Homestead
Serene morning. Daylight casting the bedroom in a peaceful glow. You tuck your legs underneath your body, relishing in the over-sized grey hoodie’s warmth as you hold a page in tension, eyes scanning the words, before flipping it out the way to continue the story.
A sharp bang across the house. The jingle of keys and the softer click as the door was swung shut. Your eyes did not lift from the intriguing paragraphs until a head of soft brunette hair landed in your lap. The exhausted collapse into the sinking mattress was followed by a withering sigh, enough to move a cold heart to compassion.
You set your book down and it’s second nature, the fingers falling to Hoseok’s hair, combing through the frazzled strands. Your smile wavers between love and pity. His eyes are shut tight, fatigue pulling the delicate features of his face into a long, unpleasant expression. His chest rises and falls, the act of rushing home to bed tiring him out more than it should. The desire to sleep so overwhelming you knew by his shaking breath he was scared he wouldn’t fall into subconsciousness. “Welcome home.” You whisper, lulling him into dreamland, knowing your soothing motions will keep the anxious thoughts at bay enough for him to just. let. go.
It cuts through your heart like a surgeon’s scalpel, the lifestyle your husband has given his literal blood, sweat, and tears to create. Yes, the music communicates his soul to the world more than any desk job ever could. Yes, the rhythms that course through his veins are more addicting than any drug. Yes, the overwhelming love and support of fans he calls family make every moment worth it. But that doesn’t keep the pain away. Seeing Hoseok stumble in at 8, 9, 10 AM after working the past 12 hours straight and collapsing into bed like a corpse into a grave, worries you. The days he comes home so, so tired but his mind and body are wired to stay awake and keep going, keep pushing, keep practicing to the point where he’s in tears, clinging to you because he can’t shut down his brain enough to sleep, scares you to no end. While you sleep, he’s performing under twinkling stars and glow sticks. While he rests, you pursue your passions in the daylight.
How dearly you wish just once he could share in the sunshine with you, instead of having to generate that happy warmth himself.
But you would never trade your life for anything else. Hoseok may not be around as often as other spouses, but the time he was here you treasured. Thankfully you had plenty of opportunities to follow him on tour. For now, you did what you did best.
With all the care in the world you pry off the shoes from his numb feet and settle him under the covers without the constraints of skinny jeans and leather jackets. You brush his hair from his forehead again and leave a kiss to his pale skin, sighing with relief from the snores that emit from his drooling mouth.
The blinds are lowered and the curtains drawn, creating a false night. You leave your husband in a cocoon of comfort to go down to the kitchen and make something substantial but light for when he wakes, no later than 3 in the afternoon.
All of this has become routine. Some aspects of it are hard; the time away, the state in which Hoseok stumbles back into your arms late mornings, the purest moments in life you have to wait months to share with him.
But others leave your heart melting in a sense of contentment. The warm, tight grip that encloses your body when Hoseok rises from slumber, his first greeting before the kiss to your jaw and his “Good afternoon, baby.” rumbling in the base of his parched throat. The satisfaction in his eyes, sitting down to eat a home-cooked meal that visibly brings strength back to his weary bones. The sleepy smiles and rapid kisses to your lips as he starts to wake up and his inevitable humor rises with it. The first high-pitched peal of laughter when you wrinkle your nose at the bitter taste of the tea, because Hoseok thought it’d be hilarious to switch the salt and sugar in the first hour he’s been conscious, already back to his antics. The apology kisses (his goal all along) shared between giggles and he clasps his slender fingers around your wrists and pulls your limbs into his, keeping you close under his chin. And despite all efforts to pout, you’ve missed him too much and bury your nose in his chest, smiling at the vibrations of his laughter.
Yes, the love outweighs the difficult, and Hoseok did not have to fear pursuing his career long-term, because you would always be there to enclose him up in your love and nurse him back to himself.