I just know absolute Bruce is the definition of a gentle giant, like man is so so afraid of hurting us without realizing because of the size difference, and yet I see him as one of the clingiest versions of Bruce, he wants to cuddle so badly but he’s so scared of falling asleep and crushing us, loves smothering us in kisses and picking us up at random, idk I just love that man so much
aaand i think actually like, as the two of you get closer and closer, he learns how to do hold you in a way that doesn't feel... clunky, either? like the shape of you becomes so inherent to him that he memorizes the movements of holding you, and slowly it no longer feels like he's holding anything back from you.... even though that strength is still there in him.
BUT YEAH bc it's noticeable since he's always holding you so much 😂 and kind of aggressively?? like it doesn't feel that way to you ofc bc of that gentleness to him, but to anyone else they just wonder why he's always gotta be touching you?!
and not to be insane but like. the thought of him being so like. deliberate in keeping you away from from anything Batman related that it gets to a point where there's no separation between him and you when he's not the Bat and it's like. crazy to everyone around you LJAKDFAKA. i lowkey think this would be a lil toxic but man. he deserves whatever he wants no matter what)
but on a lighter note this is just the way he loves like he does everything in his power to protect you but when he doesn't have to. all he's ever doing is holding you :(
absolutooty brucie is ☹️☹️☹️ so loving☹️☹️ even in his most wretched forms. at the end of the day youre always in the back of his mind </3
If you saw me update 36 instead of this chapter, no u didn't. Huge thanks to the sweet nonny who pointed out and did it in such a polite way alskjdlfkasjdf I love you!!!
Chapter Warnings: reader worries about the baby as per usual but all is well
Series Masterlist (Mobile Masterlist)
He was late.
You shifted your weight from foot to foot and checked your phone again. Nothing. Your appointment didn’t start for another twenty minutes, but you liked to get there early in case you needed to update any paperwork. Bradley had promised he would be there and Jake…
You had no idea. You hadn’t heard from him in days. You didn’t even know if he got your note.
Pushing a breath out of your lungs, you squinted against the glare of the sun and looked for the familiar Bronco in the parking lot. Nothing.
Your stomach turned with what you hoped was nerves and you settled a hand over the small swell of your bump. Eleven, almost twelve weeks. Fuck, things were moving quickly.
“It’s sunny. You should be inside.”
Your head raised at the familiar voice and you met the blue eyed gaze of Jake Seresin. He was still in his olive green flight suit and he removed his baseball cap when you turned to face him. Your heart seized for a moment and it was like you forgot how handsome he was.
“I’m fine.” You raised your huge reusable water bottle. “Not like I can avoid the sun in San Diego.”
He stopped just a few feet from you, his eyes never leaving yours. You swallowed past the lump in your throat.
“I’m sorry,” he said. The two words made your heart lurch and you bit your lip. Before you could say anything, he continued. “I’m sorry for being the biggest piece of shit.” A startled laugh escaped you and a small smile flickered across his lips.
“I’m sorry for what I said.”
Jake stepped closer, one of his hands hovering just above your bicep. You nodded and he let his palm settle against your skin. Sparks erupted at his touch and you let your eyes slide shut.
“You left me,” you whispered. “You left us.”
“I know. I wish I hadn’t.” He sighed and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours. “I’ve got some screws loose up here, darlin’.” He tapped his temple. “But I’m gonna get some help to figure out what I need to make sure I can be a good man for you three.”
Your hand fisted in the collar of his suit. “You are a good man, Jake. You’re the only one who can’t see that.”
He chuckled and then laid a kiss in between your brows. You sank into his touch and felt moisture build on your lashes. His hand slid from your arm to cradle the back of your neck. “I’m going to therapy, once every two weeks. My mom encouraged it. She wants to meet you properly.”
“Jake, I didn’t mean what I said. I-”
“Hey, hey, hey.” He laid a kiss to your left eyelid and then the right. “It’s in the past. I want this. I want you and Roo and god, I want this baby. I want it so bad.”
“And you won’t leave again? Because I won’t let my kid grow up with that threat over their head. That’s not fair to me and not fair to them. So either you stay or you make your mind up now and leave.”
He shook his head. “I’m all in. Diaper changes, blowouts, tantrums. From Roo and the baby. I want it all. I want this family.”
