#aaw personal prompt

[growinguparo]

aaw3

[Tuesday, February 21: Write about the things you love about your identity. If you’re struggling to love your identity, what are the things about the aromantic spectrum that resonate with you? How has finding the community helped figure out who you are? Feel free to post as many positive aromantic self-love posts as you see fit.]

One thing I love about being aro is simply that it is something that I am. It’s an identity. For a very long time I didn’t have that, and I felt incomplete, always waiting for romantic attraction to find me. I love feeling whole just the way I am.

The tumblr aro community is very supportive and always there when I need help. I wish I’d had a tumblr when I was coming to terms with my identity, and even though I didn’t, the tumblr community was still able to help me. Props to y’all 🙂

[growinguparo]

aaw4

Wednesday, February 22: Write about the relationships in your life before you learned about the aromantic spectrum or before you began identifying on the spectrum. Have you noticed a big change in how you view the people you care about? About how you used to interact with people? Write about your experiences before you discovered the aromantic spectrum.

There’s really nothing different about the way I view and interact with people now compared to before I started identifying as aro. I’ve always found others’ attraction confusing. I’ve always been romance repulsed and I’ve never faked a crush. The only difference is that now, when people point out or ask me about my (lack of) attraction, I have something to point to and say, “I am this. It’s an orientation, like being gay.” When people did that before, I didn’t know what to answer, and I was put on the defensive without having access to a defence.

[growinguparo]

aaw2

[Monday, February 20, 2017: Write about some of the complications you’ve come across as identifying or existing on the aromantic spectrum. You can include ways you’ve worked out problems that occur, or things you might still be struggling- it’s all up to you. Feel free to give advice to other people participating if you have any, as long as it’s okay with that tumblr user!]

My first issue being aro was self-acceptance, as I touched on yesterday. I did not want to be aro. I didn’t have that lightbulb moment of “oh thank god I’m not broken” when I discovered aromanticism because even though it described my experience perfectly, I didn’t want it to be true. I had gotten a lot of shit from my friends in my childhood for not having crushes, and it was something I always assumed I’d grow out of eventually. Year after year I wondered if this was the year I would finally Like a Boy, and it never happened. I was stuck in this rut of “well just because it’s never happened doesn’t mean it never will”, which is very hard to refute because it’s true. What finally allowed me to start identifying as aromantic was sending an anonymous ask to a Tumblr user (I didn’t have Tumblr at the time) and hearing back that it doesn’t matter if I am aro forever, what matters is if I am aro now. If that changes in the future it does not mean I was never aro. With that realization I began my slow self-acceptance. I finally stopped wondering if this year would be the year.

Second of course is lack of acceptance from others. Beginning in elementary school, I was regularly teased for not having crushes. I know that most aros used to make up crushes or convince themselves that they had crushes, but I was never able to do that, even when I was actively trying to - I think because of a combination of romance repulsion and a fierce determination to never be thought of as something I’m not. So up until high school and figuring myself out, I was teased for being aro, even though none of us knew what it was. I have been fortunate that since I came out, everyone whose opinion I care about has been very accepting and great. There have been a few people who have done the whole “oh ur too young” “oh ur just gay” crap but no one important. I still haven’t come out to my parents though. When I used to complain about the kids at school my mom would always tell me I was just a late bloomer, and I needed to wait for my hormones to come in. (Narrator voice: they did not need to wait for their hormones to come in.)

[nox-ceur]

Side note: i just used a screenshot of today’s prompt because I’m on mobile and can’t link it.

Growing up, I was led to believe that amanormativity was normal. I always figured that everyone eventually grew up, fell in love, got married, etc. growing up, it didn’t really affect me much until I got older and my mom began questioning me about why I wasn’t dating anyone, why I hadn’t talked about liking anyone romantically, things along those lines. It always bothered me because I could never understand why she was so insistent on it. Even now she still questions me, or not so subtly implies that she wants me to date someone. I’ve tried on a few different occasions to explain that I’m never going to want to be with someone romantically or otherwise.

I think that it’s been more recently that I’ve started noticing amanormativity. I’m starting to see that a lot of media seems to be revolved around it. It bothers me that being in a relationship with someone seems to be a general expectation and anyone who doesn’t necessarily have that same mindset is sort of outcasted for lack of a better word? It bothers me that relationships are a lot of people’s main goal and not many want anything to do just friendships. Its frustrating how a guy and girl can’t be friends without people assuming feelings will develop or without people expecting them to eventually date.

I don’t understand why friendship can’t be acknowledged more, and I don’t understand why the focus of most things have to constantly revolve around romance. A lot of the people in my life seem to have the expectation that I’ll be just like them, that I’ll want to find someone, date them, pretty much do what they do. It doesn’t matter how much I try to explain it’s not what I want, their expectations are the only thing that matters and I just don’t understand. Why can’t people realize that not everyone shares the same views?

