#abuse representation

[gayofthefae]

The concept of Stranger Things being a show where you watch children abused grow up to protect the next generation from ever having to suffer that abuse. Harnessing the same power their abusers weaponized, but for good.

The concept of the show built in tribute to cycle breakers and their strength and service. ❤️

I already knew they were cycle breakers, but the concept of the show ending by showing what that really means.

By showing the number of people it protected.

Not just saying "cycle breaking takes so much strength and you are so strong for it", but in the final season, saving these children as a means to say: No one ever told you, and no one ever talks about it. But so many lives were saved by your perseverant gentleness. The next generation is better for it, safer for it. Thank you.

[gayofthefae]

Powers as allegories for trauma responses and how they relate to the character arc is so beautiful

El's are motivated by anger demonstrating the fact that she has learned she has every right to blame and hold responsible her abuser for abusing and not herself, that being angry is completely justified and she will no longer be gaslit into thinking she caused her own suffering, and in that is able to be angry at her abuser and not herself. There's a quote I love: "anger is a part of you that loves you". Because it is telling you when you are being mistreated, it is telling you that you deserve better.

Will's are motivated by love and peace demonstrating the intense strength required to remain gentle in the face of violence, to not become your abuser no matter how much they try to make you into them. Lonnie wanting him to be more "masculine", even Vecna wanting to "use" him for a better means. The strength in the refusal to let your abusers goad anger out of you in an attempt to turn you into them.

Brenner tried to convince El to not be angry with him because her abuse was her own fault. "Now you are angry with yourself and you are taking your anger out on me". But she refuses.

Lonnie and Vecna tried to goad Will into BECOMING angry, violent, because those are the traits they valued and were trying to abuse him into being. "Some minds simply do not belong in this world, they belong in mine." But he refuses.

She refuses to be blamed and harnesses her anger, validating it as rightful.

He refuses to be goaded and harnesses his love, refusing to turn into them.

[gayofthefae]

I've mentioned before that actors get in the perspective of the characters and sometimes it can be hard to exit that perspective even if you can exit the character, it's why villain actors struggle, it's why there are special actor therapists.

That said, I think it is very interesting and speaks a lot to the character's perspectives, relationships, and realistic portrayals in a sad way that recently, when Noah and Millie were asked which villain is most excusable,

They both answered their own character's abusers.

Because in character work, I'm sure that's what they were doing constantly as Will and El. Excusing them.

So that's now what they as actors are most practiced at when asked.

[side note, suuuper fucked up question on the interviewer's part to ask "which abuser is least bad"]

[gayofthefae]

STRANGER THINGS SPOILERS

The thing I'm most disappointed by is that they just took away much needed abuse representation, the type that isn't anywhere, from queer people. They took it away from being intersectional representation. And from queer people, a group so frequently abused by family. Not only that, but in doing so, will make their show significantly less popular. The type people warn you not to watch.

So here is your reminder that it remains true:

Flight, Fawn, and Freeze are all valid trauma responses too. You are no less brave, in fact, you are smarter for listening to your body. Your body knows best when you are in danger, trust it, listen to it, do not override it. It has analyzed the situation and is telling you the best option for your survival. If you ran, if you hid, if you appeased, if you didn't move at all: You were brave too. You did so good. You did the exact right thing. Sometimes there isn't an immediate option of safety, so just because you didn't find it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Sometimes it just wasn't there. Sometimes you do your best and it doesn't fix everything, but you kept yourself alive and that's all that matters. Even if alive still in danger, you kept yourself alive. Know that just because it didn't get you safe that doesn't mean you didn't do enough. You are so brave, you did so much, and you are alive. That is what matters.

And you can break the cycle. There is an urge of abuse that comes to those abused, it feels like an easier coping, but you can resist it. And with that work, that continuous work you have to put in to heal every day, that pain, it does have a payoff. That the next generation will be saved from everything you had to experience. You did that. You saved them. Abuse survivors who are not cycle breakers are sympathizable as former victims, but fully responsible for their actions still as abusers. They had a choice and they made it. Just like Henry had a choice. It is a tempting one, but it is one you can resist. And if you did, you saved them. You did that. <3

That remains true. Even if the people who gave it to you are people you can't go back to anymore.

[gayofthefae]

hopping my way over to your asks box yet again..

