but also from the fact that I could very well fall asleep at any time. I was deadly tired, but even after I had put him in bed for an afternoon nap, I couldn’t allow myself to go to sleep. This is what I deserved. I had to deal with these voices, reminding me I didn’t deserve any kindness these people offered me. Especially not Hotch’s, since it was simply him doing what he needed to do, in order to fulfill his duty as a team leader who had been burdened with the responsibility of dealing with an agent’s suicidal past.
That’s what was going through my mind as I stood in the middle of the kitchen, not even noticing how I slowly balanced myself from one leg to the other, my eyes slowly dropping. I didn’t even realize what was happening, only that I suddenly felt much lighter than I previously was, and suddenly, my mind went blank.
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between us - aaron hotchner smut mini-series masterlist
The one where Aaron hurts you, but he knows just how to heal you.
STATUS: COMPLETED
When Hotch comes home one day and takes out his frustrations on you, you’re sent spiraling into a depressive state that you were all too familiarized with. But as your boss and closest friend, he’s the only one who knows how to take care of you during a relapse. His efforts to fix the situation end up awakening a different side of him, a side that might just be precisely what you’ve been missing in a time like that.
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V (the end)
Warnings: angst, depression, self-harm thoughts and discussions, smut, bdsm dynamics, daddy kink, spankings, and I think that’s about it.
THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN BY BUCKYOWNSMYLIFE AND IF YOU SEE IT POSTED BY ANYONE ELSE, IT HAS BEEN STOLEN. PLEASE LET ME KNOW ON TUMBLR, AO3 OR WATTPAD AND REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY. LEGAL ACTION WILL BE PURSUED AGAINST PLAGIARISTS SO THINK TWICE BEFORE STEALING IT.
A/N: Okay, so this fic is really self-serving because I just got out of another depression slump and my husband had to pretty much figure out by himself that the kind of dynamic we have in the bedroom helps me keep my mind straight when applied to my emotional relapses - particularly when I’m feeling dettached from everything and everyone. I hope some of you identify with this, because honestly, it’d make me feel a hell of a lot better about myself 😂
If you enjoy my writing, please consider gifting me a coffee! 🩷
The one where Aaron hurts you, but he knows just how to heal you.
When Hotch comes home one day and takes out his frustrations on you, you’re sent spiraling into a depressive state that you were all too familiarized with. But as your boss and closest friend, he’s the only one who knows how to take care of you during a relapse. His efforts to fix the situation end up awakening a different side of him, a side that might just be precisely what you’ve been missing in a time like that.
for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist
Hotch’s P.O.V.
I heard soft music coming from the kitchen and blindly followed it to see what I was already expecting to find. Y/N was packing up groceries while absentmindedly singing to a Billy Joel song that I distinctly recognized as “Vienna”. The realization that it could very well be about what I could say to her made the pain in my heart even harder to deal with.
“What is this?” I found myself asking, and not even the sight of her jumping up in the air from the scare I gave her woke me from the anger that had now taken over me.
“Hotch, my God, I didn’t see you there… I was just packing up some things I bought… I figured you’d be too busy at work to fill the fridge and Jack made a comment the other day that ripped my heart out, about how it was constantly empty and I just thought… I could help at least a little bit…” She dragged on, babbling about my kid, not even taking notice of the anger I was most certainly exuding. But now it was impossible for her to miss since the mention of Jack’s name and especially the revelation of how he felt about the fact that I didn’t have the time to do normal dad stuff, like buying groceries - and worse of all, that she knew about my failures as a parent - took all reason out of my mind.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” I asked again, and this time the amount of venom in my words was unmistakable. I closed the refrigerator’s door with much more force than necessary, making her jump yet again, turning around to look at me with a surprised look on her face.
“Putting away… groceries?” She asked, her eyes big as she stared up at me, towering over her. In another mental state - in my normal mental state - I would have thought she looked cute like this, the confused expression on her eyes, her bottom lip in a pout as she tried to understand what was going through my head, but now, the innocence she transpired only served to make me even madder.
“Who are you trying to fool here, Y/N? Let me put it out in the open, so you can’t fake your naiveness around here anymore: you are not Jack’s mom. You will never be Jack’s mom. No amount of effort you put in making yourself needed and present in this house will replace the hole of Haley’s absence.” I watched as she took a long breath, a look of realization finally appearing in her bright eyes. Still, she didn’t move, simply looked up at me, waiting for me to finish speaking, making me realize for a single second of sanity how absolutely crazy I looked like, yelling at a woman who was silently staring up at me, no reaction on her features.
