here is my entry for Free Day, an update on my long-fic WIP A Court of Vice & Victors. my very first one, which feels fitting as a tribute to her majesty.
this @nestaarcheronweek has been so fun and I've loved seeing everyone turn out and turn UP yes baby she really is that bitch huh
anyway here's chapter XXIX. and the prologue, if you'd like to start from the beginning.
The rooftop raider revealed; Nesta accidentally has a nice time.
CW: alcohol abuse, brief vomit, mentions of physical abuse
spoilers below the cut
The banging sounded again. Seething rage flooded his blood, a volcanic stream of it, and by the time Cassian vaulted up both flights he was near to snarling. Whoever was on the roof, they must have a death wish to threaten an Illyrian male’s incapacitated mate.
There was no way to see who it was, but he didn’t want to chance leaving through another exit in case they found their way inside. With Nesta under his care, there wasn’t a lot he would chance.
The killing power was a mallet beating against the battle drum of his heart. He willed it to calm, to not cloud his judgment, gripped the hilt of his dagger so hard it rattled up his arm. Blade flipped down, Cassian crept toward the staircase.
Felt the three points of his footprint as his siphons released the wards, just as the stranger gave another mighty heave.
He heard a shriek, the thud of the door banging open, and a swirl of red silk and white fur tumbled down the stairs to Cassian’s feet.
“Mor!?”
“What the fuck?” she huffed, tossing a tangle of blonde hair out of her face. “Why couldn’t I get through the wards?”
Cassian tried to keep his expression neutral, his mind rushing like the river during a downpour. But his eyes must’ve flashed with fury still, for Mor recoiled back, tripping on the edge of the carpet.
“What’s your—
“Eris? Really?”
Mor regained enough of her composure to glare at him like he was the Autumn lord himself. Cassian sighed, lowering his knife.
“I was going to tell you if it was certain.”
“Lucien Vanserra told me. Lucien fucking Vanserra,” Mor shouted. Her voice cracked on the curse, words coming out jumbled in her upset. “That’s how I found out we’re allying with Eris. Because you couldn’t bother to at least give me a warning.”
“I didn’t know we’d decided—”
“Or maybe you just didn’t care. You have no use for me anymore so why bother?”
The accusation sliced him deep. Cassian didn’t answer. Couldn’t, not when there was no reasoning she’d accept. Mor was many things, but forgiving wasn’t one of them.
Her body flashed in his memory, the spike through her stomach as she shuddered on the kitchen table in Windhaven. Azriel’s howls where Rhys had him banded to the floor, Portia yelling at them to GO OUTSIDE, blood pouring from the wound, from Rhys’ fist, Cassian’s mouth, his nose—
“Wait, why are you covered in blood?” Mor hiccuped in the present, eyes darting about wildly. “What’s—What’s going on?”
Cassian’s hand flew to his nose, convinced for a surreal moment it was still bleeding, after all this time.
Every time Azriel’s fist slammed into his face, Cassian told himself he deserved it. Relished the pain with each kick and jab, the rough scrape of the dirt against his back and wings, the tang of blood in his mouth.
Sparring has always centered him, but it had taken on a new life during the years they were trapped in Velaris, a way to exorcise his crushing guilt when drinking and fucking didn’t take the edge off. That part of him had always understood why Nesta disappeared into the underbelly looking to forget, even when it broke his heart. Even when it killed him to watch her lend out the body she’d kept so preciously guarded, that no longer felt like hers. He could tell from the beginning that whatever pleasure was in it for her was secondary to punishing herself, or else going numb.
“You’re slow as shit this morning,” Az grunted as he wrapped an arm around Cassian’s neck from behind and yanked upward - Cassian leaned into the momentum to slam them both backward into the ground. He felt a spike of satisfaction when Azriel’s breath whooshed out of him, arm releasing. Cassian rolled to the side to rest on his knees, holding a hand up to indicate he needed a break.
“Prick. You always tap out when you’re on top.”
“Just trying to spare you your dignity.”
Az snorted but remained on his back, and they both paused there a moment catching their breath, listening to the gulls begin to cry down on the docks below as the fisherman unloaded the first catch of the day. Weak winter sun filtered through the clouds, casting the rooftops of Velaris in a gray pall.
“Amren isn’t in Summer anymore, at least not where I can find her.”
“Fuck.” Cassian stretched one wing long, working out a tender spot at the joint that had bothered him since the war. “She could be anywhere.”
“Amren always has an agenda. We just have to figure out what it is.”
