#ace!q

[strawwritesfic]

Logical Fallacy Master List

Summary: Q’s got one hundred and two problems. His girlfriend is, technically speaking, every single one.

Challenge:  “102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls” challenge by Miss Chocobo on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; asexual!Q; sexual!reader; a running gag about sexual harassment; double standard: sexual harassment, female on male; sexual harassment played for comedy; James Bond & Reader friendship; civilian!reader; artist!reader; complicated family relationships; reader has a really big family; miscommunications; MI6 would not behave this way in reality; set post-Skyfall; joking references made to Bond/Q)

Pairings: Q/Female!Reader; James Bond/Eve Moneypenny

Notes: Way back in the year 2013, I was dragged against my will to a showing of Skyfall while on vacation with my family. I had no experience with the James Bond franchise outside of my parents watching a marathon of the old, old movies during a different vacation when I was in elementary school. I expected to hate the film. Instead, by the time the opening credits rolled, I was completely in love.

That being said, I do not consider myself a serious fan of the series. I’ve never bothered to watch the rest of the non-Craig movies and decided after trying to slog my way through the Casino Royale book that I would rather light the written James Bond on fire than read any of Fleming’s other works.

I’m in it for the hot people and the gorgeous cinematography, folks, and this collection is about as silly as they come. I imprinted asexuality onto Q from the start, wanted to write some stories about his adventures with his decidedly-NOT-asexual girlfriend, and this was born. I’m under no delusion that the British Secret Service works this way in reality or in the media I consume.

Please keep in mind as you read the chapter titles that I “disprove” some of the “rules” in the challenge, so there’s no need to get all angry if a “rule” offends you. And sometimes I might “prove” a certain rule, but that doesn’t mean that I necessarily approve of that behavior personally. This is mostly supposed to be a fluffy, comedic story, and almost nothing is to be taken all that seriously.

And here is the usual reminder for any of my Bond stuff: I am not British. I know no British people willing to “Brit Pick” for me. If you have corrections, you are more than welcome to inform me of them, and I will do my best to incorporate them as I go.

As of 2/22/2022, I have not seen No Time to Die, so there will not be spoilers for that movie in this collection! In fact, there aren’t any spoilers for Spectre either, because I really, really didn’t like that movie. All references to the Craig movies stop with Skyfall.

As of 03/04/2023, I have seen No Time to Die, but I thoroughly disliked it and Spectre, so there are not likely to be any calls forward to those particular films. And yes, that means that I understand that the Q in the Craig films most likely shares the sexuality of his actor. I am by no means attempting to erase his sexuality with this story. 

Posting Status: Incomplete & In Progress

Rule #1: Do not cheat on a girl.

Rule #2: Be aware of all your girlfriend’s guy friends, brothers, fathers, etc.

Rule #3: Never miss an opportunity to tell her that she’s beautiful.

Rule #4: If she slapped you hard, you probably deserved it.

Rule #5: Do not be afraid of holding her.

Rule #6: Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend.

Rule #7: Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can.

Rule #8: If a guy is bothering your girlfriend, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.

Rule #9: If you’re talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

Rule #10: Never, ever slap her.

Rule #11: Go along with her to a chick flick every once in a while.

Rule #12: If you’re officially dating and you’re introducing her to your friends, you’d better introduce her as your girlfriend.

Rule #13: Girls are fragile.

Rule #14: Memorize your girlfriend’s birthday.

Rule #15: Don’t drench yourself in the cologne,

Rule #16: You don’t have to spend a million dollars on a gift.

Rule #17: Don’t ever lie to us. 

Rule #18: Don’t say you understand when you don’t.

Rule # 19: Remember: Girls are pretty, but yours is the prettiest!

Rule # 20: Saying something sweet might get you off the hook.

Rule #21: Size does matter.

[strawwritesfic]

Asexual!Q x Female!Reader: Logical Fallacy [Ch. 16]

Summary: Q’s got one hundred and two problems. His girlfriend is, technically speaking, every single one.

