Diary Entry 87: Hard knock living
"Life is hard....long.... bloody and occasionally very boring. However, some often wonder with our village's given disposition....how are people here really like?"
"well.... ironically, same as everyone really.....but some people say we're more or less distant from our "feelings".....well to be honest thats not 100% true. Some of what I considered to be the weak mannered folk often have ordinary relationships with their peers.....it's the anbu and more hardened jonin that have surprising issues with socializing and such."
"you see....when you wear a mask....a very expressionless mask, you become expresstionless yourself in almost everyway. You become numb, apathetic, and completely indifferent. This was originally what was expected from us to behave....we were supposed to be the perfect shinobi. Unquestioning, obedient and completely complacent with any orders we get. However this all changed when a string of "incompetency" started to appear, apparently, apathy comes carelessness and complacency. This affected how many of us would do our jobs. Some would just.... straight up kill a suspect without questioning them, anbu would die from undisclosed wounds and injuries that they would keep to themselves until they just simply died of infection, and at one point when the anbu nearly outnumbered the regular jonin.....ugh....hehe, apparently apathy turned into celibacy."
"so as a way to fix this forced upon malaise, we're forced to socialize with each other within the anbu and attempt to treat each other with that silly, sickening sweet "we're like a family" bullshit.....turns out it works....but now we're concerned to be absolute clowns due to the use of "pHySiCaL tHeRaPy" by expressing ourselves with our bodies instead of our face....it's...... embarrassing. But it satiates the anbu's need for socialization and emotionally development."
"Those who are battle harden often suffer a rather lonely life, either you're paired up with someone in an arranged marriage or simply find it elsewhere. Sometimes it's hard for them to even relate to their peers. I mean, Hoshigaki for example barley looks anyone in the eye, Momochi actively avoids people like the mutt he is, and many others I'm too lazy to name all act less human and more like....hmmm....like what.......AH, like tigers....tigers don't stay together, they appear, they fuck, make cubs, and leaves....it's very common to see single mothers here, it's likely not due to dead husbands either, sometimes, men just act like men and leave. I'm not sure how the women feel but they don't seem to mind that much. Kirigakure women are strong, thick skinned and more than well equipped for raising kids. Some aren't so lucky, but hey...life sucks. Men in Kirigakure are just the muscle, blood and teeth in the end of the day. And a strong majority like that way, some are just like turtles......hard shell, strong bite, shitty attitude, but soft in the inside.
"People in the mist village are bastards. I'm not hiding it, they're all bastards. They're good bastards, there's bastard children, and bad bastards. Hell I'm a bastard, my mother was from the Kuriarare clan while my dad was a low ranking scout. Lucky man I guess, the family never talked my mother until both my parents died..... suddenly the whole damn family became "loving" towards me because I looked a lot more like dear sweet mother.....hmf, really? Now I live in moderate comfort meanwhile my parents suffered until their death beds...... bastards the lot of them. Life suddenly became easy....ha....fuck easy. You dont earn respect from easy."
"But when does struggling alone with your own loathing and anger become pointless....well simple....sex. Sex in Kirigakure can solve a strange amount of problems. Now I'm not talking about prostitution either. Here in Kirigakure, we have a very odd, system. Casual sex is a publicly acceptable here as long as there's boundaries and mutual understanding between both parties. Doesn't really matter if the pair is different down there either, casual sex here is indiscriminate if you catch my drift. Sometimes couples can disappear for days, and oddly they become....better? Like just straight up they were whiney dicks days ago and now no one speaks or anything.....I.... don't fully understand it."
"......great....now I feel lonely. Hmf."
