Growing Up Aro @growinguparo - Tumblr Blog

sweetpea67

Are you taking anyone to prom?

My wedding day was the best day of my life, and I can’t wait for yours.

A loser like that has to be a virgin. No woman would ever fuck him.

That boy over there looks pretty cute, doesn’t he?

Oh, who do you have a crush on?

Nuclear families are the basis of society.

Over twenty and you haven’t had your first kiss?

Romantic love is the strongest bond a person can have.

Men only want one thing. Good luck finding one who can go without it.

Are you straight or gay?

That’s just how women are.

I don’t think you can have sex without falling for the person a little.

Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. Love makes the world go round!

I felt the same way when I was your age.

That sounds lonely.

You just haven’t found the right person yet

gendercensus

The 2026 Gender Census is now open!

[ survey.gendercensus.com ]

The 13th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 13th August 2026.

It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!

Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

Thank you so much!

[ Link to survey ]

gendercensus

🎉 1,000!!! 🥳

And it's only been about 3 hours, and I haven't even done the mailing list email yet!

papercranesandpride

I think if you want to understand bigotry against aromantics, I have a good case study. Let me talk a little about my dad's family.

My dad has 4 half siblings and two step siblings. They're all a decent bit younger than him. When I was a teenager, we went to a family reunion, and I realized something—my dad did not respect his siblings. He looked down on all of them. He saw them as fuck-ups and overgrown children. My dad had the American dream: well paying management job, suburban house, wife, and three kids. My aunt and uncles did not. Excluding my aunt, none of them were married or in serious relationships. They hadn't really settled into long term careers. Several of them were working the kind of jobs that get called "Unskilled labor." So he looked down on them because the youngest one was in his thirties (and several were much older), and yet none of them had "settled down" into what he saw as lifelong, permanent careers and relationships and lives. He was polite to their faces, sure, but I heard how he talked about them behind their backs, to my mother.

And then a few years ago, we visited his brothers again for Thanksgiving. And I realized something again--he respected them now. He saw them as equals. Why? Well. All of a sudden, every single one of them had serious, committed romantic partners. They didn't even need to still be with those partners—one of my uncle's fiance passed away from cancer before they could marry—just having had one showed that they matured into a real adult participating in society. In fact, at one point, my aunt was telling my mom about how one of my uncles was no longer living in an apartment she owned, but instead, after having a steady girlfriend for about a year, he moved in with her. And my mom literally said to my aunt, "wow. Look at that. He finally grew up."

One of the lines that frequently gets repeated about anti-aspec sentiment is "why would anyone hate asexuals/aromantics/etc? They aren't even doing anything." And that's exactly it. In the eyes of amatonormative culture, we aren't doing anything. Adults are supposed to do things. That's how you become a member of society.

I know that my father will never see me as a successful adult. He will never approve of my life. And I think most people would assume that that's because I'm trans. And don't get me wrong, he sure as shit doesn't like or respect that, but I do think if given enough time, he would get used to it. He would eventually realize that it isn't going away. And if I settled down with a spouse and a respectful job and a few kids, he could see me as a successful adult that he could be proud of anyway. But of course, that's not going to happen. Because I'm aromantic. So I'm never going to do that one thing that signifies that his job is complete, and I'm officially a full-fledged adult. I will perpetually be that fuck-up kid who won't settle down. In my personal case, that's okay. My dad is a conservative piece of shit, and if he doesn't approve of you, that just means you're doing something right. But on a societal level? This kind of attitude is a massive problem. Aromantics deserve to be treated like adults, and to feel like the accomplished adults that they are. We should feel like we belong in society.

fancysmudges

ode to the aromantics

asexualeros

many people would be happier and feel less broken if we de-centered romantic relationships but idk if queer people are ready for this discussion. simply because if you are traumatized and soft conversion therapy’d out of expressing romantic desire, the idea that romance is not important is traumatic. and then there’s the pervasive family of origin trauma. if your partner fulfills the ache of unconditional love that you never felt growing up, you understandably will want to prioritize that relationship. plus there’s the pervasive sexual shame.

which means that people who are aro and ace kind of have to navigate a soup of other people’s trauma that we trigger by existing, and definitely trigger by taking up space and CERTAINLY trigger by offering observations like this one.

noromofest

Introducing "No Romo" Fest: a creative celebration of aromanticism 💚

Let's celebrate Valentine's Day with our own definition of love (or a lack thereof)! No Romo Fest is a creative event taking place from February 8th to 14th, open to anyone and everyone who would like to center aromanticism in their work.

