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I want a binder so bad and to use my chosen name and still be able to wear what I want, be called handsome instead of pretty, and use my pronouns. But I think I'm going to have to stay closeted. At least for now. I can't fathom coming out to my mother because she'll make a huge deal out of it ("i have so much to deal with right now", "youre a girl just confused" etc.) and force me to out myself to my family. And she's made jokes about me being nonbinary (a while ago I had told her I was simply nb. She refused to respect my pronouns and told me I would always be her daughter. The most supportive thing she's done is get me baggy t-shirts) so I don't think demiboy will fly. And when I'd drop hints she'd say "so you wanna be a boy?" yet whenever I politely correct her on terminology she yells at me.
It's just too much. I think I'll be out at school next year. I'll talk with my guidance counselor about my teachers next year using my pronouns and name I hope, and ask the doc if I can wear A binder , bc a friend offered to order one for me and I would pay them back
I'm just. Really scared because my parents are always up in my business. They insist.on knowing everything going on and I have a horrible guilty conciense because of it. I'll have to take the leap here, God willing