My Little Shadow: Part ten (Azriel x Reader)
Warnings: OH THE ANGST- Body image issues, mentions of smut, and trauma.
Tag list: @mis-lil-red @bubybubsters @luvmoo @rorel1a
Y/N tells Feyre and Mor about her feelings for Azriel, and they convince her to confess, because he feels the same way... right?
“Well, You should tell him.” Morrigan said, grinning at me in Rita’s.
I hadn’t really wanted to come here, as it was a ‘girl’s night out’, they insisted I came with.
“What are you two up to?” Feyre asked as she found a seat in our booth, and cheeks heated a bit more.
“Y/N’s crush on Azzy.” Morrigan said, and I wondered if I was going to melt right then and there.
Feyre’s eyes went wide, sparling with glee as she grinned. “Are you going to tell him?”
This was the absolute worst.
“No!” I said, shooting the both of them a glare. “He probably doesn’t feel the same way anyway.”
Morrigan and Feyre looked at each other conspiratorially, and I suddenly had a bad feeling.
“What are you two planning?”
“Oh, nothing…” Feyre said with a smirk.
Morrigan scooted closer to me and spoke softly, “You know, I’m pretty sure Az feels the same way.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course you only say that after I said I wasn’t going to tell him.”
Mor grinned, and I knew then I wasn’t getting out of this for a while.
“What you need is to feel more confident in yourself.” She declared, getting out of the booth and looking at me with chaotic delight in her eyes. “We are taking you shopping.”
“No-” I started to protest but mor grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the booth.
Feyre chuckled, taking another small sip of her drink before following us out the door.
I was half dead on my feet from exhaustion as we made it to the dress shop. I had been so busy with training in the mornings, I never got to explore the city at night. It was somehow even more beautiful, glowing in the night.
We had already gone and gotten our hair and nails done, despite my protests, and now Mor claimed I needed the perfect dress.
I sat by the window with Feyre as we watched Morrigan look through the beautiful fabrics.
“Thank you.” I said, my voice barely a whisper.
Feyre swung her head around, a small smile on her face. “Oh, don’t worry. We have plenty to spend on things like this. And anyway, you’re part of our little family now.”
I blushed at this, but quickly added, “Not just this. Everything.”
It was obvious she didn’t quite understand as she looked at me, and I clarified, “I mean for letting me stay here, for giving me a home.”
Her eyes softened in understanding and she wrapped a comforting arm around me. “You will always have a home here Y/N.”
I smile softly, about to say something else when a dress catches my eye.
I’m quick to stand, and even quicker to make my way over to it, feeling the shadowy fabric on the mannequin.
The cloth of the dress clings tight in the chest and torso, the fabric almost swirling as it falls into a skirt of dark blues, purples, and black. It also comes with a little caplet, adding to the elegance of the design.
I bite my lip nervously. The only problem is that it’s otherwise sleeveless, and would reveal my torn up arms.
“Ooh, that’s a nice dress! You should try it on!” Morrigan encouraged, rushing up to take it off the mannequin.
“No, I can’t.” I say, backing away a little bit.
I didn’t want them to see. I didn’t want anyone to see. My scars didn’t look like art, like Azz’s swirls that add so much character, they aren’t some badge from a fight I had won.
They were just… Scars. Deep, ugly, scars.
“Come on, pleaseee?” Morrigan begged, and I swallowed hard.
“Okay…” I said, not feeling comfortable even as she squealed in excitement.
I felt a warm hand grip mine, and I turned to see Feyre next to me, mouthing, “Are you alright?”
I nodded, forcing a little smile to my face.
Soon, I was in the dressing room, changing into the dress. I looked into the mirror, and almost gasped as I saw the way the dress hung on me. It almost looked better on me than it did on the mannequin.
It accentuated my curves and the top of my hips before flowing freely, there was a bit of cleavage, but not extreme.
But the part that made me nervous was the scars littered down my arms. I knew as soon as I went out they would see them, and I didn’t want to talk about what had happened to me under the mountain right now.
I take a deep breath though, knowing that I couldn’t avoid this forever.
If they ask, I don’t have to tell them. I really don’t.
So I opened up the door, stepping out so they could see me.
They both just stare for a moment, and I wait for them to be horrified, to usher me back in to change back-
“YOU LOOK STUNNING!” Morrigan shouted, loud enough to wake the whole goddamn city.
She rushed over, forcing me to spin around so she could get a better look. Feyre was smiling now, although it seemed a bit sad.
I was still reeling from their reactions when they dragged me out of the store, still wearing the dress because I think they knew if I got out of it, they may never get me to wear it again.
“Now you go talk to Azriel, tell him how you feel.” She said, grinning as Feyre winnowed us back to the river house.
They quickly rushed off, leaving me on my own to find Azriel.
I could have sent my shadows out, but I decided it was better if I looked myself. I can’t always hide behind them.
As I’m searching, I go through many rooms, but one thing they all had in common was that they had some sort of art from Feyre hanging in them.
I head into the library, and I’m surprised to find a red-haired female. She’s a bit short, and I wonder if she’s completely fae, but that never really mattered to me.
“Hello.” I say, and she drops her book in surprise. She looks tired, like she’s been through a lot.
This is easier than talking to Azriel, soI smile, walking over to her. “I’m Y/N. What's your name?”
She’s quiet for a moment before she says, “Bryce.”
Her accent is a little strange, but I didn’t mind. I looked at her discarded book. “Whatcha reading?”
She struggles as she speaks, “I- I’m still learning- to talk this language.”
My eyes go wide and I nod. “That’s alright. Hey, have you seen Azriel around?”
For a second I wonder if she understands me, but then she says, “Kitchen.”
I grin at her, giving her a thumbs up. “Thank you! And hey, if you ever need any help, come find me. I used to help the kids back home learn to read, so I might be able to help with some pronunciation.”
She looked a little confused, but nodded gratefully. As I headed to the kitchen, I hoped whatever she was going through ended soon. She seemed nice.
Nearing the kitchen, I could hear snippets of conversation. I paused, rethinking the whole thing.
I took a steading breath. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the night I had shared with Mor and Feyre, but I decided fuck it and turned the corner to the kitchen.
My shadows wrapped around me as soon as I went around the corner, sensing what was happening before I even did.
His hand was half up Elain’s skirt, and her head was tipped back as he planted kisses on her collarbone.
I stand there, reeling a bit.
Elain’s eyes meet mine, and I suddenly realize that I’m watching a very private moment.
Azriel notices her stare, and turns to look, but I’m already sprinting for the door.
I hear Azriel call out my name, but I don’t stop, I don’t even register it fully.
Take me somewhere else, anywhere else, just away from here. I’m thinking to myself, but my shadows understand, and for the first time, they winnow me away.