Instead of shame, the anger rose even higher, blinding me completely.
“And no amount of time you spend here will make me want you. Get this in your head: I will never, ever want you. It doesn’t matter that you buy this fucking wine or that you try to pretend you care about Jack, you’re a fucking kid and I will never dream of fucking you.” That was a lie, of course, and the fact that I had randomly burst all of this out without any context only made the words feel heavier in the space around us. I was suddenly taken back to that night we had kissed against the same counter she was leaning on after I had succumbed to tiredness from a long day of work and found her waiting for me to come home before going to her own place since she didn’t want Jack to be alone. She had spent the entire day with him, despite the fact it was her first and only day off in ages, and for a second, as I looked at her patiently waiting for me with a glass of wine prepared as I burst through the doors, I couldn’t fight my desire for her any longer. For just that second, I allowed myself to kiss her, like I wasn’t her boss, like she wasn’t over twenty years younger than me, like I could have her, own her, and love her like I dreamed about.
As she pushed herself from the counter and walked around it to pick up her bag, leaving the rest of the groceries she had bought on top of the table, I was reminded of how she sweetly gave me one last kiss that night, saying that if I wanted to pursue whatever the hell that was, I knew where to find her the next morning, but she wouldn’t allow myself to do something that I could possibly regret that night. She would wait for me to confirm if it was something I actually wanted, and she wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t go after her the next day.
When we met at the bullpen the next day, I made the effort not to look her in the eyes, and the feeling that had overtaken me as it became clear she had understood the message couldn’t really be described as relief.
Regret was already starting to swallow me when I finally took a deep breath, a breath that brought my usual demeanor back to me. She was obviously waiting for me to do so, as she at last spoke. “I would never dream of trying to replace Jack’s mom and it was never my goal to do so. I simply like his company and it doesn’t hurt that my presence seems to help you a little bit, too. I bought the groceries only because I don’t think any kid should have to feel sad when they want to grab a little snack and they can’t find anything in the house. Both Jack and I know how demanding your job is, so we would never dream of making you feel bad for it, but contrary to him, I can actually do something about it. So I did.”
With that, she turned around to leave, before coming back and going through her purse to look for something. “Here.” It was the key I had given her after the first night I asked her to babysit him. “Oh, and the wine? It really was only because I know how tense you get after a workday, Hotch. If you want to share it with someone else, someone who can make both you and Jack happy, nothing would make me happier.” She turned around to leave once more. “Enjoy your groceries.”
And just like that, she was gone.
The fact that the door wasn’t slammed hurt way more than what I was expecting to receive, but I don’t know where that expectation came from, since not once during that entire speech - or ever before, ever since I knew her - did I see a hint of anger or resentment in her voice.
I stood there, looking emptily at the place she used to be until I heard the sounds of Jack’s and Jessica's arrival. His shout immediately woke me from my dark thoughts, reminding me I had to pretend everything was fine, if only for his sake.
----
If you enjoy my writing, please consider gifting me a coffee! 🩷
The one where Aaron hurts you, but he knows just how to heal you.
When Hotch comes home one day and takes out his frustrations on you, you’re sent spiraling into a depressive state that you were all too familiarized with. But as your boss and closest friend, he’s the only one who knows how to take care of you during a relapse. His efforts to fix the situation end up awakening a different side of him, a side that might just be precisely what you’ve been missing in a time like that.
for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist. PLEASE CHECK THEM.
Y/N’s P.O.V.
In the days that passed, I started to become more and more like myself again. I laughed more frequently, I felt more energetic, and it wasn’t long before Aaron decided I could go back to work.
Seeing Spencer again was nice, but it was undoubtedly weird to try to pretend nothing different was going on between Hotch and I. I mean, I felt like the team had a solid idea of what was happening between us, especially from how firm he was about taking me to his house when I broke down on the jet, but nothing was confirmed yet and I didn’t want it to. It was nice to have something special blossoming and it felt like it was still so intimate and pure, I didn’t want to learn other people’s views about it.
