I think dave k has said? hickey was abused as a child or has implied it...but anyways hes grown up poor and & with food insecurity. I think that manifests when he's little with taking food even though he can have a snack whenever. he feels compelled to take and hoard food. not even eating it just to have it.
i think there's something about an authority figure that can just make him feel scared at times. he's still learning he won't be hurt by a cg.
uhhh this got sad..neil big cute eyes cuddling up to macca. (he may have drawn on the walls but it's hearts so..)
I do think Dave said it, yeah. But the food insecurity is a big one to me.. There's always food in the pantry, cookies in the jar on the kitchen table, but Neil still sneaks canned food and dried fruit into his room and hides them under the bed..
It's not really a problem at home, but it gets weird when they're over at someone else's house and he suddenly runs off with the bowl of chips the host prepared. Or starts looking through their pantry. Macca has to do some explaining before they understand, but then it's usually okay. If it's, say, Fitzjames, then they're already prepared and even give Neil food to keep while they're staying over.
The authority thing is definitely big too, like I don't think Macca CAN be a "regular" CG to Neil, not at first, because he just doesn't like that feeling. That's why Neil calls him Macca and not the usual parent adjacent names. Why he acts out when he feels like he's being made to do something. It just feels bad. Like he's below them. Letting go takes work and courage and sometimes he just can't. And that's okay, he doesn't have to. It's not mandatory to be soft or let go, there's no correct way to regress.
That's why I think McDonald is a good match for him, because he understands that and can adapt and work with Neil on compromises, help him when he needs it, be on his side when others are not.
Bouncing off Ned being occasionally the oldest: I 100% see Hickey or whatever villain has managed to get Tozer getting tired of caregiving/having a scam they need to pull/wanting to sleep with someone new and leaving a distraught, tiny Tozer on James and Francis’s doorstep and Ned, whether little or not, being extremely anxious over the whole situation (because there’s a BABY at his house and what if it doesn’t go home and it’s gonna try to play with HIS toys????) but also being very much a chronic older sibling and reluctantly wanting to help this sad baby because *he’s* been a sad scared baby and even though this new kid is taking up his parents time he doesn’t want him to be stressed like he usually is
Oh poor babyy ;_; the fic inspiration is too strong- (i hope you don't mind the Ned POV, i just thought it fit the occasion)
Ned came downstairs because of the horrified "OH MY GOD" he heard his mama say.
"How long have you been out there, sweetheart?" mama said and pet Sol's hair. Oh. Sol is here. Are they having a surprise sleepover...?
Sol sniffed and shrugged. "Dunno."
"Poor thing is soaked through... Tom, would you prepare a bath for him?"
Tommy nodded and ran off quickly.
Ned reached for him but didn't catch him.
"Francis, please find a pull-on and some spare clothes? Ned's will do I think..." Why does mama need his clothes? What's happening?
"On my way." Dada walked past Ned and pat him on the arm. "Don't worry, he's okay."
Ned stared after him as he disappeared in the play room. Why wouldn't Sol be okay...? What's going on? It's so confusing. There's so much happening and he doesn't know... Doesn't know anything. He-
He walked towards mama, wanted her to hold him, but she was holding Sol.
Oh no... Sol really is all wet. And he's crying. Is he sad...? He doesn't want Sol to be sad...
They're friends, he should do something. But what can he do? ... Oh!
He ran back upstairs and found the big fluffy doggy toy Sol likes. He always plays with it when he's here.
But when Ned wanted to go downstairs, mommy was already taking Sol up. So he waited for them on top of the stairs.
"Oh, honey, i don't know if Sol is in the mood for toys right now. He's very cold, he needs a warm bath first, okay? Then you two can play."
But that's not what the toy is for! It's to help him be brave! He tried giving Sol the toy anyway, but he didn't take it. Maybe momma's right. Sol should warm up first. Ned sure isn't in a mood to play when he's all cold either.
So Ned ran ahead to the bathroom and put the doggy toy on the ground. It's okay, it will not get wet.
Tommy was still preparing things. He saw Ned come in and pet his arm. "Are they coming?"
He nodded.
"Okay. I took some of your clothes so Sol has something dry to wear, alright?"
Those are his clothes, not Sol's. And he's going to mess them. And... and tear them. And-
"Aw, Ned... It's alright... I'll make sure to wash them afterwards and all. Okay?" Tommy kissed his forhead and pet his cheek. Tommy is so nice always...
"Oh, you've got it all set up I see." Mama said. She was at the door with Sol now.
"Yeah... Poor thing looks like he really needs it." Tommy said and helped mama undress Sol. He was shaking all over. Is he cold or crying? Ned can't tell from so far away.
He walked closer and knelt on the floor. Sol was in the bathtub now. Mama was washing him and petting his hair and shushing him like she does with Ned when he's not feeling very good.
And Sol looks like he's not feeling good at all. Not at all.
So Ned lied his head on top of the tub and tried very hard to talk. Talking was so hard since morning... He only said a few things, but he has to try to make Sol feel better. "Is okay," he said.
Mama turned to him. "Aw, Ned..."
"Is okay." He said again. If mama thinks he's doing good then he is.
"Okay," Sol said but didn't smile at all.
