How Having An Emotionally Absent Father Still Affects Me Today
1. I have only ever ended up with emotionally unavailable men.
Throughout all of my relationship and dating history, I have only been with men that were either emotionally abusive or distant. As most women who end up in these types of relationships, it is not something I had ever wanted – yet it has always somehow just ended up this way. I realized that subconsciously, this is the type of relationship that I am familiar with. It’s the only type of relationship with men that I had ever known.
2. I fear letting someone close to me.
When it comes to dating and relationships, I am extremely hesitant about letting someone know the depths of me. It is very difficult for me to share my fears and passions as I subconsciously think that this what makes a man leave.
3. I have an unattainable sense of self-perfection I cannot live up to.
I realized that I subconsciously feel that I have to pretend to be perfect to sustain attraction. Throughout all of my dating scenarios, I have always tried to put on a front that ends up failing. Perhaps because I feel like no one would want to see my true self, with all my inner flaws and still express their love and devotion.
When I notice that a guy is just starting to become emotionally involved, I subconsciously set off many red flags. “He’s untruthful!, He has ulterior motives, He just wants to pretend to get what he wants!, He is too good to be true!” These are the types of thoughts that run through my head when a man is coming off as genuine. Perhaps that is why the only dating situations I have been in have been emotionally exhausting and ultimately, toxic.
5. I fear saying something that will inflict an attack.
I have an inherent fear of saying something that I will end up paying for emotionally. This is in the form of being belittled or ignored or as a form of punishment. As a result, rather than being comfortable addressing my concerns with someone I am dating, I try to avoid this in fear of retaliation. I subconsciously feel that I do not have the right to feel or act in a way the other person wouldn’t like.
...There you have it. I never had a father that made me feel beautiful or worthy or loved. And as much as I never wanted to admit it, this had an impact on my relationships with men.