And yet, as I felt myself climb higher and higher from the well I was buried before, I knew it was only a matter of time until I faltered and fell down a few steps. Recovery was something I was used to by now, so relapse was a fact and I was prepared for it. It just didn’t mean that I wasn’t scared or devastated when the itch to hurt myself resurfaced again.
It happened while we were away on my first case since returning to the BAU. I was being aloof and I knew it, but I insisted that I was okay enough to go out on the field. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I could do this.
Boy, was I wrong.
Despite the fact that my distracted manner ended up putting Spencer’s life in danger, everything turned out okay and the unsub was caught. However, as we got stuck in our hotel for the night, since the jet wouldn’t be able to fly us back until the morning, all I could think about was how badly I had screwed up.
And the worst part was that no one shouted or even appeared to be angry at me. They were making sure to keep their true feelings hidden behind a barrier of fake understanding, so I wouldn’t go back to how I used to be, but the absence of an outlet only made it worse.
I could feel the voices rising again. Mocking me. Reminding me of how I couldn’t do anything right. How everyone probably hated me right now. I was spiraling, and quickly. The itch to scratch myself had already appeared and it was only a matter of time until my nails were bloodied.
But then, a knock resonated through the empty bedroom.
“Are you ok?” The sight of Aaron with those impenetrable eyes was enough to start to calm the waves of self-loathing, but I was still on edge. In all truth, I could barely speak, the embarrassment I felt for my own actions today still coursing through me.
“I’m still waiting for you to start screaming at me,” I admitted in a tiny voice, my arms wrapped tightly around myself. A good part of me was hoping for it, so I was prepared for any demonstration of anger that he could throw my way. “I feel like I should be in trouble.”
“That’s never going to happen.” He stepped into the room, hugging me to him as he closed the door behind us. We stayed like that for a while, him tightly holding me to his body as we slowly swayed in the same place. At least it forced my own hands to stay far away from my body.
“I don’t know if that’s a good thing.” It escaped before I could realise I was even thinking about it. Aaron froze in his spot before carefully pulling away from me, his hands holding my head to look deep into my eyes. I felt myself melting despite my current state. He really did have beautiful eyes.
“What do you mean?” Sighing, I pushed him away gently before sitting down on the mattress, running a hand through my face. My mind was all over the place, making it difficult to focus on finding the right words to describe what I was going through at that moment.
“I’m sorry, Aaron.” The tears started rolling then. It all became too much. My failure at work, the fact that I was letting him down, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt lost, and soon enough, that asphyxiating weight settled over my chest, making it difficult for me to breathe.
“Sweetheart, talk to me.” Through the gaps between my fingers, I could see that he had knelt in front of me even before he reached for my hands, holding them so I couldn’t use them to hide anymore.
“I hate myself for what I did today, Aaron. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be in the BAU. God, what if something had happened to Spencer today? I… I have to cut myself, please let me get it out.” I tried to pull my hands from him, my need to scratch myself resurfacing even stronger again, but he held them tightly in his grip, stopping me from doing so.
Aaron’s P.O.V.
As I held onto her hands, I pulled her so she’d look at me again. “Sweetheart, please… Is there anything I could do?” It was so difficult to see the woman I loved like this, reduced to a crying mess, and not being able to help her. My heart physically ached as I held her against my chest, caressing her head in a feeble attempt to calm her down.
“Punish me, Aaron. Yell at me, say you hate me and that I don’t deserve you. Tell me you’re going to kick me out of the team.” Her broken sobs were taking away pieces of my heart little by little.
“I can’t do that, darling. I’m sorry, it wouldn’t be the truth. You don’t deserve to be punished, sweetheart, you made an honest mistake and everyone is entitled to that. I *love you. I could never hate you for something so silly and if anything, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. And our team needs you, Y/N. We weren’t complete until you arrived.”
Somehow, those didn’t seem like the right words to say. She literally started to tremble in my arms, a scream of agony leaving her lips. “Darling, tell me what I can do to help you, please. I want to help you.” She tried to free her arms to scratch her skin again, but I managed to hold her hands just in time. Suddenly, an idea struck me. An out-of-place reminder of a conversation held in different times, over a bottle of wine. “Alright, you want to be punished, get up.”
My voice hit the same tone it usually did when we were in the bullpen and I needed the team’s attention, so I quickly got hers. She immediately obeyed me, standing up to stare down at me as I remained seated at the edge of her bed. “I want you over my lap, right now.”