Challenge:  “102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls” challenge by Miss Chocobo on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; asexual!Q; sexual!reader; a running gag about sexual harassment; double standard: sexual harassment, female on male; sexual harassment played for comedy; James Bond & Reader friendship; civilian!reader; artist!reader; complicated family relationships; reader has a really big family; miscommunications; MI6 would not behave this way in reality; set post-Skyfall; joking references made to Bond/Q)

Pairings: Q/Female!Reader; James Bond/Eve Moneypenny

Tag List: @imaginesfire​; @rory-cakes​

Master List

Rule #16: You don’t have to spend a million dollars on a gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive; it needs to be meaningful.

“Alton. Hey, Alton!”

Your voice was not enough to completely rouse Q from his slumber. He squeezed his eyes shut a little tighter, to get the sunlight to go away. Even though he knew that wouldn’t be enough for you, he hoped. Five more minutes…

“Alton!” This last exclamation was accompanied by a rough shake of his shoulders. He awoke with a start to see a [Name]-shaped blur with its knees on either side of his hips. The sight and the shock combined were enough to make him cough for a full minute before he could respond:

“What is it?” he asked with barely contained annoyance.

You, however, were not to be deterred. “It’s nearly nine o’ clock! You’re going to be late for work!” Perhaps you threw your arms out with these words. Q couldn’t quite tell; everything was still murky. His exhaustion didn’t help things.

“I’m not going to work today,” he mumbled. Q’s fingers trailed across the nightstand until, at last, he found his glasses. A moment later, he placed them on his face and blinked sleepily up at you. Your now clear features showed obvious confusion. You took a moment to stare at him and then gave his shoulders another hard shake.

“You can’t skip work! They’ll throw you in prison.”

Sleep was apparently not going to return to him. With a sigh, Q slid his legs out from underneath you and placed his feet on the floor. “No,” he said with a yawn. “They wouldn’t go that far. You have a very active imagination, [Name].”

You cocked your head to one side, your eyes wide. “Are you sick?”

As much as Q knew you would love an excuse to make soup, he could not claim to have an illness. He shook his head and barely suppressed a smile as he stood. “I’m not sick.”

“Then–”

“I took the day off, so neither of us will be getting in trouble.”

The look you gave Q was almost comical, especially considering the wild, uncombed hair framing your face and your knees still splayed wide where he used to be lying. Slowly, your eyes narrowed. You lifted a hand to grasp your chin.

“Why would you take the day off?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Q gave a tiny shrug and moved toward the door. “Thought it might be prudent, considering it’s our anniversary and all.”

Your mouth fell wide open, then you bounded across the length of the bed to land at Q’s feet. You could hardly speak for grinning. “You remembered?”

Q smiled and ruffled your hair a bit. “I remembered. And I have the whole day off, so we can spend it together.”

He thought he saw tears in your eyes, but he couldn’t see them for long. You threw your arms around him and broke away only to declare:

“That’s the best present you could have given me.”

“Happy anniversary, [Name].”

[strawwritesfic]

Asexual!Q x Female!Reader: Logical Fallacy [Ch. 15]

Summary: Q’s got one hundred and two problems. His girlfriend is, technically speaking, every single one.

Challenge:  “102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls” challenge by Miss Chocobo on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; asexual!Q; sexual!reader; a running gag about sexual harassment; double standard: sexual harassment, female on male; sexual harassment played for comedy; James Bond & Reader friendship; civilian!reader; artist!reader; complicated family relationships; reader has a really big family; miscommunications; MI6 would not behave this way in reality; set post-Skyfall; joking references made to Bond/Q)

Pairings: Q/Female!Reader; James Bond/Eve Moneypenny

Tag List: @imaginesfire, @rory-cakes​​

Master List

Rule #15: Don’t drench yourself in the cologne, but smell good.

“Come on, Q. Look sharp. We’re about to dock.”

From his post at the ship’s railing, Q lifted his clammy head. Bond stood in a nearby door, outlined by the light of the ship’s interior. It was all Q could do to simply look at him. Glaring, at this point, was too exhausting.

“I am well aware–” But he couldn’t finish that sentence. The boat gave a final heave, and so did Q’s stomach. He bent over to vomit again. Slowly, though still with more movement than Q believed strictly necessary, the boat ground to a halt.

