(preface: the “girls” referenced in the first line are dan/renee/allison)
“What about the girls?” Andrew asked.
“They’re pretty, but I have never wanted to have sex with them,” Aaron said. “I think a lot of girls are pretty but that’s as far as the attraction goes most of the time.”
“What about guys?” Andrew asked. Aaron fought the knee jerk reaction of disgust to actually consider it.
“No, it’s just girls,” Aaron said. “Never thought about a boy that way.”
“Boys suck,” Andrew said plainly. It startled a laugh out of Aaron.
“You’re dating one,” Aaron pointed out redundantly.
“He doesn’t count.”
“Like how Neil said you don’t count about him not swinging?” Aaron raised an eyebrow.
“Exactly. Neil is excluded when I say men suck,” Andrew said easily. Aaron almost smiled. It was strange, seeing his brother so calm and speaking more freely. A year ago this would’ve been unimaginable, just the idea of having a joking conversation about whether Aaron is attracted to guys or not during therapy would’ve been ridiculous. But Neil fucking Josten wheedled his way into Andrew’s heart and somehow led to this.
This being getting along with his twin brother for the first time in their lives and finally coming to terms with who he is. Disgusting.
Aaron stayed hidden in that tent away from the people for a long time . he was waiting for the right moment . He was glad he came alone with no one to pry but at the same time he wishes now someone else had come with him. Someone to tell him it was okay and that he had nothing to fear .
He finds it . pulled it out from the bottom of the box. Familiar. This is want he wants.
Black ,grey, white purple.
He leaves . buys a beer and downs it. Dutch courage . he comes back . He wants until the queue was gone. Plays a second round of pretending. Pretending he is looking for something else. He isn’t. he watches the smile on the womans face as he hesitantly holds it up .
This is what he wants . this is what hes here for. She sees that . It sings in his hands buy me buy me. Im yours. Im for you. He doesn’t think then what he would think later . what will I do with this? Where will I hide it?.
It’s in his bag now. And it stays there. He doesnt get it out. doesn’t show people but he holds it close.
It is a thing that’s says the way you are is okay. Life didn’t do this to you. It is something he needs . And still he hid it. He hides it now. And it will continue to be hidden. Hide your treasure. He scrubbed the glitter off his face peeled the stickers away. Hid the flag. Words were heavy and exhausting. He didn’t have the answers to the questions he didn’t have an explanation. It just was right. It just was. Let me be. Let me be.
Quite by chance he recognised his cousin among the crowd . nicky . Aaron comes towards him and then stops dead. Realising its definitely nicky the smile slips off his face . “Aaron?” Aaron swallows heavily . he wants to escape but its too late . He’d picked this day to come especially because he knew that nobody would be at home so that nobody had to know where he;d been but of course nicky would here, of course. Anxiety rose in his throat . what happens now ? what happens? What do I say ? what do I do?
Nicky sees the glitter on his cheeks sees something purple clutched in his cousins hands it disappears in an instant “ hey Aaron “ nicky said brightly “ if I knew you were coming I would’ve waited for you “ aaron stays frozen. A million half baked excuses come to mind ,the music,the food , It was somewhere to be anywhere but home but this is nicky and what comes out is only “ please don’t tell “
“ I wont if you don’t want me too. “ nicky said soothingly Aaron relaxes and sits down “ did You eat ? “ nicky asked “do you want some chips?” The flag doesn’t make a reappearance but Aarons smile does . he doesn’t have the answers doesn’t have an explanation but this is nicky and he doesn’t ask he offers chips and burgers and knows he isn’t here for the band . “are you alone?” nicky asks Aaron nods . he had told no one . “ I would’ve come with you , you know “ Aaron shrugged that would involve telling someone . Explaining . he cant do that yet he hasn’t got the words . He'll find them someday.
Andrew claimed to not have feelings but he had seen him with neil and clearly he felt something Aaron didn’t. he knows nicky knows this feeling well too. Aaron wants to ask what exactly it is , what it feels like but cant. Theres no way of doing it without awkwardness without misunderstanding without the explanation .he doesn’t know how to. How could he explain when he barely understands it himself? He doesn’t know the words yet- but he has learned one.
Asexual.
He washed the glitter away peeled off the stickers folding them up tightly before discarding them so that nothing would betray him but he kept the flag. rolled up and stuffed into the bottom drawer where nobody would find it. Even if they did find it he’s banking on them not knowing what it meant. they wouldn’t understand - Words were heavy and exhausting . he wasn’t ready for them yet . Hiding is what comes naturally to Aaron.