LOL sorry for how often i send an ask, with the release of st5 inching closer and closer, my brain is absolutely spinning with st and byler in general, and so sharing with you my theories and concepts to see a more in depth analysis than what i could ever achieve helps makes sense of the clutter that is my brain ❤️

did that even make sense? idk

id love to get your thoughts on will byers - more specifically, his acceptance arc in s5 and his own internalized homophobia in general. i think when it comes to internalized homophobia, that is often looked over (not all the time!) within will and people only tend to focus on mike's internalized homophobia WHICH IS OKAY! i think some people forget that will too struggles with internalized homophobia just as much as mike - it's just different.

so, i think that will byers specifically is self aware of his queerness and his love for mike but i don't think that he's accepted it. i think he's still in the throes of shame and etc. he is aware that he is in love with his best friend and he is aware he is gay, but does he accept that? i don't think so

BASICALLY what im getting at is im curious to see how you think his acceptance arc will come to develop within s5. i definitely think it's synonymous with his powers, if he does get them at all in the first place, but how does he come to accept his queerness? does he rely on robin a lot? does he emotionally close himself off from mike to make his acceptance hurt less? (im a big truther of that one personally)

i haven't seen many personal leaks for st5, only supernatural ones so i have no clue what's gonna happen in s5. im trying to avoid em as much as possible

let me know if this is too big of an ask!! im basically asking u to theorize how will finally accepts that he's queer and that's a big question kind of 😭 you obviously don't have to do this if it doesn't interest you or if you just can't think of anything! i won't be offended :)

Once again, you are completely welcome to send as many as you like!

[Y'all, I'm an actor who spends all my time not on sets alone in my house. Chilling on tumblr is my unpaid day job atp. Feel free to send shit lol.]

And that totally makes sense! It is exactly why I joined tumblr in the FIRST place!

Never too big an ask! I think my current record for word on a post is 3,000 lol. And I love doing this, so the more [words required] the merrier!

TW: mention of sexual abuse

This one, I actually don't need as many because I don't think I can sum it up better than I have in this post about how different pieces of internalized homophobia are internalized based on different past experiences and for Will, his experiences with CSA are an intersection for his shame and the internalization that being queer makes him predatory, while Mike's internalized homophobia relates more to his upbringing as - unlike Will - someone who could have been socially "perfect", normal, but failed to be. That post expands on that a lot and is just about Will's internalized homophobia and shame intersectional with his internalized ideas from abuse, so I highly recommend you check it out.

As for how they will explore it, I think that because that shame is a singular thing contributed to by both things that, similar to what you said about his powers, exploring his CSA experiences will open that same door. SA survivors feel a lot of shame and self blame in the same way queer people often do around their attraction, and because he has both, the solution can also go hand in hand. The less he blames himself for what Vecna did to him, the more he will put responsibility on Vecna and not himself and in doing that, will not see himself as dangerous or predatory for being gay. Hateable, shameful, "a mistake".

He is very ashamed of taking up space. He is very ashamed of being queer. But I think a core contributor here to address head on is actually his shame around his sexual abuse. As the acts themselves towards him come back up, I think we will see him start to open up more about it, maybe even verbally blaming himself - but if he does out loud to other people, that creates the situation for him to be immediately corrected and validated.

The more he heals from that - his abuse from Vecna, his abuse from his dad - the more I think he can heal the root of his shame that leads him to let those predatory stereotypes of internalized homophobia hit him so hard in the first place.

Mike's internalized homophobia is based much more on being a failure while Will's is based much more on being a danger. They internalized different ones, like I said, because of their different experiences. But in the same way Mike has heard those same predatory ones but didn't internalize them the way Will did, Will is capable of those ones not hitting him so hard too.

If he doesn't blame himself, he won't believe them when they blame him. That applies to everything in his life, including his queerness.

I think his season 5 arc will be very similar to El's season 4 arc in that regard. She finally blamed Brenner, for the first time allowing her to identify herself as "not the monster" and leave him, loving herself on her own.

He blames himself. If he learns to stop through opening up about it to people, even just learning more about Vecna like El did Brenner, he can learn to not blame himself. And that will make him, as a whole, believe he deserves happiness and to take up space.

He thinks he doesn't deserve to take up space as a queer person because he thinks he doesn't deserve to take up space as a person in the first place. He views his queerness as well as his abuse as proof that he is a horrible person, undeserving of love. Many abuse survivors believe they deserved the abuse. Especially if they were abused as children. A quote I always come back to is

"A child abused by a parent doesn't hate the parent. It hates itself."

If he identifies his abuse - verbal, physical, sexual - as unjust and wrong, that goes away. His sole reason for believing he doesn't deserve the things that make him happy, doesn't deserve the things he wants - Mike as a core example of this - goes away.

