#admin:jude

[houses-of-healing]

Hi Faramir. I can't handle my mum lately. She is constantly mad at me or takes her anger out on me. Today she came home from work and didn't even say hello before she was asking me why I hadn't cleaned up after *her* breakfast - never mind that I'd left before she was awake and had only been back for twenty minutes because of my exams. And when I try to say that I don't think that's fair, she got angry. I kinda lost my temper a little but I can't watch my tone constantly. It's not fair. - Dagmar

My dearest Dagmar,

It really saddens me to hear about your troubles. I believe that the key to solve your problem is communication. I suggest that you try and talk calmly with your mother, when you both have time and are at peace. It will hopefully make things easier. I also noticed that you used the word “lately”, what do you think has changed? Are you or your mother feeling more stressed or troubled? Maybe it can explain why you are getting on each other’s nerves so much.

I hope you will live peacefully with your mother again soon, my friend.

Yours,

Faramir

[houses-of-healing]

Dearest Galadriel, I have always afraid to be wrong. I would never put up my hand in class, even if I knew I was right, because of that fear. I just couldn't do it. But I'm graduating soon and lately it's been actually impeding my ability to learn and live properly. What should I do? As much as I try I just can't bear to be wrong and I know I can't live like that or else I'll never get anywhere in life.

My dear Naestriel,

You may already know what I am about to tell you, but I will say it anyway: being wrong sometimes is perfectly normal! Nothing wrong about it! Tell me, what do you fear about being wrong? Is it other people’s reaction? I believe that if you look around yourself you will notice that a lot of people say things that are wrong all the time, and it is not a big deal.

I believe that you should try to step out of your comfort zone every once in a while, and then you will get used to it, and become slowly more confident. And if you are not so sure of what you are saying, just say it! “I’m not sure but I think the answer is…” it’s as simple as that!

I hope this will help you, my main advice really is to go for it. Start small, force yourself to raise your hand at least once in every class, starting with classes you feel the most comfortable in, and then it will all come naturally to you.

Feel free to come back if you want more advices!

Love,

Galadriel

[houses-of-healing]

Hello there, Faramir. Well, for a while now I've been had some extremely negative thoughts about my body--I'm never happy with myself. I know it's terrible, but I see certain people and yearn to have a body like they theirs. But I'm tired of that; I'm tired of feeling depressed because of how I look. I want to learn to love myself and enjoy the life I've been given without continuously worrying about what I dislike about myself. I was just wondering if you had any helpful advice?

Dear Anon,

I understand that we always seek for what we do not possess, like other people’s appearance. But I am sure that there is also plenty to be envious of about you! You probably see your flaws a lot more than your qualities. Moreover, beauty comes in all shapes and forms, and everyone is beautiful in their own way. Try to identify what makes YOU beautiful, and to learn how to emphasise your natural beauty and I am sure that you will instantly feel more comfortable with yourself.

Finally, dear anon, I will tell you that even though the society you live in give a lot of importance to the image – especially the body image – it is not what matters the most about you. Your kindness, your bravery, your intelligence, your imagination… have a lot more value that you might think. My point is that as much as loving your body is important, loving yourself, as a whole person, is much more important.  

I hope I helped you my dear friend.

You are welcome here if you want to talk with me, or anyone else, some more.

Love,

Faramir 

[houses-of-healing]

Hi there, I've been dealing with some repressed anger issues lately. In high school, I had a temper problem - I would go off at the slightest provocation - but after I moved away for post-secondary, the new scenery was a good change for me. I calmed right down and realized I could be happy instead of angry. Since moving home, my temper and the anger have begun to come back and I'm worried I won't be able to get a handle on it again. Do you have any advice on anger management? - Mara

My dear Mara,

Galadriel here. I am sorry to know that you are feeling stressed and angry lately, here are some advices to help you control your anger. First of all I would recommend that you try to understand what situations tend to make you angry, so you can try and avoid them if it is possible. You were telling me that moving back to your home was worrying you, why is that? Then, you could try and do activities to release all these energies inside you, any type of sport that you like! You could also do an activity to ease your mind, like drawing, painting or even yoga, or meditation. I know I love being by myself, in the woods, walking between the trees, whenever something in bothering me.  You just need to find something that brings you peace and happiness! Finally if you ever feel really angry again, do not blame yourself mellon, take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and try to think rationally about the situation you are in, and to take some distance from it.

I hope my advices will help you find peace again, mellon nin. Feel free to come back and talk to me again if you wish to.

All my love,

Galadriel

[houses-of-healing]

M here. Today I was at the gym when some sweaty, old, middle-aged man started hitting on me. I was really caught off guard, but even more so when he started asking me a lot of personal questions. I obviously made up answers, but I had no idea how to brush him off. I was even afraid to walk home because I thought he might follow me. If something like this situation happens again, what are some good ways to avoid it without being too aggressive?