He takes it from the drawer and puts it under his pillow. It is comfort and he wants it close. No one would see it from here he reasons. Five pounds worth of security. He cant keep holding it like childs blanket so it goes away again and he says nothing.
Andrew burrowed deep into his brothers wardrobe. Aaron had that one shirt that he liked to steal partly because he liked the pattern but mostly because Aaron never wore it but would always recognise it as his. It annoyed him and amused Andrew. He didn’t find the shirt this time but he did find something else shoved deep down in the back. Something he didn’t know about .
Black. grey, white, purple.
He folds it gently. puts it back in its place
When Aaron gets back from his morning class, he sees Andrew wearing his shirt and goes cold all over . if he has found the shirt then he has been in the drawer . He has seen.
He wasn’t ready for this .Its too early . He was supposed to have time. He didn’t have the words yet . it wasnt meant to be like this . He was supposed to do it. He was supposed to have the words . His panic rises as he waits for a confrontation that doesn’t come . The longer it stretches out the worse it feels . would he even bring it up at all? Did he even care enough for that? Did he even know what it is was? Aaron is on edge the whole time . it hurts . you wouldnt think it would hurt this much but it does . He does hate me now ?
The confrontation doesn’t come . something else does.
how do you headcannon aaron telling andrew he's ace and what was andrews reaction?
I’m glad you ask because I have thought way too damn much about this.
Aaron makes another comment that gets taken the wrong way because of his general hostility towards Neil and his nerves when discussing anything to do with Neil’s demisexuality because he’s afraid to sound too interested and have people look too closely at him
It happens at practice and the whole team is annoyed with him again because there’s Aaron going off on Neil and being a dick about him being demi and not believing him
(Except for Nicky who knows Aaron believes Neil being demi is a real thing and knows Aaron is ace and Nicky gives Aaron a pitying look)
After practice, Andrew waits around and makes the others go wait at the car
And then he confronts Aaron in the locker room
Aaron gets pissed off when Andrew threatens him and acts like Aaron doesn’t believe Neil and is being a dick to him because he’s demi
So the fact that he’s ace comes out in the form of an angry retort that sets Aaron’s heart stuttering and makes the room feel like it just got five or ten degrees warmer
Andrew just stands there all calm and suddenly this becomes an interrogation
Andrew asks what that means and then that opens up a whole new can of worms
And it is absolutely one of the most uncomfortable conversations Aaron has had in his entire life, if not the most uncomfortable, as Andrew interrogates him
With every answer, Andrew is weighing whether he lets Katelyn live or not
Aaron so does not want to be having this conversation with Andrew
Sex conversations are uncomfortable enough for Aaron, but having one with Andrew where Andrew is deciding Katelyn’s fate based off of Aaron’s answers is unbearably uncomfortable and stressful
But Aaron has to answer because he doesn’t want to stay silent and end up with Andrew making bad assumptions about Katelyn based on his silence
Aaron’s skin is crawling while Andrew gets that cold and calculating look in his eyes after Aaron explains that he doesn’t feel sexual attraction and Andrew finds out through further questions that Aaron and Katelyn are having sex
But Aaron thinks the truth is the safest bet because Katelyn isn’t doing anything wrong and if Andrew smells a lie he’ll assume it is because she is doing something wrong
Aaron has never been as uncomfortable as he is when he has to explain to Andrew that his biology still works and he’s not sexually attracted to Katelyn and he doesn’t get turned on looking at her, but she doesn’t force him into anything and he still likes sex with her and her touch still gets him off
Andrew needs so much clarification that Katelyn has never talked Aaron into doing anything Aaron didn’t want to
And Aaron insists that she hasn’t and he told her she’s ace and she is fine with it and asked all about his boundaries
But Andrew still doesn’t particularly trust Katelyn
Aaron doesn’t even bring up any of the times before Katelyn that he had sex high out of his mind because the idea freaked him out less
Because even though those would be a great contrast to how great Katelyn is, he doesn’t need Andrew freaking out over that
Nicky and Neil and Kevin wait outside long enough that Nicky is debating texting Aaron to see if he is still alive
The upperclassmen are still waiting because they’re kind of nosey and want to know what is going on and they also want to see if Aaron survives this
Kevin gets sick of waiting enough that he pulls up a game on his phone and then that occupies him and Neil (although Neil still wonders about what is taking Andrew so long)
Eventually, Andrew is done questioning Aaron and they go to the car and Aaron is uncomfortable but glad the conversation is over but he’s also kind of terrified about whether Andrew is going to keep his secret or not and if he’s going to still murder Katelyn anyways
Nicky asks in German “What took so long?”