The reason he thinks he doesn't deserve Mike is because he secretly harbors the belief that he's a horrible person. That his abusers know something he doesn't. That he deserved it. He believes that if he's a horrible person who does horrible things, his queerness must be an example of that. Everyone told him it was. Maybe that's the horrible thing he's doing that earns him this, or a contributor at the least.

He believes he doesn't deserve Mike because he believes he's a horrible person who suffered bad things because he deserved them.

If he finally grapples with the idea that he DIDN'T deserve what happened to him, that dissipates the belief that his abusers were right. It dissipates the belief that he has done anything wrong to deserve it. And it therefore dissipates the belief that his queerness is an example of that wrongdoing. Because now he knows the wrongdoing doesn't really exist. That it was their fault. They chose to hurt him and that was wrong of THEM. That he was innocent. That he was an innocent child.

He doesn't see himself as innocent right now. Once he does, he will also see himself as deserving.

I also put in that post I linked that he sees El as deserving. That's part of why he does what he does in the van. If he loves Mike, it's impure. But if El felt the love he feels towards Mike, it'd be innocent and pure. So he delivers it as El's.

But in season 5, he will learn that him loving Mike is just as innocent and beautiful as El loving Mike. And that he is just as deserving of happiness. Without that belief, I fear he would push Mike away even if he knew Mike and El were happiest as friends and Mike wanted him. Because it wasn't just about selflessness, that van scene.

But unburdened of that belief, he will allow Mike in when he comes to him. At the end of the season, Mike will love him. But more importantly, Will will let him.

He wouldn't have before, he wasn't.

But now he will think Mike is right to. That his abusers were wrong to abuse him. And that Mike is right to love him. Because he did nothing wrong. His abusers do not see him as he is. Mike does.

[gayofthefae]

Reinterpreting El's reactions to the ily speech not as her knowing but as an abuse survivor having trouble receiving love.

Because it is actual love. And she doesn't believe she's unworthy of it anymore but she just came from leaving her abuser. That morning.

And love can hurt in a strange but good way when you aren't practiced in receiving it. It was easier to believe she wasn't loved in some ways - familiarity. Because in initial reaction, she doesn't really know what to do with it inside her. She is loved by her family and she knows that but hasn't been told directly like this before, especially not naming off and validating her deepest fears and insecurities, and she doesn't have a place inside her carved out for that love. She's never needed one before.

And carving into yourself to create that space can be a strange kind of bittersweet painful too.

It's overwhelming, in a way. Hard to process.

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

Currently listening: Dawn of Wonder

I’ve been listening to the audiobook Dawn of Wonder (I’ve not finished it yet, but it’s about 30 hours long) and I’m seriously impressed with how the book handles childhood abuse. Some spoilers below (but I’ll try to avoid any massive spoilers).

The main character Aedan is beaten by his dad, but the story shows the complexity of the relationship between them. Aedan’s dad taught him forestry and hunting. Aedan’s dad speaks up for Aedan when he’s falsely accused of wrong-doing. There are times when he’s shown to be supportive and caring. He’s not all bad all the time.

And Aedan is shown to love his dad. He desperately craves his dad’s affection. His friend writes down the nice things his dad said about him once and Aedan keeps that record as a treasure for years because it’s evidence that his dad loves him. Even after Aedan leaves to get away from the abuse, he dreams about going back to his dad and being loved, respected and accepted. When Aedan talks about the abuse to someone else, he feels compelled to speak up and say, “But he did these nice things too.”

Aedan’s dad is shown to feel justified in his abuse. He believes he is rightly punishing his son for misdeeds. He is less educated than Aedan and accuses Aedan of mocking him or calling him stupid, which he believes justifies giving Aedan reminders to “show respect.” The narrative doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but it still shows how the man excuses it to himself.

And the long term effects are shown. Aedan is immensely brave in most circumstances (jumping off a cliff to try and fight slavers, fighting spies, attacking a group of bandits) but when something happens that reminds him of his dad, everything changes. He freezes. He cowers. On one occasion he wets himself. This terror is so deep seated that it drives out everything else. This paralysing terror takes over when something triggers memories of his dad’s abuse.

Although there are characters who mock him for these moments, or who believe the stories of his bravery must be made up given this evidence of “cowardice” there are other characters who are quick to reassure Aedan that this isn’t his fault. He hasn’t done anything wrong.

I’m interested to see how it resolves, but so far I’m very, very impressed with how the author has handled such a difficult subject.