In This Burning House
In This Burning House | 1/5
Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
Pairing: Jax Teller x OC
Warning: Adult situations, Sexual situations, IPV, Violence. Don't engage if your underage.
Authors Note: This is a Very old story I’ve edited. It’s some Shakespearean tragedy shit, starting at about season 1 or just before it. This is very gritty story and at times may be hard to read. For those who have read my stories before, you probably aren't surprised by this. Gritty, painful, heartfelt stories are what I write. They're what I know. And this story is no different. I try to take the reader to a place they've never been before, maybe a place they never imagined they'd go and show it to them in brutal empathic honesty. My characters aren't black and white, neither are their stories. They've very grey and murky. And at times you might hate them and the next breath understand them.
Part 1: You Don't Know What You Got Until It's Gone
"The young and the beautiful have nothing to fear but time"
“On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil, I don't know why I'm still surprised”
Seated beside her hospital bed, Gemma looks Cheyenne squarely in the eye. Taking her hand, she makes sure she has her full attention before ever proceeding. The weight of her words is too important to pass on wasted breath.
“No one can ever find out, baby. It’s the only way to protect the club and keep all three of you safe. These are dangerous people to cross.” Her voice low, gaze pointed. Passing her word on like scripture and she needs Cheyenne to have complete faith.
Cheyenne’s eyes fill with tears. They pool and brink at the edge of her eyes. She takes a long moment, struggling to steady her breath before she speaks.
“I’ll never tell anyone.” She promises.
Gemma can see in her eyes this is a promise. A vow. That Cheyenne understands the weight of her words and the risk it poses to them all if it’s broken.
Gemma squeezes her hands tightly. “Good girl.”
10 months earlier…
The club and her dad was all Cheyenne ever had. Daughter to Tig Trager, sergeant at arms to Sons of Anarchy mother charter and Clay's right hand man. Cheyenne held the same passion and loyalty to the club her old man did. She was raised by her father and the club after her mom died when she was just a baby. Motorcycle accident, after her dad went down on a busy highway and mom slid into traffic. Her stepmom for a short time - Colleen, Fawn and Dawn's mom, always hated her for being the daughter of the only woman her father ever really loved. And when that marriage quickly fell apart after a few years, Cheyenne didn't see much of her half-sisters.
Tig was her hero, the club her family, and Jax and Opie were her partners in crime. Five years apart in age, they looked out for her when she was little and became close friends by the time she was a teenager. They had grown up together. Since not many kids stayed around the club for long, their fates were sealed from the start. Her bond with Jax was extra close. He was her best friend, even more than Opie. Which considering all the time she spent at the Teller-Morrow household while growing up, with Gemma practically raising her, it made sense.
Daddy's little girl. Tig was very protective of Cheyenne. He'd been called overprotective more times than she could remember. Cheyenne had seen a lot growing up around the club. She was no stranger to life on the fringe of society, but Tig had always kept her close, kept her safe. Boyfriends were hard to come by. And not because the boys didn't chase after her either.
At five feet-eight inches tall, her body long, but soft and curvy in all the right places, with long blonde hair that glistened like gold in the California sun, and eyes that shined like sapphires, the boys followed her like a moth to a flame. But it was Tig who scared them off. No one was good enough for his little girl. And that was all the more reason why he struggled with his little girl's sacrifice for the club. It had taken him the longest to come around to the idea, but eventually he did, because his daughter wasn't a little girl anymore, she could make her own choices, and her loyalty for the club was as fierce as his.
Tonight Cheyenne found herself out at the cabin. Seated on the wooden front porch step, Jax by her side as they passed a bottle of whiskey between them. They said it was in celebration, but secretly they both knew it was to kill their nerves and because tonight could very well be the last night they get to be just them. Opie and Donna had come out for a few hours earlier in the night. Just the four of them, like it had been for so long, because they all knew this night would be the end of one thing and the start of something new.
This late at night the woods are deathly quiet. The trees and darkness erupt with sound every once in a while, but knowing there's not another soul for miles makes you feel completely alone and totally free all in the same breath.