Bond patted Q once on the back. “Next time, bring some Kwells .”

“Next time?” Q demanded weakly. “I told you all I don’t like traveling!”

“You said you didn’t like to fly.” Q did his best to scowl. Unfortunately, this did nothing to Bond except cause him to smirk. “Well, clean yourself up a bit before you get back on land. You wouldn’t want [Name] running away from you in fright.”

In his current state, Q couldn’t manage a quick enough retort. Before he could even opened his mouth to reply, Bond disappeared without so much as a “see you at work come Monday.” Q made a face, then leaned over to grab his bag with quavering arms.

How Bond managed to leave so quickly, Q would never know. Though the ship certainly wasn’t carrying a pleasure cruise, enough people crammed its hallways that he was lucky to take one step every five minutes. All the while, the floor bobbed underneath his feet, causing his nausea to roll with the waves.

Outside, the air was clean and cold. More importantly, the ground did not move. Q took several minutes to orient himself before blinking blearily at his surroundings. As much as he hated to admit it, he rather hoped he’d find you waiting for him. He wasn’t sure if he would stumble into the right apartment complex with his thoughts this fuzzy.

And there you were, sitting on a bench, your eyes wide in your face as you watched him from afar. It struck Q at just that moment that this was his first away mission. Two weeks was a long time for him to not see you, and it was a testament to how ill he must have looked that you hadn’t rushed straight up to tackle him. Slowly, he trudged over until he stood a few feet away.

“Hello,” said Q.

“Hi.”

Your fingers beat an anxious tattoo against your seat. Q managed a half-smile. “Go on then. Get it over with.”

It took you less than a second. One moment, you were sitting there, the next you had crashed into his front and thrown your arms around him. After a brief pause, he returned the hug.

“I missed you, too.” He allowed you to stand there with your face buried into his chest for several long minutes. Given the state of things, Q might have left you longer. Then he smelt something familiar–familiar and curious. “Are you wearing my cologne?”

You took a step backward to smile at him sheepishly. “It smells like home.”

“[Name], you have been home the entire time I was gone.”

“Yeah, but,” you shrugged and Q noticed you hadn’t taken your hands off his waist, “it isn’t home without you.”

A reluctant sigh slipped from his lips. Then Q disengaged–but only long enough for him to adjust his bag on his shoulder and take your hand. “Let’s get home then.”

[strawwritesfic]

Asexual!Q x Female!Reader: Logical Fallacy [Ch. 14]

Summary: Q’s got one hundred and two problems. His girlfriend is, technically speaking, every single one.

Challenge:  “102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls” challenge by Miss Chocobo on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; asexual!Q; sexual!reader; a running gag about sexual harassment; double standard: sexual harassment, female on male; sexual harassment played for comedy; James Bond & Reader friendship; civilian!reader; artist!reader; complicated family relationships; reader has a really big family; miscommunications; MI6 would not behave this way in reality; set post-Skyfall; joking references made to Bond/Q)

Pairings: Q/Female!Reader; James Bond/Eve Moneypenny

Tag List: @imaginesfire, @rory-cakes​​

Master List

Rule #14: Memorize your girlfriend’s birthday. You forget her birthday and you’re basically screwed for life. Not gonna lie.

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit!”

Q ran as he had not run since his physical examination. The lateness of the hour made the sidewalk mostly empty, but he still had to do a fair amount of dodging other late-night pedestrians. Taxis trundled by, honking in clear derision of the young man flying past them. He did not even stop to give them his usual disdainful glare.

“Shit!”

His shoes slid against the gravel as he rounded a sharp corner; his hands spread wide to grip the nearby stair banister so that he did not fall entirely. A momentary pause for him to settle his glasses back onto his nose correctly, then he sprinted up the stairs.

The moon left blotchy patches of light on the path beneath his feet. He hardly noticed. It was nearly midnight, and he had not remembered. Of all the days to stay late at work. He’d promised–Well, it didn’t matter what Q had promised. It was far too late to keep that promise now.

He pushed the door to his flat open, breathing heavily. The lamps were on, but everything was quiet. No television. No computer. No iPod speakers. There was mud on the bottoms of Q’s feet, but he didn’t care about tracking it through the house at the moment. Eyes darting around, looking for any sign of life, he closed the door behind himself and started to search.

