Not very active anymore! This is more of an archive now. A blog about the unique experiences aromantics have growing up. Submit your stories through ask and submit boxes! Check out the #stories tag to see what others have submitted. Mobile links
many people would be happier and feel less broken if we de-centered romantic relationships but idk if queer people are ready for this discussion. simply because if you are traumatized and soft conversion therapy’d out of expressing romantic desire, the idea that romance is not important is traumatic. and then there’s the pervasive family of origin trauma. if your partner fulfills the ache of unconditional love that you never felt growing up, you understandably will want to prioritize that relationship. plus there’s the pervasive sexual shame.
which means that people who are aro and ace kind of have to navigate a soup of other people’s trauma that we trigger by existing, and definitely trigger by taking up space and CERTAINLY trigger by offering observations like this one.
Introducing "No Romo" Fest: a creative celebration of aromanticism 💚
Let's celebrate Valentine's Day with our own definition of love (or a lack thereof)! No Romo Fest is a creative event taking place from February 8th to 14th, open to anyone and everyone who would like to center aromanticism in their work.
Works can be posted under the #no romo fest tag and/or in the AO3 collection throughout the week.
Guidelines & (optional) prompts below the cut:
Guidelines
Works must feature aromanticism in some way.
All fanworks & original works are welcome. (RPF is also fine as long as the subject is a public figure ❤️)
Prompts are optional and up to interpretation.
Works must be your own; plagiarism and AI-generated works are forbidden.
There are no content restrictions, but please include relevant content warnings on your work.
Cross-posting to other events is okay as long as the other event allows it.
Lastly, do not police other creators’ interpretations of aromanticism; it is a broad identity that can mean many different things to different people.
Prompts
aroace / aroallo
partnering / non-partnering
friendship / family
self discovery / coming out
non-monogamy / relationship anarchy
lovequeer / loveless
pride flag / green & white
Discussion Prompts
(Although the event is open to all, these are meant for arospec individuals specifically!)
What does aromanticism mean to you?
How did you discover your arospec identity?
Do you identify with any more specific labels, or "just aro"?
People need to understand that the point ISN’T “being single is not a failure if you’re aromantic”, the point is being single is not a failure full stop.
You can be allo and be single; it’s allowed. You feeling attraction doesn’t mean your priority NEEDS to be finding romance (it can be! But it also can not).
Being single should be normalized no matter what your romantic/sexual orientation is. It isn’t a tragedy.
one thing that does often actually genuinely break my heart about aromanticism is that it opens so many ontological pathways to methodologies that would unilaterally improve people's lives but most people can't even be bothered to learn about aromanticism much less apply those lessons to themselves
being aromantic (and being aspec in general) prompts you to unlearn the thought that a romantic relationship is going to fulfill you in a way that nothing else can. to unlearn that your worth is tied to your desirability. to unlearn that your life is defined by love. it prompts you to restructure your relationships. to reevaluate the ways in which the people around you contribute to your life and the ways in which you want to engage with them. it shows you that everything we know about relationships is defined by social constructs that don't need to be heeded. it opens you to a life of such blissful freedom and i feel such a sense of grief for the way that this information never seems to get beyond us
a romantic relationship being the only non-familial relationship where it's seen as fully normal to have regular physical touch with someone is the part of amatonormativity that makes me want to bite and kill and kill and kill
AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT AMATONORMATIVITY. even if you’re an allo person who has a romantic relationship that you center a lot of your life around, even if being romantically fulfilled is one of your biggest goals in life, amatonormativity cheapens that decision! if these things are deeply important to you, don’t you want to have the opportunity to fully choose them for yourself instead of having them just be assumed parts of your life? even if you choose the path amatonormativity pushes onto everyone, the ability to CHOOSE it is important, and if you ask me, makes it more meaningful.
you know how some cis people question their gender, really explore it, and then come to the conclusion that they really are cis and unlock cis+? you can do this as an alloromantic person too! i encourage people who aren't aro to really think about what kinds of relationships they want to center in their lives and what they want out of those relationships.
maybe you do this exploration and come to the conclusion that you really do personally see being in a romantic relationship as your highest priority. if that's the case, congratulations! you have unlocked alloro+ and you have my respect for that 👍
welcome to the ace quilt project!! quilt square submissions are open now. check out the faq if you have any questions, and follow along at @ace-quilt-project to see how this project grows. 🫶
The 2025 Ace Community Survey is now open! Anyone who is 15 or older are encouraged to respond. This includes folks who do not identify as ace! (those responses help for comparison purposes) The survey is also available in 16 languages!