My dearest M,

I know the situation you were in is a delicate one, no woman – or no one really- should ever be treated like that, and especially not a young, sweet, innocent creature like you. Now if it ever happens again here are some advices. Of course you can always call the person who is harassing you out, tell them to stop, that you don’t want to talk to them, you don’t have to justify yourself, because you don’t owe them anything. And if you don’t feel safe responding to them, go and seek for help, from anyone, even if there is no one you know around, having a direct witness might be enough to make the harasser stop.

I hope that my advices will help you feel a little safer, I wish none of us would ever feel scared of getting out, but it is a tough world we live in, and sometimes we have to work hard to find the strength in our hearts to resist fear. I am sure you have that strength mellon nin.

All my love,

Tauriel

[houses-of-healing]

I have two friends, and I don't see them often. One is 18, the other is my age. The 18 year old is going away soon, and I have realized that the other friend may not be a true friend anymore. When I am with her, she is constantly texting her 'school friends'. When I text her, it takes ages for her to answer. In the time it took for me to make a good sketch, she drew a grade-school flower and called my sketch bad. My brother warned me of this a while ago, and I feel stupid. What should I do?

My Dear Anon,

Faramir here. I am sorry to know about your troubles. Being parted from a friend is never easy, but maybe if you and your friend work hard enough, you will be able to maintain that friendship despite the distance! Don’t give up on it just yet!

As for your other friend, my advice would be to tell her about your feelings, after all, she is certainly not making you suffer on purpose, and she might not even realize that her behaviour is hurting you.

If, after talking with her, she refuses to modify her behaviour toward you, then you should ask yourself if you want to stay friend with someone who is neglecting you, my dear mellon, for you deserve to be loved and respected.

I hope I was of some help, please come back whenever you want!

Love,

Faramir

[houses-of-healing]

Hello Tauriel, I'm Faervel. I'm scared, because my boyfriend (Kiran) is really happy with me, and we've been together for a year and a half now, but I don't know how to tell him that I am dangerous. Every time I've told someone that I use weapons regularly, or when someone sees me at the park practicing, they always back away. I don't really want to scare Kiran away, but I don't want to leave archery or swordplay behind. I don't want to have to choose. I hope you can help me. -Faervel

My dear Faervel,

Tauriel here, I really don’t see why you should hide your passion for archery and swordplay. In my opinion if your boyfriend loves you, he will understand that your knowledge of how to use a weapon doesn’t make you dangerous, but powerful, and that it is no reason to fear you, but if anything, to respect you even more. After all, why would you ever want to hurt him? However, if you feel it might endanger your relationship, you can keep it to yourself, but I really believe that you should be able to tell your significant other everything, and especially things that make you happy!

I hope it helped, come back here whenever you want!

All my love,

Tauriel

[houses-of-healing]

Tauriel, this is R. Sorry but my ask is going to be a bit complicated. I am currently dating a guy who used to date my friend 3 years ago. We had been friends for a long time, about 14+ years. They broke up because my friend cheated on him and was cruel to him. Before I got together with the guy, I firstly told my friend I liked him because I didn’t want her to find out from someone else, and initially she was fine about it. But then she decided she was not okay with it, [1/4]

and sent me some very nasty messages through social media. She then stopped talking to me, and about a month later, she blocked me social media completely. We haven’t talked since October 2013. We live in different cities because of university, 170 miles away from each other, so a reconciliation face-to-face would be impossible. The last conversation I had with this friend was not a pleasant one, and I just feel like I can’t let go and put the hurtful things she said behind me. I even had a dream about her last night, a clear sign that I’m still hurting emotionally from it all. I really just want to be able to let go, put it all behind me, forget about it and bury my thoughts, but it’s so hard, because we were friends for so long. I’m really happy being with the guy, and I wouldn’t leave him because of any drama with anyone else, but the dream I had last night has just brought it all back up again.I feel like I can’t talk to him about it, because I don’t want to be the girlfriend who talks about his ex all the time either! Anyway, sorry again for the complicated-ness, what are your thoughts on my situation? –R

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You are asking me how I cope with responsibilities and doubt, well here is my secret: I surround myself with wise councilors and cheerful friends! I know that I can rely on them if I don’t know that path to take, or if the weight of responsibilities becomes too heavy. They are always first ones I turn towards. Don’t you have such friends you can rely onto?

Dear R,

I am very sorry to know about your struggles. Friendships falling apart are always tough matters to handle, especially long lasting ones like the one you share with your friend. If I can reassure you on one point however, it would be that you have been sensitive enough with your friend, by telling her about your feeling for her ex, especially considering that you have nothing to do with them slipping up.

But I understand your will to maintain your friendship, for such a long relationship is a rare and precious gift.

Here are my advices, you need to be very honest with yourself, and figure out your priorities, no matter how hard it is, and ask yourself what relationship you would be willing to end, if you really had to make a choice. I will help you make peace with yourself. And I also suggest that you discuss it with you boyfriend, or at least you can try to bring up the subject and see how he reacts. Then once that is done, you can decide if you want to reach out to your friend, and explain her how you are feeling.

Once again Mellon, you have done nothing wrong, and as far as I can tell you seem like a great person to me, so do not blame yourself.

Feel free to come back and talk to me if you want to

Love,

Tauriel