You inhaled a stuttered breath. “I won’t survive if you leave again.”
Guilt nearly drowned him as he remembered Rooster’s words about your mother and he curled his body around yours, protecting and hiding you from the world. He settled his cap to rest on the back of his head and then cradled your face so he could draw your lips against his. You let all the worries and fears that plagued your mind fall silent as he slid his tongue against yours and easily took control. That was something that always drew you to Jake from that very first kiss. In fact, their ability to make you feel so incredibly safe was probably the main reason you gravitated towards your men.
“I’m not leaving, darlin’. If you want me, you’ll have me, in any way you want.
“Sorry to interrupt, but we need to get inside.”
You pulled back from Jake as heat rushed to your cheeks and sent a half-hearted glare at Bradley. He was also in his flight suit and you were suddenly hot all over for a different reason. The brunet leaned down to steal a quick kiss from you and he hummed in pleasure at the lingering taste of Jake mingled with you.
“I’m sorry,” Jake told Bradley.
“Do it again and I’ll kick your ass. And then I’ll let Nat and Sofia after you.”
Jake paled slightly but didn’t argue. Instead, he settled one hand on your waist and extended his other arm for Bradley. The brunet glanced at you and you nodded in reassurance. He sidled up against Jake and you watched with rapt attention as they kissed, soft and sweet, a startling contrast to their imposing figures.
“You’re right, by the way,” Bradley said once they pulled away. Jake settled his lips against the crown of your hair and inhaled you deeply, as if he could commit the smell of your shampoo to memory. He hummed in confirmation that he heard Bradley and the brunet slid his hand around the back of Jake’s neck and gave him a quick squeeze.
“I was looking at houses. Mav helped me. A house for the four of us. A nursery for the baby, an office you and I can share, and a front porch so Angel can sit out there in the mornings. I think I found the perfect place, but then…”
Jake inhaled sharply at the realization and he shut his eyes, his hand fisting in the rough Nomex material of Bradley’s flight suit. Bradley merely kissed his temple and then swatted you both on the hip.
“No, seriously, we’re going to be late.”
The nerves lurched back into your stomach and rose into your throat. You gripped the closest hand to you as the elevator crept up to your OB’s office. You really didn’t give a shit about the gender, but every visit worried you that something was wrong or you were doing something wrong or-
A hand settled on the back of your neck and you glanced up at Jake. His blue eyes were lined with exhaustion and he seemed older than he should be, but his face was softer than the night of the fight. You didn’t know how they did it, but both boys had some keen ability to read what you were thinking.
“If it’s a boy, Javy is going to beg us to name it after him,” he said. You snorted at the thought and shook your head. Names hadn’t even crossed your mind at this point. Your focus was locked into taking one step at a time and breathing deeply until the nurse called you back. Rooster squeezed his hand on your hip when the three of you stood and you held out your hand. He took it in his own and offered you an easy grin.
“Alright, we’re at fourteen weeks,” Dr. Greenberg announced when she entered the exam room. You were already lying on the table, your shirt pulled up and ultrasound tech searching for the little blob on the screen. As if on cue, the second she entered brought the now-familiar whoosh of the baby’s heartbeat into the room. You relaxed finally, your muscles easing from the tight pull you had them locked in, and Jake settled his hand on your head. His thumb drew circles against your temple and you smiled up at him in thanks.
“Your labs are looking good, you’re looking good. Baby is looking excellent. You’re into the second trimester, so how are you feeling? Nausea gone?”
“Yeah, it’s been nice not puking my guts up. Now I’m hungry all the time. I had to go up a cup in bra size,” you explained. “Still fit into my shorts though so that’s nice.”
Dr. Greenberg chuckled and moved to stand by the tech, her eyes studying the screen. Her smile grew and she glanced at the three of you out of the corner of her eye.
“You want to find out the gender today, correct? Baby is in the perfect position to tell,” she said. You lit up and nodded.
“There’s a few bets going,” Bradley added. “All of it’s going to the college fund, but I know some folks are going to be sore losers.”
“Well, you can tell them that it’s a-”
Jake marveled at the way your bump had grown in just the short time since he had seen you. It no longer looked like it could be just some bloating, but was forming into a defined curve. He hadn’t really looked earlier, being so focused on just talking to you and then on the screen in the exam room, but now he took in the sight of you.
