A Prison of Her Own Making
When I was nine, I would’ve given a mouthful worth of Tooth Fairy loot for an American Girl Addy doll. Yes, there was a time when I played with dolls. This doll in particular was at the top of my Christmas list.
My mom pulled me down to reality and said that Santa may be too busy this year to get me the doll.
“But Santa isn’t real,” I said.
“Well, now you know the truth. We’re just too broke.”
But on Christmas morning, there was Addy waiting for me. However - on the card attached - instead of from Santa or my parents, it was addressed from my dad’s brother, Uncle Ray.
Uncle Ray said Santa did exist, and the Man in the North Pole asked him to hook me up this one time while he chilled with Mrs. Claus. A perpetual name-dropper, Uncle Ray also claimed he introduced Biggie to Puff (or is it P. Diddy now?). A man on the move, he always snuck out of family events early “to see a man about a horse.” A scent of reggie and blacks always floated around him.
My mother said Uncle Ray was the type of man you hugged with one eye open and a knife behind your back, but that morning, I didn’t care. He’d done the impossible.
My joy lasted only a few days. One night my dad stomped into my room and tore Addy from her prized position on my bed. I clung to his leg as he walked to the door, exiling her forever.
My mom gently loosened my grip. “Santa made a mistake, baby.”
Yet I soon learned through block gossip that it was Uncle Ray who had made the mistake. One of my double-dutch confidants explained to me bluntly, “The doll ‘fell off’ a truck and into your uncle’s hands, so he caught a case.”
That one case snowballed into an avalanche of troubles. Turned out Uncle Ray had priors and faced a long bid. My mom, despite her misgivings, asked a lawyer friend to represent him pro bono. The lawyer said it would tough to get Uncle Ray of but promised three years with time off for good behavior in a plea deal.
But Uncle Ray refused. He believed he could convince a sympathetic judge to be lenient.
“Who’d lock up a guy trying to make a shorty happy on Christmas?”
He still believed his own hype, but unfortunately, the judge was agnostic.
Instead, she worshipped in the church of cleaning the streets from thugs and menaces like my uncle. She found him guilty, sentencing him to the max: fifteen years in federal prison.
I saw him at Rikers Island before he was transferred upstate. Guards escorted him to a visiting room where we were separated by a wall of Plexiglas. He was thin and gaunt in his orange jumpsuit; all his bravado evaporated.
There was also a purple bruise swirling around one eye.
“What happened?” I asked.
My mom and dad exchange a worried look, and they whispered hurriedly to each other. My mom pulled me away. “Let’s go check out the vending machine,” she said.
But I looked back to see my dad and uncle staring each other down. Hands splayed against the divider - they’d be touching in a perfect world. I think that’s the only time I’ve ever seen my dad cry.
Uncle Ray never made it upstate. A riot broke out between inmates and guards at Rikers, and he got caught in the middle, taking a shank to the back. No one deserves to die, but we all do eventually.
What a twisted joke God plays with us.
Sitting in the cell in the local precinct jail, my thoughts drifted to Uncle Ray, but not for long. My cellmate, and old pro - cheap wig and tight latex - called out to me.
“Don’t worry, little sis,” she crowed. “Too early on Friday for us to go to Rikers for the weekend. With that sweet face, you’ll make bail.”
Sure enough, a guard appeared. “Khadijah ? You’re free to go.”
He unlocked the cell and walked me out. We passed the men’s side, and I saw Jay’s face pressed against his cage. I smiled weakly. Raised a hand to wave. He turned his back on me.
In Freedomland, a familiar face greeted me: my father.
I leapt into his arms and hugged me tight. His arms were limp.
“What a mess you’ve gotten us in, “ he said.d
I started to answer but noticed we weren’t alone. A strange woman, young and intruding, clutched his arms. “You must be Khadijah, “ came the sugary voice of death.
Maybe Rikers wasn’t so bad.