#actual vent

[hisuncontrollableanger]

I wish I could hold someone that didn't just want to fuck me.

[ethereity-lily]

I just wanted to have a normal evening and instead I had to be destroyed by a teenager crisis and I fucking hate because if only there was someone who could actually listen to me and give me advice but guess what that person doesn't exist because it's impossible to have such amount of patience and time and I'd say I'm actually done with everything but this teenage mind keeps wanting to have a better future which is good but it would only lead to disappointment because life is made of suffering and I am honestly not ready for that and never will be.

[ryerockit]

im so fucking tired, i had a like 7 hour long anxiety episode and then took painquil and smoked cuz all my muscles hurt from being tensed and i STILL cant sleep

[ryerockit]

that feeling when ur mom dumps absolutely heartbreaking lore and then regrets telling you because you cried for her #endingit

[ah-ma-poh-lah-ree-ah]

vent

Me duele todo, estoy sufriendo horrible. Me gusta ser generalmente positiva en mis publicaciones, pero madre mía. Esto es horrible. El punto en el que la agonía psicológica se vuelve física, las órdenes impuestas clavándose en la piel desde dentro, como si los huesos trataran de escapar de sus confines. Todo duele.

[the-unlucky-foster]

I think I’m spiralling again.

I’m having intrusive thoughts. They’re really strong, and I feel really lonely again.

Help me.

[schizophunk]

i'm depressed in a very specific way where i don't feel like hurting myself or dying i just sort of desperately need my conditions to change, but it's all out of my hands. i need to be loved in a way that actually respects me. i need accomodations. i need tangible help. i need to be left alone if i can't get this. therapy isn't going to help me right now because what i need is not to reevaluate my thought process but an actual change in my life where i am just, fucking stuck. i need clothes. i need to go to a doctor. i can't make my own appointments. i can't get myself to make food. i just don't eat and sit in my bed. i lost my shower chair in the move so i can barely shower much. a tumblr post telling me what i need to do doesn't help because i just can't do it. my body is falling apart bc i can't take care of myself. i don't want to or think i'll be dependent on someone forever but for right now i need someone that'll be able to physically help me. it's not that my family doesnt want to help me either, i just cant possibly expect them to act as my caretaker the way i need right now. but i dont know what else to do

i went to the con because i really thought i just needed to get myself out there/a reset and going outside would help. i couldn't sleep and nicked a chunk of my skin off my foot on accident while getting ready and it hurt everytime i took a step. going through the entire con on no sleep, i didnt say anything to my high school friends who id met up with there, i was a strange arbiter that couldn't speak, my grandma asked me how it was and that was maybe the most sentences id said to her in a while, and i could feel the way my words trembled because i was so unused to speaking past saying "i'm okay/it's fine" to every sentence, i don't even know if i have the capability of screaming anymore...

the part about it is i was just living in a much better place with my family where independence was actually so much more feasible, i was doing things on my own, i had accomodations, i did not feel so terrible. but it's all gone after the move back and i feel incapable of getting back up. im being a bad friend by ignoring my friends asking to hang out i just dont have the energy.

and i probably do need medication if im gonna force myself through this even though my meds beforehand havent really worked. ugh. im not having mood swings or struggling with psychosis right now (as much .) i just need motivation to actually exist and not waste away

[itsyaboilexus]

oh fuck it- (vent ahead)

im giving up and being the selfish, cruel bastard everyone has me for. all nighters every night until i fucking die, glare at everyone until someone starts yelling at me again and makes me feel like im 10 again and my father is telling me to go and kill myself, makes me feel like im reliving 7th june again and losing her because of my selfishness.

or ill just want to die again. or ill just relapse. or ill just fucking cut my throat open or ill scream until my fucking lungs fall apart, or ill run. i dont know but i need to do something. should i kill myself? overdose is the best option. or should i just go to sleep and pretend everything is alright and im home. like nothing happened. like i havent died inside and am just a shell of who i once was.

im too young for this. i knew that once ill fall into this, i knew this since i was like 6 and realized people i love will likely die before me (i only loved my family; the adults) and since there it went only to shit. i shouldnt rely on strong coffee each morning, I shouldn't crave antidepressants. i shouldn't be in therapy.