Bradley showed you around the craftsman he had found. You had lit up at the sight of the long porch and swing couch and it just kept getting better. The house had been updated, but touches of its original history still remained in stained glass windows and pocket sliding doors. The living room bled into the kitchen and Jake paused at the island, gazing into the adjoining room that Bradley explained would be a great office space for the three of you to share. He turned to look at the breakfast nook tucked against the kitchen that led to a back porch with a sizable backyard. Jake could picture it now; he would make dinner as Bradley chased your child around the backyard, laughter filling the air. You would come home from work, stomach rounded with another child and he didn’t give a shit whose it was. He could taste the joy. He wanted this.
“Coming?” Bradley waited at the bottom of the steps for Jake to join them. They climbed up to the second floor and looked at the main bedroom and bathroom before moving onto the two smaller rooms. You stepped into the sunlit room and spun around to take in the full space.
“It’s perfect,” you breathed. A light had returned to your eyes and Bradley felt settled for the first time in a long time. Jake ran his hand along the wall and grinned.
“Grey and green are good for the paint?” He pointed to the far corner. “Crib there, rocking chair. What theme did you say you wanted again?”
“Animals.” Your hand came down to rest on your bump. “I think it’d be cute.”
Bradley leaned against the doorframe and watched his lovers plan out the nursery. It was a good thing he already told the realtor they would take it. He knew the second he pulled the Bronco into the driveway and saw the look on your faces.
“What do you think?” he finally asked.
“I love it, bear. Seriously. But I’m surprised it hasn’t sold yet.”
He pushed away from the wall to join you two, one hand sliding to rest in Jake’s back pocket and the other tugging you close. “Mav is a friend of the realtor. He’s been doing me a favor by keeping it off the market for a bit. Do you want it?”
You hesitated, your eyes darting to Jake’s. The blond touched your cheek and smiled. “Yeah, darlin’, we want it.”
“Are you sure?” Everything was moving so fast that sometimes you could hardly believe it was real.
“Yeah,” Bradley assured you. “We’d do anything for our girls.”
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chapter warnings: swearing? but like, if you're this far in the fic, you should be aware of that
Series Masterlist (Mobile Masterlist)
“The baby’s yours.” The words fell out of his mouth before he could rein them back in. Jake could have just taken his bag and walked out of the door, but when he walked out of the bedroom, he found Bradley seated on the arm of the couch and grinning down at you while you talked about something. Your hands had been waving in the air as you chattered on, but they froze midair at his declaration.
“What are you talking about?” Bradley stood from the couch to face Jake. You sat up, your complexion a little greener than before. Jake held up the paternity tests and tossed them at the two of you.
“It’s yours. But I bet you already knew that,” he seethed. Bradley’s eyes flickered down towards the papers that were settling on the floor and then glanced back at you.
“I hadn’t told either of you yet,” you explained. You stood, feeling at a disadvantage, and Skipper pawed at your hands. You were suddenly grateful for the cat who curled up in your arms, placing a proverbial and literal barrier between you and the two men.
“When were you going to tell us?” Bradley’s question was soft and not accusatory which is the opposite of the hard, rigid lines in Jake’s shoulders and jaw.
“I don’t…” Your voice was thick as you tried to explain. “I don’t know. I didn’t…so much was changing and happening. I was going to and I’m sorry, I-“
“We discussed this before. It’s important to know family history to protect you and the baby.” Bradley’s voice was even and sure. He balanced the emotions in the room with careful words.
“At least we know who it is now because it could have been anyone,” Jake muttered.
And all hell broke loose.
“Hey!” Bradley snapped. Your grip on Skipper tightened minutely before you gently released him to hop back onto the couch. Bradley moved to block you from moving forward as rage consumed you.
Jake paled as his words sank in and he opened his mouth to apologize but any words were met with a throw pillow from the couch colliding with his face. Bradley wound his arm around your shoulders and tugged you into his chest so you didn’t wiggle out of his arms.
“Fuck you, Jacob Seresin. Fuck you!”
“I didn’t mean that!”
A startled, bitter laugh escaped you and you reached for another throw pillow but Bradley maneuvered you away from the couch. “So what did you mean? You meant to call me a slut and not a whore? You meant to imply that I’ve slept only with the greater metro area of San Diego? Rich coming from a manwhore like you.”
