Random ramblings since i turned 22 and less will make sense, but maybe saying it will free part of me i have been scared to find some sense to.
I said it once to a friend, casually in the middle of a café, hes nice and his reaction is what makes me think that hes probably the closest thing ive had to a best friend, or he is maybe that simple, he didn't judge at all.
Awkward to say since it probably isnt an uncommon thing but it weights on my conscience and what my irl friends can think, you know. I watched p 0 /r n (idk how to uh censor this?) just lesblan tho, tried other but i never liked others even uf u tried, knky stuff too actually, actively looked up bd/sm, since i was in 6th grade of elementary, hid in the bathroom with the laptop used another search engine, went insane deleting the history. My lil sis caught me once and asked what that was and i lied saying it was something my friends had sent me. (It obviously wasnt).
Ive only ever actively looked up girls. But i have never actively found the people in the videos nor pther people attractive in that way either? I think im mostly curious?
Ive accepted i would like to try once but not with a guy but like..... I think it also has to do with the deep rotted fear of pregnancy since it has history of ruining part of my family to some extent.... And in general men are..... Yeah.... I just simply .... Not dicks maybe?
*sigh*