"I BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD. BUT I'M NOT SURE HE STILL BELIEVES IN US." // MUSINGS ABOUT GOD
Vi Khi Nao Fish in Exile // pinterest // Ada Limón The Echo Sounder, from "Lucky Wreck" // Mitski Bug Like an Angel // Margaret Atwood Half Hanged Mary // Ethel Cain American Teenager // Supernatural (2005-2020) cr. Eric Kripke // Elle Emerson Regarding the Röttgen Pietà // Yves Olade Belovéd // Kim Addonizio Wild Nights from "Tell Me" // Jensen McRae Machines // Supernatural (2005-2020) cr. Eric Kripke // Anna Kamienska A Nest of Quiet: A Notebook (tr. Clare Cavanagh) // Tom Waits Day After Tomorrow // pinterest // Lauren Camp Upon Taking the Universe One Thing at a Time
drewthis for my lovely friend @eesirachs thesis chapter ohhhh she writes so good... so good......... really i am very fortunate to have run into her blog in the first place at all!! im so happy with how it turned out. the drawing but also having met her. hi sammy :-)
mary doria russel, the sparrow // contorno, hand in unloveable hand // ethel cain, sun bleached flies // @avainblue // billboard in ohio // ? // friedrich nietzsche // florence + the machine, girls against god // supernatural 10×16 // mary oliver, leaves and blossoms along the way // the last temptation of christ (1988) // @ponyoisms // frank bidart, the war of vaslav nijinsky // harley poe, I wanna die // sylvia plath // The Script, breakeven // pheobe bridgers, chinese satellite
I have many, many instances in my life where I believe God has shown up and answered small requests/teeny tiny prayers, and those instances never cease to amaze me. I wanted to share just two of them here, especially since they’re so similar and related.
1. My dad and I go hiking in one of my state’s national forests. My dad also hunts there. To go hiking here, you have to wear bright hunter’s orange, in order to not be mistaken for Something Else and be shot by mistake.
I went through a period of time where I was very strict about wearing “women’s clothing” due to a bible verse in the old testament. I still am, to be honest, but I’m not QUITE as strict as I was back then. But in this period of time, I felt like the only t-shirts I could wear were v-necks (to differentiate them from men’s shirts--yes, I know some men wear v-necks too, I just felt it was a good distinction).
The only orange shirt I had did not meet my Criteria for my convictions. So I was shopping for a new one. I’m not sure if I prayed about this or not beforehand, but either way:
On the SALE rack at the store, there was a BRIGHT ORANGE, V-NECK shirt in my exact size. Fit perfectly. EDIT: I somehow neglected to mention originally that it was also THE ONLY SHIRT OF THIS KIND THERE. THERE WAS ONLY ONE!
(I am carrying a gun in this picture solely because my dad needed help carrying things and because there are very very large and scary animals, like bears and cougars, in this area, please don’t @ me)
I have always believed this was a God Wink moment and that God saw I was doing all I could to obey my convictions/conscience and not sin against Him. And that He wanted me to be able to go on this hike with my dad <3
2. A lot of you know now that I wear head coverings when I pray because of 1 Corinthians 11. I have had a lot of trouble and spent a ton of time trying to find styles that both meet my criteria for my personal convictions of what constitutes a “covering” and look cute/not frumpy. Mostly I wear beanies and slouchy berets.
As a side note, I like to believe that even if I felt convicted to wear old-fashioned styles, I’d still do it to obey. I hope that’s the case. But my personal conviction is that modern styles are ok, as long as they meet my other criteria for convictions--cover enough, etc.
This year, I have been invited to play for the worship team for Easter for the first time. I’ve been struggling a ton to find an outfit that meets all the necessary points: it has to incorporate a head covering, be a dark color (since I was told band members should wear dark colors to blend in on stage), and be warm (since my church’s stage is FREEZING). PLUS I wanted it to be floral/spring-ish and a bit more formal than what I normally wear to church.
I had an outfit figured out that would work, I just was not excited about it and was going to be a little self-conscious. It also involved jeans, since none of my dresses/leggings would work with the jackets/head coverings I have. It would do, but I was not excited to wear it.
And then today, my mom was randomly getting rid of a floral dress...
(Don’t judge my messy room, I’m working on it lol)
The dress is a hand-me-down from my mom and the heels are a hand-me-down from a friend that I got a few weeks ago. (I might actually wear different heels, but those are from a wedding I was in last year, so I already had those as well.)
I definitely believe God saw me struggling with this, knowing I was trying to make it work with my convictions/conscience stuff about head coverings AGAIN, and decided to bless me again. I’m very excited about this outfit and that I get to feel Cute on Easter instead of just having an outfit that barely worked.
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Just... tldr, I can’t believe God cares about such small things, and yet, I CAN believe He does, because being this generous with good gifts I don’t necessarily NEED but will still enjoy is right up His alley. I think both times, He’s seen me trying my best to obey Him/my convictions and decided to help me out.
What a wonderful, generous, tender Father we serve.
The Great Wave as a radical movement began in the late 1800s, rebelling against the existing. 19th Century #art & Search for Indefinite, Infinite Impression. Reconsidering Transcendence in Art Presence or Absence of #divine. Learning from Van Gogh and Hokusai. Travelling to their thought-form, Vincet van Gogh to the artist friend Emile 1889: “But now look, ... you surely can't seriously imagine a confinement like that, in the middle of the road, with the mother starting to pray instead of suckling her child? Those bloated frogs of priests on their knees as though they're having an epileptic fit are also part of it, God alone knows how and why!" #thegreatwave by #NatasaPantovic AoL Consciousness
The Great Wave as a radical movement began in the late 1800s, rebelling against the existing. 19th Century #art & Search for Indefinite, Infinite Impression. Reconsidering Transcendence in Art Presence or Absence of #divine. Learning from Van Gogh and Hokusai. Travelling to their thought-form, Vincet van Gogh to the artist friend Emile 1889: “But now look, ... you surely can't seriously imagine a confinement like that, in the middle of the road, with the mother starting to pray instead of suckling her child? Those bloated frogs of priests on their knees as though they're having an epileptic fit are also part of it, God alone knows how and why!" #thegreatwave by #NatasaPantovic AoL Consciousness
