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Title: Fair and Square

(⚠️TW For my followers: vore)

A Pred POV From Jac's perspective.

🔸Audience: 17+ but still sfw, mainly because of the swearing and bad corny satire comedy🔸tw religious mention🔸capslock tw🔸safe v/ore.🔸 Half-size prey🔸 half willing prey🔸teasing Monster Pred 🔸 Nonbinary masc pred and prey🔸 and both are Ace Romantic partners so yay for /lgb/tqia r/epresentation 🔸

⚠️I'd like to consider this a professional s/hitpost because it is a experimentation and a introduction to something I have been loosely working on for two years (at some point I'll make a backstory post), this was all made for fun so when you come to my circus expect to see clowns, now for their names \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Additional character Info: [Pred (Jac) is a

C/apricorn Siren Hybrid. age 21. (He can turn into a human form but he chooses not to most of the time unless it's for ash because who tf would wanna be human in a time like this?]

[prey (ash) is a Werewolf. age 19.]

[Side character roommate: brenda a talking black cat whose kinda sketchy. Age unknown.]

And just in case you are extra nerdy for my halfwit characters here is their voice headcanons:

Here's art I made of them: (update: I'm taking the art off this post because if Tumblr pulls any sh*t with turning everyone's stuff into a NF.T leave my work the hell out of it.)

Jac: (Not the intro radio guy but the main singer)

Ash:

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𝕹𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗: Deep far into in the woods you couldn't tell if if left was right or right was left, it was all but seemingly endless dead leaves that would crumble under your feet and the twisted jagged trees that reach into the sky like lightning in reverse, it was always cold, the only sounds were the sound of wind tossing the leaves and the occasional caw of a lone crow, but if you walked deep enough into those old woods you would find what only felt like a displaced fever dream..a victorian house, standing alone, at first glance it looked abandoned that with the ivy which climbed the walls and the boarded up windows and tattered curtains, who could possibly live in a house this....trashy..but yet: In the dead of the night you could see the faint glimmer of a light being turned on.. there have been many foolish enough to come to this porch, come to this door, mostly jehovah's witnesses... How they managed to find the address is another mystery we will not question..like why is there a house out in the woods? I DON'T KNOW? WHOEVER BUILT IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE G/RINCH OF THAT ERA; but whoever did come to the house was greeted at the door by a gentleman of a short stature, he seemed so well kept together almost as if he matched the house which was weird considering it was the 21st century, but when you came into that house as soon as the door went shut your fate was sealed...and by fate I mean these criminals were going to either force you to join their peculiar gang or they were going to knock you out cold and drag you off to a secluded location where you would never find them again..the tallest one was usually the one to do this..but how he went about knocking them out is well.... that's not important right now, right now that tall bastard by the name of Jac was creeping through the hallway to surprise greet the gentleman named ash which we mentioned before...but why?...Well... There is going to be a lot of why's and similar to a/lice in w/onderland we might just not have them all so maybe going into the mind of this madman will clear some things up...hopefully....... I'll probably be coming back later...he has me held hos---.

Jac: "This is going to be so much fun."

𝕹𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗: he says.......

Jac: why am I hearing voices?....eh the medications probably failed me again like they always do... either that or it's that one creepy guy in the attic who accounts for everything I say in grand description... he's probably some sorta spy... he'll be dessert...

𝕹𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗: he slowly-................ ahem...uh...he slowly slides his hoof like hand across the old-fashioned wallpaper.. It was rich purple and green striped with golden stripes separating the two other colors, it looked faded from age and was beginning to peel, jac had to be careful not to knock over all the picture frames and fedoras that hung lining the main hall past the lobby or ash would know...ash knows everything is in a certain place and it has been like that..for a very long time..he doesn't want anything changed... nothing can ever be changed *vague soft sobbing*-

Jac: would ya just get on with it man? I mean even the clock has had it with all your yappin and now it's tickin too fast because you're given it anxiety, chop-CHOP!

𝕹𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗: his steps drew heavy on the old dusty wooden flooring with nothing but a cheap rug covering the hall, underneath they creaked as if they were going to cave in. He finally reached the doorway peering in, in anticipating seeing the middle aged maelstrom of a mind that was his belov-ed.

Jac:

"You were workin with your papers like ya always did, so engrossed in whatever nonsense you were writin

I SAY AS A PAPER FALLS CASUALLY FROM THE CEILING

That you were Blissfully Unaware of who was watching you.. oh how could-I help myself, you were such a square,

You always used such big words all the time to be emphasizin whatever crap you were tryna say to everybody that could have been easily said in like.....not 10 minutes, but NAH, you had to be all Fancy wit it like you always do with everything..and maybe that's why I like........no.....LOVE you.."