It didn’t take much time for him to find you. You sat at the kitchen table, head resting on your arms, clearly asleep. Q froze immediately. What was he to do, now that he knew where you were? You were dressed in a very pretty [color] dress, and a lot of work appeared to have gone into your hair.

His eyes slid over to a clock by the window. 11:35. Nervous fingers ran a shaky path through Q’s hair. As tempting as it was to just leave you there until you woke up tomorrow long after he had gone back to work, he knew that wasn’t fair. A deep breath filled his lungs, then he placed his hand on your bare shoulder and gave it a gentle shake.

“Mm.” Your eyelids and lips tightened. He shook a little harder. You inhaled sharply just as your eyes popped open wide. “Alton?” you muttered sleepily.

“Hey,” he said, guilt pooling in his stomach. “What are you doing asleep in the kitchen?”

“I was waiting for you to come for di–” You looked wildly around for the clock. “Dinner! We have to get going! We’ll miss our reservations.”

He shifted uncomfortably. “We already missed our reservations.”

“What do you mean? It’s only–” You caught sight of the darkness outside, and then the clock. “Eleven-forty…”

“[Name]…” Q began. Without looking at him, you got to your feet and gathered your purse from where it had been sitting by your chair. “[Name], I–”

You looked at him and smiled. Q had known you long enough to tell it was not your real smile. “Busy day at work?” To avoid looking at him any longer, you bent down to unlatch the straps on your shoes.

“Yes, but–”

“Sorry you had to wake me up. I’ve gotta go take all this off.” You gestured to your face. “Then you can have the bathroom, if you want it.”

The obvious dismissal thoroughly stopped Q from speaking further. He heard you pad up the carpeted hallway, flick on a light, and walk into the bathroom. He pressed a hand to his forehead and sunk into your recently vacated chair.

“Not such a clever boy,” he whispered. Allowing his mind to drift, he dug absently around in his messenger bag until his fingers found a large, flat box. He pulled it out and gazed at it until he heard the water running in the bathroom stop. Better now than later, he thought grimly, and walked to the bathroom himself.

“[Name].”

“Yes?”

“Are you mad at me?”

You lifted your face from the towel and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Then you let out a sigh and slowly set the towel down. “I’m not mad, Alton.”

“But you’re not happy.”

“Of course not. I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks.” Now Q could hear tears in your voice. Panic made his heart pound a little quicker. He did not like when you cried. He never knew how to handle it. To make matters worse, this time you were crying over him. As if you knew how he felt, you looked determinedly away from both him and the mirror. “Ever since you got this MI6 job, you’ve been even busier than usual. I’m just a distraction you wish was gone.”

“I’m flattered that you want my company so badly,” he said hopefully. Your mood, however, didn’t change.

“It was my birthday, Alton,” you whispered. “And you chose work over me again.”

This was the one time when Q would definitely admit he screwed up. What good would that do, though? Instead, he lifted his box and waved it so whatever was inside shook.

“It’s still your birthday. 11:58. I know–I meant to be home. I should have been. Do you at least want your present?”

He caught a flash of [color] eyes in the mirror, and then you turned around. “You got me a present?” you asked in a tone that suggested you hardly dared to believe it.

“Of course I got you a present. Did you think I forgot your birthday entirely?”

Your smile was a confession. “A little.”

“Well, I didn’t. So?” Q stepped closer to you and offered the box. You took it and tugged the lid gently open. A gasp slipped from your mouth.

“Oh, Alton.”

He pulled the necklace out and let it hang from his fingers in midair. “This one doesn’t have a tracking device in it,” Q explained.

“I love it already.”

He leaned down to kiss you once on the forehead. “I thought you might.”

[strawwritesfic]

Asexual!Q x Female!Reader: Logical Fallacy [Ch. 13]

Summary: Q’s got one hundred and two problems. His girlfriend is, technically speaking, every single one.

