#active love

[catalisst]

[trixclibrarian]

A Working-Class Think Tank providing commentary, theory, analyses, research, and history on a variety of social, economic, political, educational, and cultural issues.

compiling resources. searching for ways to effectively contribute. open to guidance. quiet but not inactive - in mind, heart, or behavior. 

[cocomingox]

I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her. I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly. Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better. As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less. I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered. Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more. Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her. I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less. Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years. She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you. To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that. I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her. Actually, I did abandon her. By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her. Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship. I’ll never not choose another woman I love again. It’s torture for everyone. If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question: “Why am I choosing my partner today?” If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.” If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days. But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day. Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day. You do, too. Choose wisely.

“Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)” 

Bryan Reeves

[mmagpye]

“By the experience of active love. Try to love your neighbors actively and tirelessly.The more you succeed in loving, the more you’ll be convinced of the existence of God and the immortality of the soul. And if you reach complete selflessness in the love of your neighbor, then undoubtedly you will believe, and no doubt will even be able to enter your soul. This has been tested. It is certain.”

Father Zosima, The Brothers Karamazov 

[quercy]

...love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in  the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labor and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science. But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all your efforts you are getting further from your goal instead of nearer to it -- at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has all the time been loving and mysteriously guiding you.

Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

[aubera]

now

it's you i love i think, i finally understand what that really means not a feeling where butterflies rent my stomach and flutter around spontaneously or an overwhelming desire to intertwine our flesh but some odd choice some necessary dying to self, and speaking life into you even when  logic says run away as fast as you can and recognizing that love has to be patient, true, kind, faithful, loyal and all those other wonderful  things that we quickly forget about when we're angry with a beloved so, it's you i'm loving right now actively (because passive love is useless) and you see me

[kathleenhensley]

Watched L'Age D'Or by Luis Buñuel. Having read some of his autobiography, I noticed the strong presence of drums at the ending. Likely a recapitulation of the drums of Calanda, an old Spanish ritual (one Buñuel was deeply attached to) where the villagers drum nonstop through Good Friday until midnight Easter Sunday, in unison. Very moving - steady, unified, passionate, focused. The attached video is an example of the hypnotic effect of the drumming.

The below quote is from the program within the movie, a beautiful surrealist work, often hilarious, almost constantly contradictory, knowingly so. This quote stands out for me, however, as a peculiar notion, even still - a valorous kind of love: 

 It is love that brings about the transition from pessimism to action: Love, denounced in the bourgeois demonology as the root of all evil. For love demands the sacrifice of every other value: status, family, and honor.