If there was any hesitation on my part about what I was doing, it went out of the window the second she threw herself over my legs. I stopped for a second, pondering over what I was about to do. I had never been one for physical punishment on Jack, since I had personal experience on how scarring that experience could be, but I could recognize this was of an entirely different nature. And despite my inexperience with this sort of sexual relationship before, the tightness in my pants warned me that at least a part of me was satisfied with it.
I ran my fingers through Y/N’s hair, appreciating her tiny shiver, a show of desire instead of pain, until I decided it was time to get on with it. Raising my hand in the air, I allowed it to fall over her backside, only strong enough so she could feel it. Y/N’s hands flew to my thigh, holding herself there so she’d be able to take it and I did it again, with more or less the same impact.
“Harder,” came her plea, and I hesitated only for a bit before obeying her request. Her voice hadn’t trembled for the first time in the evening and hearing it resemble her everyday assertiveness didn’t allow me any space to second guess our activities.
My next spank was undoubtedly harder than the last one, and I expected any sort of reaction from my girlfriend, except the broken moan she released after my hand fell over the right cheek of her ass.
Y/N’s P.O.V.
I didn’t have it in me to even feel embarrassed about my instinctive reactions, especially since Aaron was giving me exactly what I needed. I didn’t know how he knew, I couldn’t think in the state I was in, but it had been too long since I had found myself in this type of relationship and I had forgotten how it provided me with exactly what I needed.
“Y-yes!” I couldn’t stop the shout that escaped my throat as he continued to slowly give me harder slaps. Although it was precisely what I had asked for, it still didn’t manage to give me the same effect I would have gotten from feeling it against my skin. That’s what made me suddenly scramble up to look him in the eye again.
“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He looked so concerned, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared up at me. I felt myself smiling despite the mess in my mind, just suddenly overcome with gratitude for having such an amazing creature worrying about me.
“Not at all. This is exactly what I need, I don’t know how you knew it.” I held his face between my hands, softly running my thumbs over his cheekbones. “Would you… Would you do something else for me?”
His eyes searched mine quickly before nodding. “Anything.” I had to smile at his devoted tone, so I leaned down to give him a kiss on the forehead before straightening up again and pulling my dress off my body.
His eyes devoured me whole, but he didn’t open his mouth to protest at seeing me only in my underwear again. I think he knew I respected his desire to wait until I was in better condition to have sex, so he must have had a pretty good idea of what I wanted.
With that in mind, I assumed my position over his lap again, enjoying the feeling of his pants against my practically naked body before calling out to him, “More, please.” He hesitated for a bit. I was about to get up and ask him to forget about this, the last thing I wanted was to make him uncomfortable, when suddenly, his hand collided with my backside.
“Is this what you wanted?” His voice sounded dark, and I felt a shiver run through my body as I nodded to his words. “Not good enough, little girl.” His hands pulled on my hair and I whimpered from the surprise and the pleasurable pain. “I’m going to need to hear you say it.”
A wave of hotness flushed down my body and I could feel my panties getting wet from his words. Never, in a million years, did I expect to be in this position, over my boss’s lap, with Aaron practically talking dirty with such an erotic voice.
“I-I need this,” I finally whimpered, before shifting over his body to adjust my weight, in the hopes of getting some friction between my legs. I hoped I had been discreet, but when I felt my boyfriend’s fingers lightly grazing over my panties on the precise spot I knew would be soaked in a few seconds, I knew I had been caught.
“I can see that.” It was almost funny to hear the smugness in Aaron’s tone, but I couldn’t laugh at that moment. Not when he was pressing the lace of my panties against the emptiness that was throbbing with need, effectively ruining the tissue as it became attached to my pussy lips. “You’re really enjoying yourself, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I wholeheartedly admitted, trying to force myself not to thrust back into his fingers.
“Hmm…” I could practically *hear his desire, and I thought back on how he had stopped himself from going further with me because he didn’t want to take advantage of me in this state. But it couldn’t really be considered taking advantage if it would help the person in need, right?
“Do you know what would help me even better?” I managed to ask, knowing I had picked up his interest by the way he softly caressed my backside.
“What would that be, little girl?” The nickname ignited every single nerve end on my body, and I had to bite back a moan as he unexpectedly slapped my ass again.