"You don't have to do this; you know that right? You can still change your mind." Jax speaks up suddenly, his voice low and full of gravel. Killing the peaceful silence they had been sharing a drink over. Reminding her of what's hanging over them as he shoots Cheyenne a sideways glance after pulling the half empty bottle of whiskey from his lips after swallowing.
Cheyenne lets out an airy laugh as she shakes her head to his comment. Snatching the bottle from his grip she pulls it for herself.
"I'm getting married tomorrow Jax. Think it's a little late to back out now. The Irishmen have come a long way" She laughs, before taking a quick swig.
"Besides, I want to do this." She states with full conviction and a firm nod.
At twenty-four Cheyenne doesn't have many life plans. She works at a local diner as a waitress during the day, but that's only to pay the bills. Her heart and soul belong to the club. It's all she's ever wanted; all she's ever known. So when Clay presented the idea of her marrying the son of Cameron Hayes and what the deal would bring for Samcro, Cheyenne didn't think they were half crazy. No one pressured her, she's not even sure where the idea originated from, and she thought it over long and hard before making her decision, but it was something she could and wanted to do for the club, for her dad, for her family.
Cheyenne knows it's crazy she's marrying a man she doesn't know tomorrow. She knows most people don't understand why she agreed, especially her dad and Jax. But it's a choice she stands by. The club is her family and she'd do anything for them. Including marry the son of a notorious IRA leader. All she ever wanted to be when she grew up was Gemma, a strong old lady. Cheyenne understood this was her chance in its own way.
Marrying Edmond Hayes would deeply expand the gun business and create new connections for Samcro. Her marriage will open up an even bigger pipeline for the Sons and open up a new smuggling route for the IRA. She couldn't say no to that opportunity for them. Nerves tighten her belly as she sits beside Jax, but she reminds herself people have arranged marriages all the time and they turn out for the best. She trusts the club would never steer her wrong.
"Who knows, maybe he'll fall madly in love with me." She drunkenly laughs, her head falling back as a deep guttural laugh vibrates off her lips. She pictures Edmond Hayes in her mind and even drunk off whiskey, it isn't a bad sight.
"He isn't half bad, yeah know. Cute even. I could have done much worse." She notes, before taking another hearty swig.
"He's the lucky one, Darlin." Jax says in that way that always captures attention and holds it captive.
Cheyenne can hear a change in Jax's voice. A deeper richer quality than he had just moments before. Her belly tightens with the sense that his words mean something more. She can feel Jax's eyes upon her as her face turns to meet his gaze. His steel blue eyes cut through her like a knife. Even drunk, they shine like a fiery beacon in the dark. The liquor swimming through her veins can't numb the butterflies that stir in her belly with the look in Jax's eyes.
"Thanks for taking me out here tonight." Cheyenne says, lost in his gaze in a way she can sense is dangerous, but she can't seem to pull back from.
Jax has never looked at her quite like this before and she finds herself unable to look away. They're both drunk, that much she's sure of. And he's her best friend in the whole goddamn world, but the way Jax is looking at her right now, shrouded in the dark of the woods, makes it hard for Cheyenne to breathe.
"Couldn't miss your last night of freedom." Jax responds, a panty-dropping smirk eclipsing his face. He can't take his eyes off of her.
Sitting alone on the porch beside one of her oldest friends, a friend she's known all her life, Cheyenne wishes Opie and Donna hadn't left so soon. She knows they needed to get back to their babies, but sitting beside Jax now, it feels dangerous the thoughts swirling in her head.
She doesn't know if it's the whiskey, her nerves over tomorrow, the deep seeded torch she's secretly held for Jax all these years, or some twisted combination of the three, but Cheyenne finds herself leaning across the porch step to capture Jax's lips with her own.
The kiss only lasts for a few seconds before Jax quickly pulls back. His face downcast, his eyes drawn away from her. She knows he's feeling guilty without him ever needing to say a word. She knows his mind and heart are waging a war against each other in a way Jax does so often. And she knows which side wins out as his face slowly lifts and his eyes find hers again. His soulful eyes penetrate her as he searches her gaze for a long moment in the dark.
Cheyenne doesn't realize she's been holding her breath under the weight of his gaze until she feels his hands envelope her face. She takes a quick breath in, locked on his eyes as Jax slowly leans in to kiss her again. And in that moment as their mouths meet, as he kisses slow and deep, Cheyenne realizes it was a bad idea for them to be alone with a bottle of whiskey tonight.