Aaron responds in German “I told him.”
Nicky looks shocked and asks “How did that go?”
Aaron mutters “Most uncomfortable conversation of my life. Can we leave now?”
Neil has been listening the whole time and pipes up in German to ask “Told him what?”
Andrew says “Mind your own business.”
And he marks the end of the conversation as he goes and gets into the car and Aaron is a little relieved that at least Andrew doesn’t seem to be telling people or using it as ammunition against him
Andrew doesn’t murder Katelyn, but he definitely keeps a very watchful eye on her and gives her quite the warning that if he finds out that she so much as thought about making Aaron do something that he didn’t want to, he would end her (but that’s a whole other scene)
Can I ask what your Ace Aaron hc is involving Nicky and the flower crowns? Ace Aaron, Nicky, and flower crowns are three of my favorite things :)
You sure can!
The Foxes are going to Pride
At this point, Andrew knows Aaron is ace too
So that makes a total of Katelyn, Nicky, and Andrew knowing
Renee makes flower crowns with flag colours on them for the upperclassmen and Nicky makes them for Andrew’s lot
He doesn’t want Aaron to feel left out if he wants one and he’s already getting the colours to make Neil’s demisexual crown so he gets extra of them when he and Renee go to the craft store for those fake flowers to make the crowns with
When they’re alone, Nicky tells Aaron he doesn’t have to wear it if he doesn’t want to, but he’s going to make him a crown so he has the option if he wants it later and if not he can leave it in Nicky’s bag
Aaron doesn’t argue so Nicky takes that as permission to go ahead with it
Nicky works on Aaron’s when Andrew and Kevin and Neil are at night practice
Pride day comes around and Katelyn goes with the team and Andrew ignores her presence which is the most Aaron and Katelyn could really hope for
Everybody on the team but Aaron puts their flower crown on when they get there
There are some none too friendly comments about straight Aaron bringing his straight girlfriend to Pride and they definitely come from Neil
Because Neil is not a fan of Aaron and he’s salty that Aaron is paying more attention to Katelyn than Andrew or Nicky
(Some of the comments come from Allison too because she refers to Aaron as their token straight and he’s making it about him and his girlfriend)
But Katelyn reassures Aaron quietly when Neil or Allison’s attention has shifted away again
And it really does not take long for Neil to get distracted by his first Pride and being so happy to be able to be there with the whole team
And he’s so proud of Andrew in his rainbow flower crown that Nicky made for him
Katelyn holds Aaron’s hand the whole time, even if Neil rolls his eyes over it
The Foxes are all celebrating and having fun in their crowns
Even Kevin
So eventually Aaron gets up the nerve because he’s got Nicky and Katelyn’s support and even Andrew’s in his overbearing and protective ‘Katelyn is dead if she even thinks about making Aaron do anything he doesn’t want to’ kind of way
So while the rest of the Foxes are mostly distracted, Aaron gets his crown from Nicky
And his heart is fucking pounding as he puts it on
But Nicky looks so proud of him as he hands it over, even if it is a little overly proud in a way that makes Aaron feel like there’s too much attention on him
Katelyn adjusts Aaron’s flower crown for him and kisses him and helps calm his nerves about wearing it in front of everyone
She’s right by his side all day and she is such a grounding presence for him
And this is how the Foxes find out that Aaron isn’t their token straight and their whole team is LGBT+
Anyways, I’m super fucking ace and super invested in the idea of Aaron Minyard figuring out that he’s asexual after Neil says he’s demisexual
Neil finds the term demisexual and it just clicks for him
Neil tells the whole team because they are his family and he wants them to know him instead of hiding more parts
Neil explains it means that he doesn’t really feel sexually attracted to people and that it’s only ever happened with Andrew after he got to know him and formed an emotional connection
This explanation was cleared with Andrew (who Neil told first) beforehand because Andrew is onboard with Neil understanding himself and sharing that with the people important to him
Plus, Neil makes most of his explanation about him and not Andrew and he does not at all dive into their sex life or Andrew’s attraction to him
The whole team is supportive and they ask some questions, but totally accept Neil
Aaron’s heart is beating hard in his chest as he asks “So, you’ve never looked at anyone else and thought you might want to have sex with them?”