A fire lit in your eyes and you yanked yourself away from Bradley. Your eyes landed on the duffle bag at Jake’s feet and you scoffed. “Of course. Of fucking course. The great Jake Seresin senses a whiff of commitment and runs the second he gets a glimpse of freedom. Now that you’re sure it isn’t yours, you’re going to take the chance to run.”
Bradley stiffened and surged forward, placing himself between you and Jake. He saw the way the blond’s jaw clenched and his fists balled up.
“Big, bad Jake Seresin is scared of some feelings,” you taunted. The gloves were off and the claws were out. You were sick and tired of being a simpering, hormonal mess. Anger settled in your veins and flooded your system as a balm to your wounded pride. “Well, looks like you’re off the hook. That’s what you’ve been looking for this whole time, right? You heard that you might be a father and you just couldn’t handle it. Guess it all works out in the end for you. Now you can go find some other girl to warm your bed before you ditch her too.”
“Hey, that’s enough,” Bradley warned.
“What, he can’t take a little heat? Thought you were better than this, Seresin, but I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
It was a low blow and you knew it. Your mouth parted with a stuttered exhale and then you swore quietly under your breath as Jake grabbed the straps of his duffle bag and stormed out of the townhome. Footsteps followed but he didn’t give a shit.
“C’mon, Hangman, this is your place.” Rooster was the one that followed him. Always so fucking noble. Good thing the kid was his because then they couldn’t attribute any problems to Jake’s fucked up family.
“I don’t care.” It doesn’t sound like him, this easy defeat. Jake tosses his bag into the cab of his truck and reaches for the driver’s side handle when Bradley grabs his wrist. Jake hates that a pulse of want rushes through him at the touch. There’s not a lot of men who are bigger than him, so Bradley’s easy confidence and casual display of strength always knocked the air out of his lungs.
“Jake.” His name sounds wrong in Rooster’s mouth. “Just stop and think this through. You’re hurt and acting irrationally and-”
“I thought you’d be happy that it’s yours. I’m out of the picture now. There’s no competition, Rooster. It’s always you. It was always going to be you.”
Bradley’s gaze sharpens and Jake has to look away from the sheer depth of his scrutiny. He notes a scratch in the paint on the door of his truck and files away a mental reminder to get that buffed out.
“Why are you doing this?” Rooster’s voice is softer than he expected and it makes Jake’s words catch on the lump in his throat.
“You said it yourself. All I’ll do is fuck it up. I’ve failed so many people. Don’t make me add you three to the list. I’ve fucked it up over and over again. I’m no good, Bradshaw. Let me make this easy for you. Let me go.”
Bradley’s grip instantly loosened around his wrist and it dawned on him what he meant. The night in the bar, that very first night, when he made that offhand comment. A bitter reminder about the past.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Bradley argued. “I didn’t mean that you-”
“But I did. I do. I could have gotten my mom and sister out of their sooner. I could have saved Frankie. I could have stopped that fighter before it got so close to you and Mav and now you can’t fucking sleep at night. I can and I will ruin that kid’s life if you let me stay. I know you’re looking at houses so just…let me know when you get a place for her. She deserves it. I don’t.”
His fingers curled around the handle and he yanked the door open before Bradley could stop him. In fact, he didn’t even try to stop him. He just stepped back and watched in silence as the truck peeled out of the driveway.
Bradley slowly walked back into the house only to be greeted with an oppressive silence cloaking every nook and cranny in the place. It wasn’t meticulously clean like Jake typically keeps his places. It hadn’t been spotless ever since you and Bradley had taken up residence in his bed.
He peered into the living room and found it empty. The kitchen was also empty. He was about to enter the bedroom to check when Skipper approached. The cat bumped his little head against Bradley’s ankles and wound his way through his legs before padding off towards the guest bedroom.
When Bradley opened the door, he found you seated in the middle of the room and staring at the empty room. Fitting, he thought. The room certainly reflected the way the whole house felt.
“I didn’t mean to say it,” you whispered hoarsely.
