@abysscast
“I wanted so badly to think you were different.” // Hel to Thor
Those few words were enough to strike deep into the God of Thunder’s heart, so much so to cause genuine aching to his chest. This hurt him so much more than she would ever know, because he had to stay strong - he needed to stay strong. He couldn’t show weakness, he was the son of Odin - renowned for his strength and courage. So, rather than show his true pain, his body is kept stiff.
“I did, too.” His voice is not the same boisterous tone it typically was, instead, he kept a rather monotone way of speaking. “..Not about you, but about me. I wanted to believe I was different as well.” Being in front of Hel again was, difficult. Even suppressing himself as much as he was right now was seemingly impossible, he couldn’t stay strong, not like this.
“I...” Finally, he shows a change in his tone - and his voice began to shake, lip quivering as he continues. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Hel...not when I laid my eyes on how small you were, how harmless you were...” His stiff body began to fail him as well, arms trembling more and more with every word he spoke. “The day I came to get you, to bring you back for your sentence...I thought that, you would be a monster. That’s how my father described you - something truly terrifying. But when I met you, I did not meet a monster. I met...a small girl..”
..Even now, even after the situation with Baldr, what stood before him was no monster. What stood before him was a woman who grew sheltered, who was cast out and nearly lost her life...because of him.
His fists clench tightly. “The days we spent on our journey back to Asgard were enough to convince me, you were innocent...you were a little girl who wanted her family. And, you....were my niece, I was your family...perhaps not by blood, but even now -- you are family.” But, did he have the right to say that? To declare her as family still..? “By the time we arrived, I knew I had to convince the Allfather to reconsider. To take you in under my care, but....father was appalled. So much so, he even struck me where I stood for even thinking of it...” In fact, he had a temporary scar across his back from that day..
Again, his fists tighten together - now drawing blood from himself. “..And for my punishment for even considering this, I was...tasked with being the one who sent you to your death. It was going to be Odin, but I was chosen in order to cast aside my thoughts about you..” But, why didn’t he deny it..? ..Well, that was actually quite simple. “...I could have refuted, that’s true. But...I thought you were going to die, and so...I wanted the last face you saw to be someone who cared about you. It hurt...so much, Hel.”
Though it wasn’t seen due to the glasses he wore, his eyes had began brimming with tears - until the tears began to overflow and stain his cheeks, which promptly caused the mighty Thor to fall to his knees.
“To this day, I have nightmares of that event - over, and over, I am reminded of that little girl’s tears - her agonizing scream as Mjolnir struck her down. The way she asked why I was hurting her...Loki’s words to me after it was over. I will never forgive myself! Even should the day come where you forgive me yourself, it is something I can never take back and must forever live with.” Looking up to her, he wore a frown across his face, and slowly removed his shades.
“..Of all things, Hel - please know, I am so sorry.”