“Y-you, daddy.” I *felt his cock jump up at my own nickname for him and that awarded me another slap, harder than the last one.
“And how do you want your daddy, sweetheart?” My attention had completely abandoned his words as I felt his fingers brush up against me again, slowly pushing the fabric of my underwear aside and caressing my wetness in direct contact for the first time. But then another slap echoed around the room and I gasped, bucking into the fingers that were only barely penetrating me. “Answer me, Y/N.”
“Inside of me, daddy.” A sharp intake of breath was all the warning I got before my panties were being forcibly pushed down to my ankles.
“What won’t daddy do for you, little girl?” He asked just before pushing a single long finger inside of me. I almost cried from how amazing it felt after not being touched for so long, but then a thumb was playing with my tiny pearl and a full-on sob escaped me.
“Please, don’t stop, please!” I begged, pulling on the arm that wasn’t otherwise occupied with me, worried that he’d think he had hurt me. However, the response I got was a soft caress on my head in an attempt to calm me down when he managed to release his arm from my grasp.
“I won’t stop, sweet girl. Relax against your daddy and let him take care of you.” The words were like a balm to the mental cuts I had performed on myself, and my body instantly fell slack against his lap.
“There you go. *Such a good, little girl.” Each word from his last sentence was punctuated with a sharp thrust of his finger that led me to start moaning - rather loudly, I supposed - like the trembling mess that I was. Suddenly, my underwear was being taken away from me and pressed against my lips. “Open up, princess.” I eagerly obeyed, desperate to continue receiving his touches, which he immediately resumed with a particular tug on my hair.
Aaron’s P.O.V.
“There you go. Can’t have anyone interrupting us now, can we, sweetheart?” It should feel weird how her broken sobs and moans made me grin from ear to ear, but I was too intoxicated by the power I felt to analyze the situation right now. I had wished for a way to help her. Now I had it. It was clear that this was what she needed, and I was more than happy to give it to her.
“You know, I’ve never done this before…” I started, carefully massaging her head with the hand that wasn’t otherwise occupied with her pussy. “I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying this.” I pulled on Y/N’s hair again, just in time to watch as her eyes rolled back, her orgasm finally catching up to her after I quickened the motions from my fingers.
“So beautiful,” I absentmindedly whispered as I waited for her to come back to me, not stopping any of my movements, but simply slowing them down. At last, with one final shiver, her body fell limp on my lap and I took my fingers from her with a chuckle at the displeased whine she let out at the emptiness.
I pulled her up so she would be seated on my lap now, her face carefully enveloped by my hands as I searched her eyes after pulling out her panties from her mouth. “How are you feeling, my love?” It was impossible not to be affected by the way she simply melted against me.
“Better. I’m so much better, Aaron, thank you so much.” She hid her face on the crook of my neck and I felt warm and intoxicated at the same time. I wanted to cuddle her and protect her for the rest of her life, but I also wanted to be tightly snuggled inside of her like nothing else on the planet. The dichotomy of this woman was simply too much.
“You’re welcome, my love.” I continued caressing her hair while hugging her close to me, paying no attention to the fact that she was most likely ruining my pants. After a while, she pushed away from my chest to look me in the eyes again.
“What about you, honey?” I knew what she meant. But despite how aroused I felt, I knew it still wasn’t the right moment, so that’s why I leaned down to give her a sweet kiss, before picking her up and softly laying her on the bed.
“I’m already okay, darling. Don’t you worry about me.” Despite knowing she understood where I was coming from, she couldn’t help but pout at me, which made me chuckle. “Soon, alright?” I lightly traced her bottom lip with my thumb as she nodded solemnly at me. “Thank you, sweetheart. Do you want me to stay here with you?”
The way her eyes lit up made me feel like the most special man in the world. “Would you do that?” It hurt me that she’d even doubt, for a second, what I would do for her, especially since it was something that I would also benefit from.
“Of course, darling. I’ll stay with you. I won’t be here when you wake up, because we don’t want the team to notice anything, but I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” She watched me with sleepy eyes as I carefully took off my clothes, putting them over the chair so they wouldn’t wrinkle, and then climbed up on the bed next to her, pulling her to me so she’d fall asleep listening to my heartbeat dance for her.
She’d be alright. I’d make sure of it.
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