Challenge:  “102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls” challenge by Miss Chocobo on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; asexual!Q; sexual!reader; a running gag about sexual harassment; double standard: sexual harassment, female on male; sexual harassment played for comedy; James Bond & Reader friendship; civilian!reader; artist!reader; complicated family relationships; reader has a really big family; miscommunications; MI6 would not behave this way in reality; set post-Skyfall; joking references made to Bond/Q)

Pairings: Q/Female!Reader; James Bond/Eve Moneypenny

Tag List: @imaginesfire​

Master List

Rule #13: Girls are fragile. Even if you’re play fighting, be very gentle. Let her win sometimes.

Sex was not a common occurrence at Q’s apartment. Perhaps that wasn’t fair to say–it might have brought up ideas of sex frequently happening elsewhere. He should have said that sex was not a common occurrence with himself.

It was not as if he hated sex. Far from it. But the activity was not something he frequently thought of, or felt was lacking in his life. He could go months without even thinking about it, and if he did, it was more often with the thought of how messy the whole affair was.

But this was not enough for you, and once in a blue moon Q found himself being pounced on and his clothes being torn off. By that point, he was often enjoying the moment too much to worry about the necessary showers or the cleaning that would need doing since, more often than not, you did not have the wherewithal to drag him to the bed.

Today it was the couch. Q’s sweater had already been thrown carelessly elsewhere; now his tie hung loosely from his neck. Your fingers slipped around the remaining buttons of his shirt, but you definitely weren’t getting anywhere fast. Maybe it would have helped if he stopped kissing you, but it was a little difficult to keep this in mind with your continually bucking your hips up to grind them against him.

Q groaned at your latest effort, all thoughts of getting his shirt off forgotten. Instead, he kissed you again as his free hand squeezed at your breast. You let out a triumphant chuckle as you finished your task. A wide smile flashed up at him; sweat glistened on your brow.

“Hey Alton,” you said in a voice rather raspier than you normally used.

“Mm.” He was too busy nipping at your neck. Maybe if he didn’t make the noise a question, you wouldn’t ruin the moment with gibberish. Unfortunately, that plan didn’t work.

“Do they call you ‘Q’ because you’re a ‘Q-T-pi’?”

His eyes rolled at that one. “[Name], just shut up,” he growled, then lowered his mouth to kiss you again. You lifted your hands and tangled them into his hair. When Q backed away slightly and opened his eyes, you smirked.

“Look who’s trying to be all dominant,” you said.

“What do you mean ‘trying’?”

Q should not have asked that. Your eyebrows pressed together wickedly, then your hands went to the back of his neck. He wanted to ask what you were doing, but he shortly had his answer. Your lips crashed against his just as you wrapped your legs around his waist and threw yourself off the couch.

He landed on with a gasp on his back. You ran your hands gently up and down his chest while waiting for Q to assess the situation. When he had been quiet long enough, your eyes flicked back up to look into his.

“You were saying?”

“I–” Q licked his lips, then the words spilled out of them even though he knew protesting would do no good. “I let you do that.”

You laughed, then bit his neck. Q sucked in a breath.

“You’re so bloody breakable,” you breathed. “It’s adorable.”

Needless to say, he couldn’t really argue with your teeth back on his skin.

[strawwritesfic]

Asexual!Q x Female!Reader: Logical Fallacy [Ch. 12]

Summary: Q’s got one hundred and two problems. His girlfriend is, technically speaking, every single one.

Challenge:  “102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls” challenge by Miss Chocobo on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; asexual!Q; sexual!reader; a running gag about sexual harassment; double standard: sexual harassment, female on male; sexual harassment played for comedy; James Bond & Reader friendship; civilian!reader; artist!reader; complicated family relationships; reader has a really big family; miscommunications; MI6 would not behave this way in reality; set post-Skyfall; joking references made to Bond/Q)

Pairings: Q/Female!Reader; James Bond/Eve Moneypenny

Tag List: @imaginesfire​

Master List

Rule #12: If you’re officially dating and you’re introducing her to your friends, you’d better introduce her as your girlfriend–or else.

One of the many unfortunate results of the original MI6 building getting blown to kingdom come was that Q, despite already needing a hub from which to pass out equipment to the field agents, did not have a space at work to call his own yet. This meant quite a lot of varied “exotic” weaponry getting stored in his flat, and frequent calls to leave his home to deliver them.

