05/26/2015.
The sun is rising, golden shades are tinting the thin clouds in the sky, and even though the sight is beautiful, and there is people probably amazed by the view, tendering memories being made at that moment, but for him it’s a sight that only hurts his eyes, which are quickly covered by his eyelids falling closed, a hand lifting to try to soothe the stinging sensation with his fingertips. He stayed up all night, that night, in which he thought he was going to give up once again. His body is stiff from the coldness of the night, but still his shaky hands manage to light up yet another cigarette, the las one of his pack that he then throws in front of him, bouncing on the empty beer and vodka bottles that are scattered all around his legs before it lands on the floor, back leaning on the bricks of the walls that delimit the edges of the roof of his apartment’s building. His eyes remained closed, deep breaths being taken to then let out the smoke of his cigarette, enjoying it as much as possible as he knows is the last one he has. By then the sunlight had already warmed his body, but he still had no intentions on getting up.
Two years, two long years have passed since he found happiness, and in only two years he had seen the best and worst of himself, all thanks to her. His heart gave a painful thud against his ribcage as she once again crossed his mind, the only woman that had brought joy to his life, but she had also taken it with her when she parted from this world, leaving him behind, alone. When his eyes opened the first thing he saw was the latest scar he had made on his arm, it had being a month since he last hurt himself, he knew she would be proud of him and that thought made the corners of his lips twitch before he let out a scoff, he knew that wasn’t something to be proud of, he shouldn’t have done it on the first place, but he also knew how positive she was, and that if she had being there she would have praised him, but she wasn’t. He was alone, alone with his memories and his wonders of what could have happened if she was still there, with him.
“I miss you... So much...” He muttered as his legs dragged towards his body and his knees pressed against his chest, arms curling around his legs as his face buried atop his knees, eyes squeezed closed as he fought against the tears that struggled to leave them, and his shoulders lightly trembled as he fought with himself to keep composure, he felt lost, hopeless, and he once again wondered why was he still there, alive, if it was punishment for all that he did before her, he knew very well he deserved it, but it didn’t made it less painful. A smile curved the corners of his lips however, when he somehow started to remember her words when he was feeling down, the way she would talk sense into his mind, the way she would make him believe in himself, the way she did. One by one the tears started to slide down his cheeks, thin strikes glimmering on his skin, but for the first time in what it felt for ever, it wasn’t out of sadness, it doesn’t matter how dark and gloom days felt know, he knew that at least he had experienced love and happiness before.
The ashes of the remains of his cigarette were slowly falling onto his shoe until he finally shifted his position, the last smoke of his cigarette let out in a long sigh before he wiped his damp cheeks with the back of his hand, and he shakily got up on his feet, slowly walking across the roof, closer to the sunrise, letting the warmth of the sun rays wash over his body as his elbows rested on the wall of bricks that only reached under his chest. He looked down to the streets where people were starting their day before he lifted his head again, letting his eyelids fell closed once more, somehow finding peace on that short moment, perhaps the fact that he had survived that night was a sign that he should try to move on, because deep inside something told him he would, slowly even if he had more moments on which he would want to give up, but eventually, he’ll find happiness again.