They're stumbling through the cabin in a drunken frenzy before either could consider being reasonable about this.
A different piece of clothing discarded every few steps as they move blindly to the bedroom guided by the faded light of dusty old lamps and creaking wooden floors.
Jax takes the lead, his experienced hands and mouth seducing her beyond any logical thought of consequence.
Spread across the blankets, her bare skin prickling from the cool night air and the feel of Jax's hot mouth dragging against it, Cheyenne knows this is probably a mistake, but not one she's going to stop.
Jax’s jaw clenches as he slowly slides into her silky heat. His forehead pressed deeply against her own. His breath gone as a sharp gasp rips from her throat. Her eyes roll back as he fills her completely. Jax stills inside her. Lost in the moment as he memorizes how it feels to make her his.
Cheyenne doesn't hook up, it's never interested her, but as Jax hovers over her body, their eyes locked in a palpable drunken stare, thrusting deep inside her, this doesn't feel like a hook up.
The look in his eyes as their bodies move together as one, feels like Jax can reach anywhere inside her, deep inside her and see everything.
The intoxicating darkness in Jax's eyes makes Cheyenne feel like what they share is some deep soul connection that would pull them together no what the obstacle. As if he’s claimed her. Marked her. And she will only ever truly belong to him.
She feels him throb deep inside her as his rhythm picks up its pace. Her nails dig into his back as she fights to pull him deeper.
Jax’s eyes are focused, intense, and so dangerous as they hold her captive and she forgets anything else exists but this and him.
She clenches around him. Legs shaking. His weight heavy in the cradle of her thighs. His sweat glistened skin slick as it slides against her own. Body shivering as his name breaks off her breath like a dying prayer for mercy.
And when it's over, she knows, drunk or not, that was the best sex of her life.
When she awakens the next morning, Cheyenne is beside herself when she realizes what she's done. Already late to get ready for her wedding and she's awakened naked in bed with her best friend. She's frantic as she storms the cabin pulling her clothes back on piece by piece. She doesn't do this; this isn't the kind of girl she is. She doesn't hook up. Despite watching it go on around her while growing up, she never saw the point in meaningless sex, and she never imagined she was the kind of girl who could sleep with another man the night before her wedding. Even if she is about to marry a man she doesn't know.
The only comfort Cheyenne finds is when Jax finally gets ahold of her. Hung over and looking guilty as hell, Jax apologizes profusely for letting this happen before he swears to her no one will ever find out. Pulling her into a tight enveloping hug, Jax emphasizes his promise as he tries to calm the twister swirling around inside her.
Cheyenne married Edmond Hayes that day, surrounded by the people she loves most, in a joyous celebration that brought two families together, and a secret she swears she'll take to her grave. A secret she's determined to not let ruin this new phase of her life. And that fantasy almost feels true when Liam Hayes is born nine months later. He's a sign to everyone of the success the union of Samcro and the IRA have made. Cements Edmond and Cheyenne's marriage and breeds new hope of generations to come. But it was too good to be true.
Leaving the maternity ward at St. Thomas Hospital Gemma can't hold back her feelings any longer as she darts into the hospital chapel and drags her son behind her. Her focused eyes scan the chapel to ensure they are in fact alone before turns on her son.
"What the hell did you do!" Gemma spits out, mincing no words.
Jax's eyes narrow with confusion as he shakes loose of his mother's grip. "What are you talking about?"
An unamused huff leaves her flustered chest. "You do know I've been watching you your whole life, right? Every goddamn minute." She reminds him.
Jax eyes his mother back equally unamused. "Yeah, you've made that very clear. Now what are you trying to get-" He answers back flippantly losing his patience as she beats around the bush.
"That is not a Hayes baby." She practically hisses out, her frantic gaze sweeping the chapel once more. Needing that added reassurance they're alone.
"If I pulled a picture from the day you were born that baby would be it. Now, I'm going to ask you one more time Jackson, what the hell did you do?" Gemma demands answers.
