I was studying, I didn't even realize I fell asleep.
I was reading one of the medical books Sentin lets me use. I want to improve my skills for him, but I don't know if I'm good enough. I don't know if I ever will be, even for Gresel and Farfal. I don't think I'm a good mom.
There was some sort of light suddenly. I don't understand it, but I felt compelled to go to it. Not like the light when you die, this was much... warmer. It was familiar, it felt like me. It felt like Oisurt. He's dead, so it couldn't be him... I followed the light, I couldn't ignore this feeling it was something I had to do.
There was a woman. She was me, but I knew she wasn't. The only answer could be ancestors were a real thing. I already believed they were, but this was undeniable proof in front of my eyes.
I stepped closer, she remained in her seat. Another step, she shifted, her pleasing hands moving to rest her chin on them. Even if I couldn't see her face at the moment, I knew she was smiling. I could feel it.
"So Ulfuri hmm?" she spoke, " He's your matesprit. I couldn't stand mine exactly."
"E-excuse me?" I mentally scolded myself, I never wanted to stutter again, but it came out anyway. She was very beautiful and intimidating.
She turned to face me. I was awestruck, she was the most gorgeous troll I've laid eyes on. Her lips were plump, her eyes smoky. Although they looked so dead, and so... alone. "Artium... He was the man I devoted myself to. He's the only one I could."
We were silent for a moment, but I stepped forward and she spoke again. "I used to be like you Ofwuce." I froze and her gaze went to me.
I was in arms reach, she pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I let people walk over me. I let them use me. Because of something as stupid as my blood.
"Artium found me one day. I was kind of in a... Well simply put I belonged to a brothel. I couldn't get out." I looked down in shock, and her arms went to herself again. She waited until I looked back at her to talk again. She indicated to the chair beside her so I sat.
"He saved me, and I fell for him. I met Ulfuri after being free from that life. We hated each other so much. I don't know why, he was so kind. I guess I couldn't stand that about him. But anyway...
"I found this nice little stripping club if you well. I forced myself to get a job there. A few sweeps later I got money to buy the club. I saved a lot of girls. Boys too. I died a long time after that.
"In Artium's arms. That's the only thing I regret, letting him watch me die.
I didn't even realize I was crying, she wiped my tears for me. I saw the saddest smile anyone was capable of. She wanted to cry, and I knew it. "I'm telling you this, because I want you to carry on our legacy."
"But why do I have to... I couldn't do that, I'm so ugly."
Her fingers grabbed my chin, eyes piercing my soul. I was scared for a moment, and she kissed my forehead. I felt something wet against my scalp. The next thing I knew we were hugging.
"Ofwuce you are so beautiful. Even more than me. You'll do this. It's in your blood.
"Besides. Don't you think you should try something new?"
We held each other, and just cried. Will I be like her? I want to be that gorgeous.
I woke up, I was crying. So it was a dream, but a real dream.
I was confident, but ever since that ad... Ever since that ad I felt like I used to.
Worthless. Ugly. Stupid. A mistake.
That ad treated me so horribly, like trash. They didn't say it was for something like that. They just said I was what they were looking for. Instead they ruined my opinion of myself. I worked so hard to bring it up. They ripped it all from me.
... But why should I let them? I have more than they probably do. I have my kids, I have my friends, I have my quadrants. I have Sentin, the first troll to really believe in me, to protect me with everything. And he calls me beautiful.
Just like she did in the dream.
I won't be associated with that ad anymore. I won't let anyone push me around anymore. (Maller doesn't count.) I want to change, I plan to change. I grabbed the closest pair of scissors. And I chopped it off. I chopped all of it off.
I felt free. Happy. I was also lucky Sentin has makeup for when she's a girl. And that old blush I brought from my old hive. From when I was alone.
After I was done I heard him. "Ofwuce!"
For the first time in a long time. I was free.