"We'll clean you up and then you two can have a snack and nap together, how does that sound?" Mama asked.
That sounds very nice. Maybe he can help? "M- make s-s-snack with dada?" Words are so hard...
"That would be so sweet of you, Ned," mama smiled. "You don't have to, but I'd be very proud of you if you did. Go ask dada if there's something safe you can do, okay? No knives."
He nodded. Knives are scary, he doesn't want any knives. Daddy can do that.
.....
They made a snack with dada. Toast! But all kinds of toast so anyone can pick one. Sweet and salty and also one with an apple slice on it - that one was for daddy.
Sol chose the peanut butter one and also the peach marmelade one and also the strawberry marmelade one.
Ned sat on the couch, even though Tommy doesn't like it when he eats on the couch. And Sol sat next to him and also ate his toasts. He was happier. He even talked a little bit with dada.
"If you're both done eating, what about the nap?" Mommy asked.
Nap sounds nice. He's very tired...
Sol nodded too.
"Alright, I'll bring you some blankets then. You two wait here, okay?"
"Okay, mama."
[Fic cuts off abrubtly i know ;_; i sort of got stuck]
Tuunbaq survivor Neil is rotating in my brain anon was cooking something delicious for sure..... he has to relearn so much stuff, doing tasks one handed especially if he lost his right arm he's basically starting from scratch!! Eating can be so hard....... liquid diet while healing and slowly moving up to puree and soft foods...... bonus whump when he's so tired from how hard everything is that Francis takes over his spoon or him...... sometimes needs to feel alone but he's in the middle of a room and getting up to leave is too much so he just puts a blanket over his face and everyone knows to pretend he isn't there until he comes out
He's just really really really really tired :'c recovery is hard and complicated and there are so many hurdles, poor thing... at least he's not alone in this.
I can also imagine him freezing up sometimes. Just stops moving for a while. Especially if he's on the border of being a little tired and Very Tired™️. It's not enough to make him cry yet but it's enough to make him uncomfortable. So he freezes up.
Some things to get him to relax would be warm tea - awfully sweet, like 3 or 4 teaspoons of sugar. Or someone talking to him and not expecting a response/talking to air.
Little!Fitzjames... I might be the only one thinking about it but still. I always pictured Crozier as a cg after the "are we brothers?" scene and when he's about to pass away aaa
I always imagine Crozier saying how small he is when in littlespace, like you're really tall? No, you're tiny. I also just feel it would be nice for him to let go and be cared for :) I could add more but I'd go on forever 😭
No no, I see it-
Especially him doing those big wet eyes at Francis, it's kind of cute. Might need a lot of contact, maybe holding his hand often..
It kind of helps Francis relax too. Good for everyone involved really (//^__^//) He doesn't need to be Captain, he can just be papa for a while. And Fitzjames doesn't need to be Commander, he can just be little Jamie...
Um also this happened in my phone gallery
Please do go on, moar little Jamie plz plz plz ;_;
Obsessed with that last anon and your answer to it and now I'm thinking of poor Jirv surviving the stabbing but regressing as a sort of trauma response to the event and he's so scared and confused and all he knows is he's hurting real bad and he wants his mama and she's not here :'(
And poor Bridgens is doing his best (pause for me to imagine him also taking care of a very sick little!Peglar... I shall be passing away posthaste.) and meanwhile Ned just keeps promising Johnny that his mama will be home soon even though as far as Ned knows Hodge is dead. (And maybe sometimes Ned can't help it and goes little for a bit when it all gets too much. And then he gets to imagine Auntie Hodge is coming back someday too.)
He just wants his mama 💔💔;_; God, if Hodgson knew about the regressing and still couldn't help but run away during tuurngaq's attack... the guilt of abandoning her baby TT__TT
And poor Ned is trying so hard... Trying to keep his lieutenant status up while balancing a little one and so much stress atop it. Just a terrible horrible no good very bad situation. I just want to hug all three of them so bad aaaaaaaa-
Um. Also. After I read this ask, this drawing happened so uhhh. yeah. umm. You can read him as little in the drawing too, although it's not explicit
💬 0 🔁 0 ❤️ 0 · what if irving survived the stabbing what then
suddenly sad about the idea of Ned having a little toy that he hides under his pillow and keeps secret andloves to play with when he's alone. And he is SO scared when Fitzmommy discovers it because he has spent all this time worrying that someone will find it and take it away. But Fitz sees his tears and is like oh NO. NOONE WILL TAKE IT AWAY I PROMISE.
I'm sad now too, ow.
Fitzjames gently asking "so do they have a name?" And when he gives a name, James shakes the doll's hand like "Nice to meet you"
And I have to stop now or I'll cry- someone take over
In my mind Frankie has the most heart-wrenching cry of the terror littles. (Matched in intensity only by Hodgson after they've lost Johnny at the waterpark)
If Frankie thinks he's all alone and gets really scared, he starts Crying crying. He puts his whole body into making the most excruciating of sounds. Wailing so hard his face goes red and his throat dry. You'd think the world was ending if you heard it, but in reality his nappy is just full and jopjop is not in eyesight.
It's compensation for being so quiet the rest of the time