Jax visibly freezes. The muscles tightening in his jaw as the realization of what his mother is saying hits him. Hard. His stomach coils into suffocating knots and Jax feels like the floor is falling out from under him as he moves to take a seat in one of the pews. Jax's face falls into his waiting hands as his world and everything he's known about it crumbles around him.
"How could you be so stupid. Sleeping with another man's wife. He's with the goddamn IRA, Jax." Gemma admonishes her son like he’s just a child again.
The implication of her words sends Jax's guilt ridden eyes shooting back up to his mom as he adamantly shakes his head from side to side.
"We're not sleeping together. It happened one time. The night before the wedding. We were drunk." A deep heated breath shoots past his lips as the pieces of this come together in his mind. "Fuck." He practically chokes, jaw clenching tight.
Gemma watches her son for a long moment, trying to decide if she believes this version of events, but seeing the torment written all over Jax's devastated face, she knows he's not lying. She also knows that doesn't matter, because no one else would believe that story if the truth was ever revealed.
"This could get you both killed." Gemma warns him on a heavy breath as the thought of the ramifications of this surfaces in her mind.
"I know," Jax acknowledges firmly with a nod, his pupils wide, his gaze lost on nothing as he tries to wrap his mind around the unthinkable.
When Cheyenne got pregnant right away he never second guessed it. She and Hayes were young newlyweds, it made sense. Sure, Cheyenne didn't know Edmond before, but they seemed to hit it off right away and he knew she was committed to making it work. And they had both promised to forget what happened that night. He can see now that putting it behind them was never really an option.
The wheels spin quickly in Gemma's mind. Thinking fast on her feet. This is her son, her baby boy, her only surviving child. She'd do anything to protect him. And Cheyenne is like a daughter to her too. She practically raised that girl.
"So far no one seems to notice anything. You're just lucky he didn't get the family flaw. You keep to the lie. I'll make sure Cheyenne does too. No one can ever know." She says adamantly like a strong mother bear whose cubs are being circled.
The realization of what his mother is asking of him sinks Jax's heart. He can barely come to terms with the fact that he's a father, but the significance of this baby being his feels very real to Jax's heart.
"But he's my son." Jax breathes out in a firm heavy breath. The words leaving a choking feeling in his throat, because he knows the only way he can protect him is to let him go.
Grabbing Jax by the chin, Gemma draws her son's face to her own. Making them meet eye to eye.
"Not if you want to keep him and Cheyenne safe." She drills into Jax. Refusing to let that bleeding heart of his be his own demise. The thought of this situation makes her sick too. Having a grandchild, she can't claim, a grandson. But it's not worth the risk. A man’s wife and family are sacred, and these are not the kind of people you fuck around with.
When Cheyenne and Edmond first married, she felt confident she had made the right choice. He was handsome, kind and genuinely tried to win her heart. She could see in his eyes he was infatuated by her, was falling in love with her, and slowly he did. Slowly as they both grew to know each other, they discovered love. Cheyenne had been hopeful for the future, but the first cracks appeared in her perfect family picture when Liam was born.
The birth of her son brought Cheyenne's heart to life. Taught her what real love is, but it also filled her gut with an unshakable dread that's never fully left her. In her heart she had known the truth the moment she found out she was pregnant, but that feeling was only confirmed by Gemma. Sworn to secrecy, Cheyenne would never do anything to threaten Liam or Jax's safety. Having grown up without a mother made Cheyenne a fierce one herself. One that would do anything for her child. And even though Cheyenne hadn't given up hope, she realized that perfect little family she had in her head wasn't going to be what she expected.
Jax kept his word to his mother, he kept his distance from Liam and Cheyenne. No one questioned the distance. It seemed only appropriate. They had been friends while she was growing up, but she was a married woman now, that changed things, everyone knew it. Cheyenne fought and won to have Jax be Liam's godfather, but things were different. A distance that only continued to grow when Tara returned to town, and she and Jax rekindled their relationship. Cheyenne tried to focus on how happy Jax seemed with Tara. Tried to convince the overwhelming guilt inside her that it was ok that he couldn't be a father to their son, because maybe he’ll end up having one with her.