𝕹𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗: like me?

Jac: yes you, ya fuckin lunatic, now quit writing about our life and stalking me through the attic, it's gettin kinda weird, you're really that bored that you have to write our memoirs?

Ash: and a very royal f-ck you to you too. *And than he falls from a hole in the ceiling and scatters over to sit on his chair at his work desk like nothing happened* you know I haven't left this place in a month since my last arrest and you know we can't get wifi.

Jac: I didn't know it's been a month...wow TIME MOVES FAST WHEN YOU DON'T GIVE AF.

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(narration has switched to jac now) jac POV:

Author: From this point ash won't hear anything jac is thinking and "" marks will be used when something is said aloud or as their normal function (have fun with trying to figure that one out, as my writing style fluctuates. ;)

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Jac: Now ash........ya had this word...how do I say it...?

"Sapio somethin"..I donno, it meant being attracted to smartiepants like yourself...but you can't outsmart me this time...

He hadn't gotten any sleep, it was 3am, I really oughta do this guy a favor, so I grab onto the back of the collar of your shirt and drag you backwards in your chair with force, now our eyes are meetin except you are looking at me upsidedown, heh heh heh, now your bangs are a mess from the gravity...of the situation.. har har funny joke, but that wasn't as funny as your response

"What are you doing" you ask

WhAT AM I DOING?

WITH YOU?

At 3am.......hmmm so many things to do alone at night..... And I just say like a jackass "nothing. What are you doing up this late?"

"You didn't answer my question" ash says,

As if me giving him a answer is going to spare him any less, So I tell him: "I gotta be frank wit you pumpkin, I don't know, I was getting up for a latenight snack, and low and behold..the fridge was empty..and suddenly I found myself here......pretty weird if you ask me"

Ash: if you were coming from the kitchen than you wouldn't have needed to come down the hall from the lobby, I find that suspicious.

Jac: And I don't answer him and stare at him with a dopey smile on my face and he gives me the look...ya know..."the look" like..... W/ednesday a/dams.. after her brother just stole her doll. But he was so small that I couldn't take it seriously..I mean coMON, he's practically the size of a doll to me, he was the doll, I can take him...........whole. I come closer closin in on him holding him down to the chair with my hoof and his face still doesn't change and suddenly things start getting animated and by animated I mean ash started movin, like, a lot, he was going all over the place, putting up such a fit, and yet he couldn't get away, he started makin all kinds of weird snarlly noises..heh..might wanna get that checked out...I think the motor in his little head is broken... "YOU RASCAL, YOU RAGAMUFFIN BARBARIAN"

he shouts, "ah yes, all my favorite nicknames," I say "comon little fella, give another to me, I dare you."

"MONSTEROUS BABOON"

"Oh shit" I say "you have such a way with words. Now tell me in great detail what words you'll come up with as my dinner"

And than he really lost it, he managed to get out of the chair and started running.. I'm 14ft tall... He is 5ft2.. this guy ain't gettin far anytime fast..is that how ya say it? Hell if know, NOW TIME TO PLAY TAG!, The house was.. well he said it was a "victorian mansion", but by the looks of it to me it was basically like navigating a small storage shed, and it would probably be haunted if it wasn't for me scaring everyone away like I always do...but why do I...eh, hell if know..I don't know anything when he's around.........he ran around the house like a wind up mouse slamming Into things as soon as he saw me edge the corner. "All this production" I say "what is this? FastFood and a movie?"

And than he blurts out "YOU AIN'T GETTING ME BITCH!!!, AND THE CORRECT TERM IS "DINNER AND A SHOW" YOU HALFWIT BLOKE"

oh and now he's correcting me, I feel like a smarter man now "THANKS BUDDY!, NOW I'LL FINALLY BE ABLE TO FINISH COLLEGE"

That's it, he's gonna get it.

He looked like he was about to say something as he angrily looks back at me but than trips on his pointy toed a/cademia shoes and now at a snails pace I finally catch up to him, laying on the living room floor next to our broken vintage shitty Rabbit-Eared excuse of a TV.

