#adangertothegroup

[howesheir]

@adangertothegroup

Oh--N-Nick! Didn’t, uh, see you there.

[howesheir]

❝ I am with you because you let me be with you. ❞

CONTENT WARNING: suicide mention

That wasn’t what Nick had wanted to say. It was as obvious from the look on his face as it was from the hesitation in his voice. Luke couldn’t look Nick in the eye as he heard the correct version in his head.

“I’m with you because you made me be with you.”

Luke let out a sigh. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” The words took too much energy to say, but he had to say them nonetheless. Before everything went to shit, he had seen things that worried him in Nick. Fear set in after a few dark jokes, and when Nick started to drink like that…he knew that boy didn’t want to live.

Luke had only done what a good friend would do, but he couldn’t help but feel bad when Nick brought it up. Luke had forced a lot on his friend in the process of trying to keep him alive. That stupid brewery plan came up first and foremost. A last-ditch effort to give Nick something to live for—besides their friendship. Luke needed to give him something tangible, but after everything it seemed it didn’t matter .

Nick was still alive, even after everything had gone to hell. Even after the loss of his mother…even after the loss of his Uncle Pete. But there was so much emotional pain—it was practically hanging in the air. Luke kept forcing Nick not to give up every step along the way…but was that the best choice? Everything was absolute shit and they were just struggling day to day. If Nick wanted to give up…was he really in the wrong?

Luke kept his gaze on his own hands—but never really looked at them. If Nick wanted to give up at this point—if Luke walked in on him with a rope around his neck or a gun to his throat…would he even try to stop it?

Looking Nick in the eye was a mistake: one look at those broken blue eyes stung the back of Luke’s throat. Tears he didn’t want to talk about welled up and fell, sobs never quite came to fruitiion but they threated to run loose in his body. Nick, shocked at the sudden emotional response from Luke rushed to comfort him, and that somehow made it even worse

No, Luke wouldn’t try to stop him. At this point, he’d probably envy the bastard for getting away from this damned reality. But that truth hurt so much more than anything he’d experience so far.

[howesheir]

"I wake up and I realize you’re not there."

Luke had heard Pete and Nick leaving, had woken up for only a moment in response. Everything that had happened the night before left Luke exhausted—that little girl was something else. He couldn’t say he had been happy that she had stolen from them, but she had the guts to make it in this terrible world.

Thoughts like this had kept Luke from sleeping most of the night, and it seemed that just as he was getting to sleep Pete was letting him know that him and Nick were taking Clementine to the river to check for fish. A groan, a nod, it was all he could manage.

It wasn’t until he was awoken by a stressed Carlos that he realized that something had gone wrong. The group had been due back for a while now.

The lack of sleep and the stress from this news mingled in Luke’s stomach as the weight of the situation hit him. He had to stay positive, but there was a nagging feeling of loss in back of his mind.

Opting to go check the river was the first thing out of his mouth. Carlos, of course, thought it was a bad idea. Luke didn’t care. Alvin decided to go with him, but he would’ve gone alone had he not. He couldn’t lose him like this. After everything—every fucking thing—he refused to lose Nick like this. He couldn’t just be gone without a trace.

The river was a mess, walkers and dead bodies everywhere. He should’ve been happy to not see anyone from the group…but the heavy weight of stress in his stomach mixed with the smell of blood and rotting flesh only proved to weigh him down. He wasted precious moments throwing up at the river bank—his head spinning from the whole situation.

Luke refused to let the thought that Nick was gone settle in his thoughts, but he felt like it was true. He was bracing himself for it long before Alvin brought it up. It just couldn’t end like this. No, they’d get back to the cabin and talk with Carlos—make a goddamned plan to find them.

[howesheir]

give- A hug to use them as a pillow.

The cabin was cozy–it was nice having rooms and comfortable beds to sleep in. Sometimes Pete would sleep downstairs on one of the couches, and when he did, Luke always found his way into Nick’s room. Playing a late night board game and sleeping next to one another just made it feel like old times–like they were kids again. Like everything was alright. 

Sure, they cuddled some nights. …most nights. It was comforting and they needed every comfort they could get to stay sane in a world like this. Sometimes, like tonight, Nick would lay his head down on Luke’s chest. Was it overly intimate? Hell yeah it was. But Luke couldn’t help but enjoy the pressure each and every time.