“I think a lot of things were said that we didn’t mean,” he soothed. You blinked up at him with tear-filled eyes and Bradley pushed away from the doorframe to join you on the floor. He slid his arm around your shoulders and drew you close. He felt your tears more than he heard them, Jake’s words still ringing in his ears. Your body trembled as you wept and all Bradley could do was lay you both down on the floor and cradle you close.
chapter warnings: Jake being Jake, discussion of child abuse and domestic abuse
Series Masterlist (Mobile Masterlist)
A/N: my tag lists are only tagging the first few people and I think this is happening to everyone so...ugh if you aren't tagged, that's why
Jake adjusted the collar of his flight suit as he walked across base to meet his new squadron. After the success of Bradley’s mission, the higher ups decided that more people did need to learn how to pilot, even with the presence of drones. Which is how he, Nat, and Bradley got assigned their own little gaggle of greenies.
Good. Fresh meat. Something to get his mind off of things.
He ran his hand over his hair to ensure it was smoothed down by gel. Who would have thought that he’d get his own team? His own office? His-
“Fucking shit, Rooster,” he exclaimed as the taller man yanked him into one of the rooms that lined the hallway. The brunet slammed the door shut and turned to look at him, his dark eyes flashing with that storm Jake had seen time and time again.
“Can you pick literally any other day to yell at me?” Jake snapped.
“No. Shut the fuck up and listen. She hasn’t been sleeping, Jake. She blames herself. She thinks that you left because you hate her.” Bradley’s hands curled around the lapels of his jacket and dragged him closer. Jake swallowed against the sudden dryness in his throat at his words but pushed away from Rooster and let out a scoff.
“Give it time. She’ll forget me soon enough and you two can go have your happy little nuclear family.” He ignored the look of hurt that flashed across Bradley’s face and instead focused on the wall in front of him. You weren’t the only one struggling with sleep and an exhaustion that was more than just physical seemed to weigh him down these days.
“Did you know her mom would walk out on her? Threaten to leave if she wasn’t a good enough kid and then walk out and be gone for days at a time?” Bradley said quietly. “That’s why she’s so scared of people leaving her. And you just walked right out. You did the thing you promised her you wouldn’t do.”
An ache spread across his chest but he pushed it aside in favor of shrugging, letting a blase expression settle across his face. Bradley’s brows twisted in frustration and then he pushed out a deep breath from his lungs and let his hands fall from his hips.
“Frankie’s death wasn’t your fault,” the brunet said quietly.
And there you have it, Bradshaw. He hit the one spot that Jake guarded the most harshly. He moved to storm out of the room, but Bradley grabbed his arm. The warmth of his calloused palm bled through the fabric of his uniform and Jake shuddered at the touch.
“Jake. It wasn’t your fault. It’s easy to blame yourself for things like that, but no one can anticipate an engine failure like that. I’m sorry for making you feel like you had anything to do with it.”
The ever noble Bradley Bradshaw. Jake grit his teeth and yanked his arm out of his hold. He needed to get a grasp on his mind right now. Everyone knew you couldn’t go up into a plane with a troubled mind. He needed to stay focused. He needed-
He missed you. He missed Bradley. He missed-
No.
“Fuck you, Bradshaw,” he said quietly and then stalked out of the room.
He was still keyed up when he left work and the last thing he wanted to do was come back to his mom’s place with energy thrumming through his veins and end up displacing it on Jennifer. Jake sent her a quick text and then parked at the beach, laced up his sneakers, and went for a run. The steady rhythm and cadence of his gait soothed some part of his mind. He ran along the boardwalks and sidewalks until his lungs ached, which was a feat for someone who kept in peak physical shape.
His steps slowed as he approached the one spot on the beach that housed the Hard Deck. Someone was sitting out on the picnic tables and he knew in his heart it was you. He came a bit closer just so he could see that you were okay. A voice called for you from inside the bar and you stood, casting one last glance at the ocean, and then turned to head in. The setting sun over the ocean highlighted the curve of your body and he felt his breath catch as your hand smoothed the dark fabric of your shirt over the slight bump that you sported.
Jake stayed until he was sure you were back inside and then he turned and made his way back to his truck. The drive was silent and he didn’t make an attempt to turn on the radio. He needed this. He needed the emptiness.
Jennifer’s AirBnB was a classic beach house that oozed the classic San Diego beach vibe. The stairs groaned and creaked as he climbed them, warped from the sea salt that infused itself into the wood. He stopped at the door, his hand resting on the small plastic bag that hung from aged knob, and found that he couldn’t open it. If he opened this door, he would face his mother and he would have to keep his mind on right and he couldn’t promise her that right now. He couldn’t be the son she needed. The son she deserved.