But than our cat brenda gets in front of him and is all like "THAT DEADASS CHUMP IS MINE", And of course, I civilly toss her out the window... behind the couch....not sure where she went but I could care less as I pick ash up from his face plummeted position off the floor as he digs his nails into it leavin sharp nail marks all the way across it, I lick my lips,

"MIne all m i n e~...haHaHAHA!" and than he kicks me in the face and I feel offended but than remember that he doesn't stand a chance and I heartily laugh "woe to you little wolf, woe to whom attempt to defeat me with your skINNY twig leg, that I could easily break like a pocky stick if I wasn't so kind" and than he sCREAMS

"YOU'RE A BASTARD AND YOU'RE GLUTTONOUS" and than he interrupts his own ranting by sneezing from my fur. "AND YOU'VE RUINED MY NIGHT!!"

And I look him dead in the eye..... everything is silent and all that can be heard is the tick of our grandfather clock..tick...tick...tock tick, and I lean right up in his face.. than I lick it, and than I passionately whisper:

"g o o d." Than I slowly lean away from his face, as I see his eyes turn to wide saucers of destruction. Both our breathing is tense now, and I can see him start to crack..."is that a smile I see?"

He doesn't answer as his face scrunches into shapes never before seen by man in a attempt to hide his hysteria. I lightly take his glasses off his face and put them in my pocket..

He softly whispers "So war is what you want tonight dear?"

And I say "no sweetheart, it's pronounced

*V/ore...and by v/ore I mean you"

And he responds "no, you are getting that confused with the french pronunciation "vous" which means in english "you""

And my voice gets deep as I heavily respond:

"v/ore means: to devour..... vous"

AND THAN HE STARTS SQUIRMING LIKE A RABID SQUIRREL... I start maniacally and chaotically laughing

Ohh asher..you were always so cute when you got like this

One thing I knew bout you was how you hated everyone and everything, but you had a special kind of hatred reserved just for me, I could see it in your eyes

The disgust as you tried not to laugh and keep serious well I playfully drove you insane, we felt like tom and jeremy but closer, he was always so hot headed that with just a glance he could set my soul on fire..he always considered himself a p/yromanic.. I'm not sure what that meant but I was a maniac for him, the world was a c/hipotle restaurant and he was the main enchilada to my heart 💘

I think there was screams, I couldn't tell, they were muffled as I shoved him in headfirst into my mouth like he was cotton candy..if cotton candy tasted like a pumpkin spice cappuccino.. he had such weird taste in shampoo choices, it wasn't even fall.... But boy I was going to hog down on him like thanksgiving dinner.. now for my favorite part, the noodle arms, I could feel as he struggled graspin at anything he could..which was my shirt, I grabbed both of his arms and shoved them in swallowin more of him, he was so feisty going down, stuck halfway gazing into the abyss of my throat, I liked to refer to it as the tunnel of love but whenever I called it that he got crazier so I kept my mouth shut...as much as I could with his waist stuck in it, his shorts...tasted like...money.....wAIT A FCKING SECOND!! DRATS HE STOLE MY S/ATURDAY TACO FUNDS.. I'll teach em for that one, maybe he just won't come out, I don't know, haven't made up my mind yet, afterall he is on the border of the world and yours truly, he'll have a long time to think bout that in not so solitary confinement. After more squirmin tension and practically choking gulping him down, He slips into my empty stomach like a freezing foot in a wool slipper; Not that I know what that tastes like.. and maybe ash was right, I am rather gluttonous, my shirt even popped up all thanks to him, welp, it's not like he can blame me, it's not like I have anything else to eat, besides...... Cornflakes and that questionable dinner gifted to us, I am not touching that food.....

But how can I sob over being a poor man when ash makes for the richest feast of all, he wasn't too thrilled about it though, as I obnoxiously burped breaking the silence, I could almost hear his muffled "ugh".

"Ahh~ Man, for being such a square you sure make me round" and than he kicks me in the stomach and I go down to the floor like a burning blimp, I swear I could have heard the t/itanic theme, mayhaps that was the post-dinnertime sadness, like when we were at family dinner and I didn't want to be there and uncle phil called my gay cousin louie a-- AND THAN ASH KICKS ME IN THE INTESTINE AND I SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL

"Haha just kidding that tickled"

I'm not really sure what that chatterbox was going on about now, all I could hear from em was..."fis mrace mis urnmermry" He says indistinguishably muffled.

"I'm sorry, I don't speak food" and than he raises his voice enough for me to hear it clearly: "THIS PLACE IS UNSANITARY!."