He moved a hand up to Nick’s face, absently running his fingers through Nick’s hair. It wasn’t long until Nick’s whole body relaxed, and he drifted off into a light sleep. 

Luke wouldn’t give this up for the world. To have a bubble like this, where they could relax and recharge together, it was everything to him. Placing an arm around his friend gently, Luke hugged Nick closer to him and closed his eyes for a nap.

It was a dream to think they could stay here, in this cabin, for very much longer. But goddamn, Luke wished even just this moment could last forever. With a sigh, he drifted off to sleep, himself–dreaming of things he knew he couldn’t have. 

[howesheir]

❝i think you dropped this.❞

The sound of the falling rain against the pavement almost drowned out the gentle voice from behind Luke. He didn’t hear the words, but knew that they were directed at him. Turning on his heels, he was met with a black wallet being pushed into his face. 

“I…think you dropped this.”

Luke looked from the man to the wallet a few times before shifting his umbrella and patting his pockets. “Well I’ll be damned.” Luke shook his head, offering the stranger a small smile as he took his wallet back. “Hey, thanks man–”

No sooner than the words left his lips, the man had turned and continued in the rain. Luke watched him for a second before frowning and going after him. “Hey! Hey, wait!” Once he got the man’s attention again, he offered another smile. “You drink coffee? Lemme buy ya one. We can git outta this damn rain, too.” 

[howesheir]

"It’s what you do though, isn’t it? You leave people."

The sting from Nick’s words was deep–Luke didn’t even know what to think. He sat in their shared silence, nothing but Nick’s words echoing in his head. Luke guessed that he was right. It was all he’s done since the dead started walking. Leaving group after group–and even staying at Howe’s he was still doing the same thing. He used to hang around Reggie a lot more. Troy was the same–they hadn’t been the best of friends or anything, but they had been close once. Where did that all go, and why? Now here he was, his best friend assuming he’d do the same to him. 

And Luke didn’t even have the balls to say it wouldn’t happen. So he sat in silence, looking down at the cuts and callouses on his hands, fighting the overwhelming urge to get up and leave Nick to the night watch alone. Being called out so casually really placed a heavy weight on Luke’s shoulders and the overwhelming silence afterwards was eating away at him. 

“Lookin’ forward t’ the greenhouse. Can’t believe I’m sayin’ this–but a plate full of greens sounds mighty nice righ’ now.” 

He couldn’t bring it back up, and he knew he never would. In the end, conflict wasn’t his strong suit and he’d rather just slowly and quietly drift away from the subject. 

[howesheir]

“I didn’t kill anybody.” carver or nick

Luke was shaking. Why were those the first words out of Nick’s mouth? “Wh-what?!” Yeah, he had come to chastise Nick but leaving a candle on was a lot different than killing somebody. Luke took a shaky breath, looking Nick in the eyes. “What did you do, Nick?” Was someone missing? Luke didn’t dare break eye contact with Nick. 

No, there was something wrong. This wasn’t the look of his best friend, and was that blood splattered on his face? “Nick?” He was hesitant. “Buddy–c’mon–talk t’ me.” Fear washed over him as he waited for Nick to respond to him. As Nick opened his mouth Luke decided that, no matter what came out next, he would stand beside Nick. A stupid decision, but a steadfast one nonetheless. He had been there for Nick through thick and thin, and he wasn’t about to change that now. 

[howesheir]

“You look beautiful, but you don’t look fine.”

Carver had posted both Nick and Luke for the night watch, as he often did. They got along well, and Luke supposed that there was some squabbling when others were on watch together. He couldn’t even pretend to have an okay time with Troy, so that proved his point right there. Yet, he always did treasure this time with Nick. Yeah, it sucked. Everything sucked right now–their situation, this place, the whole damn world–but hanging out with him on-watch like this only reminded him of what things had been like before. They usually sat in silence, too. They would talk, of course, but they didn’t feel like they had to keep a conversation going to enjoy each others’ company. At first, Luke thought that he had misheard Nick, or maybe the words he heard were some creation of his own mind. But when he looked at his friend who was avoiding eye contact with a goofy grin on his face, he knew Nick had really just said those words. Luke was embarrassed, because what did that mean? Beautiful? Was Nick just poking fun at him, or did he really mean that? With a gentle smack on Nick’s arm, Luke settled for a nervous laugh and a shake of his head. 

“Oh, fuck off, Nick.”