Works can be posted under the #no romo fest tag and/or in the AO3 collection throughout the week.

Guidelines & (optional) prompts below the cut:

k-wame

theaspecyear

People need to understand that the point ISN’T “being single is not a failure if you’re aromantic”, the point is being single is not a failure full stop.

You can be allo and be single; it’s allowed. You feeling attraction doesn’t mean your priority NEEDS to be finding romance (it can be! But it also can not).

Being single should be normalized no matter what your romantic/sexual orientation is. It isn’t a tragedy.

knifearo

one thing that does often actually genuinely break my heart about aromanticism is that it opens so many ontological pathways to methodologies that would unilaterally improve people's lives but most people can't even be bothered to learn about aromanticism much less apply those lessons to themselves

knifearo

being aromantic (and being aspec in general) prompts you to unlearn the thought that a romantic relationship is going to fulfill you in a way that nothing else can. to unlearn that your worth is tied to your desirability. to unlearn that your life is defined by love. it prompts you to restructure your relationships. to reevaluate the ways in which the people around you contribute to your life and the ways in which you want to engage with them. it shows you that everything we know about relationships is defined by social constructs that don't need to be heeded. it opens you to a life of such blissful freedom and i feel such a sense of grief for the way that this information never seems to get beyond us

bogreader

a romantic relationship being the only non-familial relationship where it's seen as fully normal to have regular physical touch with someone is the part of amatonormativity that makes me want to bite and kill and kill and kill

peach-pot

AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT AMATONORMATIVITY. even if you’re an allo person who has a romantic relationship that you center a lot of your life around, even if being romantically fulfilled is one of your biggest goals in life, amatonormativity cheapens that decision! if these things are deeply important to you, don’t you want to have the opportunity to fully choose them for yourself instead of having them just be assumed parts of your life? even if you choose the path amatonormativity pushes onto everyone, the ability to CHOOSE it is important, and if you ask me, makes it more meaningful.

lenasai

you know how some cis people question their gender, really explore it, and then come to the conclusion that they really are cis and unlock cis+? you can do this as an alloromantic person too! i encourage people who aren't aro to really think about what kinds of relationships they want to center in their lives and what they want out of those relationships.

maybe you do this exploration and come to the conclusion that you really do personally see being in a romantic relationship as your highest priority. if that's the case, congratulations! you have unlocked alloro+ and you have my respect for that 👍

aspec-quilt-project

welcome to the ace quilt project!! quilt square submissions are open now. check out the faq if you have any questions, and follow along at @ace-quilt-project to see how this project grows. 🫶

onyxthelion

The 2025 Ace Community Survey is now open! Anyone who is 15 or older are encouraged to respond. This includes folks who do not identify as ace! (those responses help for comparison purposes) The survey is also available in 16 languages!

Find the survey link here: https://acecommunitysurvey.org/

specialagentartemis

"marriage is the ONLY way to get these protections" "there is NO WAY to hack a legal arrangement to cover everything that marriage grants" "kiddos you don't remember what it was like before we could get married, we finally got rights because we could get married" Okay But You Recognize Why That's Bad, Right. Like that is really, really bad that you have to enter a specific type of relationship to get legal rights. That is A Problem. You recognize that that is Not A Good Thing, Right

peach-pot

recently saw a comment section full of people, primarily women, talking about loving living with their best friend and being sad about having to live separately one day. some people talking about missing living with their best friend, some talking about “getting” to live with their best friend “until” they find partners. saw one person mention that moving out to move in with a partner felt like a divorce. it makes me so genuinely sad… all these people recognizing the joy they can find living outside the norm, letting themself live with a friend instead of a romantic partner, but still feeling like they have to live with a spouse eventually. like it’s not even a decision, just an inevitability.

peach-pot

similarly, it makes me sad when someone shares their happiness from living with a friend with others and the biggest response is people insisting/assuming they must have a secret unrecognized romantic connection. just taking over a moment of joy to insist they’re wrong about their own life and feelings; all to reinforce the lifestyle everyone is already expected to conform to eventually…

knifearo

ultimately the problem is that it’s always phrased “aro people can still be in romantic relationships” and not “aros in romantic relationships are still aro”. and if you don’t get that then i can’t help you any further

aromantic-diaries

People act like there's an explicit line between friendship and romance like This is how Platonic Friends act and if two people act like That they are a Romantic Couple. Buddy I have crossed the line so far that it's actually surprising to me and it's still friendship

aromantic-diaries

"being aromantic means you never cross The Line" well maybe I'm so aromantic that no matter how far I cross the so called line I will never enter the romance territory. Get on my level.

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