#admin gets personal

[isuggestforcemasc]

I think I’m gonna go on a little hiatus bc some genuine bullshit is going on with my head and I need to figure that out and the blog is overwhelming the way it wasn’t like a week ago and I’m scared and lowk not the same guy that opened the blog or maybe I am but like a more responsible guy took over I am Not sure. Anyway I’ll close the asks for that while and be inactive while I figure stuff out

[isuggestforcemasc]

Shoutout to that anon that sent me an hyper specific, unsearchable ask about top surgery and ended it with “peace and love from planet kepler 452b” first of all I’ll be keeping that and second of all I’m sorry i couldn’t answer I felt embarrassed and deleted the ask

[isuggestforcemasc]

Im gonna rip my womb out Kris Deltarune style I hate ts i can’t wait to get bottom surgery

[isuggestforcemasc]

I think I might not be the same person that opened this blog

[isuggestforcemasc]

Having masculinity denied because you were raised surrounded by women and because “pretty girls don’t say/think that!” was probably my villain origin story

[isuggestforcemasc]

tbh it’s kinda crazy to me I was able to open up about being plural here but not on my main blog where my friends are always assuring me they love me. Idk why I feel so much shame about it I mean finding out was great and then i couldn’t say anything. Anyway

[isuggestforcemasc]

Today I had a dream I was forcemasc’d by a Wizard????

So there were these wizards who were like co-workers, maybe they were in a council but I don’t remember very well, and the thing is that all of them could transform people into other things— so, we have this guy who turns people into alligators, other into horses, other into like orbs I think?? And some more that I frankly can’t remember. Anyway, I was there for whatever reason and there was this Wizard with a long white beard with braids and with a long blue robe, anyway, he took his staff* and revolved it around me and said something like “ (????) and through the asters and the heavens above (something something idk it sounded good but I didn’t write it down) you shall become (????)” and somehow I became a man (even though I’m already one irl) and I woke up feeling warm in my chest.

Edit: originally it said “um cane thing wizards have (I have no idea what they’re called in English)” and I just looked it up idk why i didn’t look it up before posting

[isuggestforcemasc]

Exploring gender through fiction is cool which is probably why i was so into yaoi as a kid. I think it helped me figure out that i saw myself as a boy and could only see myself loving others as a boy because otherwise it felt like i was lying to myself and to them, which is why i'll defend fujos because a lot of them aren't weird or bad and some are just exploring aspects of their gender and queerness through fiction.

TRUTH NUKE. I’m going to confess right now that kakyoin was my way of projecting into a mlm relationship since he had always been an outcast and kind of feminine and felt misunderstood— He helped me figure out a lot of things. I feel like a lot of yaoi severely misrepresents queerness, but I understand where fujos come from let’s say