He assumed it was what she usually wanted: power, and whoever was willing to give it to her. As Rhys had always kept her in check, he’d never questioned it much before, but now Cassian scrubbed a hand down his face and wondered for the millionth time how he could’ve been so naive, so ignorant to all her moves behind the scenes.
“I wouldn’t be shocked if we just happen to cross paths looking for the Trove.”
Cassian tried not to wonder what it meant when Azriel didn’t respond, and he couldn’t interpret the flash of rage that flew across his brother’s face like a comet, quick and blazing.
They say that war changes a person. Nesta knows that firsthand. or: my shitty attempt at an ACOSF rewrite.
Chapter 1: Lighting a Fire from Below
AO3 link
Tags and details below the cut <3
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas, a court - Fandom Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Nesta Archeron/Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Eris Vanserra Characters: Nesta Archeron, Feyre Archeron, Elain Archeron, Cassian, Rhysand, Gwyneth Berdara, Emerie (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Lucien Vanserra, Tamlin (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Eris Vanserra Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, POV Nesta Archeron, Giving Nesta the hug she needs, idek what this is at this point, ACOSF rewrite, Canon Rewrite, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Childhood Trauma, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, no beta we die like Amarantha
I know the cards are where they lay, but I really really really want to know... what would’ve happened if Nesta hadn’t socially isolated herself or drank or whatnot after acowar? Can you imagine how many contending factors you now have to deal with including just Cassian himself which I argue is maybe the person who needed the most complicated personal growth? With Cassian, it wasn’t about growing into one’s self and changing perceptions like it was with Nesta, because Nesta even with her maladaptive self perceptions is very opiniated and strong morally. She has a poignant internal voice. You know how she is, her personality, what her thoughts are like, her limitations and her strengths. The goal was merely softening rough edges and getting past grief. Without the cause of drinking and self isolation, Nesta’s problems are really just about magic, the role she assumes, and being vulnerable and those are not really that complicated. At least to me, I think they’d happen more naturally over the course of a plot line. She makes friends in Gwyn and Emerie, she gets a task even if she doesn’t want it at first, and BAM easy fix. Or at least that’s literally what acosf was preaching.
With Cassian, though... it was about undoing years and years of familiarity and habits and getting over a lot of insecurity about his position in the world and in his own family. He was already in a difficult position of wanting to be the support for his friends and being the middle man for their comfort. How often did he compromise his personality and his feelings because he needed to maintain the role he was placed in of being the not serious one, the fun loving one, etc? That was a problem that was noticed in acomaf. He needs to play the role and keep his positions maintained and then all of a sudden Nesta appears and his life is changed forever. And let’s not forget that his best friend basically doesn’t even like her.
How does one just go from going to the HoW “to stretch his wings” when he’s really checking on the secret love of his life to pulling his hand away because Mor walks in on Nesta taking care of him, to having this woman literally lay on top of him, almost dying because she’s not going to leave him to die alone, to then pan to acofas where he’s ignoring her the whole time, where we have actually no evidence in his own pov that really shows he even tried to reach out to her outside of some vague comment, until she leaves and then he aggressively tries to give her a present in front of no one like he’s ashamed. Even in acosf he doesn’t give her his present because he hopes the outcome will be different from last solstice but he isn’t super sure. If anyone has a vulnerability issue, it’s Cassian!!!
So imagine a world where none of acosf happens and the romance is not based on Nesta not committing, but Cassian having acknowledged flaws that move plot/relationships where he’s actually the one failing to commit because originally it was him. That if Nesta maybe starts sleeping around, it’s because Cassian is sending mixed signals. She’s grieving and he’s not there.
So then what if the whole plot is Nesta’s problem, but the actual romance is Cassian’s problem because he cannot get his shit together.
Would it not be fun to see Nesta put in a situation where she has to entice Eris and Cassian not being secure that Nesta will choose him? Like I want this whole situation reversed where it’s not actually Nesta who is the one who is playing hard to get, it’s Cassian who doesn’t know what the fuck he wants and he needs to be really honest about it because he doesn’t want to be the buffer anymore. He wants to be able to love his mate, but he cannot stop fufilling his duty. He’s got his obligations to the court, to rhys, to his job, and then to Mor and Azriel, but he just wants Nesta and he cannot reconcile himself to taking the chance because Nesta could marry and a prince at that and he’s no prince. He’s just a bastard born nobody.
new acoraf chapter :) no teaser on here because everything would be so spoilery and there’s no smut to take out of context…but still…new acoraf chapter!