Same time, same place.

Q looked around the gallery after checking the familiar, nondescript words he had received the day before via text message. When he first started meeting Bond there, the National Gallery had held a certain amount of charm, but he had to admit that now he mostly just worried about appearing there so often. Maybe after Bond’s jaunt to Rio de Janeiro they could relocate to a fair ground.

He sighed and checked his watch. If Bond wasn’t there in less than two minutes, Q would need to find another place in the gallery to feign interest in. And what if Bond could not find him there either? With growing impatience, Q rolled his head against the wall and looked off toward a statue exhibit in a room to his right.

Two women stood inside, peering at something so that their backs were turned toward Q. One had long, dark hair, the other [color] hair and a firm grasp on a sketchbook. Then he spotted the bag on the latter’s side, and nearly rubbed his fists into his eyes. What on earth were you doing at the gallery? He almost marched across the way to take you by the arm to remove you from the premises. You weren’t supposed to see him doing this sort of thing.

Before Q could take said action, someone interrupted him:

“Decided to take up people watching this time around?”

Startled, Q spun quickly around to see Bond smirking down at him. Q scowled as he adjusted his glasses.

“You’re late,“ he said waspishly.

“An agent is never late, nor is he early.”

“Don’t quote Gandalf at me, especially when I can hazard a guess that frequently isn’t true.” As usual, Bond was not put off by Q’s demeanor. If anything, he was amused by it, almost as if the agent saw Q as some sort of furious kitten. “Do you want your equipment or not?”

“You’d send me on my way with nothing just because of petty disagreement?” Bond’s eyebrows lifted, but it still looked as if he were suppressing an obvious smile. “That’s not very professional of you, Q.”

“Making me sit here wondering if you’re dead isn’t professional either, 007.”

“All right, all right. What have you got for me this time around?”

“Your plane ticket, obviously,” Q answered as he handed over a thin white envelope. “And then–”

“Alton! Hey!”

His eyes slid shut in a wince he hardly cared if Bond noticed. Trotting footsteps forced Q into action. He turned to see you and your cousin Victoria heading straight for him. For one split-second, you beamed, but as soon as you caught sight of the man behind Q, the happiness vanished from your face. You might have even paled a bit, though it was difficult to tell in the gallery lighting.

“Oh…” you said.

“[Name],” Q snapped, “what are you doing here?”

Your toes snapped slightly inward as your gaze dropped to the floor. Victoria’s eyes narrowed at Q–though nicer to and more understanding of him than the rest of your family, she generally didn’t take any crap from Q where his treatment of you was concerned.

“Victoria and I just wanted to get out,” you said. Your eyes darted up toward Q, then back to the floor again several times in quick succession. “It gets lonely, staying at home by myself all the time. She thought…she thought seeing some artwork might help inspire me.”

“Problem?” Victoria asked with her arms folded across her chest. Q ignored her. After all, she did not understand the situation. You did.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” you murmured. “I wouldn’t have come if I did.”

A small pang echoed in Q’s chest. He had not told you this was where he went to meet Bond. But still, he couldn’t let you stay without someone at work inquiring as to what you were doing there.

“At least go to another area, [Name],” he said exasperatedly. “I’m busy.”

“You’re always busy,” said Victoria. “That’s the problem.”

“Not now, Vick,” you said out of the corner of your mouth.

Q rolled his shoulders back, ready to retort in a way that would get you to run off somewhere. Before he could, Bond stepped up beside him. A flurry of panic set its way through Q’s veins. If Bond was upset by your presence, there would be little chance of Q avoiding repercussions for it. But Bond looked at him and smiled.

“Who’s this, then?” he asked.

Q’s mind ground to a momentary halt. He only had the mental capacity to note that you looked just as startled as he did upon you being addressed. Bond’s smile only widened at his obvious fit of surprise. Q rapidly shook his head and tried to speak:

“Mr. Bond. This is [F Name] [L Name], my…my…”

You grinned and stuck out a hand. “I’m [F Name] [L Name]. Q here is my boyfriend. This my cousin, Victoria [L Name]. And you are?”