"Aww what a shame" I say to him, I even spiffied it up for him and left it reserved just for him, but little goodie twoshoes is never satisfied with anything I do for him. I giggle everytime he moves as I walk over and plop down on the couch causing him to shake around in my belly like a drink mixer, he feels a little dizzy and disoriented now pawing at the walls as if trying to find a secret doorknob or somethin, but alas there weren't no doorknobs here, not in the ribcaged prison that is spending time with me. I lean back on the couch and kick my feet up over the armrest but because the couch is so small my legs go completely over it and by hooves touch the floor, I attempt to get myself more cozy snuggling up against the couch cushions, but than I realize the remote was all the way at the end of the coffee table, but there was no way in hell that I was going to get up, so I reach for it and reach for it and than ash's weight drags me over down like a anchor and I almost fall on the floor if it wasn't for the coffeetable breaking my fall. "You're lucky buddy we lived" and than ash yells "pardon my language but WHAT IN THE BLAZING HELL HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU? wait- don't answer that"

And I casually respond "just doin a little hardcore p/arkour, baby, don't worry bout it, I got this all figured out" and than I accidentally knock one of ash's teacups off the coffeetable and it smashes on the floor to smitherines.

Ash: "What was that"

Jac: "uuhhhhhhhhhh *hiccup* something....that I'll deal with later"

Ash: "Ah. I see. EXCEPT I DON'T. It was my cup wasn't it"

Jac: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, HEY you know what we need?"

Ash: a professional surgeon, And lots of glue to put my cup and you back together.

Jac: no, I was thinking more uh.. *hic* that I could really go for some hot chocolate right about now

Ash: WAIT NO---not unless you use your own cup.

And than I get up having a hard time keeping my balance as I stumble aimlessly across the living-room and than I lean up on the kitchen doorframe like b/ugs bunny if he let himself go, than I hear his cracking little voice yell at me hot tempered: "JACKSON MALFREY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO-"

I cut him off midsentence: "yeah yeah, hold ya horses in there, we're almost there."

I'm kinda heaving and wheezing from how full he makes me feel, but I was determined and bullshit ready, so I waltzed through the kitchen, it's floor was checkered and that was the most noteworthy thing about it..which disoriented the drunks who would come over here very much, and I walked over opened up the cabinet and GASP.........*wheeze*

".........................." "Jac are you ok" ash asks with slight concern.

"Yeah, I just realized we still have 4 o/reos left in the cabinet that I can dip them in the hot chocolate"

And than ash sounds deflated yet amused as he suggests: "oh and well you're at it, we also have cookie straws"

And I dig them out of the cabinet

"Vanilla and chocolate swirl!... Oh I remember these!, it's been so many years since I've had one of these, this is just swell!, I can't believe you remembered"

And he replies "yeah, we were supposed to have them with coffee and biscotti, so don't eat all of them." And than I hear the sound of him irritatedly mumble complaints and I giggle "ok, thanks a million, pal, you're the best" after a short montage of me searching for my cup and getting too excited drinking all the questionable almond milk instead of using it to put in the cup, I come to my senses and pour the rest of the milk into the cup and than eat the empty milk container, he squirms even more and now his shirt is soaked "was that necessary?? Now I'm cold" and I say "Gotta keep the environment clean", I spend the next minute with trying to figure out how to heat up the milk now that it's in the cup and I don't have a microwave so I put the cup in a pot on the stove and the Magic begins✨

The pot starts to get hot and the milk starts bubbling and I sing to myself

s/tayin alive by the bee gees and bopping my head absentmindedly forgetting any time I rhyme it hypnotizes humans to fall asleep out of trance and ash passes out, I get out the oven mitt and pick up the scolding cup and than the oven mitt starts on fire and I blow it out, and than I put marshmallows in the milk when I haven't even put the cocoa in yet and they also start on fire, after mixing the marshmallows up with the mix, dumping cookies in and cookie straws, I put in a icecube to cool it, I stand there, looking out the kitchen window that overlooked the sun rising over the tree blocked horizon and our garden that in the summer grew all kinds of stuff like tomatos, and corn, and hemp, and sunflowers and brenda's coming at the window with a baseball bat, I lock the window and I drink out of the hot chocolate feeling it warmly trickle down my throat as it gracefully dumps all over ash and he wakes up screaming, not out of pain, but out of surprise. I start to get real tired now, after eating all those cookies and milk and hot chocolate and that stupid expensive shirt brenda shoplifted that brenda and ash were fighting over because brenda wanted to sell it but ash took the tags off because ash liked it. and adorable ash himself, it's finally all getting to me, and I slowly sink to the floor sprawled on my back like a dead man, and ash tells me I have to do his papers now, and I say to him "ok, whatever, fair and Square" and than I pass out snoring loudly and ash sighs loudly.

"..................."

Ash: "pig"

Jac: "What was that, backstabber? 👀"

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Author: ash can't hear the puns.

But he can feel them.

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