[freakswillruletheearth]

In my opinion, having these awareness weeks it's really helpful for everyone in the community. Going through the tags and reading about other people's experiences and seeing yourself in them, it's truly enlightening and it makes you feel less alone. It also helps knowing about situations that we might encounter in the future (negative or positive) which is really helpful.

I think that by having these weeks we come closer as a community and we realise that there are a lot of people out there who identify the same way as you. I also belive that with all the selfies and personal prompts, we are making a statement because people who think that all of us are robotic or practically really similar, they finally see that there is a lot of variety in our spectrum (which is something that I love).

I would like to thank the people who have organized this aaw because it is incredibly helpful, not just because it makes the people in the spectrum come closer but because it shows that our romantic orientation is real and it basically helps destroy all the misconceptions that others have of us. Thank you.

[freakswillruletheearth]

AAW day 6

I don't really know what to say exactly about the connection between my identities since I feel like I haven't actually found my gender identity yet.

Maybe the only thing I can actually say is that I am aro and ace which are two identities that sit together quite closely. And it made sense to me to know that I was asexual and aromantic but I'm completely aware that it's not like that for most people.

Another thing that I should probably mention is that I have had small gender identity crises which weirdly started before I started considering my other identities. All those crises didn't end with a clear identity for me and I'm still questioning. Maybe the fact that I don't really know about my gender (or how to identify) is related to me being aro-ace? I actually don't have an answer for that.

I think that this post shows that I am little confused about one of my identities. yep

[freakswillruletheearth]

Aaw day 5: the future

When I think about the future, I tend to picture myself living on my own. I also see myself being quite happy with that life. However, the problem that I see is that people will still be pressuring me to get into a relationship with someone, especially my grandparents. I think that I will never be ready to come out to them as aro-ace because I come from a pretty conservative background in which not getting married is seen as a failure in life. Therefore, coming out to them is out of the table for me because I'm scared of their reaction. However, I would love to be able to spread awareness in the future in a more confident way. I have been talking to some people about the existance of aromanticism without actually coming out to them. The sad thing, though, is that most people don't understand it and don't want to understand it or they don't even seem interested in the topic. Despite all that negativity that I'm facing right now, I'm going to keep on talking about it trying to find someone willing to listen. And to end this on a positive note, I think that the kids of the future generations are going to be more educated and more aware about these topics than most people are right now. To be honest, that gives me so much hope.

[i-carus]

So yeah apparently today is about how we aros discovered that we were aros, so have my story under the cut.

I've always been "meh" about romance my whole life, and even repulsed by it at times, I would sometimes joke about it but never admit that falling in love didn't really feel like a nice thing to me; but I thought this feeling was going to pass, that one day I would change my mind and I would meet this special someone that would awaken this dead heart of mine. I even tried to force it once, to prove I wasn't broken, but of course it didn't work out.

And then one day, back in April, for the first time in my life, someone showed romantic interest in me. She was a really nice person, and I felt we had a lot in common and that we could get along, I didn't have any romantic feelings for her but I thought they would just eventually come along cause after all she was a really nice person that had everything I looked for, so why not? She asked me on this kind of date, and I went there and it was all very nice and that's where she kissed me for the first time. It was really nice and all, but I still didn't feel anything romantic. When we left each other I told her I just needed time to think about us and that I would tell her if we should continue seeing each other in a couple days or so.

A week later I still hadn't given her a reply.

She would send me texts and i'd just say that i still needed time. Turth is, I spent that entire week wondering wtf was wrong with me. Someone showed interest in me and I couldn't reciprocate??? Wasn't I capable of love, like a fucking normal human being? Did I really have this much of a cold heart? I felt broken and i didn't know how to fix myself. I wanted to see her gain, I wanted to kiss her, but I didn't want to tell her 'I love you', I didn't want to spend most of my time with her. I felt like a monster when I finally told her that I just wanted to be her friend and she told me I was an asshole that gave her hope then crushed it. For weeks I felt bad, felt like i should have at least tried, and I couldn't stop wondering why I was so unsensitive.

So I just started searching the net. Maybe I wasn't alone in this, maybe I could find a treatment of some kind to repair myself. But instead of a treatment, I found the aromantic community and I can't express how much of a relief it was to find that no, I wasn't broken and I wasn't alone in this. There was nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong about not feeling romantic love. I began being proud of what I was instead of being ashamed by it.

I just wish I knew about this before meeting that girl, then I could have at least tried to explain to her who i was and how I really felt.