After pausing to give Q a look that clearly told the young man Bond thought him ridiculous, Bond took your hand and gave it a firm shake. “Bond,” he answered. “James Bond.”

[strawwritesfic]

Asexual!Q x Female!Reader: Logical Fallacy [Ch. 10]

Summary: Q’s got one hundred and two problems. His girlfriend is, technically speaking, every single one.

Challenge:  “102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls” challenge by Miss Chocobo on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; asexual!Q; sexual!reader; a running gag about sexual harassment; double standard: sexual harassment, female on male; sexual harassment played for comedy; James Bond & Reader friendship; civilian!reader; artist!reader; complicated family relationships; reader has a really big family; miscommunications; MI6 would not behave this way in reality; set post-Skyfall; joking references made to Bond/Q)

Pairings: Q/Female!Reader; James Bond/Eve Moneypenny

Tag List: @imaginesfire​

Master List

Rule #10: Never, ever slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, “Oh, you’re so dumb” or something, never make any retaliation.

Of all the things that Q liked the best, a quiet flat was probably in the top five. Even if he didn’t have work to do, there was something soothing about only being able to hear himself, his own fingers on his own keyboard. Unfortunately, like most things Q enjoyed…

“Guess who!”

…it never lasted. Your hands covered his eyes at the same time you jumped seemingly out of nowhere. He blinked, a frown already settling onto his face at the thought of having to clean his glasses again.

“[Name],” he sighed. “Not now.”

“Why not now?” The shadow covering his vision disappeared. Somehow, even through the fog of handprints, Q could see you standing in front of him, your hands now on your hips. “Don’t tell me you’re busy. You already said you had a free weekend.”

“I’m not busy. I’m tired.”

You regarded him through half-lidded eyes, then made to sit down on the couch with him without further comment. Q could feel the stiffness in his shoulders loosening…until you gave his cheek a gentle pat. Your fingers lingered against his skin for only a moment, and retreated as soon as Q realized that, though there had been no real force or anger behind the maneuver, you intended it to be a slap.

“You know, Alton,” he looked over to see you with your gaze fixed on the silent television, “for a secret agent, you’re really boring.”

Q choked–a sound half-amused, half insulted. “Me?” he demanded. “I’m boring?”

Finally, you looked at him. “Yes. All you ever do is sit around working on assignments. It’s like nothing exists outside that computer of yours.”

“Oh, and it would be better if I did like you? Avoiding the odd assignments I get until the very last minute?”

You blew your cheeks out for a second before answering. “The muse is a capricious thing, Alton. Like a wild horse.”

“Maybe you should tame your wild horse, then.”

“I know what I’m doing. At the very least I stop working long enough to pay attention to you!”

“I never asked for your attention!”

The two of you fell into a rather huffy silence. Your eyes lingered on his (or, he thought they did; his glasses were still filthy), then slowly slid away, back to the wall above the television. Meanwhile, Q was busy going over the last few weeks in his head. He’d been busy, what with the recent move. That was true. Could he remember any details about your life during the time period?

Q wracked his brain. Something about a hummus package design, that was it. And he never did get to see the finished product. Of course, you might have shown him at some point when he was busy and he hadn’t deemed it important enough to save to long-term memory.

“Well, if you’re just going to sit here watching the paint dry,” you said loftily as you stood up, “I think I’ll head to bed.”

Before you could get too far he reached out, taking your wrist. You paused, twisted toward him, but did not have time to form a snappish response. Not even a second later, he had pulled you into his lap.

“If I’m boring, you’re annoying.” You opened your mouth angrily, but Q cut you off with, “I think I like that kind of annoying.”

And he pressed his lips to yours.

[strawwritesfic]

Asexual!Q x Female!Reader: Logical Fallacy [Ch. 8]

Summary: Q’s got one hundred and two problems. His girlfriend is, technically speaking, every single one.

Challenge:  “102 Things A Guy Should Know About Girls” challenge by Miss Chocobo on Lunaescence Archives.