“Jake?” her warm voice called from inside. “I made pesto pasta for dinner. I met a really nice lady at the grocery store who recommended this… Jake?”
Tears dripped down his cheeks as he opened the bag and pulled out a tiny little onesie that had a Texas longhorn logo emblazoned across it. A small slip of paper fluttered to the ground and he grabbed it, flipping it over to see your scrawled handwriting across the lines. He could barely read through the gathering tears.
We find out the gender in four days. 2pm.
I want you there.
Please.
“Jake?” Jennifer opened the door and cast her eyes down to look at the tiny scrap of fabric clutched in his hands. Holy shit, is this how small the baby would be? He tried to imagine cradling something so light and fragile.
“Oh honey,” his mom whispered. An ugly sob tore past his lips and he tried to rein it in, but she cupped the back of his head and pulled him into a hug, cradling his huge body against hers. He crumpled into his mom like he was nine again and Jennifer easily took on his weight. They stumbled into the house and she shut the door behind them before letting him slump down on the couch.
“I don’t want to end up like him,” he sobbed. “I can’t do that to them, mom. I c.. I can’t.”
“What are you talking about Jake?” Worry coated her voice and he knew he must sound unhinged right now. He ran a hand over his face and tried to gather the words together to express what he was trying to say.
“What if I end up like dad? You said he was fine until after you got married. What if I trap them in a relationship with me and then I fucking ruin them?”
Her eyes widened and she grabbed his shoulders so she could force him to face her. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I should have gotten you and Liz out sooner. I should have done more to save Frankie. I should have…I should have never kissed them, mom. Because all I’ve done is hurt them both.”
Jennifer pulled him closer and he curled into her side. His mom kissed his head and sighed. Her kind, selfless Jacob. Her brave boy.
“It’s not your fault,” she murmured. “It was never your fault. You deserve to be loved, Jake, and they…they love you. And I know that can be scary, but you are not your father. You are the opposite of Daniel. I should have never put you in that position to feel like you had to save us.”
She smoothed down the ruffled blond strands of hair that stuck up in every direction. “You were a child, Jake. You were a child and it was my duty to protect you and I failed. And now I try to compensate for it, but I’m telling you that it will only hurt worse if you keep pulling away from them.”
Did you know her mom would walk out on her? You did the thing you promised her you wouldn’t do. Don’t you worry, baby. Roo and I would never let anything happen to you two.
The words rattled through his head like dice clacking against a table. He looked at the paper in his hands once more and read over the words again.
“The baby isn’t mine,” he whispered.
“Do they care about that?”
“They say they don’t.”
“Do you care about that?”
He smoothed out the little onesie in his hands and pictured a baby wearing it once more. A baby cradled in his arms. Something so small and fragile would be safe in his arms. And his angel… he could see you now with that wicked grin and bright eyes as Bradley kissed you and then the baby and then…and then him.
“I’ll ruin them.”
“No, Jake. You’ll have arguments and fights and say things you shouldn’t, but that’s just what being a relationship is like. You could never hurt someone the way Daniel hurt us. I don’t think you’re even capable of doing that.”
“I left her. I left them. I-”
“And now you have a chance to make it up to them and apologize. They want you in their lives, Jake. It’s up to you now.” Jennifer smiled against his hair and squeezed his shoulders. “When I first got the call that you were dating two people and got a girl pregnant, I thought you were going off the deep end. But I’ve met them and seen the way they look at you. Jake, there’s just so much of you to love that it took two people. And oh my god, I finally have a grandkid! Liz is going to spoil this kid rotten.”
“You don’t care?”
Jennifer tugged his ear and he frowned which reminded her so much of when he was nine and pouted all the time, dragging his feet and complaining about having to go to school before football practice.
“Your father never looked at me the way the three of you look at each other,” she assured him. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you and Liz to be happy.”
Four days. He had four days to attempt to get his shit together. And it would start with a call to Sofia Trace.
Chapter Warnings: discussion of emotional abuse from a parent, abandonment, crying, pregnancy as per usual
Series Masterlist (Mobile Masterlist)
There’s radio silence for three days.
As much as he didn’t want to, Bradley had to leave to meet his new squad before they began training in a few days. So he brought in the big guns.