To make matters worse, the longer Edmond lived in Charming the more he hated living in the States. He hated the weather, the culture, the people. He missed home desperately. Ireland longed in his heart, but that wasn't the deal Samcro and the IRA made. Edmond had to stay. He kept the deal stateside, and the weight of that tall order slowly began to eat away at him. Slowly began to turn a caring husband into a man who resented the ties that bound him. Running guns up and down the west coast kept Edmond away often, but rarely where he really wanted to be. Rarely back home in Ireland.
Like a true Irishman, he found solace at the bottom of a bottle. Drowning all his pain and life's regrets in whiskey. Cheyenne hated seeing Edmond's pain. Hated watching him transform into a man she didn't recognize. It broke her heart, but try as she might she couldn't fix him, because the things inside him that were broken couldn't be fixed by love alone. And slowly over the course of a year and a half Edmond grew more bitter, more depressed, and Cheyenne slowly found herself resenting him for all his shortcomings and the way he blamed her.
Her dreams of a happy little life slowly transformed into something harder to bear, harder to swallow as she watched Edmond spiral deeper into his depression and drinking. And she found herself slowly trying less and less. Watching him continuously surrender to his sorrows and lose himself in the grip of it to a whiskey bottle, Cheyenne found herself resenting him more and more.
She watched as the love they had first found transformed into obligation and duty. She still loves him, but that love is strained. And there was no one for her to turn to in the club about his problems. Everyone drank, most of them more than they should. And Cheyenne understood, you don't air your old man's dirty laundry for the club to see. He was her husband, supposed to be her rock, and she was supposed to be his hidden strength and stand by his side.
All that festering heartache finally comes to a head on an early winter evening. It was cold outside, but not rainy the way Edmond missed as he sulked in his favorite lounge chair in their Livingroom. Longing for Ireland, wishing he could be home for the holidays. Drinking his sorrows away before he geared up for another gun run. But tonight Cheyenne has had enough. The baby hasn’t been sleeping well, she’s exhausted from being on her feet at the diner all day, and the thought of having to listen to Edmond's drunken rambles about home is more than she can take tonight.
Snatching the half empty bottle from his hands, Cheyenne is on her way to the kitchen sink to pour it out when Edmond grabs her arm and jerks her back around.
"I wasn' done with tat." He demands through clenched teeth, trying to grab it back as Cheyenne fights to hold it just out of reach.
"You've had enough," She fires back, her eyes drilling into his as she holds her ground.
"I'll tell ya when I've had ‘nough. An’ if bein’ stuck in tis shitehole means I have a drink every now and ten, tat's my choice to make." He rambles back, his thick Irish accent coming on strong as the whiskey slurs his words.
"Well maybe if you stopped sulking in your own self-pity all the time this place might actually grow on you." She throws back at him. Heat on her breath, anger burning in her eyes as she stares him down.
It happened so fast, Cheyenne didn't even register what had happened until she realized she was on the kitchen floor. Heart pounding, lip throbbing as her big eyes lift up to where Edmond stands over her. He hit her. The thought swirls in her brain as she reaches for her burning lip. Her gaze drifts to her hand as she pulls it back from her mouth, blood smeared on her fingertips. The taste of metallic in her mouth. The thoughts pound in her brain - He hit me. He actually hit me. No one has ever hit me. No one gets to hit me.
The Trager fire rumbles up from her gut as her eyes shoot back up to Edmond and Cheyenne quickly rises to her feet. With a huffing chest and pounding heart, Cheyenne charges at him. Screaming at him, shoving him back, Cheyenne makes contact with his body, but Edmond takes the upper hand. Swinging her around, he slams Cheyenne against the Livingroom wall. Pinning her by her neck against it. He doesn't choke her, but she can't move either as Cheyenne's desperate and alarmed eyes barrel into Edmond's as he stands over her.
Fear she's never known pounds in her heart as she stares at the man she loves. A man who's supposed to love and protect her, her husband. A man that despite all their problems, she trusted five minutes ago. An uneven breath rattles past her lips as she watches a startled look fill Edmond's eyes and horror wash over his face. Releasing his hold on her, Edmond retrieves the bottle off the floor, disregarding its spilled contents, and stumbles down the hall to their bedroom without a word.
Left shaken and in disbelief, Cheyenne lingers against the wall for a moment, trying to gather herself before she quickly bolts. Racing to her sleeping baby in his swing, she scoops Liam into her arms and into his car seat in seconds.