He’s genuinely curious and he doesn’t mean for it to come off judgmental
But he and Neil don’t exactly have a good relationship in the first place and his nerves and defences make it come out harsher than he intended
The whole team glares at him and Andrew looks a dangerous level of pissed
But Aaron wasn’t trying to challenge what Neil was saying and accuse him of lying
Aaron wanted to know if there was really someone else that felt that way because Aaron has heard the way people talk and seen the way they act
Nicky walks around talking about his free three people that he could have an affair with and how attractive guys are and how much he would like to have sex with them and Aaron doesn’t get it
Because he never looks at anyone and thinks that kind of thing and he’s been going back and forth trying to figure out if there’s something wrong with him or something wrong with Nicky to have him thinking about sex that much or both or what
Aaron doesn’t bring it up, but it sticks in his head for days
When he’s alone in his and Matt’s dorm, he looks up demisexuality and then finds out about asexuality and looks through pages and pages about that and then deletes it from his history
They’re a few drinks in at Eden’s Twilight almost a week later when Aaron gets the nerve to bring it up again
Not around Andrew and Neil and Kevin though
When he’s separate with Nicky, he asks “So, do you think that demisexual thing Neil was talking about is real?”
It comes out harsh again and judgmental, like he’s inviting Nicky to say ‘no, it is ridiculous and made-up’
And in a way he kind of is
He wants to hear Nicky’s real opinion on the matter
He wants Nicky to know that he can say whatever he wants to about it in front of Aaron
He can call the whole thing a load of bullshit if he wants to
But Nicky doesn’t
He says “Of course, I think it’s a real thing. And if Neil says he’s demi, he’s demi. Who are we to say what he does and doesn’t feel?”
Aaron’s heart is pounding faster than the music and he’s afraid Nicky can see through him, even though they aren’t even talking about him and he knows if anything he’s probably coming off as seeming like he thinks Neil’s making his sexuality up for attention
And it means a lot to Aaron that Nicky believes demisexuality is real because maybe he believes asexuality is too then
He wants to tell Nicky that he thinks he might be ace, but the words are heavy in his chest and he can’t get them out
So, he purposely changes the subject with an indifferent “whatever” because he cannot have that conversation there and then and he doesn’t want to think anymore
He wants drink so much he can barely think and dance to music loud enough to drown out whatever thoughts remain
Aaron sits on the subject for a while longer before he finally gets the nerve to bring it up to Katelyn
He’s been practicing how to tell her in his head while he lies in bed, while he showers, while he’s sitting in the back of the car, while he’s sitting through a boring class, anytime his full brainpower isn’t being used
They’re alone in her dorm room when he brings it up
The words do not come out at all how he planned
He wants to shut up or take it back or start over or something, but he can’t and he feels sick
The adrenaline is rushing through him as he talks way too fast, rushing to explain
Because now that it’s out there, he is desperate for her to understand and believe him
Katelyn doesn’t say anything, but she’s still holding his hand and not shying away as he rambles on
He doesn’t explain it in the most eloquent way
It’s a jumbled up mess, but he manages to get out an explanation
He tells her how he never understood the whole obsession with sex
Or how people look at someone and think how much they want to have sex with them
And he tells her how he thought there was something wrong with him and maybe there is, but apparently other people feel like that too
And he tells her how apparently asexuality is a thing and people can just not feel sexual attraction at all
And he keeps insisting how it’s not about her and how he wishes he was sexually attracted to her and he just doesn’t feel it for anyone, but he still loves her so much and she is so gorgeous and he is so lucky to have her
And she believes him and she says she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with him and she asks questions in her gentle way and he is so relieved
And she asks him about his boundaries and things they have done and if he just went along with it for her sake and what he’s comfortable with in the future and Aaron has never felt so relieved in his entire life
He didn’t think he could love Katelyn any more than before, but he does and he loves her so so much and he can’t understand what in the world he ever did to deserve her
And he explains that he likes sex with her, but he doesn’t look at her and think about having sex or get turned on by the same things
And she listens and makes him agree to tell her if he’s ever not in the mood when she is
Nicky is the next person Aaron tells and it’s weeks later
Tensions have been growing worse between Neil and Aaron since Aaron’s question about Neil’s sexuality
Nicky’s been playing his usual role of running interference and talking about anything he can think of to try to fill the silence and diffuse the tension even more so than usual when Aaron and Neil are in the same room
Andrew, Kevin, and Neil are at night practice and Aaron is over at their dorm playing video games with Nicky when he brings it up again
He’s run through this conversation in his head hundreds of times and he keeps almost getting the nerve up and then backing out when Nicky starts talking about something else
But then Nicky goes quiet, focused on the game, and there’s a long silence and Aaron finally manages to make himself broach the subject
He hesitates for a moment, then with his eyes still focused on the screen he says “You know, I think Neil’s thing is real.”