“Move,” Sofia barked as she shoved past him and into the house. The dark haired woman made a beeline for the bedroom where you were curled up on the mattress that was suddenly too large now that Jake was gone. Skipper chirped at the sight of his second favorite person and settled on the pillow next to your head. He gratefully accepted Sofia’s gentle scratch under his chin as she climbed onto the bed.
“Hi,” she announced. “We’re not going to wallow in bed, you lump.”
“Go away.” Your voice was muffled by the fabric of the pillow. “I’m not in the fucking mood.”
The pillow was ripped away from your head and you met the glittering dark eyes of your best friend. Sofia tossed your pillow across the room and loomed over you. For a petite pint-sized individual, you could see why she was so terrifying to the military personnel that she strong armed into getting their vaccine appointments. Folks think that Natasha was the feral one of the couple thanks to her propensity for getting into high speed jets, but Sofia was the one who one told a three-star general to fuck off when he tried to get her to break HIPAA.
“I’ll be home at five-thirty,” Bradley said from the doorway. “Please don’t make me bail you out of jail.”
Sofia answered him with a wicked grin before she settled in next to you on the bed. Her slim fingers slid over your head and started to pass through your hair. You pressed your cheek against the mattress and shut your eyes at the soothing ministrations. Three days of silence and three days of you just going through the motions. Today was your first day off since the fight and now you were confronted with the crushing realization of everything. It didn’t help that you woke up to a voicemail from your mom and threw your phone across the room, which prompted Bradley to call Sofia.
“What’s going on, momma?” Sofia cooed. You turned to face your friend and one look at the concern on your face had your face crumpling in seconds. Sofia swept you into a hug as you shook with sobs. Your hand fisted in the fabric of her worn t-shirt and you felt guilty for a moment for staining it with your tears. Sofia rid you of that guilt in seconds by rubbing your back and whispering assurances.
“I fucked it all up. I fucked it all up again,” you wept. “Every goddamn time.”
“No, no, honey. What’s going on?”
You pushed away from her and untangled yourself from the blankets so you could grab your phone and play the voicemail. Your mother’s voice made you cringe as she treated everything so fucking blase.
“We already turned your room into an office but if you insist on acting like this, we can remodel it for you and the baby until you get on your feet. I need you to understand that you’re being stubborn right now and that’s not a good sign of a mother. I hope this child turns out just like you so you can understand what we’ve had to deal with. You’re being unreasonable, thinking these boys will do the right thing. Just come home and we’ll figure it out.”
You swiped out of your messages and swallowed the rising tide of bile and snot that bubbled up in your throat. Sofia stared at your phone in silence and you had no idea what was running through her head. A hiccuping sob escaped you and you dropped your phone onto the bed so you could bury your face in your hands. Sofia tugged your wrists away from your face and then guided you to sit back down on the bed. She kneeled at the edge of the bed and clasped your hands tightly with hers.
“That was the biggest load of horseshit I have ever heard,” she said fiercely. “You are going to be such a good fucking mom, do you hear me? Your mother is a cunt and I’m not afraid to say it.”
“She would leave when I messed up,” you whispered. “She would get so angry and scream about how she had to do everything and then she would say that she was leaving our family and finding someone who cared. And she did. She would just walk out the door. I don’t know where she would go, but she would be gone for a few hours and I…I thought she would never come back. A-And my dad didn’t care. I hardly saw him because he was always at work and when he was home, he fell asleep on the couch.
I would do the dishes wrong or forget to move the laundry over and she would just walk out. When she came back home, I promised to never do it again and she’d tell me that I learned my lesson and she would never actually leave me but she still did. And…and Jake just fucking…walked out.”
Your shoulders slumped down at the end of your sentence, as if you were a marionette and all your strings were cut. Sofia wordlessly pulled you in for another hug and you collapsed into her.
“Everyone leaves me and it’s always my fault.”
“No. No, don’t you dare say that.” Sofia shushed you gently and inhaled deeply, forcing you to match her breathing. Your sobs subsided into little hiccuping coughs and then into shaky, stuttered breaths.
“It’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault. Your mother is an adult. She made the choice to leave because she wasn’t a good parent. Jake left because he’s emotionally constipated and can’t have a mature conversation to save his life. That’s all. That’s the only reason. It wasn’t anything you did or said.”