She doesn't hesitate before charging out the front door and racing to her car. She's out of her driveway as fast as she can, but she only makes it a few blocks down the street before she pulls the car to the curb. Where is she going to go? Where can she go? She can't go to her dad's. She doesn't know what he'll do if he finds out, but she knows it will be bad and possibly lethal. He's notorious for making horrible choices when blinded by rage. Gemma's? She's not sure she could bear it if Clay tells her everything is going to be alright before sending her back home.
Glancing up, Cheyenne realizes she's already found the only place she can go - Jax's. Eying his quiet house, she's not sure she can bring herself to go to his door. She's not sure they’re allowed to do that anymore. She eyes her sleeping baby in the backseat through the rearview mirror as the last few minutes relive in her mind. He couldn't have meant it, she tells herself. He must be as torn up as she is right now. How did this happen to her? How did this happen to them? Her heart rips open with the memory of it as the first round of tears roll down her face.
Resting her forehead against the cool steering wheel, Cheyenne sobs into her hands, feeling completely lost and alone. Until a quiet knock on the window startles her and sends Cheyenne shooting up in her seat. Her eyes dart to the window where she finds Jax standing outside her door, concern blinding in his sensitive blue eyes as he looks her over.
"Everything alright, Chey?" He asks as she wipes the tears from her face.
Cheyenne manages to shake her head no as she numbly stares at him. Nodding with understanding, Jax takes charge, opening the driver's door and extending a hand out to her.
"Let's get you both inside." He says, never taking his eyes off her.
Inside the safety of Jax's house, Cheyenne's eyes scan around the room. "Tara?" She asks, on edge.
"At the hospital." Jax reassures as he lowers Liam's car seat to his linoleum kitchen floor. He can't take his eyes off her. Unsure he's ever seen her this spooked and keenly aware of the cut on her lip, Jax feels a fire igniting in his gut.
"How'd you get that Cheyenne?" He asks her pointblank.
Tuning back to him, Cheyenne stares numb and silent at Jax. Still shaken up, the answer repays in her mind, but she can't will her mouth to say it. She doesn't want to hear the words come out of her mouth. She can't bring herself to say her husband did this to her. That her husband could do this to her.
Taking a slow step toward her, Jax gently takes hold of her jaw, turning her face from side to side so he can get a better look.
"Edmond do this?" He slowly questions her again as she stands mute in front of him, like putty in his hands.
Jax is inspecting her split lip when he notices the redness around her neck. She's not going to say it, Jax can see that as she stares at him with eyes full of fear, gently trembling in his hand, but the truth is in her eyes.
"Son of a bitch," Jax snarls as he releases his hold on her and charges for the front door.
Shooting to life, Cheyenne races around him, blocking the front door with her body before he can reach it.
"No, no, no-" She pleads with Jax on an emphatic desperate breath. "He didn't mean to. He's drunk and we were arguing."
The determination and blinding rage in Jax's eyes is unwavered as he goes to move her out of the way, but Cheyenne takes ahold of him. Gripping his kutte, she forces him to look at her as her back blocks the front door.
"He's never done this before. It won't happen again. He was just drunk. Think about the club, Jax." Cheyenne insists and as the words tumble past her lips she realizes they're her rationale too, they're her excuse to make this bearable. They’re the reason she’s in this mess at all.
Jax stops trying to move her with her final statement - The club. His eyes are deadly focused and twisted up inside as he holds her gaze, finally hearing her out.
"This deal has been good for everyone in the club and he's part of the IRA, Jax. You can't touch him without it blowing back on the club… And we have secrets to protect." She reminds him.
She can see his need for vengeance battling against a logic he knows is true. They both know if Jax attacks Edmond over this there will be hell to pay. Doesn't matter what Edmond did. The club, and especially the IRA council would see it as a family dispute that should have stayed that way. It was her choice to marry Edmond, her choice to agree to this arrangement, she knows in the eyes of those in power this is her bed to lie in. They would have no support, except from her dad who is likely to gun Edmund and blow everything up. And most of all they have Liam’s secret to keep.
