(questions taken from this questionnaire)
so, You Want To Know About Youji Fen. well.
{cw: uh... family drama, a lot of family talk, ableism}
1. She does not have any siblings as her father left her mother after having her, and the two met pretty shortly before then. However, who she does have is her maternal cousin, Yang Yunxu - her mother went to live with her sister and her spouse to avoid living in more poverty, and they had one kid. A bundle of energy and naiivite, he and Ailani unfortunately lost contact after she moved to Japan.
2. Poor Chou. Hailing from a poor background, she was an itinerant all her life and eventually underwent the difficult process to move from mainland China to Hong Kong, hoping three degrees of separation would give her a chance at a new life. She brought along remnants of her past life - this is why Youji Fen is properly written with pinyin, though Ailani grew up remembering only Cantonese. Chou didn't find her life there easier, and was frequently out of the house trying to gain employment. Ailani herself has a very distanced view of her mother, but also one that is dependent. The daughter, seen as a way to make the mother proud and give her a motivation to keep on going, but on the flip side Ailani relies on her mother to give her necessities and admired her for her dedication and hard work. This was one of the things that motivated her to write, as she wanted to make enough money to support the both of them. So while Ailani admires her mother, she did everything in her power to avoid ending up like her.
3. Oh boy. Chu is actually the son of a first generation immigrant from Vietnam who also found himself in Hong Kong for similar reasons to Chou. Also from a poor background, though not to the degree of his ex-wife, the two bonded over this and married fairly hastily. He was always a coward and left when Ailani was young, seeing her appearance as an omen of sorts. As she grew up she realized there was something different about her family arrangement, especially as she entered school and was exposed to others. After the events that led her family to move, she became acutely aware of his absence and began blaming him for leaving the family. This has continued until the present day, and there probably isn't a single person she loathes more than her father.
4. Oh yes, absolutely. There were three of these events, two of them are sort of stuff that hasn't come out yet, but in vague terms they are 1. the event that she witnessed that directly caused her to move 2. the time she lost a friend of hers and 3. what I'll be talking about now, which basically solidified her choice of career. Ailani, for her thirteenth birthday, was taken to a movie theatre to watch a film. On her way back from concessions, she accidentally walked inside the wrong theatre, and witnessed a horror movie. She only caught bits of what was going on, but the gory scene she beheld implanted itself in her mind, and as she grew older and was an edgy teen who liked to rebel, it made an impact on her and was essentially the day she knew what she wanted to do.
5. She likes to keep her pockets clean, typically one'd only find a pen, her keys/keycard, a miniature notepad, and a tissue. Anything else is only transitive.
6. ; )
Okay, but she does have many dreams about flying. One of her secret desires has always been the ability of levitation, and this has transferred over to her subconscious. Incidentally, another desire of hers has always been to become a robot, which she has dreamed about before.
7. She does, indeed have reoccurring nightmares, mostly about stuff she's seen in her life. However, a common theme with them is abandonment.
8. Nope. She has never, in her life, fired a gun.
9. Yup! Back in the dawning years of her life, she was very poor. Ailani's still poor but less so because she's actually making money from her books, but not enough to drag herself and her mother out from being lower-class. However, her life's doing substantially better since she's actually living with her mum in their own apartment instead of sharing with others.
10. Takes a long, hard look at Ailani and her jorts. Well, it's dependent on the weather but she gets cold very easily so she prefers more clothes, but usually as a safeguard rather than because of actual comfort.
11. Several, again. The first was the threat of being homeless following the incident that made her have to move, but she was still a child during that and didn't fully understand what went on. The second was the immediate period of time following the incident in which she lost her friend.
12. For the year she was preparing to write her third book, she would go to a temple and pray. That assisted greatly in instilling a sense of calm in her, and she looks back upon the last stretch of that time fondly.
13. Yes, she's disconcerted by it. As much as she works with blood and guts in her writing, there's no substitute for the real thing even if it helped desensitize her slightly.
14. Names. She's a very word-oriented person though she has a great talent for visualization, but the way Ailani's mind works it's simply easier for her to recall a string of letters.
15. Ohhh boy. Yes, absolutely. Being in poverty for much of her life has left her with a hunger for wealth and as a result she tends to hoard money and physical comforts (i.e. she still has a collection of hotel soap from when they were moving into their apartment even if they were in a better spot). It's very hard to get her to spend on material comforts, even if it won't affect her financially, and she treasures anything she's given.
16. Success, full-stop. She'd rather be famous and known rather than happy, which has been her mentality her entire life because she's desperate to become known and not stuck in the lot life dealt her.
17. Does a book count? She had a pop-up book of various animals that she found utterly fascinating, and would read over and over. It was actually what helped her learn to start reading and imprinted a love of the craft in her.
18. Both. She's harsh towards perceived negative traits in others, and while she doesn't believe ambition is inherently evil (look at her!), she feels those seized by it can easily become soured. Wisdom is also important in her mind, as one must know how to approach the world and not keep themselves closed off. She feels sympathy might be reached if people simply considered the circumstances of others.