Ratings/Warnings/Tags: T (foul language; sexual references; asexual!Q; sexual!reader; a running gag about sexual harassment; double standard: sexual harassment, female on male; sexual harassment played for comedy; James Bond & Reader friendship; civilian!reader; artist!reader; complicated family relationships; reader has a really big family; miscommunications; MI6 would not behave this way in reality; set post-Skyfall; joking references made to Bond/Q)

Pairings: Q/Female!Reader; James Bond/Eve Moneypenny

Tag List: @imaginesfire​

Master List

Rule #8: If a guy is bothering your girlfriend, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.

Q could tell as soon as you walked through the door that afternoon that something was wrong. Most of the time, the fact that he was home early would elicit no small amount of euphoria on your part. In this case, you did not so much as take note of him sitting in his little side office just by the entrance. You instead moped straight into the kitchen, your purse dragging against the wood floor behind you.

He didn’t let your behavior bother him. After all, these maps needed double-checked for accuracy. Whatever was wrong with you, likely you would soon be over it. No need to concern himself with the matter. The minutes ticked by–could he hear someone sniffling?–but then the sound of water rushing into a pot filled the house.

Try as he might to ignore it, Q could not quite get rid of the niggling sensation that this was not your usual “skinned a knee and my day is ruined” kind of tear. It sounded as if you were banging pans and strainers around the room with a little more force than usual. He lifted his eyes to stare at a framed photograph hanging on the wall opposite. Should he or shouldn’t he?

Should he won out. Q did not want to deal with this longer than absolutely necessary, after all. He put his work down and walked into the kitchen to find you scowling down at a boiling pot of noodles.

“I always thought one made the sauce before the noodles,” he quipped when you did not look up at him, “but then I never was a fair pass at cooking.”

You blinked down at the water, snapped the stove off, and let out a single sob.

“[Name]? What in heaven’s name is going on?”

A swift walk to the sink was all he got for an answer. For a moment, anyway. Then: “Why are you asking? You’re just going to say that you told me so.”

“Only if whatever it is is really stupid.”

You laughed. It wasn’t a particularly pleasant laugh, and he had not meant to be humorous. Still, you turned to face him. He could see your eyelashes clumped together at odd angles. “You know that guy that commissioned me?”

“Yes, the one that needed a band logo?”

“Yeah. That asshole.”

“Asshole?” Q’s eyebrows furrowed. “But I thought–”

“He’s refusing to pay me.” When you laughed this time, the sound held a definite bitter edge. You slid down the wall and onto the floor to sit there with your face buried in your hands. Q could not hear you crying, but he could see your shoulders shaking. His hands own found his pockets as he wondered, what did one do with a crying girlfriend?

Slowly, he lowered himself until he was kneeling beside you. “If I promise not to give you a hard time about not being able to help with the rent this month, will you stop crying?”

You dropped your hands to answer him. “You always give me a hard time about not paying the rent.” Your smile was a little rye.

“Yes, but just this once. If you promise to stop being so upset.”

“You don’t get it!” Now you leaped to your feet, leaving Q to look up at you for a moment before straightening himself. “I hate this. I want to pay rent, you know. I want to be a good girlfriend. But even when I get a job, I don’t make any money!”

“Well, since you did major in art,” Q began, but stopped at the look on your face. He sighed. “What can I do to help you, [Name]?”

“I don’t know. You’re my secret agent boyfriend! Can’t you beat him up for me?”

He could not shake his head quickly enough; Q’s glasses almost flew off. “I don’t think that’s at all advisable, given…my general physique in comparison.”

“Huh.” This time, Q got a genuine chuckle. “Guess my parents were right about the whole ‘dating a boy instead of a man’ thing.”

“Yes. Quite.” He adjusted his glasses and tried to ignore the insult. Q knew you did not really mean it. You offered him a sad smile for his troubles before pulling out the proper sauce ingredients from the cabinets. Then it occurred to him: “Your friend does not have to go entirely unpunished, however.”

Your eyes widened at him. Perhaps you thought Q would really go try to beat the man up. “Oh. No. I didn’t–”

“I don’t believe a band will be able to perform in timely fashion if a virus takes out every trace of their music planning.”

You continued to gape, but only for about a second. Then you crossed the room and embraced him. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

He actually patted you on your back. “At least when I try.”