You knew she was right but, at the same time, you couldn’t believe her. Why would you have a pattern of people walking out of your life if not for you? Your mom, exes, and now Jake. It was all because of you.
“I can practically hear you trashing yourself in your mind,” Sofia warned. “Stop it. No. Bad. Stop talking about my best friend like that.”
Despite the fresh tears quickly drying on your cheeks, a giggle escaped you at her words. She grinned and pulled away from the hug so she could see your face. She cupped your face in your hands and smiled.
“You are going to be the most amazing mother because I know for a fact that you are an amazing friend and boss and person. And while I don’t have experience in this area, I’m sure you’re a damn good lay too.”
Another startled laugh escaped you and her grin grew wider. “Alright, momma. Let’s get up, get dressed, get some food in you, and then we are going to do some errands. Go to some boutiques. Buy cute baby clothes. And we are not going to cry unless it’s about how teeny tiny baby shoes are, okay?”
You were immensely grateful for Sofia Trace’s presence in your life. She dragged you around San Diego to small little boutique shops and slapped down her credit card with a pointed reminder that she was going to be an aunt and it was her God-given right to buy her future nibling some “cute ass baby clothes, damnit”. You found a few items that you purchased yourself, your fingers pressing against the buttery-soft fabric as you realized just how small this baby was going to be.
Sofia dropped you back at the townhome a few minutes before Bradley was set to come home which gave you a chance to start on dinner. Usually it was Jake who cooked dinner with you helping, but now you were at a loss as to what to make. You settled on some basic spaghetti and sauce from a jar. The water began to crest and boil when the front door opened.
“Hi,” you greeted quietly as Bradley made his way into the kitchen. He offered you a small, tender smile and you hated this. You hated this gap that suddenly appeared between you two. Jake’s absence felt pretty damn hard between both of you.
“Hey.” He eyed the bags shoved in the corner of the living room and bent down to scratch Skipper under the chin. “Good day?”
“Yeah, Sofia went a little overboard with the baby clothes but hey, we’ll need it. Dinner’s almost ready. It’s nothing fancy. Sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for, sweetheart,” he said gently. Your lips pulled down and your brows creased. He crossed the room and tugged you into a hug. He felt the way your body trembled slightly and he pressed you closer, tucking your face against the column of his throat.
“I’m sorry. I’m a mess. I know it’s hard to be with me,” you whispered. His grip on the back of your head tightened minutely and he shook his head.
“No, baby. No. We’ll figure this out. We’ll get him back.”
“Don’t say things you can’t guarantee.”
Bradley huffed out an indignant snort. “You doubt me? I’m very persuasive. I’ll drag him back here kicking and screaming if I have to.” He pulled away so he could see your face and brushed some sweaty strands of hair out of your face. You blinked up at him with glassy eyes and he leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead.
“I’m not leaving, angel. Not now, not ever. I promise.”
“Pretty sure I just said you can’t say things you can’t guarantee.”
For a startling moment, Bradley thought about the days when he was a kid, fresh off the bus and full of energy after a day of school. He would bound up the steps of the small house they had in Virginia and open the door to find his mother bent over the kitchen counter and sobbing into her hands. Carole always tried to hide her tears from him but he caught her a few times like this. She would brush away the tears, stand up straight, and launch into asking him about his day, but he always knew. Bradley could only remember his dad in the abstract, fuzzy details of childhood memories and stories told to him by others, but he could feel his loss acutely, both in his own life and in the pain reflected by his mom.
He wouldn’t do that to you. He couldn’t. That was his kid you were carrying.
But he felt the loss of the smart-mouthed blond in this small kitchen. Bradley needed to get Jake back, for the both of you. For the three of you, he corrected himself. This baby was just as much Jake’s as his, as far as he was concerned.
His family had been fractured once before. He wouldn’t let it happen again.
“I miss him too,” he admitted. “So I promise, angel. We’ll be a family. Just like we’re supposed to be.”
He could see the sliver of hope shining in your eyes and he counted it as a victory. Bradley nudged you towards the bags as he grabbed a spatula. “Show me what you got, sweetheart.” You lit up and began digging in the bags to pull out the tiny clothes. “Okay, so, since we don’t know the gender, I tried to go for neutral clothes. But also fuck gender roles, right? I found this adorable little duck onesie and fucking hell, bear, look at how small it is.”