19. -laughtrack- Well, uh. Ailani is ambitious to the point of ruthlessness herself, as in she will make herself successful and prioritize that above the happiness and safety of others. I'm not going to elaborate on her relationships rn but let me just say that this has caused big, big issues for her in the past.
20. Welcome to petty mcgee. Ailani feels she needs to be the best, and consequently can't help but compare herself to others. She doesn't mind criticism at all, but at the same time she's fully willing to rip elements of other people and learn from their failings in order to better herself. So for the most part she does this for self-criticism, but she's the nasty kind of person who looks at critics ripping apart others works in order to self-validate.
21. -laughtrack part two- Well, without getting too deep into it, Ailani blames others for anything negative that's ever happened in her life. She has a pretty good self-image but at the same time it's fragile and she doesn't like it being challenged, which causes her to blame others in like 90% of the cases. She really, really doesn't like being in the wrong.
22. Ailani's a person who's willing to genuinely like others, but keep them as arm's length. However, she prefers people who are honest and consistent, where she can better predict their reactions. The other kind of person she likes are those who are similar to her, who she can't help but relate to and feel a connection with. See the people she likes most: Yuka, Holly, Ayato, Piney, Sarara.
23. An entire laundry list of things. She hates hypocrisy above all else though, which, in itself, is hypocritical. Another trait she loathes is when people are unpredictable, as she prefers consistency. She also dislikes incompetence.
24. As can be displayed by her behavior in trials, pretty quickly. Ailani actually suspected Kanon after Haruna was defensive of her during investigation, and this carried with her all throughout the trial just for example.
25. Not quick at all, enough said. Unless your name starts with "Y" and ends with "uka Kagome". Really, Ailani only deeply trusts like five people in her entire life, both inside the simulation and out.
26. Ailani finds children kind of annoying and has no interest in having any, so she isn't very good around them nor should be trusted to look after them - she'd probably just leave them be and begin reading a book instead. Fictional preteens are enough, thank you very much.
27. Avoid! Avoid! Avoid!
28. Usually she only resorts to violence if pushed to her max, i.e. trial 6 with the knives and stuff in her backstory.
29. Believe it or not, she wanted to be an auto racer as a child after reading a book on it. Author was her second choice which took over her life, and she eventually did.... kinda fulfill that dream.
30. In terms of symbolic stuff? Hypocrisy and injustice. In terms of physical stuff? She really hates heavy food, especially cheese - and not just because she's lactose intolerant.
31. Relaxing in a quiet spot inside her house, book in hand and cup of tea to her side. Ailani's alone and can read at her leisure.
32. [monobear voice] youji fen shsl faker [ailani] -screaming-
33. Always willing to improve if it comes to her works. She doesn't mind if what she creates is criticized, moreso if she herself is criticized. Should someone suggest ways for her to improve as a person, she's likely to pull a knife on them.
34. Move on to a different method/solution. Ailani tends to search for creative ways to deal with a problem, and because of that will keep on trying different tactics until she find one that works. This isn't always good, as she might disregard a method if it didn't work once - even if it was her own fault it tanked.
35. Nice. No, really.
36. Nice, but in a super passive-aggressive way. She tends to regard them with disgust, and insult them covertly at every chance she gets.
37. Status. For Ailani, the concept of keeping honour is a thing she's never given much consideration to especially because of her family situation where keeping mum about not having a father was necessary, which caused her to resent the concept of "honour". As for her status, one needn't look further than trial seven.
38. It depends on the severity of the problem/threat and if it affects her directly. If it doesn't and it's relatively harmless, then she tends to take a hands-off stance, but if it does Ailani deals with it at earliest possible time, always.
39. Nah, she's never been bitten by an animal.
40. Considerately. She's very much one to root for the small person, and is a big fan of underdog stories. She knows they're just trying to live and make minimum wage, and she tends to try to be as polite as possible to people in general even if she resents them.
41. Oh boy, here's Ms. Entitled. She feels that, because of her lot in life she deserves to have good things happen to her eventually, but she also thinks she must work for them even if she deserves to have what she wants. In general, she believes it to be pretty dang unfair that she has to work, but she goes hard at her desires.
42. Yup, a librarian at the library she frequented. Because the librarian knew JSL and MCJ, she spoke frequently with them, and they grew fond of her. The librarian saw her grow up too, and as a result their relationship was rather parental, especially since they fretted over her and wanted to see her succeed.
43. Again, yes, a certain person in her backstory. They were her first crush, but they regarded her more as a sibling and friend. Still, the relationship eventually crumbled anyways.
44. It's very easy for her to say ilu, both with and without meaning. Ailani's willing to do a lot to ensure her success, and pretending she actually likes people is on that list. However, she also says ilu easily when she genuinely likes people - it's just a feeling, why shouldn't she be honest?
45. Ailani was raised Buddhist, and believes in rebirth. She's always been pretty religious, and this only intensified recently in her life. While she gives consideration to the idea of an afterlife, which she's afraid of the possibility of, she holds firm to her belief in reincarnation though.