It feels like Nicky’s silent for forever and Aaron’s having a hard time focusing on the game, but he’s relieved that Nicky doesn’t pause and they keep playing
Nicky’s surprised Aaron’s bringing the subject up again, but he doesn’t really think anything of it at first as he asks “You mean his demisexual thing?”
Aaron says “Yeah, that thing.”
He’s silent for a second again before he says “You know, apparently there’s this thing called asexual too.”
At this point Nicky gets tipped off to what kind of conversation this is and he goes on full alert, ready to listen to every word his cousin says
But he’s still facing the game and playing because that is how Aaron seems to be comfortable
Nicky doesn’t want to interrupt Aaron and make him lose his nerve, but he wants to encourage him to keep talking so he settles for an interested “Oh?”
Aaron’s quiet for a second, shooting some enemies in the game and debating chickening out at the last second, while trying to remember how the script in his head goes
Finally, he says, “Yeah, apparently asexual people just don’t feel sexual attraction. Like at all.”
Aaron looks at Nicky out of the corner of his eye, trying to judge his reaction, and nearly dies in the game and then focuses his attention back on the screen again
Nicky says “Makes sense. If some people only feel it some of the time, why shouldn’t there be people who don’t feel it at all?”
Aaron is super relieved, but his hands are still shaking enough that his aim in the game has gone to shit
But Nicky doesn’t say anything else and waits for Aaron to decide if he wants to say more or change the subject
After a long pause, Aaron says “I think I might be that.”
He’s pretty sure he is, but the words come off unsure because he’s still unsure about how Nicky is going to react
And Aaron is not used to trusting anyone this much
And he is so terrified of how Nicky will react
His brain is panicking and he’s trying to figure out if there’s any way he can take the words back or pretend like he isn’t serious
But then Nicky says “Okay.”
And Aaron thinks maybe things might be okay, but he’s still got adrenaline rushing through his veins and his heart is still beating way too fast
They sit in silence for a few minutes, or maybe it’s only seconds and it just feels like minutes to Aaron, before Nicky asks “So, you and Katelyn... You don’t have sex? Or...?”
Sex is an uncomfortable topic for Aaron and discussing sex with Nicky is doubly awkward, but he’s already in this deep and he doesn’t want Nicky thinking anything bad about Katelyn because of him deflecting, so he says “We do.”
And he’s more than happy to leave it at that
But Nicky isn’t quite ready to drop the subject because he wants to make sure Aaron is alright
So he asks “And you’re okay with that?”
Aaron responds “Yes.”
Nicky hesitates a second and then asks “Are you sure?”
And Aaron says “I’m sure. And I already told her. She’s okay with it.”
And he doesn’t understand why she’s okay with it, but he knows she is
He would be able to tell if she was pretending
But no
Katelyn is genuinely supportive
And Nicky says “That’s great. I’m happy for you.”
Aaron changes the subject by asking if Nicky wants to switch to another game and Nicky lets the subject drop
Aaron has no interest in having a big ‘tell the whole team your sexuality’ thing like Neil did
Aaron has no interest in telling most of them
He’s not sure whether to tell Andrew or not though
Part of him wants to, but most of him is terrified of the idea
He’s not sure how Andrew will react and he doesn’t want to give Andrew ammunition to use against him
But then, if Andrew’s okay with Neil being demi, then maybe he’d be alright with Aaron being ace
But Aaron’s afraid of what Andrew would do to Katelyn if he finds out Aaron’s ace
Because Aaron is a consenting adult who has sex with his girlfriend, but if Andrew thought Katelyn was making Aaron do anything he didn’t want to, things would not end well
So, he doesn’t say anything to Andrew yet
He doesn’t totally write off the idea either
Maybe, he’ll tell him eventually, some time comfortably far off in the future
But, for now, he finally has a word for how he feels and knows he’s not alone
And Katelyn and Nicky know and accept him and keep his secret and that is more than enough for Aaron for now
