the room begins as a muted blue, the hollow morals and shaded malevolent intentions ringing in the air as a stagnant white-noise against the brim of audible hearing, something nearly tangible, nearly gut-wrenching, nearly vomitous and heavy in the heat of damian’s stomach, leaving him with no choice but to clench his teeth and swallow down the rising bile, despise the pieces of himself that know these sorts of hallways, these sorts of shadows, these sorts of secrets. this is the life his mother had once preened him for, scalped and molded him to fashion through this exact kind of darkness, onyx eyes and hair and soul, the path before him laden with a concrete he hadn’t been aware could be broken for the longest time. he’s broken from it now but it still gathers around his ankles sometimes and he has to beat it off of him in order to breathe.
and that’s what he’s doing now, that’s why he jumps too soon into the fray, ahead of batman’s plans, that’s why he hits too hard, loses the target too quickly, fumbles with the plot progression of their hunt; the man they’ve really come here for manages to slip through damian’s fingers and it’s infuriating, but his father is quick to rush after their quarry, while damian stays behind with the rest of the scum. at his feet, a man once accused and unlawfully acquitted of sexual misconduct, writhes and twists from the bootprint on his stomach, face thick and sweaty, his arms around his midriff, and damian ought to care about this human being, ought to show restraint and understanding, intuition, perhaps even sympathy– if this were an entirely different planet. because that’s what batman would want damian to do, that’s how he’s been attempting to raise the young ex-assassin.
instead however, minutes later, damian’s father finds him pinning the older man down to the ground, fists bloody and drenched, his tunic ruined, his teeth bared in a mean, desperate snarl, the growl coiling and scratching at his throat, his eyes pitiless and bottomless, cascading horrors down into the man’s eyes as he pummels him within an inch of his life– to a centimeter of his life– to a millimeter. damian’s irises may be onyx but his vision is scarlet, trapped into the growing mess of the man’s face, silently screaming that he could have been better than he was, he could have changed, not become this, this filth, this monster, this future version of damian’s own tragedy.
nothing and no one could ever possibly hate the ill-tempered robin quite like he hates himself.