Find the survey link here: https://acecommunitysurvey.org/
"marriage is the ONLY way to get these protections" "there is NO WAY to hack a legal arrangement to cover everything that marriage grants" "kiddos you don't remember what it was like before we could get married, we finally got rights because we could get married" Okay But You Recognize Why That's Bad, Right. Like that is really, really bad that you have to enter a specific type of relationship to get legal rights. That is A Problem. You recognize that that is Not A Good Thing, Right
recently saw a comment section full of people, primarily women, talking about loving living with their best friend and being sad about having to live separately one day. some people talking about missing living with their best friend, some talking about “getting” to live with their best friend “until” they find partners. saw one person mention that moving out to move in with a partner felt like a divorce. it makes me so genuinely sad… all these people recognizing the joy they can find living outside the norm, letting themself live with a friend instead of a romantic partner, but still feeling like they have to live with a spouse eventually. like it’s not even a decision, just an inevitability.
similarly, it makes me sad when someone shares their happiness from living with a friend with others and the biggest response is people insisting/assuming they must have a secret unrecognized romantic connection. just taking over a moment of joy to insist they’re wrong about their own life and feelings; all to reinforce the lifestyle everyone is already expected to conform to eventually…
ultimately the problem is that it’s always phrased “aro people can still be in romantic relationships” and not “aros in romantic relationships are still aro”. and if you don’t get that then i can’t help you any further
People act like there's an explicit line between friendship and romance like This is how Platonic Friends act and if two people act like That they are a Romantic Couple. Buddy I have crossed the line so far that it's actually surprising to me and it's still friendship
"being aromantic means you never cross The Line" well maybe I'm so aromantic that no matter how far I cross the so called line I will never enter the romance territory. Get on my level.
part of the problem with amatonormativity is that if you aren't interested in a long-term monogamous relationship people assume you will be a miserable empty incomplete shell of a person so you have to insist on your ability to be genuinely fulfilled by things other than marriage/monogamy/romance/etc. but at the same time society is shaped in a way where not being interested in those things can easily make you alienated, between marriage and reproduction being depicted as natural life stages that everyone needs to go through to be a fulfilled adult and it being considered standard to prioritize your romantic relationships over your platonic ones. and if you ever express loneliness or anxiety or guilt over this experience then people take that as proof that you just need to Find The One to make you realize that all your feelings and desires were actually just immaturity/fear of commitment/trauma this whole time and the societal norm IS the only way for you to be truly happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Given that I like a lot of physical affection and do things with my friends that’d be considered as “romantic” to outsiders something I’ve really had to reconcile with is the notion of things being “inherently romantic”. There is no action that on its own is always romantic. Society can place romantic meanings on gestures and individuals can develop romantic associations with certain gestures but neither of those make something "inherently romantic".
For a long time I restrained myself from holding hands with my friends or laying in their lap because I thought they were too romantic for our relationship. Even though physical affection is the strongest way I show I care, I purposely withheld that and withdrew from my friends because I was worried about being read as romantic when they knew I wasn't.
And that sucks.
It wasn't until one of my friends sat me down and had to interrogate me and reassure that they were okay with me doing "traditionally romantic" things with them. That was one of the most freeing experiences conversations I'd had. It's odd to put into words just how much it meant for me to be told that I didn't have to self-restrain myself because of what others think about our relationship. We know its not romantic --who cares what others think???
My aromanticism is not a soft suffering waiting for you to shape it, lovingly, into something you can pity. I am not seeking your tender validation.
I do not need you to explain love to me.
Were we not hand fed the same dreams, the same wishes? Were we not given the same template, told to fill in the blanks with the same values? I've spent all my life being forced into the shape of someone like you.
I know what love is.
Let me explain lovelessness to you.
Let me press my hands deep into something you never questioned and let me break it open. Let me show you the rugged edges, the sharp teeth buried inside. If I bare my heart to you, will you see me as human?
My aromanticism is wrapped in bitter sharp barbed wire edges. You may lay your hands upon me but beware of shaping me.
Growing Up Aro @growinguparo - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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