"He'll never do it again. I know he won't. You should have seen his face. He was as scared as I was by what had happened." Cheyenne pleads, begging herself as much as Jax, because she needs to believe this. Has to believe it was a mistake that will never happen again. The startled look on Edmond's face as he held her against the wall plays over and over in her mind. She has to hold onto it. Has to hold onto the fact that he didn't mean to. She had antagonized him. He was just drunk and lost control for a moment.
Reluctantly relenting, Jax pulls back from Cheyenne and the door. A sour sneer on his face as he returns to the kitchen. He doesn't like this. It leaves an awful taste in his mouth and in his heart, but she is right about the IRA council and potential blow back on the club. As much as he wants her to be wrong, he knows she isn't.
Running a heavy hand down his face, Jax spots his infant son sleeping in his car seat. He had almost forgotten Cheyenne brought him in all the chaos. There's a slight solace seeing his baby boy sound asleep, unaffected by what's happened. He knows she’s right; they have to protect Liam too and Jax would do anything to protect his son.
Letting out a heavy breath as an all too familiar ache pulls at his heart, Jax turns to Cheyenne as she joins him in the kitchen.
"Can I hold him?" He asks, because Jax has tried to keep his distance. Barely seen her or Liam since he was born, and only in group settings. Never alone. Never in private. He’s tried to play by the rules, keep his son safe, but the weight of that, at times, has felt like more than he could bear. Watching his son around the clubhouse, his mom's place, close but always just beyond his reach.
A sad smile lifts on Cheyenne's face to the longing and sorrow she sees in Jax's eyes as she silently nods. Knowing she's the cause of that pain rips all her old wounds wide open. Because despite time and distance a part of her will always love Jax and she never wanted to hurt him like this.
Careful and a little nervous, Jax scoops his tiny infant son into his arms, pulling him against his chest. The baby begins to fuss a little with the shift, but Jax is quick to sooth him, a natural father.
"Hey, hey, it's ok buddy. I got you." Jax reassures as he nestles Liam into his arms, gently rocking him, before the baby nestles in close and drifts back to sleep.
Resting his forehead against his son's, Jax leans in to place a soft kiss on his face as he snuggles him close.
"I love you, son." Jax admits on a hushed whisper, having his first real moment with his child. A moment he's deeply longed to have ever since he learned Liam was his.
A lump strangles Cheyenne's throat. Emotion rattles her chest as she watches from the sideline as father and son get to share a truly unguarded moment she feels like she's robbed them of for so long. A part of her wishes this is how things could really be. A part she's afraid to acknowledge, because it's too painful to even wish for.
"He looks a lot like you." She notes as a tear she can't hold back slips down her cheek before she quickly wipes it away. She never wanted it to be this way. Struggles every day to live with it. Knowing she's robbing them both and lying to Edmond.
Jax's eyes drift her way as he continues to snuggle Liam and rock him gently.
"That a good thing, Darlin?" He questions with uncertainty.
Cheyenne sucks her lower lip into her mouth, running her tongue along the split to stop the tears from coming. Silently she nods her head.
"But it's scary too." She admits on a heavy burdened breath.
Nodding in agreement, Jax stares at Cheyenne for a long tender moment. "You have to tell me if he ever lays a hand on you again." Jax insists, because it's the only way he can live with this. If he swears to himself, he'll never let it happen again.
“Promise me, Cheyenne.” Jax demands, his hand gently finding her face as his thumb strokes tenderly against her cheek.
Cheyenne's gaze drops from Jax as she silently nods, because even now she knows that's a lie. She prays it'll never happen again. But she knows if it does, she can't tell Jax. He finally seems happy now that he’s back with Tara, she won’t interfere with that, and he's already too deep in this. Any further and they'll both drown.
As his hand slips away, Jax opens his arm to her, Cheyenne easily welcomes the invite. Snuggling against his side, snuggled with their baby as Jax wraps his arm around her. Cheyenne had no idea how badly she needed this kind of comfort until that moment and as Jax's lips find her forehead in a gentle embrace, she knows she'll make it through this.
Note: Love should never hurt like this. If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence there are safe spaces for support and resources to plan for safety.
Domestic Violence Support | National Domestic Violence Hotline
About Intimate Partner Violence | Intimate Partner Violence Prevention | CDC
Violence Info – Intimate partner violence
